


Cosima and the fishes

by Saffello



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Age, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Love, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:14:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 129,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2269311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffello/pseuds/Saffello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cosima Neihaus, 17 years old, nearing school graduation and falling hard for the older woman next door, who she thinks might feel the same way.</p><p>Dramalama but lots of fluff and smut :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

“Hello Cosima.” Dennis her dad, said kissing the top her head and walking around her to take his place at the head of the dinning table. Cosima grinned at him, and he smiled back, waiting for her step mom to come in with dinner. The fireplace in their dinning room crackled and cast yellow light all over the dark green walls with red oak boarding. Janice brought in the golden roast chicken and placed it down with a sparkling smile. Once everything was ready Janice took off her thick oven mitts with a sharp pull and placed them on the side, sitting down and telling everyone to eat up. Cosima stabbed into a load of roast chicken, piled on the veg and lathered everything in thick gravy and began to eat. Janice watched her like a confused animal, gently taking one vegetable at a time and positioning it on her plate. Her other hand holding her necklace in polite nerves. Dennis saw the exchange and laughed it off, Janice had been with him for a year now and she never had any kids of her own, and now she had a 17 year old step-daughter. It would be strange for anyone. Cosima lifted her eyes and caught Janice looking at her, as usual Janice gave back her best smile and looked down at her own food. Cosima shot a look to her dad and they both smiled. 

“So Cosima, how is the meal?” Janice asked, putting a small portion of her dinner in her mouth and chewing. Cosima swallowed her huge mouthful and then replied. 

“Yeah it's good, delicious even.” Cosima smiled and put some more in her mouth and wiping up some gravy that was coming out at the sides of her lips. 

“Delicious, my darling.” Dennis complimented, putting his hand on top of the table and letting Janice take it in a loving grasp. They were in love. Cosima could see that, it was just always awkward. Janice never had a kid before, and it wasn't as though Cosima was high maintenance or anything. She just kept to herself. “Done anything exciting at school lately? Graduation soon.” Dennis asked, looking slowly from Janice to Cosima. 

“Yeah, it's getting hella exciting, we're looking at the basics of stem cells and it's so interesting you know, like I can really see myself getting into it.” Cosima said and then finished up what was on her plate. She loved her dad, they had it tough and she always felt guilty for her mother some how. Cosima's mother died in child birth so it had always been just the two of them, he a science lecturer at the university and Janice a local cooking teacher. Both passionate about their careers and both intelligent people. Cosima had inherited all of her intelligence from Dennis, but Janice was afraid she would waste it. 

“Any boy's in your life?” Janice asked with a smile, and an encouraging little giggle. Cosima's smile faded and she chewed a little slower, her cheeks burning red, Dennis cleared his throat a little. 

“I have a boyfriend.” Cosima stated. “His name is Scott we met earlier today, we're dating and its pretty serious.” Cosima's whole tone changed, but she had to say something. Janice had been up her back about this for months. Her dad never made his position on it clear. 

“Just met today and it's already serious?” Dennis said, it was the first he had heard of it. Janice looked curiously over at Cosima. 

“Yes. Very serious.” Cosima again stated. She needed to add to the story. “We met on the train to school this morning, and now we are dating.” She saw the sly look of disbelief in Janice's eyes as her dad and step-mom exchanged a look. “What did you think I was a lesbian?” Cosima asked her voice failing a little at the last word, a fake smile on her face, cheeks burning brighter than she every thought they could. Her blood was boiling hot under her skin and she hoped it was not showing on her face. She was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with this dating stuff until university. Janice smirked but felt awkward too, her fork and knife in her hands resting on the table around her plate. 

“No, of course not, it's just you haven't had anyone..in a while.” Janice stated, Cosima was already sick of her fake smiles and politeness and it had been about 10 minutes. But she was truthful, Cosima hadn't been with anyone in the whole time Janice had been around.

“Well actually sexuality is like a spectrum.” Cosima began before being interrupted by Dennis, he coughed and asked Janice to pass over the jug of water. He shot Cosima a look. With a giant sigh Cosima got up, wiped her mouth on her sleeve and left the room, leaving Dennis and Janice to exchange awkward looks alone. Dennis wasn't against lesbians or anything, but Janice was very 'proper' in his words, she would be offended at the mear mention of anything not 'straight'.

In her room, she slumped herself on the bed, put her hands in her head and sighed once more. It was always awkward when it came down to her sexuality it was like something no one could talk about. She wasn't a lesbian, at least she did not think so, she just wasn't interested...in anyone for that matter. She was tempted to text Scott the boy she had actually met on the train that morning but was not dating. He seemed nice, dorky and reserved but nice. She thought she should, that way she could brag she at least had one friend. But her phone was no where to be seen, she scouted all over, even checking behind paintings and charcoal drawings she had done but not yet pinned up on her walls just in case. When it was no where to be found she gave up, deciding to spend the night studying, maybe even learn French which she was trying to do for weeks now but never had the time. Then she realised. Her phone was on the windowsill. Pulling back the curtain she grabbed it, waiting there as it had the best signal and unlocking the main screen. She didn't even have enough attention span to put the pass code in before her eyes were drawn to the road outside her new next door neighbours house. 

A beautiful woman standing on her lawn watching moving men pull belongings out of a big white van and walk them into her house. At that moment they were carrying a nice looking sofa across the law and past the woman. Cosima's eyes were locked. The woman was stood her arms across her body in some kind of attempt to keep warm but it also looked like maybe she was sad, she was watching the men. It was dark because of the time of night, but she could make out that the woman had amazing locks of blonde hair cut above her shoulders that glistened in the way the moon light shone and the light from her porch echoed over it. She was wearing some kind of white slightly loose fitting dress just short of the top of her knee and with thin shoulder straps. As Cosima stared she didn't realise her phone had dropped to the sill, all of her attention was on this beautiful woman before her. There was something in the polite small gesture she made to the men as she passed, the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Cosima had no idea why she was drawn to her, no logical reason, but this woman just drew everything out of her and brought it all to focus. Cosima was hooked. Before a second had passed the woman's eyes followed the mover men up her lawn, and then trailed across Cosima's and up to her bedroom, the light attracting her. Cosima's eyes locked with hers. Cosima didn't move at first, her whole body in some sort of trance as if they were both searching hard for something in each other, the woman smiled sadly, waving slightly with her hand across her waist. Cosima's eyes went wide and she fell back from the window, closing the curtains and falling onto her bed. Her heart beat suddenly became so fast and she could feel the heat on her face. For some reason her head was spinning like she had been knocked out. For a second she just laid there, when their eyes connected it was like something had clicked, as if in that moment time stood still. Without thinking and a little nervously her hand went to her side draw pulled out her spliffs she made earlier in their plastic wrap, unwrapped one, lit it up and fell back on the bed again. Her fingers held the spliff as she inhaled the hot smoke, pulling it out and holding her breath in, her mind caressed with the image of the women. All her thoughts were consumed with that smile. Her hair. Her sad look. Her body. Her dress. Even the way her sad eyes glistened in the dark moonlight. She exhaled. 

“Fuck.” Cosima said, taking another drag and really feeling the material of the bed sheets under her skin as the weed kicked in and took over her senses. With a clearer head than before Cosima sighed. That woman, Cosima thought. She needed to know her. Cosima needed to know everything about her, she needed to meet her, her mind wouldn't reveal why but she just had to talk to her. Tomorrow she would, Cosima declared, exhaling again and falling deeper under the trance of the strong substance.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Cosima jumped out of bed, pulled off her pj's, grabbed a shower before anyone could get there before her and was ready and dressed in her room faster than she had ever been. Even if she was still up late. She needed to get this school day over with just so she could go and introduce herself. 6:30am was a little too early to do that now, Cosima thought, and sighed, grabbing her bag pushing her black rimmed glasses up her nose and heading downstairs. It didn't worry her, the woman would still be there in a week when school finished. Once out of the front door, closing the heavy door with a thud behind her, she jumped the few steps down to her own lawn quickly sneaking a look at next door. The house had never struck such chords with her before, had never made her take quick glances but now she had to get inside. The garden was messy and not yet tamed because the old neighbours were barely there, maybe she could ask to help out with that at weekends? Or maybe mow her lawn regularly? Cosima shook her head, such thoughts were stupid, so she cleared her head, unsure as to why they all suddenly pounced on her at that moment. And why she so eager to spend time over there.

At the train station she grabbed the 6:34am train, and sat in her usual carriage. Scott was sat opposite her, they were smirking at each other but not quite showing it. But even after two days they knew it was a look both of them secretly shared. There were people all around them packed into the small space. With a more obvious smile Cosima got up, went over to the man sitting next to Scott an whispered in his ear. 

“Excuse me.” The man said grabbing his things and quickly getting up and scurrying away fast down the trains carriage. Cosima laughed and slumped herself on the chair next to Scott. Scott was beaming at her black rimmed eyes and looked to the man that was now on his way to the next carriage. Cosima dropped her bags to between her legs and smiled back at him. 

“What did you say to make him move?” Scott asked, confused but impressed. Cosima leant to Scott with a fangy grin knowing the blush running through his cheeks was caused by her proximity.

“I told him you had some infectious disease and told him to not make a scene but to leave immediately, and that I was your doctor.” Cosima stated with confidence pouring out of her words. Scott laughed and looked down the carriage again, even if she pined him as having some disease she was still freaking rad in his eyes.

“Wow. And that worked?” He asked, Cosima shrugged her shoulders and relaxed back into her chair with satisfaction of her acomplishment. Scott was a little awkward, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking down to his fumbling hands. 

“Cosima.” Cosima said holding out her hand for him to shake with the same smile, he took it and she could feel how nervous he was by the clammy palms. 

“Scott.” He said. Cosima already knew this. 

“I know.” She said, Scott looked a little perplexed and furrowed his brow. 

“How?” He asked, very confused. Cosima leant in very close, giving the sensation that she was going to kiss him but stopped. Scott tensed up and let out a faint laugh. 

“It's on your bag. Scott, you wrote your name on your bag.” Cosima said with a laugh and fell back again, pulling her red coat up around her, it was freezing today. Scott looked at his bag and realised, nodding in defeat at having the allusion thwarted that she somehow knew and it was fate that they met. Cosima saw his face and knew the effect she was having on him. She didn't know why but there was a new found confidence inside of her that she suspected was always there but never surfaced. She'd never had this effect on anyone before. Scott was cute, in a geeky way. Who was she to judge, she was head of the science society at school, and even worked in a drug store part time. Even though she met him and they said hi to each other she had seen him every day on that train for the past few years but never said a word. It was not until yesterday when he happened to look over to her and she caught his eye that she even really registered his existence. It was a natural familiarity they shared when they eventually started talking. She was even sure they went to school near by each other. But now they were sat next to each other on the train, talking for the first time real time apart from to exchange numbers and Cosima felt really confident. But it was not like any confidence she had had before, it seemed incomplete in some way. As if she was just trying to feel a certain way and not really getting there. Oh well, at least she had one friend.

Cosima was right, he did go to a school near by, and they went their separate ways at the end of the train journey. Scott picked up an old looking road bike that was chained to a fence and rode off with a wobbly stride, he must keep it there over night, and Cosima walked down the station to the pedestrian exit at the opposite side, heading to school. 

School came and went and she was already back on the train, he was standing this time in the busy carriage holding onto a rail. She saw Scott and whispered just loud enough for him to hear. 

“I have lice.” A woman sitting next to her shot Cosima a look and got up from her seat looking disgusted and walked away down the carriage. Scott got the hint and sat down next to her laughing and smiling to Cosima. “Hey Scotty.” Cosima said, relaxing back into the uncomfortable chair and pulling out her ear phones that she had in on the way to the train. 

“Where do you get this stuff from?” Scott asked shaking his head in amused disbelief that someone would do that, he looked back to her and she gave him a childish fangy grin. 

“Intuition. She took too much care of herself and her hair, what I said would make her run a mile.” Cosima looked about and saw no sight of her already. She must have walked fast. Scott relaxed next to her too, putting his bag like hers between his legs by his feet. Already on day 3 and they were picking up each others mannerisms.

“What were you listening to?” Scott asked motioning to the sound coming from her headphones. She looked down at them and realised what he meant, she smiled. 

“Oh it's French, you might not know it?” She gave him an awkward look as if expecting him to say 'I know the one' as if there was only one French song in existence. He shrugged his shoulders and motioned for her to say more. “I love French music, it was 'Laisse tomber les filles'. Which is translated to something like stop messing around with the girls. It's not a man hating as it sounds, it' really catchy, here.” Cosima handed him a ear bud, and took one for herself putting it in her ear and getting her mp3 out. She replayed the song and they both listened. She was jumping to the catchy tone and after a second he was nodding his head to it. When it ended he handed the ear phone back to her. 

“I like it, but I have no idea what she just said.” Scott finally said after the silence, Cosima grinned. 

“Neither do I. But I love the song. I listen to it when I'm getting ready to go out or something...I don't really go out often.” She added in an awkward tone. He laughed. “But I am learning French so I will in no time.” Cosima added, even though she had not picked up a single French book in weeks. He looked at her with admiration, Cosima noticed and her face flushed. He was so gawky, but it was so adorable. The train conductor announced that her stop was coming up, slowly with an apologetic look she got up and walked down the train, saying nothing but leaving him flushed in the face too. She swore that Scott got off on the station before her, but forgot to this time. Before she could get home she had to do a small shift at the drug store, then get home for dinner and then she could go next door and introduce herself. 

At the drug store Cosima went straight to the back, through the isle and almost knocked over a ladder containing her colleague Mark. 

“Oh god, I'm so sorry.” Cosima said grabbing the ladder to steady it with one hand and the other going to her mouth in shock. She looked up to him. He had blonde hair, rimless specks and was thin looking, another dork but he had some charm about him. 

“This is why the signs there, that says be careful?” Mark joked, Cosima smirked at him and carried on past, dumping her school stuff on the staff counter and pulling out her lab coat. Putting her arm through the sleeve she walked past him again with care this time and out into the main shop. 

“Maybe if you didn't spend so much time up that ladder you would have a date by now.” Cosima joked, he looked up after her whilst she walked with a sour but amused expression. He had not been on a date in months, and he had certainly tried to get one. He carried on stocking the shelves. 

“You have all the personality that's why you are upfront, I...I have shelf stocking skill.” Mark retorted, Cosima laughed and ignored him walking to the front of the store and approaching a customer. 

Once 6pm struck she practically ran to the back of the store, almost knocking Mark down a second time, pulling her coat off half way, grabbing her stuff and running past him again. 

“Hey, Cosima where's the fire?” Mark asked, she didn't even give him and explanation, she had no idea why she was running either, and why it was so important that she got back. Already out of breath from the lack of exercise and long nights studying she clutched at her stitch as she got to the end of her street. Walking the rest of the way, her bag dragging along the floor, she caught her breath and looked briefly over to the neighbours house. Janice was in the garden, talking to the new woman. As if someone had just shouted “Gun”, she dived into her own garden's rose bushes and just skimmed them when she fell to the grass on the other side. After a few seconds, making sure they hadn't seen her she got to her feet, bent down just lower than the bushes dividing their garden and crept up the stairs to her house. For some unknown reason Cosima was freaking out, her heart was racing and she felt all flustered but she had no idea why, there was no science behind it or logical reason for her feelings, she got to the door and ran inside. She didn't even say hi as she would normally she just ran to her room and to the window. They were just talking, nothing else, Janice was wearing her gardening white hat and talking, motioning with her arm to the bushes around the woman's garden. The blonde nodded along but there was something that suggested she was not at all interested, her eyes giving their full attention but her body language was off. Cosima watched the conversation although she could not hear it, and opening the window which already creaked would not be discrete. Why she wanted so badly to hear what they were saying was beyond her. With a big force she took her attention away from the window climbed off of her bed and went over to her stereo, pressing the play button. Immediately Laisse tomber les filles broke through the speakers and she began to peel her clothes off. A little sweat was around her forehead from running and so she cleaned herself up in the bathroom. When she turned the tap off after washing her face there was a call for dinner. 

“Cosima, dinner is on the table.” Dennis called up the stair well, as if her life was on the line she shot out of the bathroom, drying her face with her sleeve and practically flew down the stairs. Almost running into Janice. 

“Oh dear, what's the matter?” Janice asked with sympathy a little flustered herself, as she looked at Cosima's hurrying body running into the dining room. “My cooking isn't that good is it?” She said walking in after her with a smug grin, she definitely thought it was. She took her seat opposite Cosima. 

“It always is.” Dennis said with a sensual tone, hugging Janice and taking his seat. Tonight they had something, but Cosima didn't care for what, all she cared about was the woman next door. 

“Thank you dear.” Janice said, briefly touching his hand before picking up her wine glass. “Enjoy.” Cosima was already tucking into whatever it was, filling her plate with just enough to sustain her, but not her massive appetite. They ate in silence for a few moments whilst Cosima shovelled it in. Dennis was cutting some of it up and looking at her under his thich eye brows. After dinner she realised she couldn't just leave, Cosima slowed her pace and ate normally not looking up at anyone. For some reason she had this guilt all over her. But there was nothing to be guilty about. There was an awkward pause when everyone was eating. Janice had to break the silence. “So I was over out our new neighbours house today.” Cosima's ears pricked and she looked up a little too obviously, but Dennis was too busy looking at Janice and Janice was too busy in her own story. “And she said that she has a new little puppy but her new work wants her to work later shifts and she needs a dog sitter or somthi--”

“I'll do it.” Cosima stated fast before Janice could continue, Janice laughed a little and shot a look to Dennis. 

“Really? I mean you have never looked after a dog before--”Janice began, cutting some food quickly with her knife.

“Yeah I can do it. I need the money.” All sorts of weird and funny feelings were coming over Cosima right now and she didn't know what to think about it. 

“What do you need the money for?” Dennis asked confused, they always gave her pocket money, and she worked at the drug store so she always had more money than someone with no social life could handle. 

“I'm studying French. I need some urrr books.” Cosima quickly excused. Dennis seemed accepting, happy that she was buying her own study stuff now. Janice looked over at her suspiciously as she cut up the bit she was about to eat. Cosima finished up her meal and got up from the table. “I should go ask her if that's alright to like dog sit.” Before she could get a response she walked out of the dining room and into the hall way, slowly as her heart was going crazy she unhooked the door and walked out into the crisp evening air, the sun setting in the distance. She skipped the path to the pavement, and hoped over the dividing bushes, walking across the lawn with her hands tight around her chest. She left her coat in her bedroom. With a deep breath she stepped to the porch and approached the door. 

“Calm down Cosima.” She whispered to herself, there was no reason for her to be this nervous and excited and...childish. She got her shit together and pressed her fist to the door, taking another breath and knocking. There was a pause. Cosima had not expected her to not answer. She stepped back a little from the door, adjusted her top, licked her teeth with her tongue and waited. When there was no answer she reluctantly turned around to leave. 

Click. 

“Bonjour?” The woman greeted in a tired but slightly happy voice, Cosima froze. She was French. She was fucking French. On the turn of her heels Cosima turned around, a nervous grin on her face. This was the first time she had ever been this nervous. 'What the hell do I say? How does one English?' Cosima thought to herself. The woman leant up on the side of the door frame her arms across her waist. Cosima caught sight of her delicious eyes and face and petite nose and red lips and blonde hair and long neck and low top and the tight jeans and...STOP! 

“Hey, I'm Cosima.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Delphine heard the knock on the wooden door, and got up placing her half empty wine glass on a box she had brought into the kitchen but not unloaded a few hours before. Her whole house was covered in boxes. Coming down the hall and wiping the dried tears form her eyes she opened up the door. 

“Moving men, we're ready to unload.” The man said, he had his blue overalls on, he handed a clipboard over to Delphine and she took it, looking at it the words as they slurred on the page. Too much comfort wine, she signed where she thought she ought to and handed it back. He was already half way down the path, and whistled, the back of the van opened up and someone jumped out bringing with it more boxes and unwrapped furniture. They carried the stuff in; she gave directions for where each would go. With the money her dad gave her, she had enough to afford people that would place it for her. All she needed to do as look over what they did. Eventually they got into a rhythm, she stood on the lawn in the cold night air with nothing but a thin white dress and watched them unload and unpack. They came back a while later after sorting out the upstairs and were beginning to unload the living room. Before they brought the sofa out she wiped another tear from her eye. Moving was hard. Heartbreak was hard. But moving in alone when you were so used to someone being there for years was even harder. She wiped up her fresh tears just as they walked past her. They avoided her eyes. They knew, everyone knew, she was a wreck. Her eyes followed them in and trailed up the ivy that grew on the side of her house and then dropped back to the unkempt lawn. That would be another thing she would have to do. She wasn't much of a gardener. Then she noticed a light coming from the next house over, expecting to see no one but curtains, she looked up. 

A silhouette of someone small in the window, not clear who or what gender but someone. When her eyes adjusted to the light of the bedroom and she could see their features she smiled awkwardly and waved her hand at her chest height. The girl was breath takingly beautiful. Absolutely stunning but in a non-conventional way, she had thick glasses and a gawky look and dreds but she was...beau. Their eyes connected and for a second, Delphine swore that she felt something, but it could be the cold breeze. The girl, whoever she was fell backwards as if something had happened and did not come back to window. Saddened a little, Delphine carried on watching the men.

The next time she saw the person from the window was the next day, leaving for somewhere, a back pack slung on her back. She looked tired but excited in her step at the early hour. Delphine watched from her living room windows, through her new net curtains. There was a strange enthusiasm in the girl, Delphine had never properly seen her or even talked to her, she didn't even know her name but there was something alluring about the way she walked. 

Delphine knew that it would come to this, she would have to talk and get to know the neighbours. Mon Dieu. The woman walked up her lawn and she could see from the window that his woman was a step ford wife type she even had a gardening cap and white three quarter lengths. The woman, who Delphine couldn't tell which house had come from, walked up to the door looking all over her house with her sharp eyes before knocking. With a deep sigh of impatience Delphine walked to the front door, put on her best fake smile and opened it up. 

“Hello there! I'm Janice from next door.” Janice said with a beaming smile and a voice way too loud for her ears, Delphine came out of her door, not allowing the woman to come in and smile politely. She looked the woman up and down and tried to see where she had come from. 

“Bonjour, I'm Delphine, nice to meet you.” Delphine said with pained interest. The woman was holding a tray of cookies and looked like she was handing it to her. Delphine quickly realised that this women was handing it over, and took it and smiled. They looked delicious a real treat, and to be honest she hadn't eaten much all day, just wine and popcorn. She liked to watched old romance films when she was sad. 

“My dear are you ok?” Janice said with a fake sympathy, Delphine realised she probably looked like crap and pushed her tangled hair behind her ear, she lifted her sad head and gave a promising smile. Pushing aside her emotions. 

“Oui oui, urr sad film. Thank you so much for the cookies.” Delphine said, taking them in both hands and looked awkwardly at Janice. Janice noticed the lack of flow to the conversation, if it could be called a conversation. She smiled, tilted her head and stepped back to the stairs. 

“Well I won't keep you from it any longer alright, we're from next door.” Janice pointed to the house that the girl was in last night. “So just pop by whenever you want and say hello. Maybe dinner one night?” Delphine hated eating at others, American cuisine, already after two days was nothing like France. 

“Merci. I'm sure I will.” Delphine said, stepping back too into the comfort and warmth of her doorway. This Janice women only looked 15 years her senior, which to Delphine in her line of work meant nothing. They awkwardly smiled and nodded to each other. Delphine waved quickly and closed the door behind her, running to the kitchen, putting the tray down and breathing fast. This was going to be weird. Very weird, and she had no one to experience it with. 

 

\--------

“Delphine.” The beautiful French woman said, referencing her name. She seemed tired and a little lost as to why Cosima was there at her door, but there was a sparkle in her eye. Cosima took the woman's hand to shake as it was extended towards her. She was shaking not from the force woman's gentle hand on her own; she was so nervous she couldn't stop shaking. Delphine felt the small teen shake but ignored it, she must be cold. “Enchante” She whispered into the cold air. The girl smiled wildly like a child at Christmas and she felt warm inside all of a sudden. Cosima let go of her hand and tilted her head and grinned. 

“Enchante.” She said in a mock French accent. It was no where near as attractive and alluring as hers..wait what, Cosima suddenly stopped herself at the thought. Quickly ignoring it. After a few seconds of neither saying anything and Delphine standing there pulling her grey cardi further around her from the cold Cosima spoke. 

“Oh sorry, I..” Cosima was freaking out trying to find words when her head was spinning. “I live next door-” Cosima began, but hushed as soon as the blonde cut in. 

“I know..I saw you, at the urrr, the window, last night.” Delphine said a little embarrassed to admit that she saw. But then they both looked to each other, they both knew. Cosima's heart skipped a beat. Delphine was reminded of their connection.

“Oh yeah, I was looking at my plants.” Cosima lied with a feeling of great nervous tension. What plants? Why Cosima, why are you being so stupid, there are no plants. She will know that there are no plants. “On the lawn.” Cosima added. It did not help. Delphine watched Cosima with careful and curious eyes, amused by the girls splutterer and words. She was not cold like she had thought. She was nervous. 

“Would you like to come in?” Delphine suddenly thought, stepping aside, a pang of hot nerves flooded through her. Her manners were not amazing as of late, moving from France to this town was a totally different world. Before Delphine had a chance to step aside properly, Cosima agreed and was walking in past her. As the girl walked past Delphine smiled to herself looking at her oak flooring and closed the door behind them. 

“Wow, rad place! You really decorated quickly!” Cosima said taking in the scene. The walls were tall and dark earthy colours sorta like her own, but with paintings and flowers on little tables. The door frames were mahogany and were old looking, vintage even. The stair case had a red thin carpet all down it and it lead beautifully to the top. What was up there? Before she had a chance to take anything more in she felt a weird weight on her legs and felt some hard things all over them. A puppy! She looked down and immediately Cosima's face lit up at the little white Labrador's face. It had floppy ears and big bright brown eyes. “Oh my god it is so cute!” Cosima exclaimed, stroking the dog and flapping about its face as it wagged it's tail wildly. Delphine leant back against the door, sighing and in her deep French accent spoke. 

“Yes, she is brand new, I got her yesterday, as a sort off...sort of home present?” Delphine said, not really able to find the words to describe it. 

“Home warming.” Cosima added. “Well congrats on the new place.” Cosima was still stroking the dog and and at this height could only see Delphine's slender legs. Delphine walked past her to be in the hall. Cosima for a second lost it at the smell of her perfume. What was that amazing scent? Cosima looked up forgetting the dog for a second and followed the woman as in a trance, looking up her legs to her middle, to her back and to her head which was turned to see her. Delphine smiled. Crap, Cosima hoped Delphine hadn't seen her checking her out. Checking her out?! What- 

“Would you like a drink?” Delphine asked and cut into Cosima's thoughts, Cosima nodded automatically and followed Delphine to her kitchen at the end of the hall, letting the little pup jump at her and patter past her as she did. Once she got there, Delphine grabbed a tall thick green glass from a cupboard above the sink, leaning over the counter and began to pour some water into it from her tap. Cosima took it from her with a smile and felt a hot sensation when their fingers touched. Cosima's whole body melted at Delphine's smile. 

“Thanks.” Cosima said, not even thinking to drink it, she just held it for a second and then remembered to be human. Sipping the glass the slightest bit, like Janice would and smiling at the refreshment. The cold water was great to relax her body, she was so hot all of a sudden. She realised she had to tell the woman why she was here. “Oh I actually came here to like see if you still wanted a dog sitter or whatever, because I could totally do it. Like I would do it so well.” What the hell had come over her, she was acting like a complete dork. Cosima mentally slapped herself. Delphine laughed softly at the remark and then nodded, looking down at herself and then back up, their eyes locking. 

“I do. Merci.” Delphine stated, watching Cosima thirstily drink the rest of the water and her eyes look anywhere but at her own. Cosima was still freaking, she could feel her pulse on her neck and she knew for a fact her cheeks were bright red. “I work late and have a few errands to run. But a new place, new dog. I need it to be safe, comprendre? I am looking for more of someone to just help around the house. I am... alone.” Delphine said looking sad. Cosima felt this sudden urge to look after her, to protect her, to take away all of her worries and sadness and hug her. 

“I can do it.” Cosima said with a beaming grin, her nerves a little subsided. What exactly was part of it was not clear but she would do it.

“Well how about we do a test now. I need to get bread for my dinner, so urr, you stay and I will be back soon?” Delphine asked, stepping aside a little and raising an eyebrow. Wow. Cosima was in awe of her face, no reason, her mind was just in a vice around this woman. 

“Sure.” She said before even thinking. Delphine turned around the kitchen's island counter and grabbed her purse. She was about to leave the room before turning back to Cosima. In the nicest voice she could have ever spoken in, Cosima's heart fluttered. 

“Maybe some wine, we can talk more, get to know each other?” Delphine offered. Cosima tried to control herself, act natural, act cool. She just nodded politely and followed Delphine to the door. “Spare key here.” Delphine pointed to a key hook. “She had already had food, urm she just needs to be...tidied.” Delphine looked apologetic about the various messes little pups could do, but Cosima did not mind she couldn't care whether the dog obliterated the living room, she just needed to be in this place. Something was addicting her to it. Delphine smiled and watched Cosima, stepped behind the door, dropping her gaze, biting her lip and shutting it behind her. Cosima noticed the lip bite and it sent a thrill all through her. 

“Holy watershed.” Cosima whispered into the echoing house, she watched the silhouette of Delphine walk away down the path and into the distance. Turning on her heels and taking in the scent of her home, she saw the puppy at the end of the corridor. It paused looking at her, Cosima stood still looking to it, suddenly it burst into life and charged at her, its tail wagging enthusiastically and its mouth open in a tongue smile. It leaped at her with its small might and she caught it around her knee's and pulled it up into a tight hug. She had never had a dog or a younger sibling or anything she could just give love and kindness too. She carried it into the living room and looked about the place. It was really nice, perfect even. Delphine had a sofa with no TV but a lovely large coffee table and flower vase as the centre piece. Boxes were stacked under the window and she could see into an office area where there were even more piled onto the desk. She carried the dog to the sofa and checked her watch. She had time to look around, her hand feeling the sofa fabric of the sofa. Cosima put the dog down, and it followed her black patterned tights, scratching at them with it's small paws. Then she realised she didn't even know it's name. After a while of cooing over the dog not being able to get up the steep stairs properly she picked it up again and plopped it softly on the top, letting it look in amazement at the drop below the small balcony. Cosima stepped out into the hall, there was a hall on either side of her, dark green paint with mahogany skirting boards and hardwood flooring. There were giant canvases on the wall which looked like she had done the herself, she looked at the signature on the bottom, she could just make out the scribbled letters. 'Delphine Cormier'. Cosima felt a warmth all over her and something clicked inside of her mind. Delphine Cormier, her internal monologue spoke. She snapped out of the fantasy about her name. Continuing on her journey, the dog yapping happily at a door, she opened it up. It was Delphine's bedroom, boxes were still at one end but the rest was perfect, already decorated. She had a giant window at the opposite side, a vanity to its left with perfumes and styling equipment and a red velvet stool, and there were long dresses and coats hung up on an exposed clothing rail. Instinctively Cosima went about the room, straight to the clothes and looked at them all, the range of designer wear, from summer dresses to cocktail to ball gown. She had everything. Cosima was so excited by what she wore that it was a little weird, so she stepped back, falling onto a chest of some kind. Peeking around the place and pushing her glasses up her nose, her natural scientific curiosity took over. She unhooked the lock and peered inside. 

Inside there was nothing but old shoe boxes and bits of fabric, old perfumes and more stuff that somehow suited this place entirely. Maybe she had no where to put it? Cosima pulled out one of the show boxes, and opened it up. Old photos, a bundle of photos wrapped in a rubber band. She pulled it off and looked at them. Two woman, one was Delphine and she was hugging another. Cosima picked up the photos individually and flipped it over, checking the back, it had no names. 'My love.' was in the same scribbled handwriting that she had seen on the canvas. Cosima quickly turned it back around to check it over once more, Delphine was definitely with a women. Cosima gulped. She put the photo downwards on the floor and checked out the next few. They were all of them in that same place in different positions and looked as if they were taken in a flurry as they moved. She put them one by one on the floor on top of the other until she froze. Cosima fell back onto her knees, staring at the image. Delphine was kissing the woman. Not just kissing but her hands were holding the other woman's face between her hands, their eyes closed and it seemed like they were in a tight embrace. Her leg was even slightly up in that typical old movie way, when the two main characters finally kiss. Cosima dropped the photo and looked to the next, it was a few seconds after the kiss, they were closer together, as if one, and their kiss was more intense. Surprisingly Cosima was more involved in who took the pictures rather than the two of them. Although the image of Delphine so vulnerable in the kiss hung in her mind and made her feel light headed. The pup came up to her side and brushed against her causing the photo pile she had made to mix up. 

“Crap.” She said, grabbing them back up and trying to find the order, she was panicking. What if Delphine noticed. She stuffed them back into a pile, pulled the rubber band around them, put the box back and slammed the chest shut, grabbing the pub and getting out of there. 

Cosima stayed downstairs until Delphine came home. 

“Bonjour!” Delphine said opening the door, a little bit of rain was falling outside so she held a news paper above her head. Shaking it off and dropping it to the side table, she went to the kitchen and pulled out the French bread and wine. Cosima waiting in the living room for a minute and then getting up and going to the kitchen. Delphine turned around a platter in her hands, French sticks all cut up into chunks and two pots of what looked like flavoured oils. The bottle of wine was uncorked on the slate too. Cosima's heart leaped at the prospect of getting to know this women but she had to go. There was no reason but she felt so guilty staying here and seeing that Delphine was kissing that woman, and now she was over her house and there was bread and wine and she just couldn't. It was all a little too much.

“I'm like really sorry but I can't stay, I have to like study my French.” Oh god she couldn't say that now, Delphine was French, it was all so French and now she told her she was studying the language. Urg. Delphine didn't speak she was still smiling holding that slate up and seemed to have frozen to place. Cosima stood awkwardly waiting for some kind of response, her heart going crazy. Delphine dropped her slate a little and then turned to the kitchen island thinking about putting the slate down and then not, then back Cosima. Cosima smiled and then dropped her smile. They paused. 

“Oh no problem, it's fine. Ok, urr see you tomorrow...urr, yes.” Delphine stuttered she didn't expect that to happen. Cosima was already half way down the hall on her way out of that place. There was no reason, but she just had to run, like she ran from the drug store, like she was running from something that was catching up with her. She just ran. 

“Fuck Cosima.” Cosima shouted to herself, she did not go home, she skipped over the rose bushes and went off down the road into the darkness. “You cannot be gay.” Cosima stated about Delphine. For some reason it just felt wrong, it just felt weird it felt like everything she had been considering all her life was wrong. And the worst part was that, Cosima, 17 year old Cosima actually didn't know something. All her life she was as sure as she could be, she knew what cereal she liked and how much, she knew how much sugar in her coffee, she knew what the alignment of cells were and where to find them...but what she didn't know. Why there were butterflies in her stomach whenever she thought of this woman next door. 

 

When she got home she ignored Dennis and Janice and shot upstairs dragging her feet and feeling this horrible sensation of denial all through her. She didn't know why, her mind was blocking it. She heard about this in class, its like a defence mechanism where your mind repressed certain thoughts, emotions and feelings. Like when someone dies and you feel 'nothing', you do feel it, but your bodies like hell no, not dealing with that. Cosima shut her door with a push, it never shut properly. The bolt was pulled across and she ran to the window opening it, next to the side draw pulling out her weed and lit it up. 

Inhale....hold...don't think...exhale... 

Cosima fell back on the bed, smiling at the associated sensation of calm that even the fist drag gave her. For a second, she forgot everything. 

And then the guilt sunk in. 

“What are you so guilty about?!” Cosima whispered as she exhaled the white cloud like smoke. Why was she so guilty? Then she realised that she was all tensed up and maybe that was why. Quickly she walked over the stereo pushed the play button, the French song she adored was just finishing and now the rest by Fabienne Delsol continued on. She loved how the singer was influenced by 60's psychedelic music and UK garage it was...hot. 

Without thinking as if in a trance Cosima got back onto the bed, looking around and rolled onto her front. The tenseness she felt was not uncommon, she had not had sex before but that didn't stop her body from craving it. 17, a virgin and horribly crushing on someone. Delph—NO! Scott, she was crushing on Scott. One hand felt down her chest and fell between her legs underneath her weight. Furiously trying to get the image out of her head. The other holding the spliff and bringing it back and forth to her mouth. In no time she was moaning out, and exhaling smoke, feeling the sensations her fingers caused her. Scott came to her mind, her old crush Felix and something else. Her mind refused to let her see what was really fuelling the fire in her. This was not like any other time, it was poweful. It was raging and roaring and Cosima had never felt so strongly like this before. 

“Oh my god.” Cosima said as she came a second time, the spliff long extinguished. Her head fell to her pillow. Lighting up another one and staring at the bumpy ceiling, making faces and images in the shadows. Cosima was not taking about the force of her orgasm, but the feelings that fuelled it. 

Delphine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Again Cosima was late, she was always late. But this time she was later than usual. If you are late enough does that make you on time because everyone will expect it? Cosima thought to herself, she carried on her walk to the train station. Holding her mp3 in her mouth as her hands tied up her dreds into a bun. She got to the ticket gate, showed her pass, and jumped up the stairs to the platform. Earphones in, she was in no mood to talk and she had to move quickly to catch the train. Cosima had had the nightmare again. The one about water. 

Dennis had told her once that before she was born, her mother had a dream, a dream about floating in water. Drowning really, but she could breath. It was so beautiful. She said that it did not feel odd, it was natural, as if her whole life she was meant to live in the sea. One night in her dream she kept swimming down and down, further and further into the depths of the ocean until she could go no further and she saw the fishes. The fishes that had let her float when she could not swim. But for Cosima this was not the same dream, hers was more terrifying. 

The train came at exactly 6:34am like everyday, this time just catching it as it pulled up at the station. Like it was natural she swam through the crowd and found a seat. Before Scott could get on at his station she pushed her ear buds in deeper and played the music louder. Not looking at anyone, just pressing her warm cheek up against the foggy window, her glasses pressing in on her nose but she didn't care. Cosima was sad. Unlike her usual sadness, because there was no reason for her to be sad. And Cosima hated illogical things. The train slowed with it's screechy breaks and stopped, people alighted but a familiar face came on. Cosima tried to ignore him as much as she could. There was nothing to avoid, but there was the guilt again. The guilt she had last night at Delphine's house. And the guilt she felt just before she fell to sleep. Scott stood up because there was no where to sit, he was a few rows down from Cosima but she could see him in the corner of her eye. She could see his gawky smirk and his agitation as if he was psyching himself up for something. 

Suddenly he just burst from inaction to storming down the carriage, and whispered in the person next to Cosima's ear with a serious expression. To Cosima's surprise the person moved and Scott chuckled sitting down. Cosima did not move. She just stared with the same vacant expression out of the rain swept window even though her mind died to know what he had said. Scott poked her and when she didn't respond he lost his smile. 

“Cosima don't you want to know what I said?” Scott asked with mischief in his voice. Cosima wanted to know so desperately but this sadness over her, this stupid irrational sadness prevented her. She remained silent. Scott sat awkwardly, not putting his bag between his legs like he did before but hugging it on his lap. 

“Sorry.” Cosima finally croaked trying to get over herself. She needed to get over whatever this spat of sadness was. She couldn't be this person, she was a happy preppy girl with ambition and confidence. After last night and what she did when she got home, she was different. “I had a hectic night.” Cosima tried to excuse, nothing had happened. All she had done was see some photo's play with a dog and get offered wine and bread. It was nothing special but she swore it was more than it seemed. 

\--------

Delphine got up, trying to brush through her messy bed hair, but giving up when the brush got stuck half way. She stared at it's sorry wooden shape as it fell to the floor half done. Jumping in the shower she smothered herself in the old shampoos and scents she had moved with and not yet replaced. A tear slid down her eye. 'Her' shampoo. Quickly without even conditioning Delphine washed it all off of her, turned the water off, and got out. Standing naked in her white old bathroom she stayed put for just a second looking down at herself and the freckles that speckled around her stomach. Her finger tips felt over her stomach and pulled at the skin. 

“Mon dieu.” She whispered and quickly dried herself off. She needed to get toned, her fit physic had diminished. She still had her flat stomach but it was not the same, she had let go. 

Down in the kitchen she poured the hot water into the cafetière and let the coffee mix. Once it was done she poured it into her favourite mug and went to add a little sugar to sweeten the black liquid. The she stopped looking down to her stomach, now covered in a white dressing gown. She dropped the sugar spoon back into the sugar and closed it, choosing to drink it as it is. It was another day, another day in this foreign place that she did not know. Another day of being alone. 

The pit in her heart sank even further than it already was doing. Just the memory of her past love cursed and ingrained on her mind. Trying to forget it she distracted herself looking out of the window in her living room, standing and sipping her coffee. She paused just feeling the heat hit her lips, as she watched the small girl from next door stride down the road, again with her back pack, again with her dreds and that air of..No. There was no confidence there today. Maybe she didn't sleep alright. Delphine's mind slipped into a dream about massaging the girls back to relax her. She walked away from the window and sat on the sofa. Her mind tried to focus on her tasks for the day, she needed new shampoo and bath things, she needed to get some dinner before she went to work at 8. To further distract her she went upstairs into her room where she had locked the pup up when she showered to keep him safe, there were boxes of kitchen ware she had not yet unpacked she would get into. 

“Doux?” Delphine called out. Immediately she could hear sniffing and scratching at the bottom of her door. With a beaming smile she opened it up and braced for the pups excitement. It leaped out of the door way, right into Delphine's legs. She scooped it up from the floor and cuddled it into her neck, resting her head on its own as it licked her all over. “Awww.” She soothed it. It sleeps in her room but she still missed it, even after such a short time. Delphine placed her coffee on her vanity and sat on the edge of the bed, letting the pup lay on it's back, tongue out and wagging its tail. She stroked its stomach and it woofed at her playfully. “Aww Cosima.” Delphine stopped playing with the dog and stared at it's happy face, realising what she had just said. “Quoi?” Confused at her slip up, she carefully she placed the dog at her side and rubbed it's head instead, getting up and pacing over to her chest. With a giant breath she opened it up, not really wanting to. Not really wanting to open up all of those memories once more. She tried not to let herself, but she had to look. The sadness she felt would only be cured if she forgot. If she just forgot Danielle existed. If she forgot their time together it would be fine. But she could not. Pulling out the shoe box, she opened it up and pulled the banded photo's out. There was something odd about them, but wasn't there for them. She pulled out some fabric, which was actually a scarf made from the finest silk. She had got this for her, years before. 28 years old, and already heartbroken. The horrible fact was that it was so sudden, no warning. Moving to America was the best option, to get away from that toxic mess. Pulling the fabric up to her face she inhaled it's faded scent. For a second just falling backwards onto her knees and immersing herself in the floating memories. She grabbed the fabric with a harsh fist, and thrust it back into the box. Taking the box, she grabbed the other few things in her hands, pulling the fabrics and photo's and what else was in there, and taking it downstairs. Bits dropped from her grasp and onto the stairs but she just wanted rid of it. Opening the door with her elbow she walked out the front and around the side, opening the new bin and dropped it all in. Her heart raced a little but calmed once she closed it over.

All gone. Delphine felt like this massive secret that she was holding so close was gone. The bins weren't collected around here for another few days, but it didn't matter. It was away. It was in the trash, and that was where it should stay. 

\-------

Cosima dropped herself into the seat on the train, this time Scott could sit by her straight away and she smiled to him. Science lab all day made her feel good, it renewed her like getting a really nice compliment when it was totally unexpected. Because of this she really wanted to apologise to Scott for being so moody that morning. 

“Hi.” Cosima said as he adjusted himself. He smiled at her, but didn't look. He was a little sour from this morning still. “So what did you say to the person this morning?” Cosima asked with a big smile, she turned into him, giving her undivided attention. He smiled back at her relaxed now. 

“I told them I was your patrol officer and that I needed to get you off at the next stop.” Scott replied with great pride. He was picking it up fast, and Cosima liked it. She had never done any of this before, never just talked to strangers and she had never said things to make them leave. Cosima laughed and looked at him for a moment, he looked back deep into her eyes. He nudged his glasses up his nose and a little awkwardly laughed. “What's that look for.” He asked, he was flushed in the face at her smile. 

“You're my boyfriend.” Cosima said with a fake smile. She even felt weird saying it and her body felt dead inside at the words, but she had told her parents that he was. He may as well be. She was in a funny mood now.

“What?” He said with a chuckle. 

“Have you not thought what it would be like to hold my hand? To hug me?” Cosima said with such confidence it scared her. “To kiss me.” Cosima was like a whole different person and the effect her words had on him made her thrilled. His face was bright red and he looked down as if embarrassed but hopeful. She could tell his heart was racing, his leg started to jitter a little, all the while she felt nothing but emptiness. 

“Well I...” He stuttered. Cosima took a deep breath, cleared her head of the thoughts of Delphine Cormier, and kissed him. It was short, sweet even and it didn't make her feel anything. Scott however was getting into it, his in experienced lips kissed her back, his eyes closed and his hand coming up to the side of her face. She could feel the startings of a beard bristle up against her cheek, his thin hard lips touch hers. Cosima's eyes were wide open, she looked around and it was making the other passengers uncomfortable, they had no idea how it made her feel. She broke away from him, and smiled. But she didn't mean it. He blushed harder and looked right into her eyes with a grin so wide. He meant it. 

“Good.” Cosima stated, she felt nothing behind the words. That was not good it was just....it just was. “Now we are dating and it's pretty serious.” Cosima got up from her seat, the ride was not at all long and the conductor announced her stop, Scott had missed his again, with heavy and confused breaths she walked away from him. Scott watched after her, his face red, smiling and utterly infatuated with the girl walking away from him. She saw as she got off that he realised he would be late home, again. 

 

“Hey Mark.” Cosima said, she was up the ladder in the drug store this time. She could see the worry and pain on his face. Someone had taken his job, he was the ladder guy and Cosima was front of store. To him it was like she had invaded his home and assumed his life. 

“Urr what'cha doing up there?” He asked brushing his hands through his blonde hair and adjusting his glasses with his finger tips. Cosima smiled at him as she labelled some more products. 

“You know, I really think we should switch roles once in a while. Liven it up a little. This place is seriously dank dude.” Cosima accidentally dropped some pots, he caught them and stared at her with a stern look. She winked and smiled at him. 

“This is why I stack the shelves.” Mark muttered passing it back and walking off into the shop. Cosima watched after him and then got back to what she was doing. 

An hour or so later she was done with the shelf but Mark was no where to be found. Before long it was the end of her shift, she took off her coat grabbed her bags and was heading out. 

Delphine's eyes caught hers and her blood ran hot.

Cosima quickly jumped behind a shelf, hoping Delphine had not seen her. Why are you hiding?? Cosima shouted in her head. What is your problem dude, just go out there and speak to her, or like I don't know ignore her and go? Cosima was getting angry at herself. Eventually she came out from behind the shelf and had to walk down there. They were giggling together. WHAT? Cosima 'accidentally' nudged past Mark. 

“Hey watch it, Cosima!” He complained still happy with a childish look on his face. 

“Cosima! Salut.” Delphine's voice was excited but a little nervous, Cosima could hear it in the tone of voice. Mark stepped back a little. 

“You know each other?” Mark asked smiling to them both. He shot Cosima a look. She had only seen this look once before, when he was hitting on a customer. It ended badly. Cosima suddenly filled up with horror and jealously. Hey where'd that come from? She thought. 

“Oui, my new neighbour.” Delphine said, crossing her arms over her chest, but not in a aggressive way, in a way that she felt nervous and wanted to comfort herself. Her lush eyelids dropped and looked Cosima straight in the eyes. 

Oh wow. 

Cosima's heart fluttered and it felt like Delphine was the only one in the room. The only one that she ever knew. The only one she wanted to really, really get to know. 

“No, friends right?” Cosima said, this was her form of apology for running out on her last night. Delphine perked up and smiled at her, a personal smile, not one Cosima had seen before but it was so...wow. 

“Oui.” Delphine said, her voice was deeper, sensual even, and Cosima's heart skipped. Mark laughed a little to interrupt them. “Yes I need shampoo?” The drug store was the only store in town that wasn't for take out or coffee, they always had stuff in. 

“I'll show you!” Cosima blurted out. Well she thought she blurted it out, but in reality it came out in a slow and lingering way. It even made Mark suddenly uncomfortable. Where did that come from? 

“No it's ok Cosima, your shifts over, I'll show....” He waited for a name, Delphine blushed and gave it to him. He blushed back and they exchanged a look. Cosima was fuming. Calm down woman. 

“Mark, really, I can show her.” Cosima was sure that she should be the one. Delphine smirked at what was in front of her, happening between these two people. She started to step backwards and find it herself. It was not a big place after all. Cosima saw this and realised what a stupid idiot she was and she had no idea why. She caught Delphine's eye as it winked at her. 

“You know, I need to talk to you Cosima anyway about coming over tonight.” Delphine paused long enough for both Cosima and Mark's imaginations to run wild. “To dog sit.” She added to cut the suspense. For a second Cosima couldn't register the words, she was in a trance over the way she said it, the accent was thick and hot and STOP. 

“Sure.” She said, Mark's boyish smile was gone and he walked off slowly, turning to wave at Delphine as he did, she smiled cutely at him. Cute with a hint of sophisticated adultness. Cosima was almost drooling. Snap out of it. They walked down the aisle, not talking just standing a little close. Cosima was suddenly aware of everyone of her movements, the way she walked, how it sounded, how many breaths she was taking (too many), how far apart they were and Why are you freaking out? They reached the end of the aisle and turned right, walking to another one. 

“Have you urr worked here long?” Delphine asked as they walked. As she spoke, Delphine's arm brushed Cosima. Cosima swore she was about to pass out from the nerves that were all over her body. It was like she was going for a science test, she knew it all, but she was doubting everything she had ever learned. That was her issue, a total genius but as soon as there was even an atom of doubt she would go to crap. 

Cosima could not even think. 

“Urm...” Cosima had no clue, her mind, it was gone. They had reached the shampoo's and Cosima stopped, she didn't need to think about that, her mind just automatically took her to the places she knew so well. “Just since last summer.” Cosima finally said, she pointed to the rail and Delphine bent down looking at them. Cosima realised how tall Delphine was, her head only came up to her shoulders. Perfect to hug. 

“Which would you recommend?” Delphine asked, she stepped back from the shelves and looked to Cosima with a playful expression. Cosima melted. She had no idea either. Which shampoo would she like. Scented or not? She should not be allowed to talk to attractive people ever, ever again. Attractive?

Damn she would actually have to say something. 

“Like, do you want scented or?” Once she started she could not stop. “I mean I use this scented stuff it smells kinda nutty like coconuts and almonds which I really like. I use it every day, I have the like scented hand wash and cream and it's so good. But you look more like a floral person, oh god, you know this one would smell so good, like it would totally go with your like, you now youness.” Cosima rambled, Delphine was amused by the speed of the words coming out of her mouth. Cosima picked up this flower scented shampoo she had tried once, it didn't suit her but it smelt so good. She would love to smell it on her. No Cosima stop! Delphine picked up the bottles, cracking the lid open and smelling them. Her face lit up. 

“J'aime cela.” Cosima had no idea what she just said. Delphine realised. “I like this. I'll take it.” Cosima couldn't just let Delphine go, she was on a role. 

“Yeah, it's so good am I right. I tried it once, it's good. Honestly and the soaps and stuff that go with it are great too. Why not get a set. Oh my god, whilst you're hear get the bath set it has like a fancy sponge and stuff.” Cosima realised she was being a fool. Like the only thing to do in this situation was to keep going. She could have just stopped. Instead of not talking she just turned around and started walking to the till. 

Stupid. 

Cosima typed all the details into the till, scanned her shampoos and noticed Delphine did pick up the set after all. A smile spread across her face. 

“I have work at 8, and you're finished?” Delphine asked, Cosima eagerly nodded. “Can you come over to mine soon, we can have that talk and you could dog sit for me? S'il vous plait?” Cosima was already nodding before she could stop herself. Oh god, for what ever reason she wanted to go over there, she knew she looked like a stupid fool. 

“Sure, I have dinner in like 10 minutes so I'll catch you after that?” Cosima asked. She felt like she was shaking and nervous and an idiot. But the words that were coming out were so smooth, suave and nothing like she felt like. 

“Actually, do you want a lift? I have my car?” Delphine drove here? Cosima thought, it was like literally 4 blocks. Her mind was going wild, her heart racing. Her eyes flicked over to Mark who was watching from the other side of the store. With a smirk Cosima agreed. Stepping down from behind the till. Delphine nodded her head. “Daccord.” Delphine said. They walked out of the store together. There was a moment where their hands brushed as they passed through the exit that made Cosima weak at the knees. Cosima just suddenly felt the impulse to jump up into the air and cheer, it frightened her that she felt this way. She had a boyfriend. 

In the car they did not speak much, just smiled politely and sat with each other. It was so tense. Both wanting to speak, but in the short time there wasn't much to say. Cosima began to speak, but so did Delphine. They both wanted the other to start, but neither did. So they sat there in some kind of tense silence. Cosima knew what this feeling was now. She was aroused. Not just aroused, it was like she was in a film where someone finds the other attractive and is literally creaming so hard. But Cosima had no to reason to be. Maybe Scott was on her mind. Cosima's eyes flicked over to Delphine, her one hand holding onto the gear shift, the other firmly on the wheel. The control Delphine had over her car as it cruised down the street was so hot. As Delphine pulled up into her drive Cosima's heart sank, she would have to go back home now. Out of the bubble with Delphine and into the sharp prongs of Janice's company. Before she could stop her Delphine was out and around her side, opening the door for Cosima to get out, a small smile on her face. 

“Thanks.” Cosima said, feeling really special, and awkward, and horny, and confused, and tired, and exhilarated. All of these feelings an average teenage girl would feel. But she was not average. 

“Mon plaisir.” Delphine said, shutting the door gently behind her. As if in some old romantic 80's film Delphine leant up against the car door, putting her bag around her waist, and her thumbs in her pockets. God she was bad at this romance stuff, Delphine thought maybe leaning up against her car would lure Cosima in. Cosima stood there for a second. In fact they both held their breaths, both wanting to say more, to start something so the other wouldn't leave. Cosima was so confused with all of these feelings that she just had to get back to her house, and quick. With a sort of fist bump to her Delphine's shoulder, Cosima jumped over the bushes and skipped to her house, before she went in her eyes flashed over to Delphine, who looked so sad all of a sudden, looking at what was in her bag and the going in herself. 

 

“I hope you like it, it is a new recipe I am trying out in my classes.” Janice encouraged, Cosima and Dennis sat in their usual places at the table, the food came to the table, Janice took her seat and Cosima dug in. This time it was different, she really did feel like a child on Christmas with the feelings rushing through her. 

“My dear Cosima, how are you today, I feel like I haven't seen you.” Dennis asked, he was just dropping food into his mouth and he gave her a fangy smile. That's where she got it from. Cosima smiled to him, ignoring Janice's judgemental expressions. 

“It's because you haven't.” Janice joked and ate some more food before Cosima could speak. 

“Yeah I know, school's pretty hectic, and working at the drug store. And French.” Cosima still had not done any French.

“What about Miss Cormier, honey? How are you going to fit that in?” Janice asked, just before Dennis could say another word. Cosima looked over to address her, giving her a look. 

“I'm dog sitting at hers tonight actually. She mentioned something in the car about gardening tomorrow. As it's the weekend.” Cosima said with an edge to her voice. Janice caught onto it, she had a knack for not frowning but smiling wider. She gave a big smile and asked; 

“In the car? When were you in the car together?” Janice was pissing Cosima off. 

“Oh on the way back from the store. She was there and gave me a lift.” It felt like some kind of interrogation. Like there was something Janice knew and was not letting on. She only asked questions she already knew the answer to. Cosima knew this, why would she ask. 

“Well alright, I just don't want you slipping behind now, graduation--” Janice was cut off. 

“Oh you know that don't you Cosima?” Dennis butted in, in a soft and friendly voice. “We are very proud of you you know. Especially as you'll be turning 18 this week as well. It's a big time, for all of us.” It had totally slipped her mind. She would be finishing school and turning 18. She hadn't even considered what she was doing afterwards. 

“Thanks dad.” Cosima said, chewing on some potatoes with a smile. 

“Maybe you should invite your boyfriend over for your birthday dinner. What was his name again?” SCOTT! Cosima had also totally forgotten about Scott. Crap, it suddenly felt like everything was coming at her all at once. 

“Scott. Sure, I'll invite him.” Cosima was less than enthusiastic but no one noticed. They were used to her moods. But her birthday didn't just mean a new year, it meant having the conversation with her dad that they did every single year for as long as she could remember. Maybe even longer. It was always a torture for him, but she didn't want to think about that now. Happier things were happening. She was going to Delphine's. NO! Scott was coming over for her birthday. 

Oh crap, Cosima said to herself as she realised what she had on. The boyfriend, these weird feelings for Delphine, her birthday, graduation, the rest of her life, and a pit in her heart that she had no idea how to fill.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Delphine was not a gardener. She had never done it in her life. The only thing she could grow was the pasta in her pan when she added hot water. Here she was digging up soil and planting flowers which were already potted for her. In theory all she had to do was get the plant and it's roots out, put it in a hole she had dug and cover it over, water it for a bit and leave it. But this was never going to be as easy as it sounds. After 10 minutes she had lost 3 flowers, dug more holes than she needed and found rose bush trimmings in her hair. She needed Cosima. 

\-------

Cosima stretched out after sleeping in. A usual Saturday morning. Except it wasn't. She was supposed to be helping Delphine with her gardening today. Looking at the clock on the side table she read 10am. Getting up in her baggy t-shirt Cosima stretched up once more exposing her legs and stomach before yawning widely. Shower time. Out and showered in no time at all she changed into some old skinny jeans and a tank top, not really knowing what to wear gardening, or helping in the house. In the end she picked up her earthy red weaved poncho and put it over herself as a sweater. Breakfast was with her parents this morning. No, her dad and Janice. It was the one meal a day that she did not prepare. Cosima pulled out some juice, cereal and milk from the kitchen and put it together. Juice in the glass, cereal and milk in a bowl with a spoon. At the dinning room she sat with Dennis who read a newspaper. He was looking with such interest even though Cosima knew she hated this newspaper, but it was the only one sold on a Saturday here.

“Hey dad.” She said between shovels of cereal. He smiled over at her with a comforting look. 

“Good morning darling.” He was the nicest man she knew. They had such a nice bond. Such an amazing guy who had been there for her forever and one that was blind to the badness in the world. Whether that was good or bad was hard to tell, some days it was damn annoying but others it was blissful. “How are we this morning, ready to help Miss Cormier out?” Cosima's ears pricked. She knew she was going to be doing that but she didn't want to admit it, already her stomach was flipping and she felt hot. 

“Yeah, getting my food down me now.” Cosima smirked, sipping the milk from her spoon. 

“Good luck, she is making a total mess over there.” Janice said, walking into the room crunching down on an apple wearing her full body suit pj's. This time she kissed Dennis' head and sat in her usual seat, taking up the newspaper he now put down and reading. Cosima barely looked at her but still smiled. Cosima felt the need to leave now, her perfect morning was soured by Janice. Janice tried, but she tried too hard. 

“Ok, well I'll be back some time today. Bye guys!” She ran over to Dennis and hugged him, patting Janice on the shoulder and vacated the room, skipping to the door, flinging it open and leaving. 

 

\-------

Delphine's heart leapt as the sound. Wiping her sweaty brow she looked up and saw Cosima coming out from her house. With a gracious smile she greeted her with a polite hug. But as soon as she made contact with Cosima it felt like her whole body just suddenly melted and left just her lust there on the grass. Delphine snapped out of it, hugging Cosima a little too long, she dropped to her knees on the floor by the flower boarder and sighed heavily. 

“Woah.” Cosima mocked, looking at the mess Delphine had made. Embarrassed, Delphine pushed her hair behind her ear and looked at it. The 3 flowers she had lost were poking out under a pile of rose bush on the grass. Hell. Without really thinking Cosima grabbed the spare pair of gloves and began loading the bush into the garden bin clearing up the lawn in no time whilst Delphine watched her. She was gawky and her glasses were big, her eyes were big too, and that smile...she was adorable. Delphine just wanted to hug her from cuteness, but restrained herself, just watching the girl bend down and pick up the scraps. Cosima came back to her side with the three flowers, sitting down cross-legged on the floor and laughed. “Loose something?” She said with a big grin, putting them into the extra holes in the soil. Suddenly Delphine felt helpless, she was absolutely useless at that stuff. Why didn't she think to put it in the bin, she was just going to leave it and hope it went away. She took the last flower, brushing Cosima's hand. Her body felt the sensation from her finger tips and it lingered all over her as she attempted to put it in the ground. Somehow she messed up, Cosima coming to her aid with a giggle and helping place the soil around it. Their hands worked together putting soil around the stem and flattening it down. Cosima was so careful to help Delphine that it made Delphine feel happy. At least she wasn't mocking her like the other neighbours, who happened to water their grass whilst she was out, did. When they were potted they both looked to each other and smiled. Delphine lingered a little while on Cosima's lips on the dimples when she smiled, her fangy teeth. Mon Dieu. She was so beautiful. 

 

\-------

Cosima thought she was about to pass out. She was freaking so hard she knew that Delphine had noticed. Her face was all hot and she felt like she was shaking again. Jesus, this woman had such an affect on her. But she wasn't doing any of that, she was coming across as so smooth and controlled whilst her head was in crisis. She helped Delphine pat down the earth to support the new flower, and their hands kept catching each other. Every time Cosima's heart felt it was going to give in with the excitement it had coursing through it. Is it possible to die from being so happy? If so Cosima would already be dead. This woman, Delphine Cormier was so exciting and she had no idea why. 

After a while of digging up the earth and separating the weeds their arms brushed once more. Delphine's eyes locking with Cosima's own. For the duration of that look Cosima was frozen, torn between what she knew and what she felt. She felt such strong feels for Delphine, yet she knew she had no reason to. 

“Hello girls!” Cosima was even more freaked. Janice had made her way over, down Cosima's path and up Delphine's. Delphine appreciated the break from the trauma of gardening and smiled to Janice. 

“Bonjour.” She said with a genuine smile. Janice was out of her pj's and wearing an actually kinda nice lilac dress. She had in her hand a tray of fresh home made lemonade. She knew it was home made, it had her signature flower shaped lemon on the top. Cosima has no idea how she did it, but she did and it looked awesome. Being with Delphine and the nerves she felt really dried out her mouth and she only just realised. 

“Lemonade, thought you ladies could use a break.” Janice was being nice, too nice, and a little holding back of something. Probably some remark she was dying to say about Cosima. Delphine took the tray of glasses and jug of drink and placed them beside her knees. Janice squatted down next to them reviewing everything that had been done. It looked totally different. Even if the bushes were uneven and the plant boarder messy as heck, it was better. 

“Merci.” Delphine thanked pouring out a big glass of the stuff and handing it first to Cosima. Cosima looked up to Delphine as the glass was in front of her, she didn't take it right away, they shared a look between themselves. This did not go unnoticed. “Wow. That is so amazing.” Delphine said pouring her own and tasting the sweetness between her lips. Janice ignored the look and her face brightened up, she stood up straighter. 

“Well thank you, miss Cormier! Bon Appetit as they say!” No one really said that. Since Janice had gotten there the atmosphere had completely changed. It was nice, calm, natural, even if Cosima was falling apart from embarrassment inside. Now it was awkward, forced and cold. Cosima knew Janice could feel it too. She spoke again which just made it worse. “Did you know Cosima is learning French.” No, now Cosima had been dropped in it. She had not learned a word in like 4 weeks and barely remembered it anyway. Delphine shot a kind look to Cosima. Cosima hung her head but still smiled, trying to brush it off. 

“Not really, I mean I am no good, I just know like my name which is still Cosima but accented.” Cosima laughed. They all laughed, Janice a little longer than the two of them. 

“Maybe I could tutor you, oui?” Cosima died inside. 

“That would be awesome.” She said with enthusiasm. There was silence. Delphine looked down to the soil and how messy she was, Cosima did the same. Janice noticed she was not wanted and slowly walked back to the house, looking at them with prying eyes the whole time until she reached their property. Cosima pretended to be digging something with the trowel but just moved mud around, smiling and waving at Janice. 

 

\-------

As soon as Cosima's mother appeared the atmosphere thickened. Delphine looked up at her and smiled, confused as to why it had changed. Janice had come over to bring refreshments, much to her delight, she could really use one. Cosima didn't take the tray straight away, Delphine jumped in, worried about the tense mood that was between the two of them. She looked down to Cosima as she placed the tray by her, pouring out a drink. She handed it to Cosima, their fingers brushed, she could see the effect in how Cosima's breathing quickly picked up and her face blushed. It was so adorable to see. Delphine blushed too, she was not used to seeing this in people near her. Quickly she avoided the gaze looking to Janice. There was an uncomfortable pause in which Delphine just drank. Janice's French was awful, who even says Bon appetit anymore? 

“Did you know Cosima is learning French.” Janice said it in such a way as though it was meant to be a dig or an insult. Although it didn't sound like one. Delphine's heart flipped, French, she was learning French. Just for a second she day dreamed about tutoring Cosima, the time they would spend with each other, as if she wasn't spending enough time already in her short stay here. 

“Maybe I could tutor you, oui?” Delphine asked her voice tinted with a happy confidence. She knew she could easily tutor her, she would enjoy it so much, she really felt it. She saw it in the way Cosima relaxed but at the same time tensed at the words. As if she was happy and nervous and a whole bundle of emotions. Delphine laughed to herself. The silly girl. Delphine imagined the two of them drinking coffee, sitting on her sofa in the living room in the day time and talking in French to each other. She imagined having small breaks in their sessions to have bred and olives, she imagined the silly way Cosima would mispronounce the words before she understood them. It warmed her heart. 

When Janice left after a prolonged walk to her own house she turned to Cosima. 

“You have such a lovely mother, bringing us drinks when we needed them is nice.” She said it so nicely, with reservation, trying to contain her humour at the situation. 

“Step-mom.” Cosima quickly corrected. Delphine felt awful at the mistake, but said no more about it. 

“Let's go inside, we're done for to day, oui?” Delphine offered to Cosima, she had done hardly anything, Cosima doing most of it, just the thought of more tired her out. Grabbing her tools and putting them away, she took the tray up into the house, a quiet Cosima following her. “I have something for you.” Delphine said, putting it down in the kitchen, and wondering off into the study through the living room. Cosima hung out in the hall way entrance and looked at the new art that was put up all the way up the stairs. She was so good. The artwork was of simple floral designs, red flowers on white background but it was nice, calming even. When Delphine returned with 3 small, old looking books she handed them to Cosima, getting a little closer than Cosima would have thought she would. Cosima noticed, not moving at first, she could feel her tensing up and moved back a little. God, maybe she had misinterpreted it all. She should back off a little just in case, Delphine ordered herself. With a smile she saw Cosima checking out the books. “For your French.” Delphine added, leaning on the wall and watching Cosima's reaction. Cosima's face lit up at the gift, and it warmed Delphine.

“Wow thanks dude! These look hella interesting.” 

 

\-------

Oh crap, act cool, act older. 

Cosima paused and then rephrased. 

“I mean, thanks Delphine. I really want to read them now.” Cosima corrected, feeling a little better about blurting out her childish words. Her mind was ablaze with the sensations of Delphine, the closeness, the scent she wore. The shampoos she brought yesterday smell so good on her. Cosima knew they would...STOP. Delphine laughed and turned around. 

“Before we get lunch, can you just help me move some boxes?” Delphine asked nicely, she was waiting for an answer. Cosima completely ignored the fact that it was a question too caught up in the fluent way she spoke and the flow of letters from her voice. Lunch, she would have to eat soon from the work she did which took a while longer than she thought once they had tackled the rose bushes. Delphine took Cosima through to the study and pointed to a box. “This one, could you take it to my room please?” Delphine again asked, Cosima already picking it up, standing a little closer to Delphine and taking it way. Delphine felt the body connection, but tried not to act on her impulses. Cosima felt the way Delphine moved, or rather didn't move when they touched and it sent Cosima wild. 

“Sure thing.” Cosima said. Walking up the stairs, she already knew which room was hers, a little awkwardly she pretended to open doors and look in them acting as if she had no idea where it was. When she felt the tiny scrap of paws on the bottom of the door she knew. On opening the door she forgot that dogs jumped, it leaped at the back of her knees and made her buckle dropping all of the contents of the box, which was mainly clothes, to the floor. Crap! Delphine was up the stairs in no time at all, looking first at the mess, the small puppy hiding in shame further down the hall and then Cosima heaped on the floor smirking at her. She was so cute. Cosima was the most adorable person she had ever met. She held out her petite hand for Cosima to take, at first Cosima was too busy jumping hoops that Delphine cared about her to take it, eventually she did and got up. Accidentally pulling Delphine into her with the force. They crashed against the wall and both started laughing but not moving. Cosima was giggling and grinning at the thought of what happened. Delphine was laughing because Cosima was laughing. Without realising Delphine had moved her hands to support her either side of Cosima's head, trapping her there against the wall.. Their laughs faded replaced by a warm silence, just their breathing and repressed laughs filling the air. They both just stared into each others eyes, just seconds away from each other's lips. Delphine's face dropped, she was overpowered, controlled and looked like she was lustful. Cosima could feel Delphine's whole body pressed into her and she never wanted it to go, she wanted this every moment of every day, all the time. She wanted Delphine---NO! 

Cosima jumped out under Delphine's arms and laughed more standing by all the mess on the wood floor. 

“Aha! Sorry about that.” She said, standing her hands fumbling around the front of her. Her head tilting and looking apologetic and embarrassed towards Delphine. Delphine moved away from the wall savouring it for a moment then shaking her head as if to get the feelings out of her body. 

“No problem at all.” She said with a smile. “I'll clean it up later.” She ended, and the silence remained. They both stood there, they both knew what just happened, what could have happened was panning out in their heads. 

“Hey, just realised I have to go meet my boyfriend. Urm, see you Monday for dog sitting?” Cosima panted out, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion all the confused feelings catching up with her. Delphine looked sad all at once, but accepted it. She didn't know Cosima had a boyfriend. Giving her a crooked smile and whispering her goodbyes. Cosima ran down the stairs and out of the door, away from Delphine and away from all that surrounding her. Lighting up a spliff and spending the next few hours laying on her bed touching herself to French music. 

Damn. She thought thinking about the guilt she had about Delphine, the wall, how close they were and what she wanted to do. No! Scott. Damn it Cosima, get it together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Cosima got up, although didn't want to. She had no work, no study to do and no Delphine. Last night was weird. Cosima felt something that she never thought she could, it was foreign to her. Jealousy. When Mark was hitting on Delphine it made Cosima so mad. It was like someone was hitting on her date when they were supposed to be double dating someone else. Like she was not there, invisible and being walked on. But there was no reason to this! Cosima turned over in her bed, trying to hide the thoughts away. One more week and school would be over, graduation would have come. She wouldn't have so much drama on her. She needed to get rid of these feelings though, the ones that crept up on her at night, right into her dreams. Her dreams that always filtered around that beautiful woman from next door. She thought she would meet Scott today, she wouldn't tell him that she was, she expected him to be there, where ever she would go, he would. 

At the train station Cosima scanned her pass and got up to the station, watching the train she was going to catch pull up to the platform, blowing cold air all over her and filling her ears with the hot sound of engines. Cosima joined the carriage she would normally get on the week days, sitting down on a row of empty seats. 

Scott was not there. 

Cosima again felt this surge all through her of jealously, why wasn't he there? It was a Sunday but that was no excuse he should just 'know' when Cosima was on a train. Running up and down the carriage she looked for him, and then onto the next one, searching high and low for Scott. He just wasn't there. At the next station she waited for him to get on, scanning the platform as it stopped to find him. He was not here. With all her troubles she got off and wondered around the new place at the next stop. She had never been there before but she just had to get somewhere, somewhere away from everything. Away from Janice and her judgemental comments, away from Delphine and whatever was happening there. The feelings that raced through. She denied that it was lust, she had been with plenty of guys before and never felt like that, it was something else. Something the textbooks or novels could never capture. It was...something else entirely. After wondering for a few hours, walking down streets to go no where, she got back on the train, looking for Scott and walking home. Her head on fire with arguments, logical conclusions and yet, no answer to who the heck this Delphine woman was. 

 

Cosima got back, avoiding looking at Delphine's place, but as always when you want to avoid something you just can't. 

“Cosima?” Delphine's voice greeted, Cosima looked up guiltily and gave a half arsed smile. She couldn't really smile, what with everything that was running around in her, what happened last night against that wall and how she ran out when she should have been looking after the dog. She didn't think about what Delphine did with it, maybe she didn't go to work, or maybe she brave it and left the pup alone. 

“Hey.” Cosima said walking over to the rose bushes that divided their properties. Delphine did too, coming off her porch and over to her with a big smile. Cosima couldn't help herself, no matter the confusion, she grinned backwards. “Sorry for last night I totally forgot and double booked, sorry.” Cosima apologised with a sorry expression. She was sorry, sorry more for not knowing what came over her. A part of her inside, no matter how much she wanted to hide it, really wanted to find out what would have happened if she didn't run. 

“Non non, not to worry.” Delphine gave her a dismissive smile, forgetting the whole affair. “Mark, he looked after Doux for me.” Cosima suddenly boiled under her skin. Mark. She had literally met him 10 minutes before, did she already have his number? What the hell. No. What the hell Cosima. Why are you jealous. 

“Good.” Cosima said cooly and then had to get away, her soul was aching so hard.

“I need to organise my office..do you mind helping me?” Delphine was a little shut down by the comment but didn't think it was intentionally so cold, she asked Cosima hopefully. Cosima seemed to not hear, to Delphine's dismay she waved and walked away not answering her question, up her porch and into her house. Shutting Delphine out of her sight behind her. 

Upstairs she sat on her bed, looking at the books Delphine had given her about French. Half tempted to get rid of them, or sneak them back into her house or just.....it was no use. She needed to learn at some point, she had told everyone she was. 

A few hours later of just laying on her bed with spliffs and reading, Dennis knocked on the door. She stubbed the spliff out, wrapped it hectically in plastic and stuffed it into her draw, frantically spraying perfume and deodorant everywhere. After a minute of Cosima not answering he knocked again. After coughing she let him in. 

“Hello Cosima.” He said with a gentle smile. She let him in sitting back on her bed cross-legged and began reading the book once more. “French?” He said, she nodded engrossed in the words. He took up a seat next to her and picked one of them up, his reading glasses hanging around his neck being put on his nose. “Your mom used to love languages. She could soak them up like a sponge.” He paused in memory. “Took me to so many French films I don't even remember.” Dennis' voice was low and sentimental, it always pained Cosima that he had all these experiences and memories of her mother and she didn't. 

“Do you ever think about what it would have been like if I died instead of mom?” Cosima asked looking up from her book. She was in such a funny mood, these past few days had pushed her involuntarily into a whirlwind of confliction. Dennis didn't move his head straight away, then he looked to her taking off his glasses with pained eyes.

“No.” He said simply and directly, staring at her. 

“Really?” Cosima replied, she was in such a weird place at the moment. “I do.” There was a pause, both looked back to the books and let the slow background music from her stereo sink in. Dennis could smell the weed in the air, but this was not the time to bring it up. He could feel how vulnerable she was. Then he sighed. 

“You know, maybe this year is the year that you come with me to visit her grave. You're 18 soon, maybe it's time.” He paused, Cosima was looking right at him. “It doesn't have to be the actual day of your birthday--”

“Why would I do that?” Cosima asked. Suddenly so upset, but not in a tearful way, in a way that made her feel incomplete and angry.

“A lot is going on and I think that it's good to pay respects on the anniversary of someone's death.” Dennis looked at her, he was sorry he was doing this, but he felt he had to. 

“Look if you want company take Janice, you know how great she is.” Cosima was not ready for that. She did not need that. She had too much and now this. Even their annual conversations about the exact moments before her death, and the dream about the fishes were hard enough. For 18 years she had avoided this question, she had avoided her grave, and how he was asking her. 

“Oh Cosima....” He gasped. “It's not about company...it's about you.” He got up, placing the book next to her, taking her head and kissing the top of it, hugging her and then heading to the door. “Maybe you have taken too much on, What with the job in town and helping out at Miss Cormier's. You're looking tired.” Cosima was too high for this shit, she stared at the door long after he had left in a haze. There was no place for her, maybe if she was an olympic athlete or genius then she would have a purpose, but no, she was just a girl who had a knack for science. Maybe it should have been her and not her mom. 

After a while it was getting late, she had her last week of school tomorrow. The last week to the rest of her life. After that...just some void that she had no idea how to overcome. She got up, putting the books on her desk, her dads words running over in her head. It was horrible, she would have to face her mothers death some day. She couldn't even go to the funeral, she was only a few days old, but she still missed it. You're supposed to go to them, to say goodbye and Cosima never got the chance. Flicking off the light, she took her clothes off and got into bed. Laying there for a second she tried to clear her head, she had too much weed for one night so she couldn't do that. Instead she took her pillow and blanket up to the windowsill and set herself up to sleep there. Her head perfectly aligned with the beginning of the window, looking up to the sky. When she was a kid she would always crawl up here and sleep, she was a lot smaller then, she could stretch out and stare at the stars all night. But now she could just manage to curl up comfortably, she hadn't grown much since then but it was enough. Then it caught her attention. A light flickered on across the way from her bedroom. She had two windows, one facing out onto the road and one facing out over to the next house. It was Delphine's house. The window was directly opposite hers, both the same giant size, both showing worlds into the others life. She hadn't even thought about it before, it hadn't even crossed her mind. Their houses were about 15 ft away from each other, but it suddenly felt like their windows were so close, that their worlds had collided. Cosima's couldn't see the stars anymore, just Delphine's world opening up before her. Cosima's light was off. Delphine didn't even notice her across in the window, as she scooped up the pup from the floor and held it like a baby, cooing and stroking its stomach. Cosima began to cry at the sight. For the next half hour she just watched her, how she treated that pup like her own child. Tears slowly falling, heart racing and she was hot. She knew what was happening now. She knew what Delphine was doing to her body, her hormones, her feelings. It was basic science, the instinct to have sex. 

Cosima watched Delphine from her window. She stared with a blank mind, letting herself fall victim to the thoughts and her own biology, as she played with the puppy. Delphine was nursing it, feeding it treats with a wide grin as it cradles into her chest. Delphine walks it around the room. It was just like a child. Cosima let the tears stain her pillow. 

She was sad for two horribly relevant and repressed reasons. The first was that in a few days she would be be reminded that she was alive because her mother was dead. The second reason was the surprise that had been climbing up on her in the last few days; the fact that she was attracted to girls. She had always been attracted to girls. And she was horribly obsessed with the older woman from next door. Delphine looked up suddenly as if Cosima had spoken, Cosima shut her eyes and fell to sleep, and that was the last she thought about it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Delphine came down from her porch over to meet Cosima with a smile, her sadness gone. The memories of Danielle all but forgotten and she could move on. Maybe it was the girl next door, maybe it was chucking her belongings out or something else. Either way Danielle was gone and she could move on with her life. 

Then she froze. Cosima looked so sad, she was smiling sure, but it was not reaching her eyes. Delphine tried not to make it obvious that she noticed and acted naturally. 

“Sorry for last night I totally forgot and double booked, sorry.” Cosima said with a crooked smile. There was something behind it. Something she could not put together, something was troubling this girl. Was it something I've done? Delphine panicked, searching her mind for something she had done. Non! It was last night, Delphine had not meant it in a sexual way. They just fell into each other, of course naturally her mind had raced because of the attractive girl between her arms. But the way Cosima squirmed out from under her arms against that wall, she certainly thought it was more than Delphine intended. Mon Dieu! 

“Non non, not to worry.” Delphine said giving her an encouraging smile to make both of them forget what happened. There was an awkwardness between them. She messed up. This happens all the time. She can never do well. Hmmm, Delphine thought. She needed to get this right, to make it easier between them. She would have to plan something to make it up to her, a present maybe, presents were always good even if she was awful at picking them? When Delphine had told her about Mark, she could see and immediate shift in Cosima, she tensed up. Only the smallest movement but it meant a thousand words. Delphine knew, at least she thought she did. Cosima was jealous. It was cute. Really cute. And it made Delphine both feel warm and sorry. Cosima was in pain and she was flouting it. Somewhere Delphine knew that Cosima had feelings for her, she just hoped that one day Cosima would tell her so that they could be reciprocated. 

“Good.” Cosima said with an edge, she didn't mean it, underneath Delphine could see that she was hurting. But this could not make this much pain? Could it? 

“I need to organise my office..do you mind helping me?” Delphine asked, but it was lost on her. She could see that she heard, and maybe there was a moment when she thought of turning back and answering, but she did not, trying hard to get into her front door and out of sight. Delphine sighed hard just looking at the door with a sadness. She was not sad herself, just trying to figure Cosima out. 

 

Later Delphine made herself a coffee and sat in the kitchen, sitting too tall for the breakfast island, her legs stretched out underneath her, which was awkward in her short black skirt. She would have to get things that were built for taller girls. She wasn't that tall, just this place seemed to be small. Even with the long green walls and original features on the high ceiling. She sipped on her coffee, blowing softly against the black liquid, and scrolling down on her tablet; as usual it was the French news tabloid she loved. It was tacky, biased and awfully written, but it reminded her of home. Doux jumped at her feet and yapped happily. Taking her attention away from the tablet, she laid it down, leant and picked her up. Doux kissed her all over and yelped again. She realised it might need the toilet, and tried to remember where the back door was in this giant Victorian house. Opening up the door Doux ran out jumping about the slightly damp grass, tripping on it's ears and falling over. 

“Aw!” Delphine called out, bending down and stroking it, flapping it's ears around. It licked her hand and seemed to smile. It made her smile and she was filled with so much joy. Then Doux got up, shook her off and pounced around the garden, sniffing bushes and doing it's business. Delphine watched with such adoration and a heart warming feeling filled her. She loved it so much even after this short time. Then her mind swam to other things, the extra skin she was growing on her once trimmed and toned stomach. “Non.” She whispered to herself. She would need to go on a good jogging. Once Doux got back in she made sure he was safe, ran up stairs and tried to find the box with her old gym equipment in, all her old shoes and clothes. All she could find was a white tank top and beige coloured baggy trousers. Seeing if they still fit, she changed into them about to get herself ready and ask Cosima to come over. But then she stopped herself, Cosima seemed really hurt and she didn't think it was right to go an intrude. Like Cosima said, she would see her on Monday. 

 

\---------

 

Cosima was beating herself up over these stupid emotions. It was 6:30am again, tonight she would go to Delphine's and dog sit, act as if nothing was happening. As if none of the thoughts and sadness and any of it ever existed. It was slightly easier when she saw Scott on the train. As she approached him he leaned and pulled something off the seat opposite him, freeing it up. Cosima smiled at him in a weak grin, sitting and crossing her legs. They looked at each other, smirking and sharing some kind of intimate look that both of them knew. For a moment Cosima realised that it meant nothing to her. But she kept up the allusion, it was easy. It was right.

“Where were you yesterday dude?” Cosima asked across the carriage, he furrowed his brow, still smiling, and replied. 

“It was Sunday?” He said bluntly with a testy edge as if seeing that she actually meant Sunday or not. Maybe she was just confused and meant Friday. 

“Oh.” Cosima said bluntly, she didn't really want to waste too much time thinking about yesterday, especially last night. They paused returning to their teenage love expression, smiling like idiots when they caught each others eyes. 

“I was thinking maybe we should go on a date?” Scott asked, he was so nervous and giddy with his smiling that he even gained a little confidence. 

“When?” Cosima asked smiling more instead of frowning. Like Janice would. 

“This Friday?” He asked. Cosima thought for a second, only a second before responding right away. 

“I can't.” She said with an awkward smile. 

“Why?” Scott asked his confidence diminished in one foul swoop. 

“Oh wait.” Cosima realised it was her birthday. Maybe she should bring this Scott person she was dating...but then she really was dating him now. “Sure. It's my birthday. You should totally come over for dinner.” Cosima was kinda excited now. All her birthdays were just her, Dennis and Janice, at least now she had someone else. Scott was excited again, pushing his glasses up his nose and laughing with a snort. Quickly covering it up in a cough. Cosima noticed and winked at him, making him feel at ease. 

After school she had work until 5 at the drug store. Enough time for her to get over to Delphine's way before she would go to work. Maybe actually get to know her. School was just getting things all together, finalising applications, saying goodbye and hanging around until they could officially leave. 

As Cosima walked in the shop Mark grinned at her running over to her and waiting for a high five, his hand in the air and his face full of accomplishment. Cosima brushed past him with a laugh, and went to the back room. 

“Hey!” He said spinning around and catching her up. No customers were in the store yet. “High five me!” He demanded comically. She was annoyed that he hit on Delphine still, but she couldn't blame him. She had forced him into it by making him work at the front. Now Delphine lived near by she would never make him do that again. She turned around, dropping her bags, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow. 

“What did you do?” She asked in a friendly tone, trying to cover the venom. 

“I hit on a girl and she didn't file a harassment report!” This was only something that would ever happen to him. She had to high five him for that, even if she hated him for it. 

After work, Delphine had not come into the store, Cosima's delight so she walked the 4 blocks home through the evenings warm air. When she got back she changed out of her clothes feeling a little hot from the weather picking up recently, even though the nights were cold. Perfume on with a smile came back downstairs ready to head over to Delphine's. 

“Dad, just going next door.” Cosima called out to Dennis in another room, she held onto the bannister and waited for him to reply. He probably didn't hear her so she just left anyway. As soon as the door closed, her heart skipped a beat and the nerves were coming back. But today she was going to control it. She had Scott, her life was getting somewhere. All she needed to do was get through it, be nice and get back. 

Cosima's hand rapped on the heavy wooden door, her eyes looking through the blurred glass into the house. Delphine didn't come straight away, so she pressed upon the door bell. Her feet shuffled and scuffed on the porch her hands fumbling with themselves. Her heart beat wasn't as erratic now, it had calmed and she felt a little dizzy. There was still no reply when she knocked again. So she figured she would let herself in. Grabbing the handle she turned it, unhooking the false lock and walking inside. 

“Yo?” She called out into the air. Urg, Yo, really what are you 13? Cosima criticised herself. The house seemed empty and she couldn't even hear the dog around. “Hello?” She asked again. Then there was a nose. From upstairs she could hear feet and little paws running around. Her head snapped up to the source of the nose from the hall, and at that moment she saw Delphine walking right across the small balcony wrapped up naked in a white towel, drying her blonde wet hair. She walked straight past the staircase, and only stopped when the dog started yapping and leaped down two stairs at a time. Delphine turned at all the excitement and jumped, nearly loosing her towel. Cosima spun around to face the door as to not see anything and closed her eyes with a massive grin spreading across her face. She opened one eye and looked around, seeing Delphine coming down the stairs, towel still wrapped up tight. The dog hit the floor and bounded over to Cosima, crashing into her legs. She bent over stroking it from head to tail as it brushed up against her. 

“Bonjour.” Delphine said with a smile, putting her hair up in the small towel to keep it drying. She stood there on the last few steps waiting for Cosima to talk. 

“You wanted help with your office?” Cosima said, trying to hold in her smile. Her heart was racing wild at the thought of what was underneath there. NO! Cosima stopped herself from those kinds of thoughts. But she couldn't stop her peripheral vision staring at her body beneath her eyes. Delphine nodded with a small smirk. 

“Oui oui, hmm you know where it is. Do you mind just starting in there?” Delphine asked, walking back up a step or two. Cosima nodded, not wanting to look at her, her face red as roses with blush. God Delphine was hot. Her figure was slim and in that towel it exposed her beautiful collar bones, that long neck and tight jaw. Cosima's eyes fell to the floor but couldn't resist checking out her legs, all the way up to her long slender thighs. Stop! Cosima turned around again, and headed through the living room and to the office. 

 

\-------------

 

“Yo.” Delphine's heart stopped. Cosima. Quickly she grabbed a towel, wet her hair and pretend to just have showered. Walking out of the bathroom she acted as if she heard nothing. Her heart was racing. This was so compromising. “Hello?” Cosima continued. Delphine wanted to walk straight passed and pretend to have not seen. But Doux started yapping again, and with a fright she turned, almost dropping her towel. Non! Cosima gasped turning away at the bottom of the stairs. Delphine was embarrassed but a part of her wanted to let Cosima see. Carefully adjusting herself and tightening the towel she walked down carefully. Eyeing Cosima's whole body up and down. 

As soon as Cosima had walked away to the office Delphine's heart slowed to a normal human pace, her nerves calmed and she walked back up to the bedroom to change. She had lied about showering. One because she was actually in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror and two because she did not want any one to know that she hated her figure. She was slim, yes, but not toned. Nothing like she used to be. Her body was a constant reminder of Danielle and the ways that she used it. In the bedroom she put on some clothes, her jogging clothes, and came back downstairs. Doux had followed Cosima into the office. When she got there she smiled and walked over to a box on a desk. 

 

\----------

Cosima walked quickly into the office trying to contain herself, hormones freaking out from what she just saw, and what she almost saw. Jeez, shut up Cosima! Her mind quickly reminded her that she was not acting right. Sexuality was a spectrum...but not one she wanted to be on. Delphine picked up some old books and put them in a box, handing it to Cosima. Cosima's fingers brushed hers and those same electric volts coursed through her, sending her wild over the edge. Her body might want Delphine but her mind did not. She had Scott. 

“How old are you?” Delphine asked as Cosima put the box in a storage cupboard when Delphine had pointed. Cosima didn't want to seem young, but realised she had never told Delphine her age. She wanted to be appealing. 

“Turning 18 this week.” She said innocently, putting the box away and turning back to her. Delphine caught her eye, and with a faint smile continued talking. 

“Fun age.” Delphine said with a glint in her eyes. Cosima tried to not make too much eye contact, but the little she did made her stomach flutter. 

“Yeah.” Cosima began and then perked up. “Trapped in school for years on end, Only to come out the other side understanding nothing and feeling no different.” Cosima wondered about her life for a second and then looked back to Delphine. They both looked at each other with a knowing expression, and then Delphine blushed. Cosima caught this and her whole body almost flipped. Delphine was blushing?! Cosima blushed too, picked up another box and put it in the cupboard. 

“Don't you like to learn? Favourite subjects?” Delphine asked curiously, as she packed up another box of things for another time. Inside of a book fell a photo face down. Delphine picked it up with a pinch and turned it over. Danielle. For a moment she stopped breathing, just staring at the face. All the pain suddenly coming ba-

“Well I love to learn actually. Science. I love science, everything about it. Bio, chem, physics, everything! I'm thinking of doing it at university.” Cosima said, coming from no where. She had never expressed her love for science before. But then, she never had anyone to tell. She was close to Dennis but that would only stretch sometimes. He was a lecturer of science, maybe he just assumed she would be one too. Janice wasn't exactly an ideal conversationalist and her real mom....“Ow!” Cosima said pulling back her hand instinctively and dropping a box back on the desk. Delphine dropped the picture, out of sight and out of mind running around the desk to Cosima. Cosima felt the sharp pain in her finger, right down the side of it from nail to knuckle. Something had cut her and blood was beginning to ooze out slowly, as if testing the water. 

“Oh Cosima!” Delphine groaned at the sight, immediately taking Cosima's hand. It was the only real touching they had done, and immediately Cosima forgot about her cut, focusing on the delicate way Delphine held her hand, with understanding and knowledge that she didn't understand. Delphine moved her hand palm up to get a closer look, she peered at it to see how bad it was. Cosima's eyes drifted from the wound to Delphine's worried expression, it made her warm. 

“Sorry.” Cosima apologised. It was her default comment when she hurt herself. She was sorry for bleeding everywhere, not that she got hurt. Delphine put her arm around Cosima's shoulders and lead her out of the office and upstairs to the bathroom. Doux began to yap again and followed them the whole way, curling up by Cosima's feet when she sat on a chair by the sink. Delphine pulled over her laundry basket and sat on it, interlocking her knee's with Cosima's to look more closely at the cut. She knew Cosima would react to the way her thigh was between her legs, but she had to get close. She took it up in her hand an pulled it over the sink. Cosima watched with tepid eyes as Delphine leaned up to the old medicine cupboard and pulled out a black glass bottle. Her tank top just rising slightly up her back as she leant up. Cosima's eyes were fixed on the slender small of her back, the freckles spread over it and the way her ass was shaped in her jogging bottoms. 

“Sometimes I wish I could just put my life on pause you know?” Cosima said as Delphine unscrewed the cap of the bottle. Delphine paused for a second, looking up to Cosima with sad eyes. “Like right now, I have everything coming at once and for one day I want to just pause it, step away and do my own thing. Just not think.” Cosima looked at her bleeding finger. 

 

\-----------

 

Delphine knew. Of course she knew what Cosima meant. Her heart was filled with sympathy for the girl,and she couldn't resist the want to comfort her, and protect her from all that was attacking her. This girl was full of potential but so full of darkness. Without thinking, with one hand Delphine lifted her arm to Cosima's face and pushed some loose hair from her dreds behind her ear, and stroked her cheek. All the while not looking into Cosima's eyes but at her cheek. Her flushed, beautiful cheek, and the reaction her fingers had on her. They were both silent as Delphine stroked once more, her hand falling to Cosima's shoulder, briefly waiting there and then drifting down her arm and across Cosima's leg back to her lap. Something happened between the two of them, something neither could explain. Did Delphine over step her boundaries or was she doing what both of them wanted? Either way she put the cap on the side of the basin, lifted Cosima's hand up again and smiled. 

“This will only sting a little.” She said, tilting the glass bottle over Cosima's hand. At first contact Cosima gasped, but then it soothed her cut rather than stung. As soon as the liquid had cleaned her up, Delphine pulled out some cotton pads and dabbed the cut. With each careful touch Cosima fell deeper and deeper in Delphine's trance. Delphine pulled her hand up close to her face and gently blew over it, drying it up. Cosima just stared at the woman and her sore finger. Feeling like a child but knowing something she had never experienced before was happening between them. Delphine finished blowing soft air over her, pressing the hand to her lips and kissed it hard. “There.” She said, holding the hand against her lips just for a second longer and then letting it go. Cosima's face blushed red, Delphine knew what she was doing to the girl. Whether it was right or wrong Delphine wasn't really sure. There was an age gap, and there was the small matter of Cosima not even being gay. But there was something deeply and thoroughly mature about Cosima that Delphine didn't think she would ever be able to pin down. 

“I'm going for a run now, do you mind just looking after her for half an hour or so. I don't have work tonight.” Delphine asked but she new Cosima wouldn't respond. She was frozen looking at her hand. They had a lot in common. Two lost souls searching for their bodies. Two voids waiting to be filled. Delphine moved off of the laundry basket and looked at Cosima in the mirror. Cosima looked up over her glasses, their eyes met. 

“I see me in you.” Delphine said, her hand on Cosima's shoulder, playing with a dred. Cosima held her breath. “Which is not necessarily a good thing.” Cosima laughed nervously and kept eye contact, smiling sweetly. There was a silence neither wanted to fill, Delphine's hand moving to Cosima's head and playing with her hair. Cosima feeling electric at the touch. Delphine with hesitation bent down and quickly kissed Cosima's cheek, standing back up she ran her hands over her hair and left the bathroom. 

 

\---------------

 

Oh. My. God. As soon as Delphine was out of the front door and jogging away, Cosima span around, picked up the dog and with the highest pitch scream ever cuddled into it, smiling and laughing. Delphine had kissed her. Not just on her hand or finger but on her cheek. She could still feel the exact spot as if it were burned into her skin for all to admire. Delphine Cormier, had kissed her. Stop! Cosima looked at the little pup in her hands, licking its lips and wagging its tail. It was young, ignorant and oblivious to what just happened. Cosima had felt Delphine's lips all over her. Still even now the memory of the touch running and re-running like an old romantic film, over and over until every second was analysed. Cosima slumped down onto Delphine's sofa downstairs and sighed with relief. 

The doorbell rang all through the house like a knife cutting fabric.

Cosima got up, still enthralled by Delphine and wondered over to the door, wondering if Delphine had come back for more. 

Janice stood outside with a chipper smile and a big basket of fresh baked cookies. Cosima jammed herself in between the frame and the door to not let the dog out, but more importantly to not let Janice in. 

“Well hey there Cosima!” Janice said in her faux happy accent, over filled with pleasantries and niceness. 

“Hi, what are you doing here?” Cosima asked, trying to hide her disdain for the woman. She hated her and despised her, but she was her legal guardian and married to Dennis. 

“Just came to drop off another batch of fresh baked cookies. Is Miss Cormier around?” Janice's head was already trying to poke it's way into the house, Cosima asserted her ground, pulling the door further over. 

“She's out right now--”

“God I am dying to see what's in there.” Janice was looking all over the door frame, through any gap she could, still with that step-ford smile she wore so well. 

“Well you can't, she doesn't like other people in the house.” Cosima was freaking out, as if this house contained all of her guilty secrets, any intrusion would free them all. 

“Oh now that can't be true. I'm sure she won't mind. I won't touch anything.” Janice pushed through in her white tights, blue skirt, white blouse and pink cardigan attire, carrying the basket perfectly at the centre of her chest. Her head was tilting and looking all over, her mouth even agape. “Wow she really decorated quickly.” Janice said in awe. “It's just like she got all the measurements months in advance and just fit it all in.”

“That's what I said.” Cosima admitted, reminiscing about the first time she stepped into Miss Cormier's house. It felt like months ago. Janice looked in the living room and went to go up the stairs. Cosima had enough, getting agitated at the mere presence of her step mom. 

“You have to go.” Cosima ordered looking at the door and wondering how long Delphine had been gone. It was only a few minutes but it felt like she would just pounce back at any time. 

“Where is the kitchen?” Janice asked, totally ignoring Cosima. Cosima lifted her arm and pointed, Janice nodded and followed suit. Janice looked all over, putting the basket down and trailing her fingers over everything, checking for dust and smelling the scents al around her. “My god she did very well indeed.” Cosima jumped up onto one of the breakfast bar stools, looking around for Doux, who was chewing on a chew toy on the floor. Janice put the basket on the island in front of Cosima and went to inspect more. Cosima picked up a cookie, it was soft and gooey in the middle and just a little crisp on the outside. She could bend and twist it in her fingers whilst she chewed. Just as Janice was about to go back into the hall and up the stairs Delphine turned up in the kitchen doorway. “Oh, hello Miss Cormier.” Janice said, startled at the sudden appearance. Delphine was suspicious for just a second and then beamed, in the same mocking way that Janice did. Janice was too caught up in her own perfect world that she didn't suspect a thing. Cosima's heart was getting used to it now, but Delphine's presence stirred a whirl wind inside of her mind. 

“Bonjour, Janice.” Delphine said with a smile, locking eye contact with Janice and tilting her head like Cosima did. Cosima swallowed her mouthful and got up coming to Janice's side. 

“How was your run, it seemed long?” Janice said, acting as if she knew anything. Cosima felt a pang of irritation again. 

“Really short actually.” Delphine said, Cosima noticed she didn't even have any sweat or any kind of misplacement about her. Janice laughed along, although nothing was funny. Cosima's eyes fell over Delphine, from her bright eyes, to her petite nose, her plump lips and that mole she had, down her neckline and to her..Stop! 

“Hey, this is a bit far fetched but would you like to come over for dinner on Friday? It's Cosima's 18th birthday and we're having her favourite. Chicken pot pie.” It was not her favourite. To be honest, at the moment her favourite was anything Delphine was going to make. Even from a glass of water to those pieces of oil and bread she never ate. 

“Oui, yes, I would like that.” Delphine looked over to Cosima with a questioning experience. Delphine knew it was this week but not Friday, she felt a little let down to not know it was so soon. Now she had to get a present. What a perfect time. Cosima and Delphine locked eyes, and smirked to each other, Delphine batted her eye lids, Cosima blushed. 

“Well you girls have fun together!” Janice said, fist pumping the air weakly and walking in between their gaze. Breaking it momentarily, before they made one last lasting glance. “Oh don't worry Miss Cormier, I'll show myself out.” Janice said heading towards the door. 

“You can call me Delphine, Janice.” Delphine said with a smile, walking a little to let her out. Janice didn't respond she just nodded and with a bigger grin turned and left. Delphine looked up after her walk, and watched the door close, and Janice shoot her a look. Ignoring it, more out of confusion than anything, she walked over to Cosima and put her hands on the island, shifting her weight to one leg and taking a cookie, pulling it in half and eating a bite. “How many calories do you think is in this?” Delphine asked with a wink, chewing some more. 

“Thousands.” Cosima said hot under the collar, returning the smirk. She was suddenly filled with a cute awesomeness that warmed her all up, looking into the face of Delphine, chewing on that calorie ridden cookie. Delphine leant up close beside her, right near her face, like Cosima had done to Scott that second time. 

“Worth it.” Delphine whispered sensually with a seductive smile, breaking into a cute laugh and finishing it off. Cosima chewed the rest of hers up and swallowed hard, feeling aroused. 

“Yeah, it is.” Cosima whispered back. They both looked at each other, soon the smiling and laughing turned into slow breathing as they both watched each other. Cosima's heart raced up again at the proximity and she could feel the heat on her face. This was it, this was actually it. The moment she would know if she was...that type of girl. But this was wrong. Even if she was that type of girl she couldn't do that to Scott, that's wrong no matter what. Cosima leant forward slowly, keeping her eyes locked with Delphine's. Delphine bit her lip. Cosima pulled Del in for an embrace, her head on her shoulders, they both stayed in the position for a minute. Cosima freaking out over the situation and closing her eyes, letting her worries slip away like pouring wine. Delphine felt odd at this, feeling Cosima holding on, the perfect fit, and the warmth she admitted...it was amazing. But Cosima cut it short, pulling back but still holding on, looking from Delphine's eyes to her lips and back again. She wanted it, and this time she had never been so sure of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Delphine walked out of the bathroom trying to hold in her obvious quick breathing and the blush all over her face. She had just kissed Cosima's cheek. It wasn't her lips, and she is 17, but...sensationnel. Quickly treading the stairs she opened up the front door, took a deep breath and with a big grin she went outside.

After just a minute on her jog Delphine's mind started to wonder, back to Cosima, back to the cut and what she saw just before it happened. Danielle. She could have sworn she got all of the memories and put them in the trash. She was only at the end of the road now, so turned back, doing a full circle and sneaking around the side of the house so Cosima wouldn't see. Just as Delphine lifted up the lid of the bin, she heard a noise. Cutting her breath short she dived behind the bins and hid. Her heart dropped. Janice was coming out of her own home, carrying a basket of some kind with napkins tucked into it and over it, her smile was venomous but polite and she walked right up Delphine's path. But she didn't see her. Janice knocked on the door and she could hear her talking to Cosima, the way Cosima's voice was excited, and then dropped tone immediately. Janice seemed to go in the house. Delphine's eyes shot around, looking for something, anything, an idea to struck at her mind. She would go in, but she needed to deal with this. Looking in the trash she saw all of Danielle's belongings, as well as some garbage. But the face was the most important. The face of a young and careless woman in a big world with the woman she loved. Loved. Her hands went into the trash, pulling out some items and giving them one last look. She couldn't just give up on her life. That wasn't right, and it wasn't fair. She needed to talk to Danielle. To get this sorted. Reluctantly she dropped it all back in and held her stomach for a second in nostalgia. Closed the lid and walked up to the house once more. 

Cosima was so close to her. Her eyes were so innocent, lost, nervous and impassioned. Delphine stopped laughing and just stared. She didn't consciously feel anything more than happiness but she could tell there was so much more than that between them. The bathroom proved that. The silences between them were not awkward, they were...romantic. 

And then Cosima pulled her in for a hug. When they contacted it sent a fire through Delphine, but it didn't feel wrong or hot or bad or amazing, it just felt right. Like nothing had before. Quickly she compared it to Danielle. But nothing could rightly compare to this. Then Cosima pulled away, but not enough it still felt like they were not finished. She saw Cosima's eyes flirt to her lips and back again and the raw hunger in her eyes. Delphine gulped. It was happening. Slowly, and very carefully as to not break the moment she lifted her hands to Cosima's head, and brushed past her cheek with her thumb resting on the side of her face. Leaning closer, only a second at a time the both slowly closed their eyes and went for it. 

“Whoa!” Cosima called out, suddenly pulling out of the embrace and looking at the floor. Doux was chewing on her jeans leg and pulled it off away. Delphine stood there her hands still up and her face still poised. She sighed when Cosima was on the floor trying to get free from the cute dog. Delphine took a moment to feel sorry for not getting to kiss Cosima, but she forgot it. Maybe it wasn't the right time. 

 

\----------------

 

Holy Watershed. Holy night. It was happening. Cosima could even feel Delphine's restrained breath on her lips, and her core was wanting this so bad. No! This is so wrong. Right! No, it is not cool this is cheating. Just as their lips were about to connect and fulfil their connection, Doux dragged on her jeans leg. Thankful, but hateful for the distraction she jumped down. Leaving Delphine there waiting for their kiss. 

“She loves to chew.” Delphine said with an unamused tone, just ignoring what could have been, would have been, should have been. Cosima stroked the dog and wrestled with it, trying not to hurt it's little teeth by pulling too hard. When she got free she patted its head and stood up, right in front of Delphine. She felt awful that she was the one that broke free from the kiss. But it was wrong, and even though she knew now that she wanted it. She wanted that kiss more than anything. 

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Delphine asked, with a smile. It was not a alluring smile, just an honest one. Cosima swirled up inside, and her heart skipped a few beats. Forgetting to actually reply. 

“Yeah, cool, yeah I would love to.” Cosima stuttered. What the hell was she doing? Stuttering, when was this a thing? She knew that she would have to ask first, annoyingly she was 17 and her parents were protective. If only they knew what was going on here. They smiled to each other for a moment. “I have to go ask..” Cosima lifted her arm and pointed a little to her house, with a sad smile. “But I think it will be fine.” Cosima walked past, her heart in awe and her body shaking a little from excitement. Delphine watched her leave, Cosima practically skipped there. 

 

“Dennis?” She called out, “Janice?” Cosima walked into the dinning room and through to the kitchen looking for them. Janice was there preparing their dinner with a neutral expression. Cosima went up to her side and looked at it. 

“Wow that looks nice.” She said, suddenly really hungry. Turning her want into hunger. Janice looked up at her, as she cut up some vegetables. With a bright smile she began to speak. 

“Hi there Cosima.” She said, cutting deep into a carrot. Cosima picked a slice up and ate it. Janice stared at her as she did knife in hand. 

“Where's Dennis?” Cosima asked looking around, Janice stopped cutting, and then kept doing it in a faster more aggressive motion. 

“He is working late at the university, preparing for next year and finals. He won't be here for dinner.” Cosima's heart sank, should she stay or go or what? She waited for a moment or two not saying anything but looking over to the front door. Delphine would be waiting. “How is Miss Cormier.” It wasn't a question and Janice said it was such false intrigue that it got to Cosima, right to her heart. 

“Fine.” Cosima replied coolly, not really wanting to discuss her with her step-mom. “You can call her Delphine you know.” Cosima added eating another carrot. 

“Yes I know...but” Janice replied grabbing another carrot and breaking it at the ends and chopping. There was an awkward pause between the two of them, Cosima just looked at her and waited for more. 

“But what?” Cosima asked, she did in the way that Janice would, pleasantly and with a smile. Janice stopped, took and deep breath and turned to her, shifting her weight onto one leg, her knife in hand. Her eyes looked up to the ceiling and then back to Cosima. 

“I don't get her vibe. It's off. There is something off about her. I don't think you should spend so much time around there.” Janice began chopping again, raising her eye brows and half smirking. “When was the last time you worked on your university applications. Are you even thinking about it.” Anger built up in Cosima. Who did she think she was, her mother? She was not her mother. Cosima let out a deep harsh breath, grabbed another carrot and went to leave, almost leaving the room before stopping, turning and talking. 

“What's your problem with my Janice, you have always had one dude. Ever since you met me. Do you not want me, not like me or something? Because you're kinda stuck with me.” Cosima was fuming, just being near Janice made her skin crawl and irritation grow. But now that had hit an all time high. Who was she to tell Cosima what she can and can't do? Janice could not believe that she was being talked to like this, she turned knife in hand and stared Cosima down. Trying to figure out words to say, a come back, trying to keep her composure. 

“I do not have a problem with you, I have a problem with that woman. Why is she alone, does she not have a husband? What is a 30 year old woman hanging around with a 17 year old girl for, it's not right.” Janice was not shouting, she was talking in a faux calm voice, and that angered Cosima even more. Could this woman not feel, could she not just let go of her perfect life for one second. Could she not just kick off? Cosima shook her head, trying not to loose it either. She was not this person, she was really chilled, nice, relaxed and laid back, choosing to get high rather than fight. Here she was arguing with a step-ford wife wielding a knife and trying not to blurt out that she was in crazy love with the woman next door. 

“You know what. Just leave it. I'm leaving, going to Miss Cormier's, because she actually likes me, she gets me.” Cosima fumed, turning once more and heading right out of the house and onto the lawn. Janice was such a bitch. 

Storming back into Delphine's she stopped herself just short of Delphine's sight. Regaining herself, slowing her breathing and getting rid of that woman from her mind. But what was she doing with this woman, and what was she doing with her. She didn't care, she wanted it. It was right. It was wrong but she ignored it. She just wanted someone to cheer her up, and in her own way Delphine would do that. 

In the kitchen Delphine was still stood by the island playing with a cookie, dressed in her jogging clothes, and to Cosima, Delphine was the most beautiful creature. Walking up to her, she touched Delphine's waist and turned her to see her face. Delphine was taller but their eyes met, they did not speak. Cosima just testing the water with how close they were. Pressing her whole body on her, feeling the warmth, the shape, the perfect fit. It was happening right now. Cosima's eyes flicked to the dog and saw it was away somewhere else. Her hands touched Delphine's bare shoulders and felt the electricity, the anticipation, the fire, and stroked down her arms, coming back up to hold her head gently, pulling it towards her. Delphine smirked and locked their eyes together. Their hearts beat as one, neither moving, just waiting, tempting, desiring. Blushing, Cosima moved in towards her lips, not quite touching just freezing there, breathing onto her. She closed her eyes. Did she want this? Did she honestly want this? If she did this she would have to admit it. She would have to come out of denial and face who she was. Who she had been all along. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was just Delphine and her cute smiles, her understanding, her depth and knowledge. Maybe it was just her. Or maybe she was doing it, this whole thing to get at Janice, to get at Dennis for marrying her. Cosima's mouth parted, their faces moving together slowly as they connected. Delphine pressed her lips so softly, and kissed her. Immediately Cosima's heart raced at the sensations, her face tingling, and her core bursting into action. Their kiss was slow, and lingering. Cosima still held onto Delphine's face, holding, making sure Delphine would not leave. Their lips just touched, stayed, and then parted. Nothing else, just touching but it made all the difference. 

Cosima pulled away, opening her eyes, still holding on, and saw the majestic woman above her, eyes closed. She slid her tongue across her lips, savouring the flavour of the woman in front of her. When Delphine opened her eyes, a smile spread across her face, making Cosima grin. They did not need passion or fire, what they shared was more than that, it was more than lust. It was....an understanding so deep and long that neither would ever be able to put mere words to its magnificence. They had kissed. They had just kissed, nothing fancy or special but they had done it. Standing there for a moment Cosima looked to the floor, guilt sinking in but enjoying it. On the highest level she didn't care, she enjoyed it and she knew who she was. But there was still that shadow of doubt, that she was just acting out, experimenting, this was not real.

“Dinner?” Delphine said, staying exactly where she was, wanting more, lusting for more, but knowing that that was more than she could ever imagine. Cosima, still in a heavenly trance looked up into her eyes smiling. 

“Sure.” She whispered, her voice slow and deep, lingering and seductive. Delphine heard the tone, bit her lip and sighed. 

 

\---------

 

She was 17. A kiss was wrong, her feelings were wrong. Both combined made it all the worse. But it was not age that intrigued her, it was not the gawky smile, the messy dreds, the carefree attitude. It was something more. Delphine hoped that this wasn't another experiment, another phase, she hoped she had not fallen into Cosima's trap because she was troubled and needed fixing. Delphine needed to stop fixing things that were not broken. 

 

“What would you do if you had any power in the world?” Delphine asked, pulling the Tagliatelle from her fork into her mouth. Licking off the cream from her lips. They were sat on the sofa in the living room. Katherine Jenkins playing in the background, the sun long gone in the distance, just her dim living room lights illuminating the Victorian wood. Cosima swallowed her pasta, and licked her fork upwards and staring at Delphine, thinking. 

“I would solve world hunger.” Cosima said insightfully, using her spoon to curl some Tagliatelle onto her fork. 

“How?” Delphine wondered, too getting some more to eat. She watched the innocent way Cosima thought, her knee's pulled up to her chest on the big seat, her plate poised on top of them. Holding the fork in the air, letting some of the juice drip off.

“Give them all food, enough food for the rest of their lives, so that they would never be hungry.” Cosima said, eating up her food and realising the irony. Delphine smirked too eating her food. Cosima was a bright girl, there was flaws in her point, but for the sake of letting this warm and content feeling flow she said nothing. They sat like that for a while, eating their pasta and licking the sauce. “What about you?” Cosima asked, eager to know the answer. 

“Urrrr, I have no idea.” Delphine was honest, she wanted to know Cosima's mind not her own. Her accent was thick, she was comfortable, she wasn't trying to impress anybody. “I would stop time, just for a few minutes, even seconds and remind myself to take note of the present, to enjoy the now and not regret it. I would freeze it and really appreciate it.” Delphine paused really thinking about what she said, Cosima did to and looked at her in awe. 

“That is so true.” Cosima admired. “That's like really, cute.” Delphine felt warm, and smiled eating her pasta. Cosima was so cute, immature and young, naive even, but perfect. Delphine closed her eyes for a moment trying to really savour this time with Cosima. Two people sitting, enjoying each others company, for the first time every forgetting about Dani-

“But also, I would want to rewind time.” Cosima interrupted, to the benefit of Delphine, who realised where her mind was wondering again and mentally thanked her. “Like you know when you have a fight or say something and later you really regret it all, you think of all the things you never did before! That is crazy annoying.” Cosima had so much youth and potential, it was wonderful. But Delphine knew exactly what she meant. 

“L’esprit de escalier.” Delphine said simply. Cosima looked up to her, a mouth full of pasta and tilted her head waiting for an explanation. “It can't translate into English. But it represents the feeling you have. When you want to say so much more, but can't because the moments past.” Delphine paused, feeling suddenly sentimental. “I feel like that a lot, actually.” The two of them sat there again appreciating what the other said. Their plates empty bar a touch of sauce they got up and walked to the kitchen, close by each other. Delphine turned the tap at the sink on and filled up a wash bowl with soapy hot water. 

“So what do you do for work?” Cosima couldn't contain the feelings inside of her, the want between her legs, the embarrassment at feeling aroused. Cosima got herself up on the breakfast bar stool and leant on her elbows over the cold counter. Delphine grabbed a sponge and carefully began to soak and wash the plates. 

“I am an immunologist at the laboratories outside of town. DYAD? I don't know if you've ever heard of it-” 

“Oh yeah, we used to go there on school trips in elementary school.” Cosima was reminiscent. Delphine's head dipped to the sink and the memories of many children running down the halls on her first day there, dropping food onto the antiseptic floor and making her loose her train of thought. “I wondered why you only worked for like 3 or 4 hours each go.” Cosima remembered the times she would fall asleep on the sofa with Doux and only wake when the lights from Delphine's car burst through the windows, shattering her allusion of sleep. 

“It's quite good actually, I can more of less come and go as I please. I prefer the night work though, there is something about being in a lab when everyone else has left, being alone with your work and really being able to think.” Delphine passed one clean plate over onto the drying rack. Cosima noticed that she should probably do something and moved herself over, taking a towel from the side and drying off the plate. “Oh you don't have to, sweet.” Delphine said her soapy hands motioning Cosima to put the plate down. With a grin Cosima kept drying, her hand moving in circles over the plates surface as she watched Delphine with a cheek in her eyes. Delphine smiled as she cleaned the other and placed it on the rack, quickly cleaning up their cutlery. She dried her hands off and finished up. A little too closely Delphine moved around Cosima, her hands on Cosima's hips as she passed their bodies brushing. She grabbed the wet cutlery as Cosima's hand slowed on the plate, her whole body focusing on the sensations. 

 

Eventually Cosima had to get home, school in the morning, it was salt to a wound to let her stay over. Not to mention the lack of control Delphine would have if she did. If she knew Cosima was sleeping in her house, in her bed...

 

\-------

 

Cosima crawled onto the windowsill with the bedroom view like before, pulling her cover over her body and yawning. Staring across the air into the window of Delphine's bedroom. She was so excited, calm yet ecstatic, overwhelmed yet content, a sense of massive things to come filling her up. But now she would have to get through the rest of this week, get past graduation, get past her birthday and get through Scott. Delphine pulled off her tank in her bedroom and revealed the beautiful freckled body underneath, Cosima breathed in hard and her eyes wondered all over her, remembering that she was sat in darkness. Delphine flicked off the main light, but turned on a lamp, changing out of her baggy pants and into her underwear. Cosima watched her for a while, until she was sure Delphine was dreaming. Her face was so pleasant, facing to the side, her arm underneath in that typical way. She was so calm. Cosima's eye lids started to droop so she looked away, turning onto her back and closing her eyes. In a few days the rest of her life would start, but all she could think of was Delphine's lips on her own.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Today was her birthday. But Cosima was not happy. Because birthday's did not mean fun, games and ageing a year. To her they were a constant reminder of what she did. 

Getting out of bed she rubbed her eyes, and went to the bathroom. She was at Delphine's last night, Delphine had to work for a few hours and Doux needed to be looked after. She crammed in a science project and it was the first time she looked at her applications she made back at the beginning of the year. Thanking her past self for being so organised and actually getting them in. Forgetting that she had done so caused her so much grief. All those forms and invites and courses, it was a lot to take in. Finishing in the bathroom she showered, dried, got changed and made her way downstairs, finally up on time to have breakfast with Dennis. There was a sad feeling in her, because all year people promise that next year will be better, you'll grow up, you'll change, but she didn't feel anything different, and that made her feel let down. 

“Cosima!” Dennis greeted getting up from the head of the table. “Happy birthday darling.” He cheered, wrapping his arms around Cosima's small body, wearing his best navy blue sweater vest. She cuddled into him, slightly removing the creeping feeling inside of her for a moment. They hugged for a while, he rested his head on hers as she clung tight to him. 

“Happy birthday Cosima.” Janice called from the kitchen, ruining the mood. Dennis sighed, Cosima pullew away without looking at him and slumped onto her seat. He shot her a look as he too sat down telling her off, pulling up his newspaper and feigning interest in it. Janice strode in placing fruits and yoghurts on the table, with some cereal and milk. Cosima already knew what she wanted, she had it ever morning whether it was her birthday or not, when she woke up that is. Measuring out her cereal and pouring in the milk she chomped loud, getting her phone from under the table and looking up new French words. 

“How are you today?” Dennis asked, folding the paper up and sliding it over to Janice, who watched over it, staring at Cosima. Cosima smiled, but only at Dennis. 

“I'm great dad. Like I am every year.” Dennis could see the pain in her eyes, the pain that is always there, but really shows itself once a year. He smiled at her in a comforting and understanding way as she looked back to her cereal and ate in silence. 

“Looking forward to graduation?” Janice said, she was nice last night and the nights before. Cosima knew that she probably felt bad about the beginning of the week, bad about what she said. Cosima didn't reply, Janice's face dropped and she looked to Dennis for help. 

“We will be there, and afterwards dinner.” Dennis clapped his hands together and rubbed them just thinking about how great that chicken pot pie would be. Cosima liked it, and would like it again tonight, but Janice was making it two years in a row now. It wasn't the same when there wasn't holes it it or bits missing, the pastry being a little hard, as it always is with Dennis. Cosima was already dreading it, but not as much as the conversation they had each year to. The conversation she made Dennis have with her every single year without fail. She wouldn't see Delphine until this evening, but she would see Scott in 15 minutes and that was even harder. She wondered if it was his graduation as well. 

At the platform the usual happened, ticket scanner, up to the station, on the platform, get there just in time and get onto her favourite carriage with no seats. Except today everything felt weighted, like water was all around her and it was hard to move. As if she was moving not of her own accord, but with the current. 

“Hey Cosima!” Scott called out when he boarded the train, whispering something into some guys ear next to her who moved right away. Cosima looked to the seat and smiled at him. He was absolutely buzzing, she had seen him every morning that week and he had not been as chipper as today. Each morning they talked, kissed and parted. None of which she put her whole soul into. 

“Hi man.” She greeted, giving him a fuller smile. Scott had told the man something about not wanting to make a scene when he announced he was cheating on her so the guy left. This broke Cosima's heart. How could she tell him now, that laid back, chill and loyal Cosima was cheating on him. She couldn't even consider it cheating because she felt nothing for him except guilt and that was only on principle. 

“Ready for the big day?” He asked practically jumping in his seat. Why was he so happy, Cosima hated it. She smiled anyway and replied, 

“Yeah I can't wait, the rest of my life you know.” He nodded, suddenly turning nervous and a little pale. 

“I never thought about it like that.” They were silent for a second and then Scott touched her hand, she immediately withdrew it and glared at him. Seeing his shocked and sad expression she realised this was something people did, so gave her hand back and let him take it. 

“Don't worry dude just forget about the future, enjoy the now. You know?” She said leaning her head back on the cold morning window. He sighed and looked to her. 

“You're so smart.” He said. She wasn't. Delphine was. And that pained her. “I can't wait for tonight, is it smart or casual. I have this amazing sweater vest I coul--” Scott began. Cosima freaked out, sweater vest, he was just like Dennis. 

“God no!” She said. Sweater vests were only worn by Dennis and no one else. “No I mean urm, just like wear a shirt and jeans or something, if you have that. Really casual, you don't want to come off as like too pretentious...” Cosima was hoping he would just suddenly fall ill and not be able to come. 

“Oh ok.” He said, giving her an awkward smile and then looking into her eyes. She blinked a lot and looked out the window. He moved a little closer to her and pressed his shoulder up against hers. Cosima froze, and pulled away a little. Their stop came up so she stood, didn't look at him and walked to the door, cringing so hard. He followed after her like a lost puppy. No, a pigeon when you had food that you wanted to eat yourself. 

 

\---------

 

Delphine stood in her room looking over her clothes, she had no idea what she was going to wear. Something formal, because it was a big day, but something which flattered her, and made her look nice. But all of her clothes were cardigans and summer dresses ball gowns and cocktail dresses. Delphine pulled off her t-shirt and dropped it to her pillow, looking over the various tops in her bra. She picked up one, a red dress top that was perfect for a garden drink, but not for a family dinner. She took it back off, putting it back on her rack of mismatched clothes. Next she grabbed a black dress with straight shoulders and a straight cut neck just above her chest. But that was too much like a funeral, looking in the mirror she took it off, taking her pants off as well for extra ease. As she did this she had a horrible feeling that she was being watched. It was not Cosima. Cosima had watched Delphine fall asleep for the past week at least, every night on that windowsill. Delphine didn't say anything because she thought it was cute, adorable even. She would pretend to be asleep just to watch her even more. Seeing her face before she fell into the depth of a dream. Cosima would be at school, her last day, graduation, caps and gowns and goodbyes. Delphine felt nostalgic, they had a whole different system over there, they celebrated leaving school in a big way. When she left she finished her exams, and walked right out of the school gates, not coming back until results. Not worrying until she had to. But then she was educated and England, going home on the train over holidays. She didn't regret the boarding school, but that was where she met Danielle. 

Janice. Delphine felt a cool shiver through her spine as she connected eyes with the woman in Cosima's room. Delphine froze, not thinking about what she looked like, worried about what Janice would think. She saw her eyes drop to set up on the windowsill, the pillow and cover, the imprint of a head. Delphine knew Janice would say nothing, but that didn't mean she had put two and two together. Delphine stood there in her underwear, in full view of Cosima's bedroom. What did she think they were up to? Her heart raced, eyes darting about Cosima's room, as Janice dropped the washing she had brought in on the bed, patting it, still looking into her house. With a confused and alarmed smile, Janice turned leaving the room in a rush. Delphine stood there just staring at the door, thoughts racing through her head, her heart felt like it was in her throat. Maybe she thought nothing, maybe she did not put the puzzle together. Or maybe Delphine was over thinking it, they had done nothing. Cosima did not even know Delphine caught her each night, or that Delphine didn't close her curtains just for this purpose. What a funny window any how, right opposite another. Almost like fate. 

Delphine quickly picked an outfit, putting the others away and for the first time closing her window over, shutting out the peaking eyes and crazy conclusions. 

 

\----------

 

Cosima threw her cap into the air just in time for the photo, grinning energetically and with such enthusiasm it really captured who she knew she was. Confident, happy and going far. She hugged her friends, crying and said her goodbyes to teachers. There were hundreds of people on the football field, all piled in like cattle, conforming to the graduation stereotypes. But it was special, the tears Cosima expressed were of happiness because now she was free. She was 18, she had finished school and she had the whole world at her feet. But she was not complete.

“I am so proud of you Cosima!” Dennis said running over with Janice snapping pictures of the whole affair. Cosima ignored her, she wasn't going to let Janice ruin this too. Dennis wrapped her in a gigantic hug a grin wide across his face too, thrilled that his daughter had achieved so much. “Valedictorian! You were amazing Cosima, I always knew you could be.” Dennis was so damn proud and Cosima could feel it in their embrace, he let go, planting a kiss on her forehead and stepped back taking real care in looking at the woman she had grown up to be. She grinned, and waved at some people she knew and turned her attention back to Dennis. A huge sigh of relief came through her and she really felt like she had done it. The highest achiever in class, valedictorian and now she had the pick of universities. But what was more on her mind, was tonight. Not just that Delphine was going to be there, but that she was there with Scott. Dennis saw the shift in expression, thinking it was Janice and pulled her in for another hug. “You mother would be so proud of you.” He whispered into her ear, keeping this moment out of Janice's stare or hearing. Cosima seized up at the words and closed her eyes. She could see how much this day was hurting him, she felt it too. Maybe it was time to see the place where she was buried. Maybe. But now she didn't want to think about it. Today was her day. 

 

\---------

 

Delphine stared at the number on the piece of paper. If she was going to move on, if she was going to do so with anyone, let alone Cosima she needed to close up all the loose ends. Take the next chapter of her life with both hands, and not with one. Her thumb pressed hard on the buttons to her land line. Waiting for the operator to connect the call. It began to ring. She went through all the details about international calls before she rang, just to check. She knew what she had to say, she had written it on bullet points so she wouldn't forget, even having a glass of wine with her to calm her nerves. That's what the French thought, all problems could be solved with a glass of wine. 

“Bonjour?” A woman's voice on the other end greeted in a formal tone. Delphine's heart felt like it was going to give in, she suddenly felt weak, her mind blank, totally empty of all thoughts. Her voice. Danielle. “Hello?” Danielle added, a little irritate. Delphine would have to say something soon, she would have to speak up or forever hold her peace as they say. 

“Danielle?” Delphine whispered into the microphone, her voice dry and croaky. A tear slowly made it's way down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. Standing in the living room, holding tight onto the phone cord. 

“Delphine?” The voice picked up with an edge to it, surprised, shocked even, and confused. 

“Oui.” Delphine responded. They didn't speak at first, both just breathing down the phone line, a thousands miles away yet it felt so close. 

“How is America?” Danielle asked, she could fell the tension in her voice, she wanted to hear about it, to see if she was fine or failing. Delphine didn't really know what to tell her. It was strange to hear Danielle speak perfect English, last time she checked she was just learning. 

“Good.” She finally responded, another tear falling. Her hand entangled itself in the wire. She sighed and sat back on the sofa, right on the edge of it, clinging to the phone, begging to hear her voice again. 

“Je suis heurerx d'entendre.” Danielle said in her dreamy slow voice, it too seemed like she was getting emotional. Delphine felt the words boiling up in her, she again felt the pain from their departure rifling through her mind. Then she couldn't take it anymore, it was now or never. 

“Pourquoi avez-vous quitte?” Delphine said more tears falling. “Why did you leave me?” She repeated, holding so hard onto that cord, making her knuckles white. She needed to know. The whole issue with this is that broke up because of Danielle, it was nothing Delphine had done. She still had the feelings and one day, it ended. She should have seen it coming, Danielle coming back later and later into the night, and the sex diminished. But it was not over. But it was. To everyone else but Delphine their relationship was finished. It was time for big reveal, Delphine built herself up for it. 

“Delphine don't do this. You know why. Please I need time---”

“You need time?!” Delphine was so emotional her sadness quickly turned into anger at the words she spoke. “Pourquoi?”

“Don't be so stupid Delphine, stop being so naive. I met someone else. I moved on. We were dead. You weren't working. C'est fini.” Danielle's words broke her deep inside. It was reality. She had always known there was someone else but Dani had never admitted it. She had never said it out load, and now here she was, shouting down the phone to America. How things had changed in such a short time. Delphine began to really cry and just clutched the phone in her hands. She was not sad as much for the break up now, but for the closure she felt. It all came to fruition and she just needed time. 

“Thank you.” Delphine was finally able to say after a while of silent crying. “Merci, merci merci.” There was no point in continuing the conversation for more time than she had to. That was all she needed. Closure. 

“Merci?” Danielle questioned straight away? 

“Thank you for leaving me. I am glad I did no get trapped with a lying, cheating whore.” Delphine slammed the phone down on it's receiver. Letting her frustrations leak out of her like a water fall, letting the sensations of weightlessness envelop her and consume her. She dried up her tears, wiping them away and walked to the window hearing a car noise. At the final tear she saw the Neihaus car pull up on their drive, Janice, Dennis and Cosima getting out. Delphine swallowed, rubbing her eyes and smiling into the net curtains. Cosima was here. Cosima's eyes looked over to the house, but Delphine fell backwards. She couldn't let wonderful Cosima see her like this. She needed to get cleaned up ready for birthday meal. She was so excited and she had the perfect present. 

 

\---------------

 

“Your mother sits by the window, wondrous rays of beautiful sun light on her face, she smiles in a way she never has done before, like she has a secret that she can't wait to tell, beautiful and calm.” 

“No she said she had a dream.” Cosima corrected Dennis. They were sat alone in his office, Dennis in his leather office chair and Cosima sat up straight on one of the dinning room chairs opposing him. Dennis looked up at her his hands holding each other on the desk and his head hanging low. Cosima was feeling nothing, she didn't feel horror or sadness, depression or mania, just nothing. Cosima continued the story. “She told you she was swimming in a deep, dark lake and could breath, it was night but she could see, sun rays passed through water like fingers pointing the way. She was happy. Swimming amongst the fishes.” Cosima waited for him to continue, staring at him with such investigation, waiting for a slip up. Dennis took a deep breath, lifting his head to the ceiling. 

“By the time the doctor came, her face was ash white, eyes distant, but her grip was still strong. They cut into her, and pulled you out. You were blue, not breathing, the cord was still wrapped around your neck.” He used his hands to motion the hold it had on Cosima's fragile neck. “The doctor worked on you, and as you took your first breath-” 

“She took her last.” Cosima cut in. Dennis did not pause, just continued the story. 

“They tried to revive her, and she was gone.” 

“I was here.” Again Cosima cut in. Sitting on the edge of her seat, her mind fully focused on every intricate detail of what he was saying and how. Dennis sighed heavily, his eyes closing and his mouth moved a little. 

“Yes, you were here.” He finally said, and with a colossal relief he parted his hands and put them behind his head, contemplating. 

“That's everything?” Cosima quizzed, wanting to know every detail of the events leading up to her mothers death. Like she did every single year. 

“Yes.” Dennis stated softly. Then his tone changed, like it did each time. “Do you do this to punish me?” He asked honestly. Cosima began to get up from her chair, and head to the office door. 

“I'm just making sure you've told me everything, that you haven't left anything out.” Cosima said this in such a suspicious way that it made Dennis feel awful. How was she to know what actually happened. The only way she knew how was to ask him every year on her birthday of the exact details. The dream her mother had had before she killed her. Dennis hunched back into his chair watching her walk out. It was always a horrible conversation but he understood. Cosima walked out whilst Janice walked in with one of famous smiles, she wore when she was about to destroy someone. Cosima waiting until she had closed the door and pressed her ear to it, wanting to know what they were discussing. Never did they go in there alone and shut the door. Never would Janice smile that way unless she was up to something. Words were said, and then Cosima listened carefully. 

“Cosima is fragile, you have no idea what she has been through. You never had kids you don't know how it feels--” Dennis was saying in a sombre tone. 

“Well yes I do know how it feels Dennis!” Janice was saying. This took Cosima by surprise, what did she mean? They were silent. 

“I am so sorry Janice.” He was beginning, but she must have done something for him to be quiet. 

“I understand that you are protective over her. But it is not right, it is simply not right.” Janice paused, elevating her tone. “That woman cannot replace her mother.” Cosima's eyes widened. “I just want what's best for her. I always have Dennis. You know why.” Cosima ignored the comment and focused on what she was hiding. Something they both knew but would not say aloud. Dennis coughed. 

“I know.” His tone was understanding and deeply sympathetic, why was he sympathetic? She did not deserve sympathy, what the hell is going on? 

“Just don't treat me like I have no idea. That I am treading in deep water. I've been here before.” What? There was some shuffling, Cosima jumped back running up the stairs and into her room, shutting it tight and letting the afternoon sun fill her. What did Janice mean, did she have kids? Cosima couldn't actually believe it but she was kinda feeling something for her, sadness. 

 

\----------

 

Delphine got dried up, did her hair and put on her long purple dress, it was a formal dress but she altered it, putting a slit all up her skirt at the side of her long leg, heels and jewellery. She looked good, just a touch up of make up and she was ready to go. She wasn't glamorous, but she looked hot. Even she knew that. 

 

\-----------

 

Cosima pulled her red baggy tank top on, her black skinny jeans and pulled her dreds back behind her head up into a loose messy bun. Red bangles and light lip-gloss This time she wanted something different. In the mirror she grabbed some of Janice's shitty eye liner and began work. She needed to blink half way through, doing so smudged it at the edges...it looked kinda hot. Outlining the rest in a thin line with a flick she finished, looking at herself and smiling. Delphine would love this.

 

\------------

 

Delphine sat on her sofa watching the clock. There was time, but her heart was trying to keep calm, her nerves were electric. She was so tempted to turn up early and forget the consequences but she waited. Patiently watching the small hand. On her lap was a package, a blouse she found that she wanted to give Cosima for her birthday. A gift she was given that she had always cherished that she now felt she wanted to give to her. It was small and not much in terms of personalisation, but it was what she had. She didn't know Cosima well even if she felt she did. She just hoped Cosima would enjoy it. 

 

\-------------

Cosima looked out of her bedroom onto the curtains across Delphine's bedroom. Why were they closed? She couldn't ask because then she would have to explain why she was asking and that was creepy. She just hoped Delphine was coming tonight, she felt all warm and fuzzy inside, even with what this day reminded her of. It didn't matter. Delphine mattered. And she wanted to show Delphine that they could work. 

 

\-------------

“Oh Cosima you cheeky girl.” Delphine whispered into warm air thinking about their kiss. She needed to leave now to go next door. 

 

\-------------

 

“Come'on.” Cosima pleaded looking at her phone screen, waiting for the minute to flick over. A few seconds. Just one more. It was time. 

The bell rang.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Cosima lunged herself out of the bedroom and down the stairs, racing Janice who heard her to the front door. Janice got there first giving Cosima a hateful grin and began to open the door. Cosima didn't care anymore and just pushed her aside, taking a breath and opening it up. 

“Hey Cosima.” Scott greeted coming forward, touching her elbows and putting a kiss on her cheek. She smiled at him, even though inside her body was screaming. She had forgot about Scott. She had forgot he existed, she only talked to him that morning but still. She kissed him back fickley and softly, barely touching his skin. He didn't mind, his whole face a flush of red. She looked behind him and saw a bike on the lawn by the gate. He cycled. How cute. She hugged him and invited him in, staring daggers at Janice who stepped back, and smiled politely. Cosima went to turn to go back in the house and cry in her head about Scott and his existence. 

“Bonjour.” She heard from nowhere, and her heart skipped beats. Turning around she saw Delphine walking so elegantly up the path, looking to the floor and then straight to her eyes, pushing a loose bit of hair behind her ear. Her hair was up in this magnificent bun and her long purple dress was so beautiful. She walked right up to her and hugged her. Cosima was on cloud nine, feeling the warmth and the skin on her own. Delphine did not say anything at first, just leaning back out of the hug and smiling. 

“Hey.” Cosima stuttered, embarrassed and overwhelmed with how beautiful she was. 

“Cosima come and introduce Miss Cormier to your boyfriend.” Janice said in a happy go lucky sort of way. Cosima's smile dropped. She was sure Janice knew and was deliberately trying to mess them up.

“Yeah sure, come on Delphine.” Cosima stated, giving Delphine an apologetic look. Delphine was still looking to Janice and then her gaze dropped to Cosima's eyes. She smiled at her, understanding in a way that Cosima couldn't understand herself. Cosima turned, with a fake smile pushed passed Janice and into the house. Delphine walking behind, not connecting eyes with that woman. 

“Scott, this is Delphine my neighbour, Delphine this is Scott.” Scott was stood awkwardly in the living room, his eyes brightened up when he saw her, Cosima caught him checking her out and cringed. 

“Wow.” He let out, trying to cover it up in a cough, embarrassed and blushing. “Nice to meet you.” He extended his hand. Without even blinking or hesitating Delphine took it, gently shook it with a smile and a dip of her head. He was staring at her. Cosima kicked him in the foot and invited him to sit down. Scott and Cosima took up the two seater, Delphine perching on the edge of a seat with her legs crossed, showing them off. Cosima noticed and gulped, trying to look anywhere but there, which was nearly impossible. Janice sat opposite them all, watching and waiting to speak. Dennis was around somewhere, Cosima hoped he would turn up and get rid of this awkward atmosphere. Cosima saw this would be a long night and fell backwards, sinking into the sofa. Scott did too, yawning and putting his arm around her. At first she let him and then shrugged him off, looking over in Delphine's direction. When she felt the rejection he looked at his fumbling hands on his lap. Janice shot eyes at Delphine. 

“Well, tell us about yourself Scott, what do you do?” Janice asked, gesturing her hands to Scott, resting them back on her crossed legs, sitting up straight and politely. He looked up at her thankful no one was mentioning the awkward rejection and smiled. 

“I...urr.” He started, nervous and on the spot. “I just graduated. Urm I'm going to major in natural sciences. Really wanting to get into Minnesota--” 

“Cosima wanted to go to Minnesota, what a great coincidence.” Janice cut in. Cosima suddenly hated the place. Scott looked to Cosima with an expectant expression really happy, excited even. She looked up at him from her sunken position and smiled with false encouragement. She was not going to Minnesota.

“But specifically evolutionary development.” Cosima added into the awkward air, making sure he understood that they were not on the same course, even though they would probably do the same modules. Delphine coughed a little and adjusted her hair, looking at no one in particular. Cosima saw how awkward she felt and it made her feel worse. This was the most awkward situation ever. After a long pause Cosima spoke again. “Where's Dennis?” 

“Oh he wont be too long.” Janice said immediately as if pre-empting the question. 

“I have a Doctorate in Immunology.” Delphine suddenly broke the silence, ignoring the tense atmosphere emerging as she spoke in her soft French voice. “It is very interesting.” 

“Wow.” Cosima and Scott said at the exact same time, they laughed together and Cosima caught Delphine's eye, silencing. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you please start to make your way to the dinning room the festivities will begin.” Dennis commanded out of no where. They all turned to see him in the door way his hand across his chest in a formal way. Cosima grinned at him, he winked to her. They all got up and filed out of the room, Scott first, Delphine right behind Cosima. Their hands touched, sending pleasure through each other. It would be a tough night, maybe this would be all they got. In the dinning room the lights were off but Cosima could see it laid out so nicely with place mats, wine glasses and napkins, but most importantly a big cake at the head of the table with a number 18 in candles. Cosima filled up inside. Normally it was just an average chicken pot pie and some water, maybe even coke if she was lucky. For them, they had gone all out. Dennis walked quickly around the table, leading Cosima to the head, and pulling her chair back for her. With a grateful smile she stood in front of it, letting him push it beneath her. Dennis pointed for Scott to take Cosima's right and Delphine to take her left at the top of the table. Dennis and Janice grouped around her at the top. Carefully Janice lit up the candles, they fizzed and popped like sparklers illuminating Cosima's face in a white light. Her eyes fell on Delphine over it. She sighed, looking at the most beautiful person she had ever met, illuminated just like hers. Something touched her hand, Scott was holding it grinning at her. Oh god it was like Janice and Dennis. Like they were married. She smiled at him, but quickly focusing back on the cake. Cosima took a deep long breath ready to blow them out. 

“Wait!” Janice cried out, she looked to everyone, making sure they were looking at her. “We have to sing happy birthday!” Janice commanded pleasantly. Cosima let out her breath in a sigh and looked right at Delphine who shrugged her shoulders just a little and smiled. Janice started the singing, they all joined in by the second word, singing loud. Delphine's voice was the one she could hear the most, followed second by Scott's out of tune wail in the background. Once they finished Cosima took another deep breath, holding it in and closing her eyes. She wished. Never telling a soul what it was. She blew them out in one round, moving her head to get the rest of the the determined flames. When the room was totally black they all cheered. In the darkness, Delphine slipped something into Cosima's hand. Not being able to see Cosima wondered what it was, pushing it into her jeans pocket just as Janice flicked the light switch. 

“Happy birthday!” They all said in unison, Scott a little off, seeming to make up sounds that sounded like the words, obviously too slow to realise what they were saying. She smiled at them all, even Janice. Her eyes lingered longer on Delphine more than the rest, they shared a moment. But moments were always interrupted. Delphine moved her leg under the table and brushed past Cosima. Cosima's heart jumped in her chest but she acted natural, feeling the way Delphine's foot touched her. She had only thought about footsie as a joke, she never thought anyone did it. But when she knew who it was, and how forbidden it was, it really was...hot. 

“My little girls all grown up, no denying it” Dennis said allowed, his face a bright red from happiness. 

“Well you try” Janice said, giving a snide comment at his attempt to deny she was growing up. Janice passed a cake knife to Cosima, with a overly nice smile. Cosima took the knife feeling how heavy it was in her hand and weighed it up. With a sigh she looked up to Delphine and grinned. 

“You do it?” Cosima offered, pacing the knife over. Delphine smiled back, going to take it, their hands touched. Scott could feel and see the sexual tension, he thought it was in his head, and he tried to control his breathing. The way they seemed to look at each other was so erotic. 

“Daccord.” Delphine said, appreciating the sentiment so much. 

“No! Its good luck for the birthday girl to do it.” Janice complained, snatching the knife straight form their exchange and trying to give it back to Cosima. There was an awkward and tense pause. Dennis jumped in to save them. 

“I'll do it! Always need some good luck.” Dennis said rubbing his hands together and grabbing the knife putting it straight onto the cake and cutting down. Janice stared at what just happened, swallowing her pride and then smiling again. They were each handed some cake, ate it, and then it was time to wash up before dinner was ready. Cosima was going to get up and help clean, but Delphine scooped up all the plates, even in her emasculate attire and headed to the kitchen with Janice. Dennis kissed her head and wondered out of the room. Leaving Scott and herself together, she scooted his chair closer to her. 

 

\-------------

 

Janice and Delphine stood in the kitchen, Delphine washing up the dishes and Janice chopping into some salad stuff whilst the pie heated up. After a while of cleaning in silence Janice stopped chopping at the lettuce and turned to Delphine and spoke in a hushed tone. 

“She is troubled and confused.” Then stopped. Delphine looked up from the sink with a furrowed brow, not sure what she was getting at but knew it was about Cosima. Delphine looked through the kitchen door to Cosima far away and smiled. Looking back again at the dishes. “I don't want her misinterpreting your fondness for her.” This took Delphine by surprise. She tilted her head and bit her lip, scrubbing the plate harder and trying to remain civil. If anything her time with Cosima had taught her not to like Janice, she had not spent any special time with Janice but there was something dangerous about her. 

“What?” She managed to say, finishing up with one plate and moving onto the next. Janice gripped the knife harder but sighed, as if what she was saying was such a hard thing to do. Her knife cut down into the lettuce with a crisp sharpness that relieved her. 

“You have a connection, I think that loosing her mother caused her to have an attachment to you. A mother figure she never had. You need to make it obvious your interest in men.” Janice chopped only once into some new lettuce, separating the pile she had already cut into the bowl picking up a tomato, slicing it down the sides with the knife edge. Watching the red juice spill and stain the chopping board. 

“What?” Delphine repeated. Some of what she had made sense. The only time Cosima had ever really mentioned her mother was when she clarified that Janice was her step-mother and nothing more. The fate of her biological mother was unknown to her, suddenly Delphine was filled with pain. What if she was just a replacement, what is Cosima really was lonely. Back to the words though, what was Janice trying to insinuate? Was this a 'stay away from my daughter' type of conversation. 

“You are urrr interested in men?” Janice looked to Delphine, worry evident all over her face. Delphine turned fully to her, leaning one arm on the counter side, her face looking confused, insulted and trying hard not to rip into her. She just looked right at her for a moment, she wanted to say a thousand words, to tell her that even in this short time Delphine had been there for Cosima more than Janice. She wanted to tell Janice about the kiss they shared and how she was falling for her daughter. But instead, she tilted her head and got back to cleaning, not believing what she was hearing. The girl was 18 she could do what she wanted. Janice just looked at her, slowly shaking her head and ripped into the fruit. 

 

\----------

 

Cosima perked up a bit, she was holding hands with Scott on the table, she didn't want to, but she couldn't tell him she didn't like him that way now. It would be horrible for both of them. As Delphine fled the kitchen she smiled at Cosima, motioning with her eyes a secret gesture to get out of here. 

“Cosima I have a present for you.” Delphine said, producing the parcel from her bag. Cosima's eyes lit up, this would be the best present. Letting go of Scott's hand they ignored him, Dennis walking past to sit next to him on the table as if he had seen the exchange and wanted to help. They began to talk as Cosima and Delphine disappeared up stairs. Cosima held her thoughts suddenly freaking that she had not tidied her room or that she had left something out that would incriminate her in some way. Trusting her past self, her hand pushed the handle down and the heavy door opened. She offered Delphine to walk in first. Delphine looked pained, but brushed past her, their arms connecting and sending Cosima's heart into flutters, like every time they were around each other. This was the first alone time they had got. Cosima shut the door and flicked the light on, shining light over all of her life. Delphine was drawn to the walls, the paintings, drawings and sketches that lined it. They were surreal, alternative and showing something Delphine had never seen. That was the amazing thing about art, and thats why she loved to paint it. Art proves to us that sadness is a necessary part of life, it gives us a way to express it. Showing that just because you have a lot more sadness than others doesn't make you different. It makes you human. Art brings out the beauty in the every day. At this age, she needed to really appreciate everything. Cosima sat on her windowsill, one leg under her, the other over the edge. Delphine found a photograph pinned into the wall. It looked just like Cosima, she really had her eyes. 

“Is this your mother?” Delphine asked, picking the picture at its corners thinking hard about what Janice had said just moments ago. The woman had bangs and dark hair, a small nose and was short and sophisticated, but in such a mysterious and wonderful way. Cosima nodded, playing with her jeans ankle, nervous as hell. Delphine took one last look and moved on, trying to forget the small resemblance she herself had to Cosima's mother.. Cosima felt sad again, but happy with her presence. It was 18 years to the day. “What was her name?” Delphine asked, half expecting her to say 'Delphine' with what Janice had said. Cosima looked into her eyes and tried to hide her pain. 

“Zara.” Cosima remembered. Delphine moved from the picture and looked at things on her desk, then sat on the other end of the sill. She pulled out the parcel again, and handed it over. Cosima didn't take it straight away, her hand lifted up to Delphine's face, stroked it, pushing some hair behind her ear. Delphine felt the heat of her finger, and the rush of her own blood to her cheeks. Her breathing increased at the contact, but as quickly as it began it was over. Cosima picked up the package, and began to unwrap. Inside was a white blouse, translucent, with white polka dots over the body of it. The sleeves were long, and the neck was lined with a black line, buttons down from the neckline to the chest. Cosima held it out in front of her, without thinking getting up from the sill and standing up. She pulled off her red tank top, dropped the bangles to the bed and started to unbutton the shirt. Delphine watched her, eyes scanning her skin, her black padded bra, her flat stomach, her chest rising and falling as she breathed. In no time the blouse was on, Cosima not doing all of the buttons up. She stopped just above her chest, letting her bra show. Delphine got up, they both looked in her full length mirror, Cosima seeing how amazing she looked. Delphine admired her, standing behind her slightly, she wore it so well. It was a perfect fit, the sleeves were a little long but she made it work. Delphine's couldn't take her eyes off of Cosima's chest. Her hands couldn't resist, her fingers felt the fabric on Cosima's skin, trailing down her arm, holding the fabric between her fingers. She felt the heat of Cosima's arm, and the coolness of the silk, the contrast of shades, the arousal in Cosima's tensed up body. Then she let go. 

“You look beautiful.” She said, transfixed by her. Cosima felt all of the senses on her arm run wild, following Delphine's finger down her arm again. Cosima looked at herself up and down, she was still short, still a little gawky and her glasses where that little bit uneven, but she was a women. Cosima placed her own hand on Delphine's on her shoulder, turning to face her, their bodies touching. Her whole front side tingled at their connection, and she wanted Delphine more than she could ever imagine. She could feel the warm chest of Delphine on her own, the height difference not making much different now. They locked eyes, Cosima blinked and looked from from Delphine's lips and back again. Cosima took a deep breath, her eyes searching with a smirk looking for a sign that this was right. That she was doing the right thing, that when she finally kissed Delphine again her life wouldn't change. Then she went in for the kiss, agonisingly slowly, she closed her eyes and exhaled in anxiety about it. They moved closer together, just as their lips were about to connect she pulled away from Delphine. Smirking, she breathed over her mouth, Delphine opened hers too, they were like smooth magnets, moving with each other but not touching, both wanting to, both almost doing so. Then Delphine couldn't take the temptation anymore, with something French muttered under her breath she grabbed hold of Cosima's head, kissing her straight on the lips with a fiery, frustrated passion. Her grip loosened as Cosima held her wrists, securing them close together. Their lips began to move, kissing and breaking, kissing and breaking, their breathing increasing. Delphine felt every fibre of her being unfolded and opened up, her sensations were alive with every single touch of their bodies. Cosima kissed back trying something she had never really done before, she slid her tongue out of her mouth, tracing the outside of Delphine's lips. Oh my god, this is amazing! Cosima was freaking out as their tongues connected. Tentatively exploring each other. It was so much better than she imagined, she tasted so good and the way it was making her feel inside. The way they were pressed together, Cosima holding onto Delphine like she never wanted to let go was so erotic. Her core was lighting up and all she wanted to was-

Knock knock. 

Suddenly both broke away from the kiss, both neutral expressions, both neutral distances from each other. But both with rosy red cheeks and flustered complexions. Just in time for the door to open and Janice to look inside with a smile. Delphine looked straight to the floor embarrassed and ashamed of what she had done when she saw Janice's recognition, after all Janice had said in the kitchen. Cosima was 10 years younger. Cosima was only just legal and Delphine shouldn't have started it. Cosima looked to the floor too, her hands instinctively going to her chest doing up all the buttons she could. 

“Dinner is ready girls.” Janice told them, holding onto the door, one foot in, one foot out. She knew what they were up to. Her face quizzical to Delphine, but Delphine saw it and felt the betrayal inside of her. She didn't owe Janice anything, she didn't need to follow anything Janice said, but she had doubts about this in her head and now she had betrayed Janice. 

“Ok Janice.” Cosima said irritation high in her voice. Janice did not leave, waiting for them to follow her. Delphine left first, lifting her head and pretending it did not happen, smiling politely and with a little edge of amusement. Cosima walked out to, but before she exited her own room she pinned Janice against the door with all of her small might.

“Leave me alone, Janice.” Cosima said with such venom. It was not her at all, it was nothing she would ever expected she would do especially after what just happened, but Janice was such a bitch. Janice freaked out, her face full of horror, trapped between a fuming small body and a heavy wooden door. Cosima sighed hard and followed Delphine into the hall and down the stairs. They held each others hand in the darkness, feeling the heat from each others bodies, feeling the connection, until they reached the bottom of the stairs, separating and acting as if nothing happened. 

“Cosima.” Scott greeted hugging her again. They walked into the dining room, Cosima sat at the head of the table, Scott holding her hand on the surface, Delphine stroking her leg underneath. Her body was wrapped up in the sensations she just felt, her core was going wild and her heart rate was still up. Her head was a concoction of anger, lust, anxiety and shame. She looked up to Scott with all of this in her head, he smiled back at her like a puppy, unaware of the war she was battling in her mind. What the hell was she going to do?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

The dinner was finished. With Dennis there it was not as awkward, Janice was on her best behaviour in front of him, and the conversation flowed. 

“What's the plan for the next few weeks kiddo?” Dennis asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin and taking his red wine in hand. Cosima sat back in her chair, looking at everyone in front of her on the table. She hadn't even got an idea of what she was supposed to do now. Delphine retreated her leg to by her own, whilst she spoke. Distractions were noticeable when everyone was staring. Delphine looked over to Janice with a smile, Janice did not smile back. Cosima thought hard, everything in that moment seemed inevitable and definite. She was going away at the end of the summer. Maybe she would do what Delphine suggests and take time to really appreciate the now. Maybe what they have between them is just...whatever it was. She would have to accept its end one day. But she would be damned if it was now.

“Like...get high, run away and become a fugitive?” Cosima joked, everyone laughed a little, Janice even seemed a little worried. “No no, urrr I guess like prepare for university. But I think right now I...” She looked to Delphine subtly. “I want to appreciate the now, and spend a few weeks reflecting on what I hold important to me, you know. Like dude I'm 18, the rest of my life isn't a big deal. I have time. Why not enjoy some of it.” Cosima nodded her head to her own statement, realising that she did mean every word. Dennis beamed at her, so proud. 

They began to talk about other things, university, friends they were leaving behind. What Scott was doing. Scott seemed like a really nice guy, but he was just caught up with a really bad situation with Cosima. Occasionally between words exchanged and awkward pauses Cosima looked up when Delphine was talking and just watched her speak. Those small beaming smiles, those thoughtful looks, the way she would brush her hand over her hair and rest it on her lap before bringing it back to the table. Cosima just took that moment to really look at Delphine, for what seemed the first time, and fall even more in love with her.

“So Delphine do you have a partner?” Janice asked out of no where, everyone clutched to their drinks at the sudden tension. Maybe this was not just between Janice and Cosima, even Scott felt the sudden change. Although Delphine played along so well. She smiled as if grateful she was being asked a question and pretended to think. Her hands crossed over each other on the table, Cosima noticed and felt bad for her.

“Non non, not anymore. In the move we broke it off.” Delphine said, and it broke Cosima's heart. So recent, the wound probably still fresh. Delphine's eyes flickered at the ommision.

“Does long distance not work these days?” Janice joked sipping on her wine. She wasn't saying it with any venom, and it really surprised Cosima, maybe Dennis had felt the tension and told her to back down? Delphine sighed. 

“Oui. We were actually trying for a child.” Delphine said, she did not move, her eyes locked as if in battle with Janice. Cosima frowned a little at the words, Delphine had been trying for a kid? Suddenly the age difference between them felt so much wider, as if a crack in the earth had opened up and Delphine was being taken away. Cosima had never got that vibe off of Delphine, the vibe that she had tried to create life but failed. The science was there but two woman trying for a baby, it would be hard. “And when it didn't work, after a lot of money, time, effort, and loss...they found someone else.” The room was dead silent. Janice's eyes were suddenly pained and sad with such depth to them. Cosima had never seen her to human at any point in her life. There was a hole opening up in Cosima's heart, one just big enough to feel a little separated from Delphine. Kids, families, relationships it was all too foreign for Cosima, she had just turned 18 these weren't things she was considering.

“I know exactly what you mean.” Janice consoled holding their eyes together in a common mind, she gulped at her wine. The truth was, Cosima didn't even think Janice was lying. After what she over heard in the office maybe Janice was right. Maybe in some twisted way this woman that she hated had felt pain....still no excuse to be a dick. Delphine turned to Scott. 

“What do you do in your free time Scott?” All the attention was diverted onto Scott, the whole tables eyes were on him. He noticed and flushed red, pushing his glasses up his nose with a nudge. His hands began to fumble again like when anyone was near him. He was suddenly embarrassed, what the hell for Cosima did not know. Even his breathing was annoying her.

“I study, and urrr, War hammer--” He began. 

“What's that?” Janice asked. “Sounds violent.” Now that was a dig, Janice was back to her usual self. 

“No, ha!” Scott laughed. “It's model making and painting to recreate wars and battles...” He sounded really lame. But Cosima was really into watching others do it, she mentally slapped her head. Why did he have to be cool too? “Dungeons and dragons as well. I urrr..” He rambled on about his hobbies. Everyone looking at each other a part from Delphine. Cosima moved her hand under the table and nudged her, Delphine looked up from the table with sad puppy dog eyes. Oh my god, where was the dog right now? Cosima thought and then forgot about it, as Delphine took her hand in secret. They squeezed each other in comfort. Cosima did not know anything about what had just happened, but she felt she knew Delphine on such a new level. They had both lost someone. She wasn't really sure if she would be able to talk to her about it. Did she loose her kid? Or did it just not work in the first place? Scott finished talking, Dennis cut in. 

“Great, maybe Delphine could use you!” He said, Cosima and Delphine snapped back to reality, having no idea why Delphine was mentioned. 

“Huh?” Cosima asked. Dennis smiled nicely, and raised his hand over to Scott. 

“Urr.” Scott's eyes briefly connected with Delphine and he stuttered. “I also work part time at the nursery. So like with plants. Mainly to study them, but I do garden type work. Mowing, sheering, tidying up..that urrr.” He took a breath, struggling a little to get words out through his nerves. Cosima could tell he hated being the centre of attention. “Mr. Neihaus said you needed that sort of help?” He looked up to Delphine with an awkward smile. Delphine smiled back pleasantly and nodded her head, thankful for the change in topic. 

“Oui, of course!” She encouraged him. Cosima and I tried to tackle the front lawn, but the back...that is a whole other world.” Delphine at least was honest, Cosima had never seen her back lawn. But Cosima couldn't help but be overwhelmed with jealously. If he did work on the garden he would be here all the time. How was Cosima going to even function with him around. What if they were having one of their...moments, and he walked in? Again everyone began to talk amongst themselves, about Scott and his work. He was distracted by them all. Delphine looked to Cosima straight away and they shared a look together. The words Delphine had said about her child hung like stale air in Cosima's head. Even though she had distanced herself from it, it felt like the crack was dragging itself back together. It was familiar even, the loss they shared. Cosima just wanted to hold Delphine and make it better, but that sort of thing never left you no matter what you did.

It was the end of the night and the birthday party was alright. The only part Cosima would ever remember was Delphine in her room. She suddenly was aware of the blouse on her skin, she felt it was emitting something on to her. And she felt good. Really good. 

“Well thank you all for coming to celebrate with us.” Janice said as they all crowded around the hall. Cosima was stood so close to Delphine, almost touching, but her attentions were supposed to be on Scott. Janice and Dennis left the hall after shaking hands and saying goodbyes, Delphine didn't kiss her cheek like she wanted, but hugged Cosima tightly before leaving Scott and Cosima in the hall together. 

“Happy birthday Cosima.” He said sweetly, he went to kiss her but she pushed him back with one hand. 

“Dude.” Cosima said flinching. He was confused and sad, but stepped back anyway. Ignoring the sudden friction between them, they walked out of the door and down the lawn to his bike. He was a little pissed he didn't get to kiss her, but picked up his bike anyway. 

“Thanks for sitting through that” Cosima thanked him her arms pulled around her waist and her hanging a little low. She could feel she was in one of those moods where she would say something she would regret. She always got like that this time of the year, she hated it but nobody could blame her for it.

“I enjoyed it.” He said with a sad confidence. Cosima felt the words hit her like ice. She attempted a smile but there was something bugging her. She felt, after what he had said about helping out at Delphine's, that he was invading her territory. That this thing she had going on with him, whatever she could call it was not growing too big. 

“Really?” She asked, not seeing how he could possibly have enjoyed that. But then again, he was not caught up in this horrible love square, Delphine and himself on two edges, Janice and Cosima on the others. Cosima sighed and held herself tighter.

“Yeah, everyone's family is weird. It was nice.” He said honestly. She supposed they were a weird and dysfunctional family but they were all she had. The idea of him gardening was still bugging her though. It was illogical, the secret hand brushes, the cheeky grins and the long looks would be wrong on his face, it would be wrong shared between the two of them.

“Thanks.” She added. “You know what, birthday's are always built up throughout the year and when they happen you expect them to have this massive climax right, like totally blow your mind and then they don't. You just sort of feel no different...” Cosima said, he didn't know how to respond and saw the pain in her. She had rejected him enough today so he just sort of stood there. The feelings that were so familiar, so natural that happened each year were coming again and it made Cosima feel sick in her stomach.

“Hey urr Delphine said that I could landscape her garden, because I work at the gar--” He continued the conversation from earlier and again it brought an anger up in her. Cosima looked over to Delphine's house, but she hadn't gone in like she thought she was on the porch with someone, she was laughing and smiling, the porch light shining on her face. She couldn't make out exactly who was next to her. Then her heart dropped. It was Mark. 

“Look I don't want to necessarily see you all the time, we get the train together and now I can't even dog sit without seeing you out of the window!” Cosima let out her anger in a final sharp statement. Why was Mark there, what the heck was he doing at Delphine's house? Scott's face turned to venom, it was as if he was expecting it. He had felt the change all day, it was the first time he had seen her off of the train and now she didn't want to see him at all. 

“Well jeez Cosima, if that's how you really feel I'll make it easy for you. You don't have to see me at all.” Scott felt all the tension the whole evening and now he knew why. He slammed himself onto his bike saddle and flicked up the pedals with that metal on metal grating noise, lifting it up and riding away. He wobbled a little and then began to pick up more of a rhythm. Cosima stood there on her lawn, in Delphine's blouse wearing the tears caused by a boy she didn't even like, outside of a house filled with tension and denial. The sudden reaction he gave, made her feel awful. She was terrified all of a sudden, for absolutely no reason. Her arms folded over her chest and she tried to stop crying. She was so emotional right now, what an idiot. The horrible thing was that she didn't even think it was about her mum, it was about everything. Her mind thought about the day, the graduation, the night and how everything seemed to happen in such a short space of time The inevitability of her whole life. Then her mind stopped, their kiss. Cosima could still feel it on her lips, the soft tender kiss, the harder lust and want. She never felt like that before, she never wanted something or someone so bad. Turning to go back inside she saw that Mark and Delphine were closer, giggling together. Without thinking Cosima's face soured at the thought of the two of them. Delphine caught her eye. 

 

\--------------

 

Delphine could feel Janice's eyes all over her and she wasn't even in the room, Merde! Sensing the awkwardness between her love and Scott, she quickly pulled her in for a hug. Savouring the warm feeling of their bodies pressed together and the passion Cosima emitted in such a simple gesture. When they broke free it felt like a part of her was left behind as she walked out onto the porch, down the steps and across the lawn. Her heels hurt her feet a little on the uneven ground but she made it back to her house. Just as she came up the lawn her front door opened and Mark walked out. Immediately she smiled, appreciative that he had looked after Doux. 

“Hey there Delphine.” He said, putting his hands into his pocket as they switch places, she stood on her porch and he stood on the lawn looking up at her. She crossed her arms and leaned up against the support for her porch roof. 

“Bonjour, how was she?” Delphine asked talking about Doux, he smiled wide and pushed his glasses up, putting his hand back in his trouser pockets. 

“Ahh she was alright, made a few messes but nothing we couldn't handle.” He laughed, Delphine giggled politely at his comment. Her mind was engrossed with Cosima, as if she was a fantastic never ending novel. She wanted to get this exchange over with and go sort herself out with a nice shower. Mark just stood there smiling up at her, her eyes motioned over to Cosima who was saying goodbye to Scott over the rose bushes. Cosima did not look happy, but she wore the blouse Delphine had given her so well. Delphine was conscious the whole meal of the way her words were impacting on Cosima's face. Maybe no one else noticed, Janice certainly wouldn't have, but Delphine did. The small brow movement, the lip being bitten, the slight squinting of her eyes, it all screamed pain. Mark hung about more than she needed him to. Maybe Janice was right, Cosima was young, confused and troubled. Maybe she was bad for her, after all she had her own things to deal with and bringing that with her might just weigh on her too much. Mark laughed again and began to talk. 

“Maybe we should go out some time.” Mark suggested motioning his hands, when she didn't respond straight away he ran his hand through his hair and took a sharp intake of breath. Delphine's eyes wondered over to Cosima, over to Scott riding away on his bike and the sad expression on her face. Maybe she should go on the date with Mark. Maybe leaving her was the best thing?

“I am sorry, but I can't at the moment.” Was all she said, feeling sorry for the small girl over the rose bush. Who was she kidding, Cosima had her small empty heart. She would love Cosima like no one else ever could. Mark nodded and accepted what she said. 

“Ok, sure fair enough.” He had been shot down enough he was used to it. “Can I ask why?” He stated, again his hand running through his hair. Instead of going back to his pockets, both crossed over his chest. Delphine dropped her hands to clutch the small purse she had brought with her in front of her, in a lady like way. Her eyes drifted to Cosima's and she saw the pain. If only Cosima could hear what they were saying, how Delphine really felt. When she opened the note she had passed her after the candles were blown out she would know. Mark looked over too and saw Cosima walking into her house. He bit his cheek and pursed his lips together, realising what was keeping the two of them apart. “Oh ok sure. Urm, have a nice night Delphine.” 

“Thank you.” She said, hoping Cosima noticed the note. 

 

\--------------

 

Cosima wondered up the stairs to her room, she got into her bed, fully clothed and pulled the covers right over her. The sweet French music she loved playing in the background. Katherine Jenkins had made it onto her playlist since she heard in Delphine's house. Why was Delphine talking to Mark? Mark fancied the shit out of her, so she knew why he was there. What was Delphine's issue?

Knock knock. 

The door slowly opened and Janice peaked her head around the corner. Cosima sighed hard and turned to face her wall. She could hear Janice walking in the room and felt the pressure by her feet when Janice sat down on her bed. At the angle she could see Janice. She didn't look mean, she didn't look pissed off or venomous, she looked sympathetic but not even in a patronising way. What was with today. 

“Cosima can we talk?” Janice asked, her voice soft and raw. Cosima furrowed her brow, happy to sulk in her bed about her life than talk to her. But she felt like something strange was happening and her curiosity got the best of her. She sat herself up against her wall, knees up to her chest. 

“Sure.” She replied. Janice seemed hurt, pained even, and her hands were fiddling a little with the hem of her skirt. What ever was on her mind really was troubling her, even her horrific demeanour was gone. Her collection of thoughts and planned movements out like an exhibit for all to see. Cosima raised an eyebrow waiting to hear what she was thinking about. Janice seemed shy, hesitant even. Beginning to talk and then stopping. Cosima was confused, what was so difficult to say. Cosima waited a while in the calm silence for her to say something. 

“Did you hear what Delphine said at dinner about loosing her child.” Janice started. It took Cosima by complete surprise, the whole tone had changed she was not the person that she hated. She was humble. 

“Did she?” Cosima knew exactly what she meant, she was feeling her own loss at that very second. She knew from the opposite side what Delphine must have gone through. But whether Delphine actually lost a kid, wasn't clear. Maybe she couldn't get pregnant and so lost the kid she would never have. 

“I think that is what she meant.” Janice was so sombre, it was almost scary. It felt like she had such a secret, a hidden message she had the misfortune to tell. It actually made Cosima feel bad for her. Before she physically shook her head and dispelled the thought. “My point is.” Janice continued, moving her seating to face Cosima more obviously. “That I feel I need to tell you something.” It seemed as though Janice was choking up, weepy even. Cosima was even more confused. She put her arms on her knees and tilted her head waiting for more. Janice took in a deep long breath, and exhaled before continuing. Her eyes dead on Cosima's it was strange. There was so such raw emotion in them. For the first time in Cosima's life she felt they were connecting. “I wanted kids once. Surprising I know, I am so good with them.” She laughed at herself. “My previous husband and I were trying for a baby for 4 years...and when it didn't happen, and we found out I just couldn't have kids...that I was broken...that I didn't work. Well...he left me.” Janice paused, Cosima wasn't sure whether it was a pause for effect or that she was so involved in what she was saying that it got to her. 

“I am so sorry.” Cosima said, moving her body under the cover to sit cross-legged, she reached her hands over to Janice. Not to touch her but to show her support. The woman was still evil. Janice noticed the gesture and smiled nicely to her, Cosima could see the build up of tears in her eyes. That seemed like the same situation for Delphine and that struck her hard.

“And so when I met Dennis he already had you, I was happy. I was happy to be around you. I can understand why you hate me, I'm sure as hell not a good mother. But that doesn't mean I don't want the best for you.” A tear slipped down her face. Cosima's eye brows lifted, she was shocked. The bitch could actually feel emotion. She understood though. Cosima bit her cheek not really knowing what to say, what could you say in this situation? 

“I can understand why Delphine is so sad. I know.” Janice sighed again in understanding. For a second Cosima was thinking of maybe apologising for being such a shit to her, even thought it was Jan- “But I think this obsession you have with her is not healthy.” Janice snapped and looked to the image of Zara on the wall. “She is not your mother.” Janice had over stepped the line again. Cosima forgot all of the feels she had for her, jumped up from her bed and got to the door, holding it open. Not wanting to believe that even through what Janice had just spilled to her, she could be such a bitch. 

“I think you should leave Janice.” Cosima asserted, she wasn't about to shout at her. Janice had opened up, even if it was in a typical Janice fashion, hold your emotions in and if you let them slip make the other person feel like shit. Janice got out of the room, turning to speak, but Cosima shut the door in her face. What an arrogant piece of crap. Cosima needed to get high. All of these emotions were horrible, she felt sick, she was sad, she ws in love and she was jealous. Leaning over her bed to the window that was opposite Delphine's she opened it up, noticing Delphine's curtains were still closed. Shaking her head at the memory of her laughing with Mark, she got back off unwrapped her fresh stash of the green stuff and started to make up a spliff. This one she packed full of the green. Hoping it would take the edge off. She wasn't even sure when she started to do this drug, a girl named Sarah had done it with her once, but when exactly she couldn't remember. Sitting back on the windowsill she leant against the frame of the window, lighting the spliff and inhaling. She closed her eyes holding it in for the longest time and the letting go. Just to try and comprehend what she was feeling was too much, her mind couldn't even get to starting yet. Opening her eyes and watching the slow smoke filter out of the window Cosima remembered what Delphine had given her.

The note. 

Cosima put the spliff between her lips and pressed back to get the note out of her pocket. Taking the spliff back in her hand she looked at it, it was a small folded piece of paper. Like super small. At first she thought it was trash and Delphine had given it to her, why, she didn't know, but it wasn't trash. She unfolded it and revealed the message inside. Cosima didn't know much French at all, but this was universal and it filled the void inside of her. She was wrong, about everything. It felt alright. 

'Je t'aime, Cosima.'

 

Light caught her attention, Delphine stood at the window of her bedroom pulling the curtains apart and stopping, noticing Cosima there, noticing the note and smiling. Cosima smiled back filled with what she could only ever imagine before. That was love. With such excitement Cosima took a drag of the spliff and lent it on the window edge, exhaling quickly her whole body overwhelmed with feelings for the beautiful women in front of her. Delphine put her hand up against her window, palm flat. Cosima did the same, mirroring her love. Cosima mouthed 'I love you' through the glass, Delphine smiled sweetly and with a humbled appearance. They just shared a look for a few long moments, suddenly Cosima felt a little lighter, her whole life wasn't coming at her like an unstoppable train, it was taking it's time and so should she. Appreciate the moments you are in.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

Cosima was so excited, she had finished school, she had told Janice to leave her alone and got rid of Scott. It was a fresh start. She still had work at the drug store but that wasn't until the next day. Today she was free. Dennis was out sorting out the new year back at uni and the house was empty, except from the women she now wanted to pretend never existed. Delphine didn't work until the evenings, she was all free in her house. Maybe Cosima could go around, and 'garden'. Cosima finally got out of bed, stretching out her short legs and arms and heading to the bathroom. Washed, dried and changed, she went downstairs grabbed breakfast and headed next door. Delphine had said she loved her. It was even in writing. The note still gave Cosima a buzz, a giant breeze of confidence. The note was one of the nicest things she had ever received. It felt real, it was the most real thing she had experienced in the last two weeks. It was happening fast but choosing to ignore the speed seemed right. Striding down her lawn jumping the rose bushes and up to Delphine's porch she was already grinning before she had even got there. Pressing the doorbell she waited, practically buzzing from the happiness that coursed all through her. She hadn't seen Delphine in a few days, and wasn't sure still what that thing with Mark was about, or about trying for a baby. But these were things she would have to ask about one day. Delphine's silhouette approached the door, going for the lock and opening it up. Her face brightened as soon as she realised who had rang. Cosima gave her a fangy grin and put her arm up against the door stand, tilting her head and looking at her over her black rims. 

“Bonjour.” Cosima laughed trying her hardest to speak the lingo with an absolutely atrocious accent. She had been practising in the last few days, only a few words at most but it was enough, she thought. With loads of time and knowing that Delphine liked her, a weight had been lifted. Delphine giggled and blushed, batting her eye lids slowly and smiled.

“Bonjour.” Delphine responded, staying in the door way. They weren't friendly yet, or at least Janice was still up her back and Dennis was never around to defend her. So open love was not on the cards. They just looked into each others for a moment, it felt like an eternity, staring into the depths of love and adoration. Delphine moved both arms and leant on the same part of the door Cosima was. They were so close to each other. Cosima could smell the bath stuff she had sold her a while ago and it smelt so damn good. 

“Would you like to come in?” Delphine asked, again blinking from Cosima's soft red lips to her green hazel eyes. Cosima noticed, and wanted to get in there as soon as she could. Out of the prying eyes. Cosima's view flickered over to her own home, seeing Janice in the window 'adjusting the curtains'. Cosima hated her so much. But her blatant homophobia wasn't going to get her down. Delphine stepped out of the way, but not too much, Cosima still having to brush past her on the way in. The contact was amazing after so long, the warmth and tingling she got was so raw. She blushed seeing in the corner of her eye the way Delphine bit her lip and closed her eyes as she closed the door. Cosima could hear Doux running from upstairs somewhere, she bounded down the stairs, her tail wagging so much it made her whole body shake with it. It had grown so much lately she couldn't even recognise it. But it's big eyes and floppy ears were so cute it was hard to forget. It jumped into her arms, she caught it and hugged it so hard, letting it sniff her all over and bite at the collar of her red woven sweater. She kissed it a few times on its head and laughed when it yapped at her face with its own little panting teethy grin. She let it jump from her arms and disappear somewhere into the house. 

“I was thinking Cosima, why don't I tutor you in French.” Delphine said as they walked into the living room together, their hands holding each other, their fingers interlocked. Cosima blushed at the dream she had last night about this very thought. “Just then you're French was...rusty.” Delphine laughed and it made Cosima burst into giggles. They took a seat on the sofa and looked at each other some more. 

“No I think I've got the language thing down, it's all 'urrrr' and 'wee wee' and 'hon hon baguettes' right?” Cosima laughed with a huge grin, Delphine rolled her eyes and playfully pushed Cosima on the shoulder. 

“It's a little harder than that, I think.” Delphine winked. They sat in silence for a few moments, both smiling and thinking to themselves. 

“I would love to learn the language.” Cosima admitted, she moved herself closer to Delphine on the sofa her hands under her legs. Even though today was a new day, a whole new chapter of her life she was still holding onto the thoughts she had had before she received that note. Delphine moved closer as well and placed her long soft arm around Cosima's shoulders and pulled her in close. 

“The first thing you should know about the French-” Delphine whispered into Cosima's ear. The heat, the closeness and the breath on her neck made Cosima's cheeks flush red and her heart race. She couldn't do anything right now she was locked into Delphine's side lingering on the accent in her ear. “-We enjoy lovers.” Delphine leaned in further and placed her hot lips on Cosima's neck, sending shivers through the young women's body. With a smile at the way Cosima tensed up Delphine kissed her softly, one placed just under her ear, the other placed on its way to her jaw. Cosima couldn't help but close her eyes and intensify the feelings. It was new, but it was hot, she could feel her body reacting to it. Her chest tightened and she felt her core pulse. Delphine's other arm came across Cosima's front, her hand tilting Cosima's chin to face her. With a lustful and hungry smile Delphine kissed her way up to Cosima's receptive lips, her hand holding her soft flushed cheek. Their lips connected and Cosima again couldn't restrain the smile at how freaking amazing this was. Delphine could sense it and moved to position herself in front of Cosima. Delphine's hard kisses were becoming less and less received as she pulled her leg over Cosima on the sofa and straddled her, both hands on the back of the sofa as she leaned in. Delphine could sense the change. “Are you ok, sweet?” Delphine asked breaking their kiss, Cosima's face was still red and her breathing a little faster but her eyes told a different story. There was a pause, Delphine moved her hand to Cosima's shoulder, then brushed her hot cheek with her thumb.

“It's just...” Cosima started but didn't know how to explain, her hands rested on Delphine's thigh.

“A little too fast?” Delphine offered with a sad but understanding expression, she got back off of Cosima and returned to her closeness at her side. Cosima offered a smile, she was a little ashamed for not wanting it straight away. 

“It's just hard to concentrate on making out when there is an adorable puppy staring at me like that!” Cosima pointed her arm at Doux who was sat on the coffee table, head tilted, tongue hanging out and tail wagging silently off of the edge. Delphine looked up at her pup, she knew it was an excuse, but she let it be and called Doux over with a laugh. The small amount of tension that had grown between them silenced itself as the dog happily yapped when they stroked it. 

“Well let's start with Doux, Doux means 'sweet', and Doux is 'le Chien' meaning dog.” Delphine held the puppy up under its arms and looked into that sweet face as its tongue licked its nose. Cosima stroked it from head to tail and then turned to Delphine. 

“La chicken.” Cosima attempted to say in her worst accent. Delphine laughed, she had never heard anyone make that joke before. 

“Non, non, 'le' not 'la'. Le, le, le.” Delphine tried to annunciate better, rolling the word with her tongue her hands coming up to aid her. In the same way Cosima used her hand and attempted it again. 

“La Chen.” Cosima said with a cheeky smile and the same horrific accent. Delphine laughed it off again, teaching this girl was an insult to her language. “Le Chien.” Cosima said almost perfectly bar the accent. Delphine smiled, she had been played. “I know what dog is.” Cosima was playful now, the ghosts of Delphine's kisses haunting her neck in that lingering way she would take to bed with her tonight. Delphine said some more words which Cosima again pretended not to understand, the whole time restraining a laugh that was dying to come out. Delphine was so cute and confident and even more adorable when she was frustrated over Cosima being so intelligent but lacking in this one field. When she showed Delphine that she did in fact know more than she let on Delphine was relieved. 

“Mon Dieu, you said you had been learning for a while, I was so shocked when you couldn't grasp the basics.” Delphine laughed and let the puppy jump to the floor. It had been a good hour of tutoring, most of it Cosima spent in her head just appreciating the time they were spending together. Most of what Delphine was teaching her she already knew, the first few pages of her French books had taught her these words, so she half listened and half daydreamed about the thing she was having with this wonderful, vulnerable but strong woman before her. 

 

*****

 

As if the curtains of Delphine's life had been thrust open and a glorious orange sun burst through, Delphine was seeing Cosima in a totally different way, a carefree, loving way. She invited Cosima in, they brushed past each other, Cosima's body was warm and it sent shivers through her body. Delphine bit her lip just at the thought of how close they were. Closing the door behind her she watched Cosima play with Doux before it scurried off into the house and Delphine offered her hand to Cosima. When they connected it felt like a weight had been lifted, in her house they were safe. Safe from prying eyes and judgemental stares. 

 

“I was thinking Cosima, why don't I tutor you in French.” Delphine offered her heart hopeful at the opportunity to impart something lasting to Cosima that was more than material possessions. It almost mad Delphine laugh out loud at the way Cosima had said Bonjour when she had knocked on the door. “Just then you're French was...rusty.” Delphine's words made Cosima burst into giggles, and that made Delphine feel warm inside. Although she felt a little guilty, some part of her hoped that this wasn't some vanity experiment, this young women was absolutely besotted with her and she knew it. She must not abuse it. 

“No I think I've got the language thing down, it's all 'urrrr' and 'wee wee' and 'hon hon baguettes' right?” Delphine rolled her eyes and playfully pushed Cosima on the shoulder. It made her laugh so much that all she could do was beam at this women. It was funny, a few weeks back Delphine would have never expected this. A few months back Delphine wasn't even sure she would be around this long to have this experience. A few years back, Delphine would have expected to have her child by now. 5 years ago she was falling hard for the illusive Danielle who lived in the city, who wasn't great at conversations but was amazing with her body and the way she carried it. 

“It's a little harder than that, I think.” Delphine winked. They sat in silence for a few moments, both smiling and thinking to themselves. It was odd, here Delphine was teaching Cosima to speak French, but not so long ago Delphine was starting to teach Danielle English. It saddened her actually, in the same way Danielle had no grasp for languages. It was hard enough to teach a language, but teaching a language to someone you suspected of cheating on you whilst in periods of manic depression was worse. She tried to distract herself, Cosima was here now, Danielle was behind her. Her past was just that, her past and there was no gain in dwelling on it. 

“I would love to learn the language.” Cosima slowly moved herself over even closer to Delphine on her sofa. As if Cosima had flicked a switch Delphine ignited, her core was alive at the possibilities of what Cosima was going to do. When Cosima stopped, her hands placed under her legs in shyness Delphine had an idea. Delphine moved closer as well and placed her long soft arm around Cosima's shoulders and pulled her in close. The warmth and electricity between them was enough to power a thousand houses, just the way Cosima felt under her arm was enough to tell. Thinking over what she could do next, Delphine bit her lip whilst Cosima was looking elsewhere and leaned in close to Cosima's side. 

“The first thing you should know about the French-” Delphine whispered. “-We enjoy lovers.” Delphine leaned in further and placed her hot lips on Cosima's neck, the small women beside her seemed to melt in her space and that made Delphine smile into her kiss. Delphine kissed her softly, one placed just under her ear, another placed just below that, the other placed on its way to her jaw. Delphine was excited, beyond excited. Just a few days ago she wouldn't have done this, but now it seemed right. It was no longer illegal, that was always a good thing. Delphine's other arm came across Cosima's front, her hand tilting Cosima's chin to face her. That cute face looked up at her with a scared expression but one filled with passion and desire. Of course Cosima would be scared, maybe she had done things with Scott, Delphine didn't like to dwell on it, but she had never done this with herself. With a lustful and hungry smile Delphine kissed her way up to Cosima's receptive lips, her hand holding her soft flushed cheek. Their lips connected and Delphine could sense Cosima's enjoyment and moved to position herself in front of Cosima. Delphine's hard kisses were becoming less and less received as she pulled her leg over Cosima on the sofa and straddled her, both hands on the back of the sofa as she leaned in. Delphine could sense the change. Maybe she had misinterpreted the scared look, maybe she actually was scared. “Are you ok, sweet?” Delphine asked breaking their kiss, Cosima's face was still red and her breathing a little faster but her eyes told a different story. Delphine moved her hand to Cosima's shoulder, then brushed her hot cheek with her thumb. She understood.

“It's just...” Cosima started but didn't know how to explain, her hands rested on Delphine's thigh. The touch of Cosima's hand was more than welcome and her core lit up, but she blinked calming herself down. If Cosima wasn't ready there was no point in working herself up. As Cosima's hand slid down her leg and leg go the desire grew and grew and then dispersed. 

“A little too fast?” Delphine understood, she was good at understanding things and this was one of them. Maybe Cosima had never gone that far, if she was going to be her first it needed to be at the right time when she was ready. 

 

******

 

“Is there anywhere around here to go, to walk the dog or....just walk?” Delphine asked little while later once they had had some coffee and more tutoring. They were so close Cosima even gulped, trying to contain herself.   
Cosima knew exactly where she would take Delphine. The old lake her dad used to take her, just a walk outside of town. Cosima nodded, turning her head, looking at Delphine's lips and then into her eyes. 

“Totally, this lake just outside of town. It would be awesome to go together.” Cosima's mind began a flurry of different ideas and scenarios of how this could play out. Where she would like to go on other occasions, what she would do and say when they got to the lake. 

“A lake?” Delphine was surprised, this was such a built up area. But it was such a beautiful day.

“Yeah I know right, but it's outside of town where they're thinking of building the new complex. I can show you some of my new French that you've taught me.” Cosima grinned with wink. Delphine didn't want to be reminded of how much of a fool she was believing that Cosima really had no idea.

“I cannot wait to test how good you really are.” Delphine insinuated, they sat there in silence for a second or two, locking eyes. Delphine was biting her lip again, her brow furrowed. It was so hot. Their grins turned into staggered breathing and lust. Cosima wanted to save this, still not quite over how she reacted when Delphine started to make out with her, she wanted to make this last. For however long she had she wanted to make this whole thing between them last. Savour every moment. Cosima leaned up, putting one hand on Delphine's shoulder, running up her neck with her fingers tips and resting on her jaw. She went in for a kiss, but again didn't let them touch straight away. Delphine knew this trick now, and smiled as soon as their lips did not connect. She shook her head slightly. “You are so cheeky.” Delphine mocked hoping this did not have the same fate at their last, they looked into each others eyes and Cosima grinned winking. Delphine couldn't take these cheeky tricks Cosima tortured her with. Both of her hands came to Cosima's head, pulling her in for a kiss, a real one, with actual touching. Their lips brushed, then came together as one. Enjoying the pleasure they both felt; the intense, and heart filling sensation, Cosima smiled into the kiss, her arms hanging around Delphine's neck. It was short and sweet and left a lot to linger on, but they pulled away. The air was still. Their hearts being the only sound beating against their chests. Their own personal love song, the rhythm when they were around each other. The chaotic, fast paced dance music they began to associate with each other. Delphine moved away and went into the kitchen leaving Cosima wanting more but not being one hundred percent sure, pressing her finger tips to her lips, tasting the sweet flavour. 

“A picnic.” Delphine said, pushing her loose hair behind both her ears and tying it up sort of like she did at Cosima's birthday. That strange evening she had at the Neihaus'. Cosima wondered into the kitchen and nodded in reply. Delphine seemed to have anticipated her arrival that morning and already prepared such a picnic. Cosima looked suspicious but happy as hell that Delphine had thought of her. Cosima leaned on the kitchen island and watched Delphine pack up the things in a picnic bag. It didn't matter to her that Delphine was 10 years older, it was endearing. She had so much mystery and an old demeanour that it brought the highest level of curiosity out in Cosima. There was a lot more about her that was alluring, her body and the way she used it. The way she walked, talked, interchangeably used French words and they way she looked at her. There was a hunger in Delphine, and Cosima wanted to satisfy it, but just not yet.

"Cosima are you sure this is legal?" Delphine said, carrying Doux over a pushed down chain link fence. Cosima was already on the other side looking around, shielding her eyes from the sun, regretting wearing a sweater.

"Sure Dennis and I used to always come down here." Cosima took the lead and dog from Delphine as she figured out how to get over the rest of the fallen down fence. On the other side they followed a sandy path through some trees and brush. Delphine held Doux on the end of the lead. Realising she was trusting Cosima, a weed smoker on whether this was legal or not. She chose to ignore it: ignorance is bliss. Once the small sand path spread out, the lake came into view just a little lower down than they were. A single wooden dock leading out into it. Doux yapped at an animal in the brush. Sniffing wildly on everything and anything she could get to. Delphine was heavily sceptic, but followed the small girl all the way down the dodgy path to the bank. Once they got there they really took in the beauty of it all. 

"Beautiful." Delphine said, looking out into the deep blue waters that expanded into rolling hills in the backdrop. 

"Thanks." Cosima said with a wink hands on her waist looking over at her. Delphine smirked at her cheekiness. Cosima began to walk again up the bank to the dock and out on it. Doux finished sniffing everything and came along too, her little lead dragging her reluctantly. At the end they tied her up. Cosima got the picnic blanket out of the bag Delphine was carrying, lifted it into the air, spreading it out perfectly flat on the wood. Delphine knelt down on the blanket, sitting close to Cosima. Doux looked so sad for a moment until she realised she could still reach them and play, just not fall off the edge or run away. Delphine got out the food. She pulled out olives stuffed with cheese, peppers in oil, some bread and red wine. She laid it out with small plates and napkins and then grabbed some neat looking croissants. Cosima saw all the food they had. Tons of bread slices and different oils. Cosima realised this was similar to what they should have had that night. She felt a pang of guilt but Delphine didn't notice. 

Over the food Cosima knelt up hugging Delphine tight and smiled into her neck at the contact. Delphine felt relief that Cosima appreciated what she had prepared. There was always a nagging feeling in both of their heads, this felt right, but was it right?

"This is so nice." Cosima said as Delphine uncorked the bottle, getting two wine glasses and pouring them half full. Cosima took hers and went to drink but stopped herself. 

"Hold on I wanna try something." She said excited. Delphine stopped taking her sip and waited for what she had in mind. Her mind racing with what she could mean. She was so tensed up lately. Even if each night she fell asleep relieved from her second or third orgasm. She was even more tense now after what happened on the sofa, and that kiss Cosima had given her. Cosima leaned across the food once more and with one hand pulled Delphine's wine glass arm towards hers. Without thinking Delphine realised, they interlinked their arms and sipped their own wine. Faces just seconds from each other, eyes locked. Damn it was good! That was the best wine she had ever tasted and it tasted expensive. She felt bad about the potential cost of it and decided to savour each drop. Delphine noticed the hesitation in Cosima. 

"My father made this wine in his vineyard in the south of France." Delphine stated with pride. Cosima was so shocked, it was such good shit. Not that she ever drank much, she was a smoker not a drinker. But she did appreciate wine, on the rare occasion that she had it. She realised for a moment that it would probably become a big part of her life now. 

"One day I will get you so baked." Cosima said in reply. Delphine had not heard this phrase before but could already piece it together. Cosima figured if Delphine was giving her all these new experiences than it was the least she could do. They broke the link between the two of them. It was a good thing to do for a sip or two, but tyring to drink your wine whilst another persons arm is around yours is hard. They both sat down drinking some more of the delicious wine and gazing at each other. 

"Baked?" Delphine asked giggling a little at Cosima's excitement. 

"I want to do so much with you Delphine. You have no idea. This was one of them. Bread and wine, and now I want to give back." Cosima said, picking up some bread, dipping it in oil and eating it up. "I'm definitely a giver." Cosima said with a seductive edge eating her bread looking at the blanket seeing how the comment landed. Delphine gasped and laughed at such a thing to be said. It was a little funny to Delphine, she was the one with the knowledge on sex with other women, and here Cosima was, the little Casanova herself.

"Cosima!" She said eating some bread too and licking her finger tips. Cosima looked up and grinned, winked and picked some more up too. They ate, looking at each other in such an intense silence. Even Doux was not making a sound. 

"I'm going to give you a lot more than just bread and wine." Delphine said after a while. She couldn't resist it, she had been horny all day just thinking about Cosima's body. There was an electricity between them, and it was hot. Not saying it but meaning it made it so much more tense. 

"Oh really." Cosima said. But then she realised. What the hell did she mean she was a giver and all that, she was a virgin. An inexperienced never even touched sort of Virgin. Apart from Scott she had never had a relationship. Suddenly Cosima felt strange and weird again. Delphine noticed the change and her broke the silence to bridge this thing they've got themselves into. 

"Are you ok?" Delphine asked, putting her hands on Cosima's thigh in revenge of the feelings Cosima had given earlier. The touch of Delphine's hand sent shocks up to her core and she blushed. She was so lame. Delphine just touched her and already she was soaked. Either that or the constant sexual tension between them. 

"Hell yeah." Cosima replied boisterously, getting an olive and popping it into her mouth between a smile. Delphine finished up her piece of bread, looking worried but smiling to her. 

Doux started yapping at a fish that jumped in the water. They looked over to her as her paw tried to claw it out. 

"Shoo!" Delphine called out, Doux looked straight to her feeling upset wagging her tail slowly. Delphine couldn't help but find it cute and laughed, Doux springing back to life, wagging hard and begging to run. Jumping back when the lead ran out of cord. Doux got back up licking her lips and sitting as close as she could. Talking one more look to Cosima Delphine cheered up, pulling the pup towards her and stroking head to tail. 

Cosima chewed on the olive letting it's juices spill in her mouth. A sudden burst of flavour filling her tongue. Her mind was filled with nerves. She hadn't felt this nervous around Delphine since the first time she saw her from her bedroom widow. Seeing this woman and feeling the effect in her body. Cosima was one hundred percent sure she wanted all of what Delphine had to offer but she wanted to be everything for this woman. And she couldn't be if she was bad in bed. Maybe if she got enough practice at it she would be great. How would she even bring it up to tell her? 

Delphine saw the distress on Cosima's face and was so confused and worried as to why she was so suddenly enclosed. 

Cosima knew she wanted to loose her virginity before she went to university. It was stupid and immature but she wanted to. And now she had someone. Delphine Cormier. The endlessly beautiful, ever experienced older woman who lived next to her. She felt like a crappy cliché novel, where she was the troubled and experimental protagonist. Her life was just a rip off. But it didn't matter her feelings were real. To her.

Cosima had to start this some time. She got up from her seat moving over the blanket to Delphine. Kneeling in front of her she held Delphine's head in her hands as they always seemed to do and kissed her right away. The forcefulness and confidence Cosima was exhibiting sent pleasure all over Delphine straight away. Delphine leant backwards at the force of the kiss. Cosima noticed and kept lowering her with each aroused connection. As Delphine leant back enough, Cosima moved not breaking the kiss to straddle her. It's what she saw Del do earlier, it felt so natural and the closeness of their cores was electric. Delphine felt what she was doing, holding onto Cosima's waist as she laid her on her back. Her legs moved out as Cosima sat on her thighs, kissing all over her lips. They were pecks at first then she got hungrier, she felt the burning desire she has been hiding. That and a mixture of 'what the holy hell am I doing'. Delphine laid on her back smirking into the kisses, liking Cosima's new enthusiasm. Delphine wanted it to stay slow, keep high on anticipation. Slowly she traced her tongue on Cosima's lips before Cosima met her half way. Cosima's arms and hands were either side of Delphine's face, dominating the woman in a cheeky playful way. She broke away from the kiss opening her eyes and looking down at her with a beaming smile. 

"Cosima?" Delphine said, a little worried that she had snapped and was doing this out of tension. Cosima giggled, not responding. She closed her eyes and pecked again at Delphine's soft plump lips. Then the pecks became longer, staying a little more than she should. Again her tongue met Delphine's half way and they played. All the while huge jolts of agonising pleasure shot through both of them. The warmth of their bodies, the forbidden nature of where they were, the age gap, hell even Janice was affecting how hungry they both were. In a natural way out of arousal Cosima seemed to kiss and grind Delphine. It wasn't something she expected herself to do but she was so aroused that she just wanted to be realised and it felt too good not to do. Delphine was tentative about the next move even though the slow pleasured thrusting of Cosima's hips was driving her crazy. How far did Cosima want to go? She didn't want to initiate anything, Cosima was too young and vulnerable for that. It had to be her choice. They kissed for a whole longer, but Cosima's arms started to hurt, she wanted to keep going. To do more. To see more. To feel more. Carefully she laid one last kiss and leant up, still straddling her. Her arms moved from the wood around her neck and trailed down to Delphine's chest. With nervous fingers she traced over her collar bones and that little crease in her neck. Cosima could see the want and raw human instinct in Delphine. She wanted to tease her. Cosima liked the idea that she was liked. Delphine began to flick at Cosima's blouse buttons now she had her sweater off and unclipped them one by one. Cosima's hands began to help until they both got to between Cosima's legs and the buttons that were hidden underneath. Cosima looked Delphine right in the eye as Delphine's finger brushed the outside of her jeans, right on her core. She'd never been touched there by anyone else but herself. Now even just knowing Delphine's hands were near by was sending her over the edge. She was literally so wet and all she wanted to do was let Delphine undo her jeans and slide her hand inside. Just the thought of it was making her throb. Delphine saw the reaction not sure whether to stop or continue. Cosima held onto that buzz between her legs as she in did the rest of her buttons herself pulling the shirt to her sides and revealing her beautiful chest. Her bra was plain but it still brought out a mass of excitement in Delphine. Now it was Delphine's turn. With shaking hands Cosima leant down her toned stomach bending down and catching Delphine's eyes. It was as if she had never unclipped buttons before, Delphine came to her rescue and undid it herself revealing a black bra. Cosima leant back down kissing her on the lips, then the jaw, then her neck. Lingering on her neck, sucking ever so gently on her pale skin before kissing deeper to her collar bones. Delphine's had wanted this for so long and it get totally different to how she had imagined it. It was better, not the confident know it all kisses she was used to. Cosima had no idea what the fuck she was doing. She kept kissing nibbling even at the skin. It seemed to do the trick.She could tell by the small buds of Delphine's nipples pushing up against her bra. In the movies and the stories they said to listen to their breathing and react to it. Was deep prolonged breaths a good or bad thing? She kept kissing anyway, all over Delphine's chest. Kissing the tops of her breasts, feeling the buds under her lips and down to her toned stomach. Delphine had been working so hard on it. Cosima never thought she would be attracted to toned stomachs even though her own was half way there. She moved further down, straddling her legs and reaching the hem of her jeans. Now what did she do? In the movies it was just assumed they were going down. You got a close up of the girls face, her moans of pleasure as she orgasms. But this was not a movie, this was real life. Cosima kissed along the hem of Delphine's jeans, freaking out. She had no idea. 

"Cosima it's ok." Delphine whispered into the afternoon air. Cosima was so thankful that Delphine seemed to know. Hesitating she kissed back up her stomach over her breasts, her collar bones, her neck, her jaw and finally her lips. Just Delphine's finger brushing her trouser was enough, how was being kissed so close to the target? Cosima smiled at her for understanding. Delphine tried to get up. 

It wasn't horrible or awkward, she felt a bit strange for being worked up for it and not getting it. But she understood. Kissing was natural, people did it all the time, it was in the movies. But real honest sex...it's better. Harder. It requires full attention and patience and a lot of emotion. Cosima wasn't ready. 

 

Cosima felt like she was at some kind of science fair she hadn't prepared for, knowing she failed and waiting for her grade. But Delphine didn't say anything, she just sat up, still Cosima was on her lap. Her hands played with the sides of her Cosima's waist, feeling the hot skin tentative under her finger tips. A smile spread across her face as she rested her hands on Cosima's thighs. 

"I was with a boy for my first time. It was scary and I thought I wanted it. I convinced myself I did. But I didn't know there were other things at the time." Delphine started, playing with the creases Cosima's grey jeans made at this angle. "And I was awful at it. When I was with a girl it came naturally. It was scary. Very terrifying. Cauchemar." Cosima knew the last word meant nightmare. She felt a little better for being such a let down. She was paying a lot of attention to the closeness of Delphine's fingers to her core. It felt so different. To yourself you know were you're going to put your fingers you know what makes you feel good. But with others you can't predict it, they could do anything and that made it harder for her to concentrate. What was happening in her pants was unreal. Delphine's hand playing with those creases must have known that they were brushing over Cosima's actual core. She took a deep breath, worried that if she said anything she would stop. 

"I've never done...anything." Cosima admitted. She was uncomfortable but she felt safe to say it. Delphine didn't say more she just nodded eating some olives and playing. “I mean I have to myself...I do to myself.” Those words made Delphine tense in her core, the thought of Cosima doing things to herself was hot. Delphine had to know Cosima would, lots of people did, not everyone but a large amount of people did play with themselves. It was just the way Cosima clarified that she still did things to herself that was hot. Cosima noticed Delphine's sudden interest. “Like last night...and the night before. In fact the night I first saw you. If Cosima couldn't actually do it right now with Delphine, she could say the effect it was having on her. 

"It's ok." Delphine finally said with a strained voice. It surprised her how much the thought of Cosima getting off as getting her off. Her fingers stopped playing with her jeans. She knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it was having. So she stopped herself before she could do more. 

Cosima felt too awkward, at not knowing what to do, at saying what she just did, so got off of her lap and sat back where she started. They ate in silence for a moment, and Cosima watched the water. Delphine moved some of the empty food packets, sitting closer to Cosima. Without saying anything she reached her arm around her bare shoulders and pulled her in towards her. Cosima smiled to herself at the contact, but felt awful for not knowing what to do earlier. 

“How about that French?” Delphine encouraged, looking out onto the water. Doux leaning on the other side of her licking the floor. 

“Oh god. Time to prove my worth huh?” Cosima said, getting herself ready to prove herself. 

“You don't have to prove anything Cosima. You are worth more than the world to me.” Delphine said it without thinking, stroking her shoulder gently. This made Cosima feel so much better, grinning to herself and trying to get her head around the new language in her brain. 

“Je m'appelle Cosima.” Cosima started with such a bad accent it made Delphine laugh again, it was even worse than before. Cosima turned to face her laughing too. Delphine squeezed her in more, leaning her head on Cosima's smelling the soft scents of coconut and almonds. 

“Tres bon.” Delphine praised softly in her ear. Hesitating a little breathing there. The heat and sound of Delphine's breath made her go crazy inside. 

“Dans mon temps libre je lis des livres.” Cosima laughed at how the lame the phrase was. But the books she used to study were limited, French for beginners. And it seemed that everything Delphine had taught her did not go in. Delphine laughed in a sigh at what Cosima said. 

“Quels livres lisez-vous?” Delphine asked. Now Cosima had no idea what she was saying, she must not have got that far in the book, but the accent and her voice made her fall into a trance. 

“I'm good huh?” Cosima joked. Delphine didn't speak straight away just looking into her eyes. 

“Yes.” 

 

A few hours later they packed up all of their things, got back into their clothes, and grabbed Doux, climbing over the fence and heading back to town. When they got back Cosima was just imagining what she would do as soon as she go into her bed. How long it would take, now she was tense and built up. 

But there was something wrong, she could see Janice at the door. Dread passed through her. She realised there was a sad expression on her face. A pang of horror crept through her, when it was not Janice's usual expression. What could it be, could she be this disapproving that she wants a family talk or something. Was she finally going to lay down the house rules?

“Cosima could you come inside please, I need to tell you something.” Cosima slowly looked from Delphine to Janice, her smile she always wore around her fading. Delphine nudged her forward, and Cosima walked up her lawn feeling like she was walking the last steps to the gates of hell, missing immediately the warmth and comfort of Delphine to the cold and bleak Janice. Cosima could feel something bad in the pit of her stomach, Janice was nervous, she could feel it. Cosima gulped walking up to the door and pausing just inside. 

“Dennis has had a heart attack.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten

“Just repeat it in human language, damn man.” Cosima complained, the doctor stared at her with a stern expression. Janice was crying at the side of Dennis in the hospital bed. He was wired up to machines, an oxygen mask on his face. The doctor sighed and folded his arms over his clip board. 

“I'll say it again. He only suffered a minor heart attack he will be fine in a few days. But seconds are not uncommon, we are just keeping him in for observations. 

“Why couldn't you say that the first time dude?” The fact was he had tried to explain it that way three times, but neither of them wanted to realise it. Cosima had no time to hate Janice, she just sat by the side of his bed holding onto his big hand and closing her eyes. Just praying that he would be ok.”This can't happen again.” Cosima whispered to herself but everyone heard. Janice wanted to comfort her, even holding her hand out like Cosima had before, but chose not to. Cosima was not that type of person. The doctor looked between the two of them and bowed his head in sympathy before leaving. As he exited the door Delphine walked back in from the canteen a tray of coffees in her hand. She didn't look to Janice, just putting the tray down on a small table, taking two out, dropping the napkins and half eaten croissant she had. Delphine sat back down on the chair next to Cosima, stroking her back and encouraging her to be ok, tears silently falling down Cosima's face. She leant up, wiping the tears under her glasses and nudging them back up her nose. Smiling sadly, her lips shined from the salty tears, she took the coffee cup, meeting Delphine's eyes. They gazed at each other, Delphine wanting so badly to hug and kiss her, tell her it was ok. She broke the eye contact, sipping on her own coffee, looking over to Dennis breathing slowly. His heart beat was a constant in the room, beeping slowly at regular intervals. Cosima was using it to control her own breathing. In for three out for four. Janice wanted to hold onto Dennis, she wanted so badly to be near her husband but she understood that Cosima needed her space. Conflicted on her wants and needs, she stood up, almost saying goodbye, but chose to leave in silence. As soon as the door closed behind her Cosima turned to Delphine. Almost dropping her coffee and hugging her tight. 

 

\----------

 

Delphine let the words sink in, stood on her porch just listening to Janice's voice. Her key in the door, she let it hang there. Her hands going straight to her mouth when she realised what Janice had muffled. Dennis had a heart attack and Janice was refusing to say where he was until the morning. Poor Cosima. Her heart broke, she didn't know Dennis well at all but Cosima idolised him. In the past week she had learned much more about him than her own père. Hearing the noise she ran down the porch, letting Cosima run into her in the middle of her lawn. Doux yapped as Cosima cried into Delphine's chest. Delphine was so tormented, looking at no where, her eyes focusing in the distance. Cosima's arms were strong but weak, Delphine holding her up so she wouldn't fall. But the weight was so unexpected, she fell to the grass but Cosima did not let go. She sat there cradling Cosima under the evening light, hearing the slow sobs and felt such a pain, greater than she had felt in the past weeks. She knew that she would have to get rid of her own drama for good. Now she had to focus on Cosima. Janice stood watching them in the doorway feeling helpless. It must not have been her fault, heart attacks could happen at any time, for anyone. But she knew Cosima would blame her. 

 

\----------

 

Cosima sobbed into Delphine's chest, Delphine stroking her dreds and down her back, holding her close. 

“It's my fault.” Cosima said. It broke Delphine's heart even more, her brow furrowed and she put her head on Cosima's kissing her long and hard on her hair. 

“Non. It is not Cosima.” Delphine consoled. “It's no ones fault.” Cosima stopped sobbing looking up at Delphine, her eyes filled with not yet fallen tears. Delphine stared back, unable to help. There was nothing she could do. 

“Janice did this!” Cosima spurted, looking at the door with such anger. Delphine shook her head, before she could speak Cosima added. “No I did this. I have been such a shit lately and now he had a heart attack. It's me!” Delphine pulled her in close again kissing her forehead three times, reaching and putting their coffee's down so she could hold her properly. 

“No one did this. It was an accident.” Delphine was desperate trying to console her. Yesterday had been so beautiful, even if Cosima was nervous and cautious Delphine just enjoyed being with her. Seeing her smile and knowing that she caused that smile, and the way Cosima would go quite when they were about to kiss. As if breaking the silence would break the magic. Cosima wept for a bit, her sobs subsiding whilst her anger and sadness turned into nothingness. Dennis still laid down breathing into the mask, the artificial air pumping into his lungs. Delphine kissed the top of her head again and looked around. It was dark, the morning of the next day. 

When Janice had told Cosima, and after Cosima had collapsed in Delphine's arms, Janice wouldn't give Cosima any information about where he was. No matter if Cosima was screaming the street down in hysteric tears at not being able to see her own father. Delphine thought this was awful, not letting his own child see him. But Janice was right, Cosima needed to sleep it of. This much bad news, and the state he would be in if she went straight away would be too much.

 

\------------

 

Cosima was still sobbing but she needed to get up. Delphine carefully pulled her up from the lawn and out of night air. She was tempted to take her back to her own house with Janice, a person who knew Dennis better, but Cosima had run here. As soon as she found out she ran straight into her arms. It made Delphine feel happy in a sad way, happy that she would come to her when in need, but sad that she had no one else. If Delphine wasn't there and the same thing happened then it would be horrible. Janice was no mother to Cosima. 

Taking her inside Delphine pulled out the key back at the door, luckily in the ordeal Doux had stayed by the door, not running away. Doux was smart, even she could see that Cosima was struggling. Inside she shut the door with her leg, carrying Cosima into the hall way. Not even checking on Doux, she began to lead Cosima up the stairs. She had no idea what to do with her, in this state, the tears falling manically, her sobs turning to slow groans. When she got to her bedroom door she took a deep breath, for her it would be the first time they would be in a room alone together. Cosima walked herself to the bed, taking off her shoes and climbing in, crawling under the covers and turning away. Delphine stood there, Doux had made her way up the stairs even with her small little legs and sat by her feet. Delphine didn't know whether to stay or go or what. For a moment she just stood there staring at the small form's chest rising and falling in a pattern around her cries. Doux chewed at her feet, leading her to exit the bedroom. With another sigh she turned to leave. 

“Delphine....?” Cosima asked in such a drawn out and lonely way. The rawness and sadness in her voice almost brought a tear to her eye. Delphine had to step up, to be there for her. The worst part wasn't the news, it was not being allowed to see him, not even knowing if he was ok, alive or dead or otherwise. Delphine walked to the bedside looking down at her. Cosima turned to look up, her eyes red. “Can you just...” Cosima tried to find the words for what she wanted, but she couldn't instead she moved over still in the foetal position and left room for Delphine. Delphine furrowed her brow not really sure if it was best, but she got in with her. Cosima pushed into Delphine and they laid there together, cuddling, slow sobs whilst Delphine stroked her hair down to her side. Trying to comfort her. After a few hours, and a quick text to a colleague at Delphine's work, Cosima fell asleep. Delphine stayed up to make sure she was ok, but after staying up for another two hours she was sure she was, and fell slowly in and out of sleep all night. Waking up suddenly to check she was still there, that she was still breathing. 

 

\-------------

 

“It can't happen again Delphine.” Cosima repeated, she was sat up leaning on the edge of her own chair now. Janice had returned with some sandwiches, which no one wanted except herself. She sat, legs crossed slowly eating hers watching Dennis with huge doe eyes. She kept catching Delphine's eyes and she knew she would say something soon. With her eyes Janice invited Delphine outside. Delphine looked from Cosima who was holding her hand again and praying. They both got up and walked towards the door. Delphine didn't know what she would say, but knew that it was going to be offensive and rude. 

“How are you feeling?” Delphine asked Janice when they were out of ear range. Cosima didn't even look up to see them through the window. 

“I am better.” Janice stated, Delphine had caught her crying earlier, but she shut her down with some negative comment on her hair. “I wanted to talk to you about being here.” Janice was hinting at something and Delphine hated her already. She hated her because she kept trying to keep her away from Cosima. With good reason, but they connected much more than she thought and age wasn't an issue. Cosima was an adult. 

“What do you mean.” Delphine didn't even say it in a question, she folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head back, closing her eyes and sighing. Preparing herself to be offended and getting phrases ready to shoot her back down. 

“I don't think you should be here, you don't even know Dennis.” Janice was blunt as always but Delphine knew that there was a hint of apology, as if this whole time she was being polite and not pointing out the obvious. This time it did not outrage her, she was too exhausted from staying up late with Cosima, from holding herself together so she didn't seem weak. She was tired of being treated like a bad odour hanging around that Janice didn't want.

“Look I am sorry that you feel that way.” Delphine started, she knew she shouldn't really be there, she did not know him it was true, but Cosima did and she would do anything for her. “I am here for Cosima not you. If you have a problem please keep it to yourself, for their sake.” Her eyes glanced over to the two of them. Dennis' heart beat monitor rising and falling in a pattern. 

“Thing is Delphine, I know you are not good for Cosima. Cosima needs focus and direction, not distractions. She can achieve so much and you are....” Janice thought of the words, Delphine was actually starting to get angry, taking it to heart. “a hindrance.” Delphine was outraged. 

“Janice please just for one night please cut this out.” Delphine was not sure what the phrases over here were for this sort of thing. She wanted to tell Janice to leave, but she had no place too. All of this negativity would not be good for his heart once he recovered. Maybe she should just go. 

“Janice could you get me a glass of water I am feeling a bit ill?” Cosima suddenly appeared behind them, having opened the door silently and listened. Janice looked at the sad pale face before her, then to Delphine, furrowed her brow and then left. Delphine turned to Cosima, arms still folded and still angry, but smiling with tired eyes. 

“Thank you.” Delphine was grateful for taking her away. 

“So the doctor says he will be alright in a few days. I might stay here for a few hours, if you want to go?” Delphine could see the restrain in Cosima, holding back the tears. She should go, but she just couldn't. She couldn't leave her with that witch. He would be ok, the doctors that had examined him had said that straight away. But hospitals bring out the worst in people, in here there is no optimism. Hospitals were places where you go when you are sick, they are not seen as places to go to get better, even if that is what happens most of the time. 

“Do you really want me to go. Cosima I can stay here....” Delphine really had to go to work tonight, she hadn't gone the night before because of the news. Her boss understood, she was researching new projects and diseases. But nothing that important. She always felt bad about missing work, she could have found a cure by accident, but she never would. That was not worth leaving Cosima either, she couldn't think of a good enough reason to at all. Cosima didn't answer straight away. 

“Go to work. I'll be fine. Janice is just a bitch as usual, I've dealt with her for a year. I can do it now!” Cosima joked. It was nice to see her taking light of this, not letting it weigh her down. Her crying last night was more because she had already lost her mother, and now her father was tied up to machines, breathing with aid and being kept in. She couldn't leave her. But she did have to. Even at the brink of death life continues. 

“Je t'aime, Cosima.” Delphine said, partially turning to leave but holding back. 

“I love you to, Delphine. Just go and work, I'll stay here for a little while...” Cosima was exhausted, her cheeks were puffy and her eyes watery.

“Try and get some sleep, mon amour.” Delphine took her small body into her arms and hugged her tight, again kissing the top of her head. “Try and get some rest.” She said breaking free, turning and leaving the hospital. Cosima watched her walk down the corridor, as soon as she was out of sight she went to go back inside. 

“Cosima, I wont allow her back here. She is not good for you. I've taken her off of the approved visitors list.” For the first time Cosima could see what life would be like without Dennis, and it killed her. She didn't even grace what Janice had said with a reply. With a deep sigh Cosima turned and sat back down next to the two warm coffee cups and napkins. She held onto Delphine's coffee, holding it between both of her hands and rolling it gently. 

“Janice, can we not talk. I am here for Dennis not you.” Cosima stated and did not talk to Janice for the remainder of the night. 

The next day it was different there was a little more hope. Dennis had woken up but was still weak, his breathing strained and his chest hurt when he talked too much. 

“Can I talk to my dad alone, Janice?” Cosima asked, she had turned on her polite not at all passive aggressive façade for his sake. Janice nodded, got up flattening her dress and then left. “Dad!” Cosima cried out as soon as the door closed behind her fat ass, tears escaping her eyes and her chin scrunched up trying to suppress the tears. Dennis' breathing increased and he tried to move his hand to comfort her but couldn't. “Janice is horrible dad. I can't take it anymore. She has over stepped the line. I am sorry to tell you this now. It is horrible.” Cosima collapsed on top of his chest, her head resting on him. He managed with strained breaths to put his heavy arm on top of her. With pained breaths, he tried to speak. 

“It's....it's alright, honey.” His voice scratched, Cosima realised she was probably hurting him and leant up, wiping tears away with the sleeve of her sweater. She hadn't changed since going to the lake two nights back. Seeing her father like this was horrifying. It was as if she was cursed, the people she loved the most, even her mother who she had not met were taken away from her. She couldn't let this happen again. She just couldn't. 

“You can't leave me.” Cosima whispered, Dennis opened his eyes and looked over to her, the mask over his mouth and nose steaming up. 

“I promise...I won't-” He coughed, she could see his chest tensing at each sharp intake of breath. “- won't ever leave you.” He coughed a final time and needed some rest. Cleaning up her tears, relieved that he was at least speaking she started to smile. 

“Dad, Delphine and I are together.” Cosima admitted, he was in the hospital bed, he was incapacitated and could not leave. It was the perfect time to come out. She held her hands together, the note crushed and worn between her hands. The one she would cherish always. The one Delphine had given her.

“I..I know, honey.” He strained closing his eyes again his heart raising a little but not too much. Cosima looked up to his closed eyes with some kind of silent appreciation. 

“You're ok with it?” Cosima asked. She probably knew what he would say, he always seemed to say the right thing. He was a lecturer by profession but he would never lecture her on her life. He would watch her and only give advice when she asked for it. She often asked for advice but even then he wouldn't give her a straight answer, only something that would guide her. 

“Your mother was the one for me...” He coughed. “My own father did not appreciate her becoming my wife.” He wheezed out, gaining his breath and looking up at her. “But I loved her, and that is the most important thing.” He coughed even more now, Cosima felt bad for causing him to be in such a state. “Zara was perfect in every way.” As if he wasn't confined to a hospital bed Dennis grew strength in his words. “From the moment I laid eyes on her there was a connection.” He took a moment of reflection, Cosima held on tight to the metal bar at the side of his bed, her ears hopeful. “Even now I love her with every fibre in my body.” Cosima's ear pricked at the sounds of Janice's footsteps outside of the room. She was pacing. Cosima hoped Janice could hear this, could hear what he was saying. 

“That's how I feel about Delphine, dad. I love her like I have never loved any body or ever will.” Cosima looked up into her fathers eyes, he was trying hard to smile back at her, his cheeks gaining a little bit of colour back in them. He put his hand out for Cosima to take it. 

“Then never let her go.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewritten Explicit sex scene

“Dennis lay back down.” Janice asked him, placing her hand on his chest. Dennis laughed in a pained and tired way relaxing back onto the bed. 

“Janice please, I am fine. You are not making me lay back down, I am choosing too.” He joked, he was back to his old self even if he was still wired up. It had been almost a week, Delphine had not been back, well she had tried but the doctors would not allow her in. Janice and Cosima were sat next to his bed, Cosima kicked back on a chair her feet on the metal railing on the side of his bed. She was reading some textbook, she got into Minnesota but that was far from her mind. Dennis and Delphine were her main priority. She moved her feet from the rails and got up, putting the book down on her bags on the floor. 

“Guys I'm gonna go grab a drink, you want one?” Cosima was trying to act chipper. She knew where she was really going. Dennis just fogged up his oxygen mask and attempted a smile, he knew where she was going. Without hesitation Cosima turned for the door. As soon as it was closed behind her, she began to power walk down the blue corridor, and then jogged, almost at the end she ran, breaking free of the corridor through great swinging double doors. Again she bolted, running down the adjacent corridor and through the last set of double doors to the reception. As soon as she graced the entrance Delphine jumped up from the waiting room chair and opened her arms. This time Cosima ran into her, hugging tight, hard and long, they were happy. Delphine came in every day, apart from sleeping, eating and working she spent every waking moment here. 

“Delphine!” Cosima gasped, she hadn't taken a breath since they embraced. Delphine smiled down on her head and let her pull away slightly. Without really thinking about it, as if it came naturally to both of them they just sort of stared at each other and leaned in. Delphine's face was shocked, it had been so long and she loved Cosima but she didn't know if they were ready to be public and affectionate, and what if Janice saw?! But they kissed. Like the first time it was soft and tentative as if neither wanted to break the other, as if they would be separate at any point and this would be the sweetest memory. When they broke free Cosima grinned at her with her beautiful fangy grin. 

“Cosima.” Delphine replied bringing her back in for a hug. They both sat down on the seats, Delphine moving her bags she had put there to save all day. “How is he?” Delphine asked, worry all over her face. She didn't know, and Cosima couldn't wait to tell her the good news.

“He is fine now, now more trouble and he seems healthy enough. They say it was down to stress, apparently Janice had been holding back on the amount of work and strain at the university and then this happened...so it was none of our faults I guess.” Cosima admitted smiling to the floor and lifting her eyes back up to Delphine. She could see Delphine hanging on her ever syllable and then her face changed realising what was being said. 

“I am so glad!” She said in a sigh of relief a smile spreading across her face. 

“There is something else...I kinda told Dennis that we were together.” Cosima tried to smile, she didn't feel like smiling much in the past few days but now she really did fee like it. Dennis probably knew she loved Delphine because she knew herself, he was that kind of person. Intuitive and wise. Delphine's eyes widened. 

“Non, what did he say?” Her arm instinctively came around Cosima's shoulders and pulled her in close for comfort. The bar between the two seats was digging into Cosima's side but she didn't mind right now. She grinned up at the blonde. 

“He said that if I love you, I shouldn't let you go.” Cosima pulled her mouth into a line, she felt weary suddenly at the thought of the strained way he had said that to her. He was better now, much better but then he was on the edge of his life. Delphine didn't say anything straight away, so Cosima held her hand out and she took it interlocking their fingers. It was enough. Cosima wouldn't let her go. 

“Can we just get out of here for a bit, this place is like hella depressing and I need to see the sunlight.” Cosima asked, her hand going across the seat and touching Delphine on her lap. The contact again made her crazy but this was a hospital and that was gross. The thoughts about her going to university were too much for her to think about, she needed a distraction. She would be going away very soon and then she didn't know. This big grey expanse of nothing. Delphine squeezed her hand, she knew what Cosima needed. 

***

“Now this is the thing, olive oil, chilli oil, garlic oil or what else?” Delphine smiled bringing the slate onto the kitchen island. They had spent the rest of the day at the lake, and now were back trying to recreate that first innocent meeting before it all went to shit. Cosima looked at all of them, chewing on some French stick with garlic oil on. 

“Like I love all of them this is so hard!” Cosima dipped her bread into the chilli oil letting it soak and put the remainder in her mouth. She had no idea, they were all so different but the same and all tasted so good. Cosima gazed into her beautiful big eyes as Delphine put some of her own bread in her mouth, and chewed. It was strange, even the way she ate bread was hot. Delphine noticed her staring with a cute lost expression. 

“Oui?” Delphine asked looking at the face of her love. Cosima let out a laugh and batted her eye lids. 

“You are so ridiculously hot, like really hot.” In all this time this was her first compliment towards her. Delphine looked back at her, eating some more bread and leaning towards her head on elbows. They were so close over the kitchen island. Cosima was so hot but the marble surface was cold, it was like some crazy contrast. They both finished what they were eating and gazed, both wanting the other to start something but neither actually managing too. It was like their first meeting. Cosima realised how naïve she had been when they first met to think that the feelings and emotions she felt were normal and just a thing. How stupid was she to not realise that these feelings were admiration and lust. She had the world in her mind and she had missed this. Breathing over took any words, they just gazed at each other in want and breathing began to increase. 

“What's your favourite movie?” Cosima asked, suddenly all the feelings crashed over her like a tidal wave and she knew she had to distract herself. She didn't exactly know the reason behind why she had to, but she just knew she did. Backing away she took the tray into the living room, putting it on the huge coffee table and taking up a seat on the sofa. Delphine let out a heavy tensed breath at the intensity between them and followed after her. They sat on opposite ends but not out of hate, both pulled their legs up and they sat side ways facing each other, knee's touching. 

“Hmmm.” Delphine thought to herself, taking some more bread and eating it up, feeling the sweet and hot flavours explode in her. “I like 'romantic' films. Where the woman loves the man but there are so many twists and turns and they always end up together but you never see it coming. Those are my favourites, I do not have a...a 'specific' favourite.” Delphine used her hands to speak, Cosima noticed how she had picked it up and it warmed her inside. Cosima was endlessly talking with her hands instead of actually formulating real words. Delphine caught herself doing it and blushed, looking at her hands in her lap. “You?” 

“Si-fy!” Cosima shouted suddenly really excited. Delphine furrowed her brown in confusion over the words. “Oh sheesh yeah like, science fiction movies, like, you know..urm, aliens and space ships and like outer space. Sometimes they are romantic! They is such much gay subtext in them it is unreal. Don't even get me started on star-trek--” Delphine cut in. 

“Which start trek film, I thought it was a series?” Delphine asked, again confused. Although her confusion was so attractive to Cosima, did they even have star trek in France? And how did she know it was a series, does that mean she watches it? All of these thoughts raced through her head and she could feel herself getting more and more excited. 

“Yes it is! It is both. The new movies and probably what you're thinking of. I love the series more than anything like, it's so good! Old but amazing! Live long and prosper!” Cosima suddenly realised how much of a nerd she was when she did the Vulcan hand gesture. She slowly put her hand down in embarrassment but Delphine thought her youthful enthusiasm was adorkable. Delphine giggled at what she had said. 

“I am more of a supernatural/lost girl type of person when it comes down to that genre.” Delphine said it in such a nonchalant way that it was almost egging on some sort of reaction. Cosima's whole existence seemed to light up like a spark and her grin was wider than ever. 

“Really?” Cosima asked, leaning across her lap and holding onto Delphine's knees. Delphine noticed the unconscious contact and leaned forward too, putting her hands on top of Cosima's. They both leaned in closer together as Delphine swallowed and wiped her tongue across her teeth. Cosima gulped at the anticipation of Delphine's response. Knowing they could nerd out together almost made Cosima feel faint with excitement. 

“Oui.” Cosima practically sprang on her, unable to control her excitement, or think of a more human response to it. She just pushed Delphine backwards letting Delphine support her with her hands on her shoulders. Cosima kissed her straight away pushing into her with such desire as her held held on to Delphine's face. Delphine smiled, she had made the whole thing up but she knew now she would have to quickly watch all 200 seasons of supernatural in the next week and all 4 of lost girl in a day to show she had some knowledge. She had been so stupid to make herself believe that Cosima was a book nerd only and didn't watch such shows. And now she knew, she didn't regret it, Cosima had such a fire about her. Without even thinking Cosima pulled off her tee and kissed into Delphine even more. Delphine responded by smiling into the kiss, her hands running up and down Cosima's side and hesitating around her chest. Cosima felt the hesitation and knew that Delphine was worried, it didn't exactly go as planned the last time they fooled around. But this time Cosima had been secretly reading up on it, educating herself on this felt like learning a whole knew language, the language of sex.

In the textbook she was reading around Janice were internet print outs of information, real lesbians with ideas and tricks. Half of which she couldn't even pronounce. Cosima grabbed Delphine's hand, resting her body onto Delphine's and guided it up her side and put it on her breast under her bra. Cosima smiled at the contact the raw sensation she felt all over her body, she had never expected such a small experience to feel so good. Their kisses were harder and more hungry than ever. The days after they had first tried anything were long and tiresome. Delphine had worked and Cosima had sat at her dad's bed side. But now they were both letting out what they had been waiting for for so long. Pent up sexual frustrations. Delphine's hand was caressing her and it almost made her want to moan out but she didn't read anything about if it was meant to feel that good. Delphine saw the pleasure in Cosima's face just by opening her eyes a little. Within a second she had kissed her up to a sitting position, Cosima adjusted her legs so they weren't crossed and Delphine pulled off her small blouse she was wearing. Cosima broke the kiss to admire what was happening, after letting out a groan at the beautiful sight she couldn't help but kiss more, knowing how hot she was. Delphine saw the affect she was having on the poor girl and loved it. This time Cosima knew she had to explore more, further knowing Delphine's body more than she already did. In a second her hand was teasing all the way up Delphine's toned stomach. Jeez it was so toned and hot holy watershed, Cosima had a fan girl moment, before loosing herself in their kiss. 

When Delphine was just about to guide her hand she made a move and caressed her breasts too, causing Delphine to moan out a little. This part Cosima did read up on, exactly what to do it to get the perfect amount of pleasure. Cosima realised she would have to go the whole way right now, it wasn't fair to not. She was ready, hell she had been ready a second after she freaked out at the lake, she had been waiting for this. It was just the omniscience of it right now, how there was two ways out of this. Give her the best shot she could and make her orgasm amazing, or flake out of it again. Cosima was not prepared for that embarrassment. Delphine realised Cosima was slowing down her pace, and thought she might have got bored. Quickly thinking she realised she might have to up her game. It had been a long time now since she had last fooled around rather than being in a serious relationship. Moving her again she wanted to take control, lifting Cosima up in a protective hold moving her and pushing her down on her back. Cosima looked up happy, beaming and totally filled to over flow with lust. Delphine needed to take control to show her how to do things. She would be the teacher. Cosima could see the change in Delphine from sweet and appreciative to lustful and about to do something amazing. Cosima gulped and began to feel the power of that look on her core. Delphine leant down, kissing hard all over Cosima's face and jaw, looking up in the eye for conformation but doing it anyway. Her kisses trailed down her neck setting Cosima's body for what she was about to do. Cosima bit her lip hard, focusing her eyes on the roof and closing them. Her hand instinctively nudged her glasses up her nose like she did each time she needed to focus. But at the moment her whole body and mind were consumed with where the pressure Delphine made on her neck. Cosima didn't look she just felt the reactions on the places Delphine was touching and kissing and then the power that she felt between her legs. The want and need that was trying to get out. 

Delphine had made her way down to Cosima's jeans like Cosima had done before, except this time Delphine knew exactly what to do. With a smirk Delphine sat up undoing the buttons to the jeans. Their cores were so close together, Delphine stared into Cosima's eyes with a smirk as her hands worked on getting those pants off. Slowly dragging the denim down her legs. It was crazy the feelings and sensations shattering all over her body from the slightest touch. The internet was right, closing off sensory experience really does make the rest better. Delphine put her hands on Cosima lower legs and ran them up to her hips breathing out in some sensual intimidation for what was happening. Just from the anticipation Cosima let out a moan. Delphine kissed up and down her thighs and the sweet spots that made her breathing sky rocket. Delphine paused preparing Cosima for what was happening on the sofa in her living room and how it could never been taken back, it would never be got rid of. It would be immortalised in their minds forever. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Delphine asked in a soft sweet way, she moved up on Cosima's bare body bar panties and bra, their faces next to each other. Cosima was too aroused to talk, she bit her bottom lip hard and nodded. Delphine smirked and moved her hand underneath her towards Cosima's hips. As her fingers brushed underneath the hem of her panties their lips connected and kissed hard. Delphine's fingers parted as they smoothed over each side of Cosima's core. With a deep intake of breath Cosima's eyes shot open and she kissed Delphine harder, holding the blondes head between her hands and pulling her in. As she did, Delphine began to rub up and down the wet lips of Cosima's core. With a shudder Cosima writhed underneath Del as the rubbing and stroking became faster and more expert, rubbing over the right places in different orders. Just enough to leave her core wanting more. Craving more. Cosima clutched harder to Delphine's face as her fingers moved inside her core's lips, finding her clit and rubbing over it. Cosima couldn't even kiss now, her whole focus was on her core and the mass of feelings that were happening, her throbbing clit was sending pulses all over her with each movement. She could feel herself getting wetter and wetter. It was kinda embarrassing actually, she was half naked on Delphine's sofa her legs apart and Delphine's hand between her legs. She was used to herself doing it, she knew what she liked but this was new, this was fucking amazing and the way Delphine's fingers knew exactly where to go got her off even more. Her mouth open in a moan Delphine pulled away from the kiss, they both stared hungrily at each other breathing hard into each others mouth. When Delphine's finger pushed down further and circled her core's entrance her thumb pressuring her clit, Cosima couldn't take it her hand left Delphine's face and grabbed hold of her wrist guiding her fingers inside of her. Moaning out Cosima's heart raced and Delphine probed around inside of her, pulling in and out slowly at first watching Cosima's reaction with careful eyes. She was way more experienced than this, this was simple, this was easy, but it also never failed. Delphine loved how Cosima was reacting, she loved that she wasn't even remotely done yet and Cosima was already moaning. 

Cosima couldn't help but raise her hips towards Delphine's fingers and force them in further, her thumb running her clit in circles causing her hips to jerk underneath her. Delphine stopped kissing her now, holding herself up on the sofa underneath Cosima and moving her hands down. Delphine's fingers began to speed up inside of Cosima, expertly running themselves in and out of her tight wet hole. Delphine slipped another finger in and saw the reaction on Cosima's face, pained at first and then a whole new level of pleasure. 

“Delphine!” Cosima began to call out, her mouth not sure what to do. Delphine shushed her gently and blew hot air over her breasts covered in her bra. 

“We need to get you out of this.” Delphine groaned. Cosima's hands went under her back quickly, feeling Delphine's fingers slow, she chucked it across the living area and closed her eyes again in pleasure. Delphine groaned again in a low sexy way that made Cosima even wetter. Now she was having the effect on Delphine. In a second Delphine's hand sped back up and Cosima's hip arched even further as Delphine took her budding right nipple into her mouth and began to kiss and suck at it, licking it around with her tongue before gently, with the slightest touch nibbling on it before kissing it again. Oh my god. Cosima had never felt that before, this was completely different. Delphine breathed all over her erect nipple and it made things even more intense. All of Cosima's online research could not have prepared her for this, she had never known you could get so much pleasure from your nipples. Delphine moved onto her left breast, this time kissing all around her breast and licking in one stroke up to her nipple, before taking it in her mouth and giving it the same thorough sucking and biting it deserved. 

“Fuck, Delphine.” Cosima said as Delphine's pushed a third finger into Cosima's now throbbing and totally soaked pussy. Delphine smiled as she gently nibbled at the erect nipple held in her hot wet mouth. 

“Shhh, we haven't even started.” Delphine whispered not looking up this time she moved her mouth and trailed it down between Cosima's breasts to her stomach, moving herself down the sofa as she did. Cosima knew what was about the happen, this was the part she had read in great detail. After a while all the mystery and the passion with the idea of it was gone, she had calculated and graphed everything about it and now it was about to happen. She was scared. Her eyes opened for the first time and they darted about the place, even though her core was getting a huge work out and she was literally dripping right now, she couldn't help but let her anxieties boil over. Her dad had a heart attack and was in hospital right now. Was it selfish to be here, going to a lake, having oils and bread whilst he is confined to a-

“Oh fuck!” Cosima shouted and her arms came up to her face, holding her forehead as she closed her eyes hard feeling every sensation between her legs. Delphine still had her fingers inside of her core but now she was also eating Cosima out in a way that she could not even imagine. At first she started with strokes of her tongue up and down the whole of her soaked pussy, but now she was getting to the intimate parts, sending writhing shocks of pleasure down her legs and all the way up to her breasts. As Delphine's tongue found her clit Cosima didn't know what to do, her legs wanted to buckle, so she gripped them around Delphine and held her in place between her legs. Delphine laughed at the way Cosima was acting and that hot breath just made things hotter. “Oh yeah.” Cosima groaned out. Fuck this was amazing. Delphine's fingers slowed inside of her, now agonisingly slowly pulling in and plunging back into her wrecked core. Her hands didn't know what to do, so they grabbed her own breasts and massaged them, holding them tight, squeezing them and then letting go, holding them again. She had never even thought about her breasts before today. When she masturbated she just used her hands on her core and now she was being fucked on a sofa groping herself. 

Then she felt the build up they talked about on all the forums. She could feel it radiating out of her core, she could feel herself tightening around Delphine's fingers, Delphine feeling this and going for it, her fingers running fast and her tongue circling and sucking on her clit. 

“Yes!” Cosima began to moan out in pleasure, she let go of her breasts now and put her hands over her eyes. She was so embarrassed, naked before Delphine. She didn't even know what she tasted like! What if it was bad? What if it wasn't what she expected and Delphine was doing it any way? What if-- “Oh my god! Fuck yes, Delphine!” Cosima had never cussed so much in her life, but the way her body tightened and Delphine smiled and laughed and her hands relaxed and the way her body seemed to implode with pleasure, she could feel her self soaking around Delphine's fingers and mouth. She felt totally wrecked and great at the same time. Delphine gave one more lap of Cosima's pussy and then leant up, sitting up over Cosima's soft body as it recovered. Cosima's breathing was fast, but her body relaxed now all of the tension was gone, her eyes still closed she just savoured what was happening. Delphine wiped her mouth clean and ran her hands through her hair with a big smile staring at the women beneath her. 

“You liked that, no?” Delphine asked innocently, as if she didn't just cause Cosima to have the biggest orgasm she had experienced. Cosima still didn't open her eyes, she just put her finger up as if to shush Delphine. Delphine rested her hands on Cosima's heavily lifting and dropping chest. The finger stayed up and then fell to her side as her eyes opened. 

“Jesus that was amazing.” Cosima huffed. It was not what she had expected at all, it was hot, it was embarrassing, it was awkward, a million things could have gone wrong but there was not a single one of them happening to them. Everything was perfect. “You were perfect.” Cosima managed to get herself up, leaning on one arm behind her on the sofa. With her other weak hand she motioned for Delphine to come closer, she did and Cosima planted a huge kiss right on those beautiful god damn lips.


	15. Chapter 15

“What about this one?” Delphine asked pointing to the pastry under the glass counter, her hand just letting go of Cosima's. Cosima was looking all around the bakery shop taking in the smells of fresh baked bread and cinnamon all around her. It was early morning so there weren't many people in there except business people catching their breakfast before early meetings. Cosima turned back to Delphine and wrapped her arms around the woman's waist, her head looking around her side. Delphine was way taller than her, but she so wanted to cuddle her. Delphine felt the arms around her and sensed them rest on her stomach. She did good getting all her stress out at the gym. Delphine held onto Cosima's hands and smiled. Their bodies became one and the heat of her body made her heart melt inside.

“Yeah, Dennis hella loves that stuff. Like the dudes obsessed.” Cosima smiled back, the woman behind the counter smiled politely at the two of them if a little awkwardly and packaged up the pastry. Cosima noticed the look and her smile faded a little, but when Delphine caught her eye it beamed back. 

“Is that all?” The woman asked, putting the packages in a bag to carry. Delphine took one last look at their bag and the two take away coffee's beside it and nodded. The woman was more receptive to her, but obviously didn't like Cosima too much. To be fair Cosima hadn't done anything to her dreds in a while since what happened and she looked a little rough. Delphine called it 'natural' but Cosima knew. Delphine paid for the items and they walked back out of the shop hand in hand. To hold Delphine's hand in public was exhilarating, not just because she was dating a girl, not just because of the age gap, but because the woman holding her hand was Delphine. Delphine fricking Cormeir. The way their hands fit together and the warmth, the nerves, it was all so amazing and new. They sat on a bench in the middle of the busy mall, people wandering around already even at the early weekday hour, busy with their shopping and errands. But Cosima felt like the weight was lifted, Delphine was hers. She felt like a real woman, like 18 never happened, like the first time she wore Delphine's blouse never happened, all that mattered was what had happened yesterday. Between her legs. Over and over and over until she could take no more. Delphine was...mind blowing. Cosima tried her best to copy exactly what she had done to her, and if the reaction and the way her hips rose and kept rising was anything to go by, she was good too. 

“You know I was thinking about getting a tattoo.” Cosima said between mouthfuls of the pastry, flakes of it falling everywhere and the flavours were mouth watering. It was as if the buttery pastry melted in her mouth. Delphine wiped the corners of her mouth a little and swallowed waiting to speak, she locked eyes and it sent Cosima crazy. 

“Where, what of?” Delphine asked with genuine interest taking some more of her food. There was a slight hesitation in her voice that Cosima didn't notice. 

“Just my wrist. What of, is a surprise!” Cosima said in a mysterious voice. Delphine was suspicious and doubtful at the same time, again swallowing and responding. 

“Hmmm...well it's your body.” Delphine was flooded with visions of yesterday, the naked body of the woman before her, the way it moved, the sweet spots, the taste, the texture. She was a little flushed in the face at the thought, looking Cosima up and down, the hunger returning to her. 

“Yes it is.” Cosima agreed and winked. Cosima thought about yesterday too, and how awkward she felt but then the realisation when all her research actually helped and she wasn't so awkward. When she read about sex it was romantic, it was pleasurable it was magical. When it came down to it she was a bundle of nerves, a bundle of pleasured nerves that she didn't know what to do with. The new feelings between her legs were nothing compared to her own hand, but it was strange having someone else there. It was her private area that no one had trespassed before, at least, Cosima thought, it was Delphine that took her virginity. “But we need to get these to Dennis at some point. It will literally not take long I've been thinking about this for ages and already have the designs in my brain.” Cosima said licking her lips from the sugar covered bun. Delphine followed her tongue with her eyes, before realising where she was and adjusting her seating, crossing her legs. Cosima noticed this and grinned to herself, it was so easy to turn Delphine on now. Now she knew exactly how she liked it. 

After she had orgasmed Cosima wanted to return the favour, she knew she wouldn't be that great but she followed what Delphine had done to her, she knew what made her tick so maybe it would make Del squirm with pleasure. It did. There was a nagging part of her that thought maybe Delphine had put it on, she knew she wasn't that good. There was a pause when Cosima finally passed the threshold of no return after pulling Delphine's panties off, where she had to think about what she was doing. A part where Delphine didn't like the biting that Cosima added in for fun, which she immediately stopped and carried on what she was doing before that Del seemed to like a lot more. There was that awkward part when Delphine had cum where Cosima didn't know what to do, did she just sit back up, or kiss back up? Did she keep going for another one, did she know how to keep going for another one. When it came to it she did what Delphine had done, sat back up wiped the moisture off of her mouth and beamed up at the wasted and panting face of her girlfriend. There was also the realisation at that very second that she had no idea what she looked like when she was cumming. For a second or two when she was getting eaten out Cosima caught her face scrunching up as if in pain, and then stopped, but she didn't understand what was happing. The pleasure was on a whole new level and she was not yet used to what she could do to be sexy. She just knew that Delphine had done the same, except it was more beautiful, as if those lip bites, closed eyes and red cheeks were an expression of immense desire and satisfaction. 

“How about that place.” Cosima pointed to the tattoo parlour at the end of the mall by the exit. It was as good a place as any. Delphine had her doubts, but she couldn't tell her yes or no. As much as she acted like her mother she was not. She dreaded to think about what Cosima was actually going to get, but didn't dwell on it, lest she worry too much. 

“Oui, looks great.” It really didn't, it was dingy and dark and they all looked ready to beat someone up, even from this distance. 

“It's sorted then, get a tattoo, give this to Dennis and hope Janice gets hit by a bus or something--” Cosima was laughing before Delphine cut in with a frown. 

“I know you hate her, I do too, but you shouldn't wish such things.” Delphine was calm and considerate, Cosima wanted to argue back but she was right, Janice was an absolute ass-hole but she was her step-mom and she had to respect her. Cosima shrugged in defeat, finishing up her food and wiping all the flakes away. Delphine did the same, and drank some of her coffee which was now not so hot. Cosima at the same time picked hers up and they both drank. Cosima's cheeks flushed at the thought of yesterday again coming into her mind. Delphine did too, they both sat rosy cheeked and in calm silence. 

“Let's do this.” Cosima said, taking up Delphine's hesitant hand and pulling her up. Considering Cosima was shorter than her this looked quite funny. Delphine got herself up and moved in close to Cosima their fronts touching both thinking about the contact a little too much before separating. Cosima had a nagging feeling on her mind as they walked close hand in hand; she noticed the eyes staring and the judging looks, she ignored them. She kept her head down a little, Delphine noticed and looked around to see the source of discomfort. She didn't see what he problem was but she could tell something from the way Cosima's grip loosened on her hand. “So like, what are we, I mean like to each other?” Cosima asked, her head down with a smile she couldn't help but reveal at the mere thought of Delphine with her. Delphine took in a breath, looking up at no where in the distance, but smiling too. It was a question she didn't really want to give a straight answer to. Cosima and herself were together, no doubt about that. The terms of exclusivity had never been discussed but she knew they were anyway. Holding tighter to Cosima's hand she pulled the small women's face up from the ground to see her for all her beauty.

“You are my Cosima.” Delphine said, but started again. “And Je t'aime.” Cosima really beamed this time, looking up at Delphine and forgetting about her worries of others. Their eyes connecting and her heart beating so fast. She gripped Delphine's hand tighter and warmed up inside over the thought that Delphine, Delphine Cormier, the impossible French woman she fell for actually loved her. 

“And I love you too-” Cosima meant it, leaning in slightly in their slow walk. “-Don't get me wrong, I just mean are we like....” Cosima paused nudging up her glasses and running her hand over her hair. “dating, or like you know, together--” Cosima felt awkward asking, they had known each other for such a short space of time but in the same way, had also gone through too much for two people to experience together that it brought them closer. 

“Exclusive? I think so.” Delphine asserted with a small laugh at the thought. Now she had finally verbalised the exclusivity, and it made her feel proud that the women next to her was hers, and hers alone. After all they had been through she hoped they were exclusive. She was already forgetting her past, her Danielle, NO! Just Danielle, she was just an old fling nothing more. But it was rude to forget someone so completely and diminish their existence so totally, just for the sake of not bringing it forward to her new relationship. She had closure herself when she had phoned Danielle but that didn't mean Cosima didn't have questions. Cosima knew that she had been trying for a child with this women, she knew that this women was not a light hearted fling like she now tried to believe. 

They reached the tattoo place, Cosima going in straight away without even thinking, drinking up the rest of her coffee and dumping the carton in the recycling. Delphine took a seat in the waiting area and was being eyed up by a woman behind the piercing counter. Delphine blushed, pushing some hair behind her ear and her eyes fell back on Cosima who was already getting seen to by a tattoo artist in the parlour. It was a quiet and dingy place even with the rock music in the background. Delphine took the time to look out of the heavily postered windows to the mall and people watch. She thought to herself that out of all the thousands of people that lived here, out of all the countries and places in the world she managed to move right next door to a person she loved now with all of her heart. A smile crept onto her face at the thought, and she looked back over to Cosima who looked up at her as the man set up his tattoo gun. Cosima pulled a comically worried expression before beaming back at her, Delphine smiled sweetly in return her eyes gazed at the young, enthusiastic and intelligent women and thought about how she was all hers. 

When they had done Cosima would not show the tattoo just yet, it was covered in cling film and her skin was burned red. She refused to show her or tell her until it was ready to be shown. So they walked back down the mall to the exit hand in hand and out to the parking lot, got into Delphine's car and headed back to the hospital. In the car Cosima was still not used to Delphine being so close, being so there and being hers. She had to see if it was real. As Delphine was putting the car in reverse, Cosima leaned over her chair and placed a kiss on her cheek, sitting back in the seat and grinning out of the window. Delphine felt the small peck and blushed, taking a second to recover her self even from that small amount of contact and get out of the parking space she was in. It was so hard to drive when there was such a huge distraction sitting right next to her. Cosima pulled her seat belt on and put her hand awkwardly and suggestively on the island between their two seats. Delphine saw it straight away and with a very slow and testing hand placed her own on Cosima's and they clutched at each other. She had only seen it in the movies but it was so nice and warming and just felt so loving to hold her hand whilst she drove. It wasn't a hard route to drive so she held onto her hand the whole way, holding tighter the closer they got to the hospital. It was funny having someone you cared about in the car. Delphine was a good driver, but when Cosima was in she suddenly felt like a bad one. She worried that she was going too fast and so stuck under the speed limit, she felt like she was breaking too late and so put the breaks on early. She looked out of all of her mirrors all the time just to make sure she was safe and then back to Cosima who was unaware of it all. 

Cosima was so thrilled to be there in the car, she couldn't even contain the want to fill her fantasy of car sex after realising how good it was yesterday. She just wanted her to pull over somewhere discrete and push her chair back and do it right there. Although she didn't know how good she would be a second time, she had never read about it. But then it all sort of came naturally to her last time and she didn't need the books or the web pages. 

“Is it too soon to like totally want to make out with you in the car, like right now.” Cosima asked, Delphine slammed the indicator on and pulled over in a side road looking right into Cosima's eyes. 

“Oh god I want that.” There was a passion in Delphine's eyes as if she had just been offered the opportunity of a life time, as she had been holding herself with all her strength to not pull that damn car over and offer it herself. Cosima pulled her seatbelt of with a grin and climbed over to Delphine's side once the car was stopped and the engine off. It was not what she expected, cars were way too small for this but then she was small anyway. Delphine moved her chair back and spread her legs for Cosima to straddle her. Delphine's mind slipped back to when she first got this car from her company and how annoyed she was they got her the huge Volvo, but now she wanted to kiss them all. 

“Oh my god, this is is so uncomfortable.” Cosima said in a laugh as she tried to find a place to put her legs, her arms holding tight onto the either side of Delphine's seat. Delphine couldn't even smile she was too into her thoughts of what was about to happen. Delphine waited for Cosima to get comfortable, her hands coming up to Cosima's face to pull her in for a kiss and then dropping them as Cosima looked around. “Ok I think I am set-” Delphine didn't even let her finish she just grabbed that dorky god damn face and pulled her in close and planted her soft lips onto Cosima's. 

“Venez ici.” Delphine managed to get out in a strained, aroused whisper. “Come here.” She repeated between the hot kisses. Her hands were on Cosima's hips pulling her closer, Cosima smiled into the kiss as she opened her mouth and played magnets with Delphine again. “Oh non, you are mine.” Delphine said this time, she was not here in this side street for games, she wanted all of Cosima. With another smile, their tongues met each other, exploring slowly and tentatively between closed mouth kisses. Cosima's hand reached for the bottom of Delphine's top and inched her hand up under it, trailing across her hot skin to find the edge of her bra. They didn't know what to do, Delphine doubted Cosima had ever done anything in a car, and Cosima didn't know what to think when she thought about whether Delphine had done this before. Delphine grabbed hold of Cosima's jeans button and yanked it open as Cosima's hand cupped her breast and caressed it slowly as she kissed down her neck. Cosima leant up so Delphine could get her jeans off of her. It was awkward in the car, she didn't really know what to do and where to go next, but Cosima did know there was a desire so tight and longing between her legs that she just needed to get it out. Delphine bit her lips as she got the jeans off of Cosima's perfect ass and pulled them down to her knees. Delphine's hands held onto that ass and squeezed as they began to kiss again, their mouths hungry and adventurous, pulling each other in closer. Cosima banged her head on the roof and laughed a little but Delphine was too engrossed to laugh with her. Cosima's hand squeezed the breast in her hand a little and moved it up to take the erect nipple between her fingers. Delphine needed to get between Cosima's legs. She moved her hand from the back and moved around pushing her fingers under the hem of Cosima's panties. With a moan she pushed her fingers straight between her lips and began to do what she did best. Cosima stopped kissing and tilted her head up, eyes closed as Delphine rubbed and stroked her core, igniting her struggle and feeling how soaked Cosima was already just from kissing. Cosima needed to get Delphine out of those clothes, she leaned back as Delphine's fingers played with her, and started to un clip her shirt. It seemed that all Delphine wore were shirts, Cosima was not about to complain. She tore off Del's shirt and revealed her perfect chest with those constellations of freckles just as Delphine pushed two fingers right up inside of her pussy. Moaning out, Cosima pulled the bra up off her breasts and kissed them, taking a nipple into her mouth and sucking and licking it like Delphine had done. Cosima couldn't really concentrate, the fingers between her legs were magical, she swore it as they moved in and out of her. Cosima bounced a little up and down to accommodate the hand between her legs and force her in further to her good spot she knew too well. As Delphine found that sweet spot, Cosima moaned out.

There was a knock on the window. 

Two guys were stood right at the side of their car, their cameras out smiling and giving jacking off signs to the both of them. Delphine's fingers instinctively pulled out in shock as she looked to her left at the window, and how close and disgusting the guys were. They snapped a picture and began to run off as Cosima was covering Delphine up. Cosima was so angry, disgusted and pissed at being so vulnerable and their taking advantage of it, then again they were in a residential side street how people couldn't see them was a miracle. Pulling that window down as fast as she could Cosima leaned out covering Delphine's distraught and embarrassed face. 

“Jerks!” Cosima shouted after them as they reached the main road and got out of sight. She closed the window back up and leaned on Delphine looking up at her. They both stared at each other for a few seconds in shock of what just happened. That was before Cosima burst out laughing and hugged Delphine who was nervously trying to do her shirt back up. Cosima didn't get back into her jeans just yet she was too busy laughing. “Oh my god I can't believe that just happened.” Cosima laughed, an actual tear of laughter coming to her eye. She wiped it off, the other hand holding up her black rimmed glasses, careful not to mix her eye liner. “That is seriously the funniest thing ever.” 

“Cosima, non, that is not funny! They have a picture of us!” Delphine was clearly distressed about the whole event which just made it funnier for Cosima. Delphine wiped herself down, made her bra realign over her chest and sat up straighter resting her hands on Cosima's bare thighs. 

“Oh god, forget about it. They are just jerks.” Cosima slowed her laughing, Delphine's face was not humorous. Thinking about it for a second and seeing the way it effected Delphine made her come back down to Earth. “Look it's our own damn fault for being so crazy about each other that we tried to have sex out side of their house.” Cosima laughed a little in reassurance. Delphine still wasn't too thrilled, she helped adjust Cosima's hair and pull those tight jeans back over Cosima's ass. Finding a tissue in her glove compartment she wiped her hands off and Cosima climbed back into her own seat. There was an awkward silence for a while as Delphine got the car ready to go and did a U-turn in the street. Del indicated to get back onto the main street but then even when she could go just sat there nervously looking either way.   
“Are you really ok with what happened?” Delphine asked voice with a quiet as she sat indicating at the end of the road. Cosima was fine with it, she was from San Fran, more importantly she was from America where this stuff happened, heck even Google Street View had images of people having sex in cars. 

“Yeah I mean, I would rather them not have a picture of myself with my pants down, but we did get too horny to think where we were parked. Literally outside of people's houses with no tints in the windows.” Cosima tried to make it seem kinda fair in a strange way. In a way she was kinda proud to be immortalised in some jerk's photo making out with Delphine. 

“Hmm.” Delphine hummed her agreement, obviously not ok with the whole thing. “I'm a professional, very important in my field, and I just dread to think where those photos are now.” The words hit Cosima a little hard, she didn't have much to loose, she hadn't even started her career. She felt a bit annoyed to have not thought about Delphine. 

“Hey, if we drive fast we could probably catch up with them, ask them to delete it. It didn't exactly look like his phone was of this century anyway.” Delphine liked that idea, she changed her indicators and sped out of the road, cutting up another car but seeming too distracted to care. The drove for a few blocks, Delphine looking down the streets one way and Cosima the other. “That's them!” Cosima called out just three blocks away, she saw two guys who could easily be the ones at their car, but she would have to get close to find out. As they drove down the road the two men were lighting up cigarettes, but Cosima knew what they were actually and she grew kinda jealous. Delphine pulled the car over a few spaces in front of the men who were young, maybe in their 20's. 

“I regret this now, let's just go.” Delphine said ready to pull the car off again, looking at the pastries they had for Dennis that were definitely not warm now, what with the tattoo the making out and now this. Cosima leaned over and kissed Del on the cheek for reassurance. 

“I dealt with these types all of my high school life, it's fine.” Cosima unclipped her belt and got out of the car. Delphine tried to speak to stop her but Cosima knew she had to get that photo back. As soon as the guys saw Cosima and the car they tensed up, before seeing how small and not intimidating Cosima was. They seemed to 'turn their swag on' as the guys in Cosima's class liked to say as she approached. “Hey jerks, that was so not cool taking a photo of us back then.” One seemed to get offended, he had the phone. 

“What are you going to do about it?” He said, Cosima gulped but kept her cool. She knew what he wanted. 

“What are you smoking, smells like bad stuff. I know a guy who can get you some of the good stuff for a discount if you say my name.” The guy seemed offended still but it wasn't getting worse so that was good. 

“I grow this myself, it's the best.” His bravado stepped up a notch, his friend laughed. 

“No, it's not. I know my green alright. Look just delete that photo and I'll give you the address of my friend Pouchy.” Cosima and pouchy were not on good terms, in fact she didn't know anyone who was on good terms with Pouchy, the only person he liked was Sarah, the girl who introduced her to weed in the first place. Now Cosima was starting to piece together that Sarah probably worked for Pouchy. 

“I've heard e' Pouch, do some hardcore shi'it.” The other man said, his accent totally ruined the kind of attractive body he had. 

 

Cosima got the photo deleted and gave the address of Pouchy, getting back to the car as quickly as she could to avoid any second thoughts. Delphine was so relieved when Cosima told her she had got rid of the photo that she went back to the mall again to get better pastries for Dennis, and to get herself another coffee, she stress drank the other one. 

They were pulling up into the visitors car park of the hospital. It sort of killed the mood that she could see Janice waiting in Dennis' room and looking down at them as they walked into the building, the morning sun rising in the pale blue sky. 

“She is not allowed here.” Janice reminded, stood at the entrance to the recovery wing her arms folded against her chest. She had been a lot more tense since the other day. Delphine handed over the warm pastries in the bag to Cosima who took it with a loving apologetic look. Before turning to follow Janice, Cosima had an idea. Without a further thought she turned back and planted a kiss right on Delphine's lips. She could feel how awkward and restricted it made her in front of every one and Janice, but she needed to prove the point. Not allowing Delphine in the wing would not stop her love for her. “Come on Cosima.” Janice said returning to her polite suburban house wife smile and stature when she knew she had won the battle. Delphine kissed back holding onto the small women's arms as they pulled away. Janice caught a glimpse of the cling film covered arm and it was as if the fires of hell opened in her eyes.

“Give Doux hugs for me alright.” Cosima said as a good bye, it wasn't a real goodbye. She would see her tonight probably when they discharged Dennis. In a second Cosima and Janice had disappeared back down the corridor, leaving Delphine helpless in the reception her hands fumbling, missing the part of her she loved the most. 

“I have to do this Cosima.” Janice apologised as they walked. Cosima ignored her and kept going. 

“Helloooo!” Cosima called out skipping around the private room, seeing Dennis all disconnected from the machines sitting up in his normal clothes on the bed. He smiled at her, a little paler in the face than before. She dropped the bag on his lap and hugged him tight over the shoulders. He hugged back a big fatherly smile on his face, having missed her after not seeing her the day before. She leaned back and stood up next to him, nudging him to look in the bag. With a childish grin she waited on his reaction. He opened up the bag, noticing the major change in Cosima, her happiness and aura was so alive. He pulled out the pastry covered in tissue and smiled wide, looking over to her and grinning his fangy grin. 

“Oh I have been craving this for so long!” Dennis said, putting his hand under his mouth to catch the flakes as he bit into it. Urg! Cosima thought, realising she should have done that around Delphine instead of just getting covered in the stuff. She shook the thought off watching his face as he moaned in delicious pleasure over the taste. She laughed out loud, so happy that he liked it. Janice sat next to him on the bed, her personality completely changed around him, she was sat up straight her hand on his arm in a loving gesture. Thank god neither of them questioned how long they had been away.

“Excuse me?” The doctor said, he appeared suddenly behind them all at the door, again hugging his clip board. Everyone turned to see him, Dennis realised he would need to speak so bit of the section of the pastry that was in his mouth, chewing politely and wiping his mouth with the tissue. He smiled at the doctor who did not smile back, waiting to be able to talk. 

“Hello!” Dennis called out, Cosima had got her enthusiasm from him. “Thank you so much doctor for looking after me, sorry for all this trouble-” The doctor raised his and, Dennis silenced. 

“No trouble, glad to be here to help.” The doctor smiled now, relaxing his tensed up body and becoming more friendly. “Just seeing how you are?” The doctor was actually traditionally handsome. Dennis smiled up at him wiping the remainder flakes and winking. 

“Right as rain!” Dennis answered. The doctor smiled, removing all memory of his menacing manner.

“I'm glad to say we can discharge you, Janice-” The doctor motioned to Janice. “has already completed all the forms, so when you are ready, you can be on your way.” Janice's eyes widened slightly as if she had forgotten something. 

“So soon, I have that masters cooking class to teach in 15 minutes!” Janice's hands came up to her mouth in shock. In her mind someone so perfect as she could not forget anything. 

“Oh don't worry, Delphine's still in the waiting room I am sure she can take us back.” Cosima looked to Dennis with a secret look they had developed years back. The look you give someone when your friend has called and you don't feel like going over so ask your dad to cover for you. Now she was using it, begging him to accept her offer. 

“That sounds like a great idea, run along and catch up. I'll be there in a minute or two.” Dennis beamed a smile at her, she was relieved. She loved how her dad knew when she needed him. Now there was just the problem of getting the smell of sex out of the car.


	16. Chapter 16

“Dad just like bend over and like watch your head ok.” Cosima was faffing about being completely helpless and overcome with worry that her dad would suddenly know as soon as he got in the front seat, that just an hour ago Cosima was half undressed on the other seat. “Wait no, why don't you sit in the back?” Cosima said, she was doing a nervous dance behind her dad as Delphine watched with a smirk behind her. Dennis put his hand on the roof of the car, comically annoyed with how nervous and excited Cosima was. 

“Darling I have ridden in many cars in my time, I am sure I can get into this one.” Delphine came around Cosima and moved a little too close to hold the door open for Dennis. The nerves turned into arousal in that instant as Cosima's arm was brushed past. She looked up helplessly to Delphine was so amused by the small women's buzzing about. “But you know, I have always liked the back seat.” Dennis said turning slowly, his chest still tight. He opened up the back seat door for himself and climbed in without a word. He knew. Oh man he knew, Cosima was even more nervous now. Delphine turned to her, the front passenger door still under her hand. She pushed her hair to the other side of her head and smiled down at Cosima. 

“It's ok.” She said with a smirk and moved to lean and kiss her, but dispersed the thought as soon as it came. “I don't mind driving.” She covered up and held the door for Cosima this time. Cosima took another deep breath and climbed inside, the imagined tense atmosphere almost not letting her. Cosima sat in her seat and looked at the driver window. Delphine walked around and opened up her own door getting inside and buckling up. Her hands gripped the steering wheel as she looked at Dennis in the rear view. He smiled happily back at her, his belt on, his hands across his lap. Cosima didn't look back, she held onto the sides of the front seat and stared ahead. She knew her dad was fine. There was literally no reason to think he would know. She just didn't want to break the innocence of their relationship. They never talked about sex. Or relationships. They just knew each other so implicitly and on a level of understanding she didn't see in other daughter father dynamics. She was lucky, she guessed. But right now her head was on fire with the potential scenarios that could happen in which he would find out they tried to have sex on the front seat. As they were driving she took a quick sneak at his face in the side mirror, he was happily looking out of the window. Completely unaware of the tension. Was there tension? Cosima seemed to think so. Delphine's knuckles were white on the wheel as she drove on autopilot down the free way. 

“I'm glad to see you are ok, Dennis.” Delphine finally said, the words made Cosima jump a little. It was funny, she thought, Janice normally brought the tension out and here Cosima was frightened that her dad might know intimate details about her. She knew that even if Dennis did find out, he would have the courtesy of not mentioning it. Cosima just didn't want him to know. Dennis leaned over to see through the front seats. 

“Thank you, and thank you for driving me back on such short notice.” Dennis said quite normally. Delphine smiled honestly. “I hear you and my daughter are together.” Dennis said, but it was not in a statement, or a dig or with some underlying tone of anger like it would be with Janice. It was genuinely curious. What did Delphine even say to that?

“Yes.” Delphine quickly answered with her heart in her throat with nerves. She guessed this was the part where you meet your partners parents. She had only done this once with Danielle, her family hated her but were civil and polite which was even worse. It sort of reminded her of Janice's reception. “We are.” Delphine added, her head a mess with things to say to impress him. He seemed easy going and that was even worse. If he was uptight and wanting marriage she would know what to say. Sound appealing, committed and loyal. Now here was the part where she had to say something honest about the women she loved. “Sorry.” Delphine ended up saying, oh god that was not right. “Non, I mean, I...” It was so hard, she just had to say something anything. It was difficult, she was 10 years older, it was a different situation to Danielle who was 2 years older than herself. 

“Yeah we are dating and it's pretty serious.” Cosima came to her rescue and laughed, Dennis laughed too thinking back to when she had told him about Scott. He suddenly thought, whatever happened to Scott? Delphine didn't understand the joke, but was pleased they were serious. She melted a little inside. 

“Pretty serious, huh?” Dennis asked, smiling to himself. It reminded him of Zara, pain struck him but that couldn't overwhelm the love that still existed. “I'm glad.” He added looking out of the window again. “You know, Ms Cormier you seem like a wonderful women, you've really taken my little girls heart.” Delphine smiled wide as she slowed for traffic. “Obviously, you cannot have it all to yourself. Leave some room for me, ok?” Dennis asked, he winked at her in the rear view and it made Delphine blush out of warmth. She knew why Cosima loved her dad so, he seemed like such a sweet man. Cosima let go of the sides of her seat, relaxing a little, and turned to face Dennis red faced from embarrassment. 

“Thanks dad.” She said honestly, appreciating his sentiment, but still with that young cheek in her eyes. 

“Why don't we do something today. Being cooped up in that hospital bed for a week really took it out of me.” Dennis unfolded his hands, his eyes looking at signs on the free way for places they could go. Cosima looked out too, she quite liked that idea. No Janice. Janice was out of mind and out of sight. Maybe it would be some real father/daughter time, with Delphine thrown in the mix. 

“I like that idea.” Cosima chirped, excited from the prospect of a day out. As she moved to lean across the window she caught her arm and it stung. Trying not to let anyone notice (because cling film wrapped around your arm is unnoticeable), she hid the pain and thought about places. 

“Are you ok, to be up and about?” Delphine asked a little worried to not do too much straight away. Dennis leaned forward between the two seats. 

“Ahhh.” Dennis sighed. “Alas maybe not, but how about a later afternoon meal, my treat?” Cosima liked that idea even better, she hadn't really eaten anything of substance lately, a pastry here and there weren't part of a balanced diet. That's the only thing she couldn't ever fault Janice on. A nice beautifully prepared meal. 

“I am afraid I don't know the area too well.” Delphine admitted, she only really suburbs they lived in and the free way to the labs. Cosima realised this, Delphine had only been in the country for a month and she already fit right in. Cosima gave her directions to her favourite place to eat, she didn't know roads too well either, she normally used trains or buses. Her dad chipped in a little when Cosima got it wrong, but it was so nice just the three of them driving. Delphine was so adorable, Cosima thought, when under direction and not sure where she was going. She didn't want to mess up and it was so cute. They found the restaurant and Delphine parked up right outside of the entrance. It seemed busy already from the car park being littered with cars. It was a nice day, everyone wanted to be out, Cosima guessed. 

Cosima jumped out of the car, slamming her door shut, regretting it immediately because it was not her car and opened up Dennis'. He slowly pulled himself up and out of it, holding onto his chest in some instinct he had developed at the hospital. It pained Delphine to see Dennis up so soon, but knew that he would probably say something if it were that bad. Cosima held her dads hand just for a second, and to Delphine it looked like something they had developed together. Maybe when they went out for food they would hold each others hands, Cosima dragging him in. The thought of younger Cosima so full of life like now dragging her dad into her favourite food place made Delphine smile. Quickly Cosima felt a little embarrassed and let go of her dads hand, moving closer to Delphine and holding hers. 

“Already forgotten about me, hey?” Dennis laughed to himself when she let go, Cosima as comically torn between the two of them. “It's ok, I am just happy you're happy, Cos.” They all smiled as they walked through the double doors and into the restaurant. A waitress came and greeted them after waiting a few seconds, they were escorted to a four seater table and handed menus when they sat down. Delphine and Cosima on one side, Dennis on the other. 

“Thanks dad.” Cosima said as she eyed up the menu. Being so close to Delphine and opposite her dad added a whole new level of sexual tension in her. It was embarrassing but felt so good. “Hmm chicken burger and fries sound so good right now.” Cosima blurted out, she ran her tongue over her lips and put the menu on the table. On second thought she pulled it back up and realised how immature that probably sounded. “Oh wait, not I'll have the like, you know, the fancy salad.” Ouch, her ineptness at being an adult hurt her internally. Her dad chuckled and Delphine beamed at her menu. 

“That burger does sound appealing.” Delphine said, her bottom lip was bit by her teeth and Cosima noticed. Her eyes lingered a little too long, before she snapped them back to the menu. 

“Yeah, actually the burger would be good.” Cosima stated holding her breath. Why was she suddenly back to being her old self, completely frazzled in front of Delphine. But then she thought Dennis had only ever seen her this way, to him it would be no different. 

“I don't think my heart could take that much fried food, I'll take that fancy salad you mentioned.” Dennis joked, it made Cosima feel a little easier. The waitress came over and took their orders, once she was gone the menus were collected and Dennis put his hands flat on the table. “Well I am going to make use of the men's room. Wont be long.” Dennis got up and pushed his chair back in heading in the opposite direction to the toilets. 

“Oh man, I didn't realise how awkward it would be that he knew we were together.” Cosima admitted, she turned to Delphine a smile across her face. 

“Non, it is fine. You think too much.” Delphine said, she moved her hand across the space between them and brushed some loose hair behind Cosima's ear. The 'au naturel' look Cosima had been rocking still hadn't been dealt with. Delphine didn't mind, it was her imagination, her youthful mind that had caught Delphine's attention in the first place. There was an awkward pause between them. Delphine couldn't figure out why. 

“Look I don't know if this is the best time to mention this or anything, but I was thinking, if you ever wanted to talk about you know, your past relationship with the women you tried for a kid with, you can. Like it's not off bounds or anything. If it bothers you I want to help you, ok?” Cosima seemed to blurt out in a whisper. Delphine was a little taken aback at the statement of support, she knew Cosima would have questions but she thought these would come in time. But then, what time did they have left before university? 

“Merci, Cosima.” Delphine tried to think of something to respond to that. She didn't necessarily feel comfortable talking about her past relationships with Cosima. But if there were questions she wanted answering then she couldn't restrict her asking. “I think that you deserve to know some things about my past, whether they are relationships or not you are free to ask.” Delphine smiled weakly. She wanted to be an open book, she wanted Cosima to know every intimate detail about her life and for there to be no secrets. But some things about Danielle she didn't want to resurface. 

“So where did you grow up?” Cosima asked. Delphine seemed relieved when Cosima asked that question, and Cosima suddenly felt like there were parts of her past she didn't want to be asked about. It seemed fair, thought Cosima but her curiosity would always want to know. As Delphine started to talk about where she grew up and what school she went to in England, Cosima couldn't help but feel utterly in love with this women. Even the mundane things like the school name and her boarding school friends and her train times were so interesting to her. Cosima propped her head up on her elbow and stared at Delphine's face as she got further and further into her story telling. It was strange though, every thing she said happened 10 years before it happened for Cosima. When Cosima was born Delphine was already heading towards her teenage years, she had all her scraped knees and bloody noses. She had already gone through the mud eating phase and the terrible kids attitudes and she had lived her childhood before Cosima was even conscious. When Cosima was 6 Delphine was 16, she had probably already lost her virginity, she had probably already fallen in and out of love, she had probably smoked for the first time, drank for the first time and everything else that Cosima wasn't even dreaming of. When Delphine was starting university, Cosima was 8 years old heading towards 9. She was in the height of her childhood, running around her block, stealing sweets from the drug store she would one day work in, she was making and breaking friends. All the while Delphine was writing essay after essay, experimenting in labs to get passed her first year. All of her life was happening before Cosima even knew what she wanted to do with hers. When Cosima was heading to high school Delphine had finished her degree and was working towards her PhD. For a second Cosima's heart seemed to forget to beat, it remembered and a weird feeling went across her chest. 

“That was after I learned boys were after one thing, and I was never--” Delphine carried on, but Cosima had to stop her. 

“I love you.” Cosima stated, her beaming face had faded at her thoughts. Delphine would be thirty and wanting to settle down and have a family and Cosima would still be going through university. Delphine stopped, her face becoming warm. “I just want you to remember that.” Cosima added. 

“Je t'aime, Cosima.” Delphine took Cosima's hand that was supporting her hand into her her own and gripped it reassuringly. “I know you are going away, but I will always love you.” Delphine meant this, she really did. It would be hard and maybe they would break up but there would always be a part of her heart that was Cosima's. 

“Del, I swear to God even though I will be away I will be calling you every day, and we can skype and we can message each other and I don't want us to do any less than we do now.” Cosima started to panic, she was getting that inevitable feeling again. Everything was happening, it was hard to think of the now when it was happening and there was no stopping it. 

“Cosima.” Delphine leaned in close to Cosima's face. “Don't think about that now. We have the whole summer.” Delphine took Cosima's head between her hands. “And we can make it a summer we will remember always.” Delphine softly kissed Cosima right there and then in front of everyone but she didn't care. She closed her eyes and then pulled back, letting her hands fall to her lap as Dennis arrived back. 

When Dennis had sat down they exchanged some talk about how he felt getting out of the hospital finally. But it was fuelled with the want to just brag about Delphine, Cosima was buzzing just wanting to share how freaking awesome this women was. She wanted to shout at the top of her lungs how this women was with her, exclusively and how they were planning the future. As soon as the food came Cosima's stomach rumbled, she hadn't eaten again. At least this time she was so thrilled that her dad was out of hospital. It had shocked her. It had shocked everyone, Dennis was so lively and upbeat and suddenly was confined to a hospital bed. Cosima was a little annoyed Janice had told her how much stress university was for him at that time of the year, she wished he had confided in her. Picking up her burger Cosima went to take a huge chunk out of the side and get sauce all over herself like she normally would, but as the flour dusted bun touched her open lips she froze. Her eyes darted to Delphine, who was tentatively tackling the burger with a knife and fork. She had cut it in two right down the centre. Her eyes looked to Dennis and his salad, he looked a little upset that he had to have the salad, the doctor probably warned him off certain foods for the time being. But he was smiling up at her, he knew what she was worrying about. Slowly Cosima went to put the burger back down on the plate which was covered in fries and do what Delphine had done. But then she heard some muffled intelligible French and looked over to Delphine, who seemed to chuck her cutlery down and take the half burger up in her hands and bite a huge chunk out of the side. With a smile Cosima stared at the women, her cheeks full as she chewed and swallowed. She moaned at how good it tasted. 

“Mon Dieu!” Delphine said, she took her napkin and dabbed the sides of her mouth of flour. “Very nice.” Delphine had to admit, she didn't like American food when she came here. It was big, it was chock full of flavours she could not palate and it was full of grease. But there she was eating a fried chicken burger, getting flour over herself and loving every second of it. 

“That good huh?” Cosima asked, she picked up her own whole burger and bit her own mouthful off. The chicken was juicy and tender and its flavour leaked all over her mouth. Oh man it was so nice. She looked at Delphine and moaned in the same way at how good it was. It was even better having Delphine there. Dennis stared at his salad and laughed to himself as he stuck some green leafs on his fork and brought it to his mouth. 

“Well you two enjoy your burgers, I am here eating rabbit food.” Dennis chewed on his leafs just as the waitress walked past. “Oh no, it is delicious.” He added as she smirked and walked to do her job. He was embarrassed and it made Cosima laugh. They ate their food for a while in silence. Cosima was revelling in the way Delphine moaned and groaned about how good it was. It reminded her of their nights and days, and afternoons, and just the two of them. Awkwardly she crossed her legs under the table and leaned back in her chair. “So Minnesota, hey?” Dennis brought up the topic, Cosima desperately didn't want to think about it 

“Yeah, evo-devo.” She seemed a little less excited about it, and Dennis noticed. He gave her an encouraged look. 

“Hmm that is a wonderful degree.” Delphine supported, swallowing her next mouthful of the burger. There was flour over her lips and it was so damn cute. “I have a friend who did that, they are doing their PhD at the moment in France. Very difficult, but very enriching.” Even Delphine was a little sad. There was going to be a change at the end of summer. They ate again in silence. Delphine's leg itching closer to Cosima's when they touched, the warmth was so nice and relaxing, if a little breath taking. The effect Delphine had on her would never fade, that much Cosima knew already. 

“Yeah I guess...” Just the constant reminder that she was moving away was too much. “I was actually thinking, there are a few things I want to do before I leave you know. Not a bucket list but like a summer list you know. Maybe before I...like start studying we could do a few of those.” Hopefully Cosima looked up to Delphine. Delphine smiled down back at her. 

“What did you have in mind?” Delphine asked sweetly.


	17. Chapter 17

“Cosima you are very naughty.” Delphine joked, wiping Cosima's nose with some flour. They were stood in Delphine's kitchen a mess of ingredients and half made goods scattered across her breakfast island. This was number one on her list of things to do in summer. Actually spend time with Delphine cooking or making something, Janice made all of the food and now it was her turn to learn. 

“Hey!” Cosima complained with a laugh getting some flour on her hands and touching Delphine's face. Leaving a nice white hand print. Delphine gasped theatrically with a big grin. Cosima giggled and ran around the island, away from Delphine's fast extending flour covered hands. “I was just saying, I bet you like getting dirty. Perfectly innocent statement about you, totally.” Cosima winked and came back around to Delphine's side. Even in the comfort of her own home Delphine didn't like such things to be verbalised. With an comically outraged face she grabbed the cookie dough from the bowl and dropped it down to the floured surface. There was a puff of flour in the air as Delphine's hands began to spread it out ready for the rolling pin. 

“Cheeky!” Delphine said as Cosima tore off a bit of the chocolate chip cookie dough and ate it. Delphine began rolling the pin slowly over the dough, getting it out nice and flat. Cosima moved in, she was nervous suddenly. She wasn't sure whether to try it or not, she was ll talk in reality. When it came to it she was a bundle of nerves. She wasn't going to let nerves get in the way this time. Her hands gently placed themselves in Delphine's and rolled with her. Their hands connecting over flour, their hands rolling together. Cosima's body pressing up against Delphine from behind, her arms coming from around her sides. Delphine felt the contact and bit her lip, closing her eyes and really feeling the women's body pressed into her own as their hands moved. It was still strange, they had explored each other’s bodies over and over but still the smallest touches sent fires through both of them. When the dough was flat they just kept moving, the small rocking between the two of them was calming and sensual. Delphine held in how much she just wanted to turn around and kiss the girl right there and then, flour and all, and take her up to her bed. Just as Delphine was contemplating actually doing it, Doux yapped herself into the room and sniffed all over their legs and feet. Delphine dropped her head and let out a strained sigh. 

“That pup has a habit of interrupting…things that are about to happen.” Delphine sighed again, moving her hands apart from Cosima and laying the floured rolling pit to one side. Cosima leant back from Delphine, the warmth immediately gone. Cosima chuckled and let the pup jump into her arms, it snuggled it’s snout into her neck and laid a big wet kiss on her cheek. Adjusting her glasses, getting flour on the sides, Cosima looked at its cute face. 

“Was something going to happen?” Cosima asked suggestively, looking at Delphine’s strained eyes. There was a pressure in Delphine, she stood staring at that dog her hands behind her back holding on tight to the side of the island. Cosima had felt it, that’s why she got nervous. She felt the tensing in Delphine’s body as her hands came around her sides, the way her skin reacted, the way Delphine moved into her, the way Delphine’s hands were so slow on the dough. 

“Non non, I was just wanting to cut these cookies.” Delphine dismissed the thought. Cosima was not going to let this go. 

“No, I am pretty sure there was something, what was it?” Cosima held Doux up some more, letting both of their faces shoot puppy dog eyes at Delphine. Delphine smiled and then blushed. Cosima gulped but kept her curious face to hide the racing heartbeat in her chest. “Tell the puppy, she’s great at keeping secrets.” Delphine thought it was cute, the site of the women she loved opposite her holding her puppy up, she couldn’t resist. Slowly with blush still racing under her cheeks she leant in close to Doux. Cosima watched as Delphine moved a step closer to her and the dog. Right in the dog’s ear, right next to Cosima’s hot ear Delphine paused, her lips just millimetres away. 

“I want to make these cookies.” Delphine whispered sensually, at first Cosima was a little let down that Delphine hadn’t announced her love for her, but then she continued. “While they are baking I want to make love to Cosima. Hard, fast and French.” The last word rolled off of Delphine’s tongue and ignited intrigue across all of Cosima’s body. Specifically Cosima suddenly felt wet, really wet and she needed to fulfil Delphine’s wish, like right away. Gulping Cosima turned her head to face Delphine. The blonde looked up with a cheekiness in her eyes and a small smirk on her red lips. The flour hand print across her face making everything the more romantic. Jeez, Cosima felt tight. 

“Well these cookies aren’t going to make themselves.” Cosima almost dropped the dog to the floor and moved fast towards the island, her hand grabbing the cookie cutter, jabbing anywhere and everywhere just to get them cut up as quickly as possible. Delphine saw what she was doing and moved over to stop her. 

“Nice and slowly, Cosima. You have to do this right.” Delphine whispered in that low husky tone that Cosima swore to god could make her flip over the edge if she did it in bed. This time Delphine moved her arms around Cosima, encasing her in a warm hold, keeping her there between her arms as her hands guided Cosima’s. Cosima’s frenzied attempt to get these cookies finished and in the oven as quickly as possible was cute to Delphine. But Delphine loved the build-up, in fact she lived for the way Cosima’s small body reacted to her touch, the warmth, the want, the desire all radiating over her. As a result of her. With tender movements Delphine’s hand on Cosima’s she had made neat rows of cookies, leaning forward into Cosima to get the remaining dough cleaned up, she swore she heard Cosima let out a pleasured moan as she pushed her into the counter side with her hips. They picked up the cookie and placed them on the baking tray ready to go in the oven. But there was still dough left, Delphine was going to make sure that it was used. She could feel Cosima wanting to get on with it, get upstairs and get to the thing she loved a lot. But Delphine wanted to make her wait, to make it better. Even though the slightest touch evoked such need and want in Delphine, she knew it would be 10x’s stronger in Cosima. Their hands connected on the rolling pin once more and rolled out the new dough, flattening out on the floured surface. Cosima took the cutter into her hand without any help, her hand slowly and carefully cutting the last cookies and putting them on the tray. Once the tray was loaded up, Delphine moved back and took the tray in her hands. When their bodies disconnected, Cosima felt the need burn inside of her, she watched Delphine bend over to open the oven, and oh man that body! Doux was walking around and drinking up some water from her ceramic bowl at the other side of the room. Gripping the side of the island hard Cosima watched Delphine make sure the temperature was right, that everything was right before ‘it’ happened. As Delphine turned around with that seductive smile, Cosima froze. Oh man this was going to be intense, she had never had intense sex with her before. What even was intense sex? Whatever happened Cosima knew she should just go with it. “Don’t’ worry, my sweet. I’ll take the lead.” Delphine whispered across the kitchen. Cosima gulped, her core tight and wet. Oh man. Delphine walked around the island, taking Cosima’s hot hand in her own and walking her out into the hall. They walked without saying a word to the front door and up the wooden stairs with that red carpet. They walked to the landing and across to Delphine’s bedroom door. Then Delphine paused. Had they had sex in her bed before? They had sex in the living room, half in the car, they had heavily made out in practically every room in her house and made each other orgasm but they had never done it in her bed. The thought didn’t strike them until now. 

Danielle flashed up in Delphine’s head. Even though her past was her past, as Delphine opened the door and saw the chest which once held all of her secrets, the women’s face filled her memories. Cosima felt a hesitation in Delphine, but passed it off as nerves. Suddenly Delphine didn’t feel like sex. Sadness struck her, she tried to drag her eyes away from that chest, from that one strand of cotton caught on the lock from her scarf. That one strand of cotton consumed her thoughts. How could she forget to get rid of that? How could she miss the last piece of Danielle staring right at her every night she slept in that bed. Suddenly, the bed wasn’t appealing either. 

“I never want this to end.” Delphine was sombre, each other had the realisation of what was coming in the next two months. Delphine bit her lip looking at Cosima with a sad smile. The same sad smile she had the first time they every saw each other. Cosima noticed. 

“Don't get sad man, it's downing the mood!” Cosima said, she couldn’t really understand Delphine’s sudden sadness. Cosima was so in the mood for sex, if she could just rip off her clothes and jump on the bed ready she would. But there was something behind those watery dark eyes. “Just forget about it alright, we have now and that's what counts right?” Cosima leant up and kissed her on the lips. Suddenly Delphine perked up, taking the affection with a big smile. It was strange, Cosima was using Delphine's own words to comfort her now. There was something obvious and inevitable about the new few months. She was moving away and it would be hard to stay together. There would be moments where Cosima would be craving Delphine’s body so hard and she wouldn’t be able to have it. Holding Delphine at her elbows Cosima stared up into those sad eyes. It was hard to take her seriously with a flour hand print on her face though. Chuckling Cosima motioned for Delphine to wipe her face. As Delphine touched her face she remembered the white handprint and laughed, her hand fell, also covered in flour, to her side and she giggled for a moment. But it didn’t distract her from what she wanted to say. 

*****

“I think we need to talk about Danielle.” Delphine moved herself so that she was sat on the edge of the bed. “I want to be completely open with you.” Delphine in that instant knew that the way to finally remove Danielle was to not be hiding anything from Cosima. She didn’t feel like she was hiding anything. But not talking about it was also causing her grief. Cosima sat beside her. “When it was your birthday we were talking at the table, I told everyone that my ex-partner and I were trying for a child.” Delphine took a deep breath. She had mused over her past many times in her own head, but not even once had she discussed it with Cosima, not in any real detail or any real depth. Placing her hands in her lap, her fingers fumbled together. “I think she was someone I saw a future with.” Delphine didn’t really feel comfortable with this, but she needed to get the whole story out. Thinking about Cosima and her mother, was another reason not to tell this story. But something was compelling her to. “I pictured up having children, getting them to school every day, putting them through collage and retiring back in France.” There was a vibration in Delphine’s voice, she didn’t feel like she was on the brink of tears but she sounded like it. Looking to Cosima, she saw the women she loved looking right back at her with no worry in those eyes, just admiration and curiosity. She probably could not understand how difficult it was, for Delphine, to be opening up about her past. It felt like she was scratching at a half healed wound. Not ready yet to be scratched, and not healed yet to be safe from further damage. “We could not conceive a child the way her parents would have liked, with man and women. So we had to use other methods and a donor. We chose a French artist, Ferdinand, he was brilliant in mind. His art inspired me to start painting.” Delphine realised then that she had not painted in months. She had brought many of her own work with her to America but had not created a single piece since she moved in. “It did not work right away.” Delphine paused. “The treatments to become pregnant take a lot of time, I was supposed to carry to the child but my body just would not take it. No matter how much money she spent and how much effort I put into eating right, doing the right things, thinking the right thoughts. Danielle blamed me.” Moving her hands across her stomach, she felt empty inside. Like there was something supposed to be there that would never be. That she was missing a part of herself. Then she moved her hand back. “I knew it was not my fault. Looking back I am glad it did not work. The more it did not work the more and more I began to see who Danielle was.” Her eyes flicked to the chest, and that one piece of cotton. “I began to see more and more of a side I never knew she had. She was manipulative, blaming me for the child not taking. She blamed me for not getting the promotion at her work, even though I was taking time off to look after my body. She blamed me for a lot of things.” Delphine didn’t really think there were enough words in the English language for what she had to say. She didn’t really feel right using this language to express her loss. “In the end she was seeing me less and less in the evenings. At first I thought she was working harder to cover the stress of it not working, I thought she was making up for the money she spent on me. That’s another thing, she is rich. Very rich and she paid for the whole thing, I still feel indebted to her.” Delphine’s eyes looked up to the ceiling in anger before falling back to her lap. Tear creeping at the side of her eyes. “She left me for another women when I no longer worked.” Delphine felt awful. She felt like she had opened up that wound and knew it would heal properly but still felt the pain. She had to distract herself, she had to remove Danielle from her head. There was one obvious question she had wanted to ask. “Where is your mom?”

“Dead.” Cosima stated, slowly and with a disassociated emptiness. It killed Delphine. 

“Oh that’s awful.” Was all Delphine could say, she reached out her hand and stroked Cosima’s dreads, flattening her hair and comforting her. 

 

******

Cosima looked up into those big dark eyes, tears threatening to fall, with the greatest sorrow and admiration. Delphine was visibly upset, it must have been really hard to say all of that. Cosima felt bad for asking about it, she wanted to know, but she didn’t want Delphine to be upset. She moved closer to Delphine on the edge of the bed and pulled Del’s hand onto her own lap. They were in silence for a bit, Cosima holding onto Delphine’s hands in the same calming way that Dennis had done when Cosima was younger and coming to terms with her mother’s death. 

“When I was old enough to know about my mother, I didn’t understand at first.” Cosima felt like she needed to talk about this now. Not just to Dennis who had been there when it happened, or to Janice on the rare occasion that she was nice enough to talk with. “I always wondered why I didn’t have a mom like everyone else you know. They were taken to school by their mom, met after school by their moms and their moms always threw the best parties right. And there was Dennis. He was never invited to anything, and that meant neither was I.” Cosima felt lame for talking about this. Delphine was pouring her heart about her past partner and here she was complaining about not being invited to parties. “And then one day Dennis told me that Zara had died in childbirth.” I didn’t get it again right away, I asked around and none of my friends knew about it, and one day I was over at one of their houses and their mom explained to me that something must have happened when she was giving birth to me. Something that might have killed her.” Cosima avoided Delphine’s eyes. “And then I realised that I killed her.” There was a pang in her head and she looked to the floor. It was happening again. At the bottom of her feet a pool of water was forming, ice cold water swelling at her in symmetrical ringlets, threatening to come up to her ankles. It was as if the whole room was flooded in water, it crept up her leg towards her knees. The cold water seeming to make her chest tight and feel like it was shutting down. With a sharp intake of breath she looked up to Delphine. Worry evident all over her face, Delphine grabbed her hands and held them tight. 

“It’s ok, mon cherie.” Delphine grasped her hands so tight in comfort. Cosima was confused, she could feel the water creeping up to her thighs, and it was so cold! Looking down at the floor her heart racing so hard in her chest, her breath catching up with it. The water was gone. She stared at her feet, her dry feet and blinked. 

“I know everything about the moments before she died.” Cosima stated, not really sure what the hell to think of the water at her feet. It happened a lot as a kid. Which is why she didn’t go in water. She liked to look at water, she liked to be by water but she would never go in. She kicked her feet out a little to dispel the thought and looked up to Delphine. Delphine who had no idea what had just happened in her head. “She was sat by the window, there were so many rays of sunlight casting over her face. She smiled in a way that Dennis had never seen before, like she had a secret she couldn’t wait to share.” Cosima closed her eyes and took a breath, she could feel the water casting below her feet again and crawling up her leg. “She said she had a dream.” Cosima desperately tried to remember, the water felt like it was coming up fast over her waist to her stomach. She felt like there was a great weight clenching around her chest, like it was sucking her in and stopping her breathing. “She said she was swimming in a dark lake but she could breathe and that it was night but that she could see.” The water was coming up over her chest now, she could feel it on her elbows. It was cold and thick like crushed ice was filling the room. “Sun rays passed through water like fingers pointing the way.” Cosima’s mind said the words aloud just as Dennis had done 10 times before. “She was happy. Swimming amongst the fishes.” She remembered the first time Dennis had done this, the strain in his voice. The hatred for her for making him do this, but also the understanding. “As I took my first breath, she took her last.” The water spilled over her shoulders and enveloped her face. Struggling to breathe Cosima gasped, trying to find air in the icy water. 

“Cosima I will never leave you.” Delphine took an oath that second to always be there for Cosima, to never leave her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> added for Drama

Waking up, dragging her hand across her face to rid her eyes of dried up tears, Cosima turned over and found her glasses on her side table. She seemed to move with such slow energy towards the shower. When she turned the facet the water poured out, cold jets of hard water crashing into the tub. She never used the tub, she always showered. But now she just needed to be submerged. Looking at the water, she tested it with her finger tip. It was ice cold. Like she had imagined. With a deep breath she slowly undressed, dropping her baggy pants to the floor, stepping out of her underwear, pulling her top over her head and unclipping her bra. Closing her eyes, her hand grabbed the side of the tub as her feet plunged into the water. The cold shocked her, her feet wanted to pull out. Every instinct inside of her wanted her to get out of the cold, but she lowered herself in, her knees becoming victim to the cold. Her thighs. The worst was when her core and stomach became drenched as she sat down. Shivering, she held each side of the tub and lowered her upper body down into the water, sliding down the natural curve. Her teeth chattered as her chest tightened, the cold clenching her muscles her lungs having to work harder to breath. And then suddenly, when the water was up to her neck she felt clarity. It kind of all made sense now. Delphine wasn’t a replacement for a mother, she never had a mother and never needed one. She had Dennis who was more than Cosima could ever have wished for. Delphine wasn’t to replace anything, she couldn’t replace something that was never really missing. Cosima’s eyes had never even opened when her mother died, only through old photos did she know what she looked like. Cosima had no conscious memories of her mother, Zara brought her into this world but apart from that Cosima did not know who she was. 

Her body slipped further into the ice water. 

Images of Delphine filled her wandering mind, the way she beamed with happiness, the sad smile she gave the first time they locked eyes, the way her eyes desperately held back tears when she had opened up about her relationship. She remembered how loving and caring she was when Dennis was admitted to hospital after the heart attack. 

The water crept passed her jaw, and flirted with her bottom lip. Her mouth opened from the cold and she took a sharp painful breath. 

She remembered that she had less than two months left in this state, with this women and she needed to make it the best summer. A summer she would never forget. But already she could tell she would never forget, Delphine had opened up about her past, and so too did Cosima. She would never forget what Delphine had said, how vulnerable she was and how she was so trusting of Cosima to be so. Cosima also had Janice to deal with who was being particularly hostile since Dennis was told she was with Delphine and Janice had to find out second hand. She knew of course, but it would be nice to be told, Janice’s own words. 

The water crept up past her now closed mouth and threatened to overspill her nostrils. With a final intake of breath Cosima closed her eyes, glasses off and submerged herself into the ice water. For a second, her head felt pain. Cold, stinging pain. And then she felt nothing. Opening her eyes under the water she looked out for a second. In the distance of the bath, somewhere off in a shadow cast by the light, Cosima swore she could see a small fish. Happily swimming in her bath. Blinking, Cosima looked out into her bath water again, the fish was gone. Staring at that shadow her ears pricked up, she could hear muffled speaking as if someone was outside of her tub. It was getting louder and louder and louder as if the water was becoming thinner and thinner and she could hear every word. 

“She isn’t her mother. This is not healthy. This obsession Cosima has with Delphine.”

“It’s not an obsession. She is in love with her.”

“Oh don’t give me that crap Dennis, we know full well what is happening here. It needs to be stopped.” 

Cosima blinked again. She could feel her heart beat slowing and her lungs reaching their capacity, she would need air soon. 

“Janice, please. Will you please calm down a moment?” 

“No, I can’t have this. This cannot happen. I thought when I came here I could be a mother for Cosima, I knew my place was not as her mother, but I still tried. And now I see that you are letting her fall ‘in love’ when it’s not healthy. Delphine cannot replace her mother.” 

“Janice that is enough!” 

Cosima’s heart was in pain, her lungs crying out to have air. Her blood running thinner. Closing her weak eyes Cosima heard the words getting further away. 

“Sort this out Dennis.”

“I don’t think anything needs to be sorted out, now can you leave this alone.”

“No I won’t, and I don’t think you should either.” 

Cosima came up for air gasping hard as soon as her nose and mouth broke the water’s edge. Letting the cold water cascade off of her face and into the depths below, she just stared at the tiled wall opposite for a few seconds. Gathering her thoughts, she began to get out of the water and into the warm shower to actually get clean. She would need to see Delphine. They hadn’t talked that much over the weekend, Delphine worked a lot more than usual and Cosima had to work at the drug store. Walking down the stairs eventually, Cosima grabbed her usual breakfast of cereal with milk and a juice. Eating it up, she sat opposite Janice, Dennis at the head beside her. They ate in silence. 

“I am going to see Delphine again today.” Cosima stated. As soon as the words graced her mouth she could see Janie tense, her knuckles clenching around her knife and fork over her pancakes. 

“Oh really.” Dennis seemed curious, he flicked that paper he hated over a page and looked at the headlines, his other hand pulling up some cereal of his own to his mouth. 

“Maybe you should be focussing on your university course darling, getting ahead of the other classmates will help you.” Janice offered, she cut deep into the stack of pancakes, pulling a slice out with her fork, lathering it in syrup and bringing it to her mouth. Cosima mirrored her with eating, before smirking. 

“No, I think Delphine is more interesting.” Cosima said, she pulled the milky cereal up to her mouth and ate it, a little milk spilling out of the edges. She wiped it with her arm and carried on eating. Janice didn’t say anything but Cosima could feel the atmosphere. 

“Hmmm.” Janice eventually said, she looked up to Dennis, who looked back at her over his glasses and the newspaper. He didn’t seem happy. They didn’t act like they knew Cosima heard them either. Biting her cheek, Cosima didn’t know whether to bring it up. Choosing to ignore it for the moment she carried on eating. 

“I think Janice is just thinking forward, you have only got a matter of weeks until you move out.” Dennis cleared his throat. He was right. The feeling now was no longer inevitable, it felt impending. It felt like something big was coming and as much as Cosima wanted to go to uni, she had waited her whole school life to go, she didn’t want to know. Maybe it was the moving out for the whole school course or maybe it was the only seeing her folks on breaks. Maybe it was just Delphine. But that would be selfish, right? Cosima thought to herself as she ate some more. She couldn’t just miss Delphine, she had known Delphine over a month, she had known and loved Dennis all of her life. Even Janice deserved to be missed more than Del. But Cosima couldn’t stop that warm feeling, every time she thought of Delphine, from reminding her where her love - that pit of the soul love – lay in her heart. 

“Well I guess university can wait, we’re going to the zoo today. You know that new zoo off the interstate?” Cosima picked up her bowl and drank the milk from the edge wiping her mouth clean. “It looks rad so, we’re heading up there. I’ll be back late.” Cosima didn’t feel like enlightening them anymore, not after what she heard them saying. Instead she picked herself up, went back upstairs and got ready.

Grabbing her bag of her bed that she had packed before, full of treats, she pulled it onto her back and leaped down the stairs. Jumping the last few she took that door handle in her hand so quickly she couldn’t get out of that house fast enough. Bounding across her lawn, the sun already high in the cloudless sky, her eyes looking up to Delphine’s house. With a grin she saw the women stood in her living room looking out at her. At first Cosima just beamed her fangy grin, but then she realised something was wrong. That sad smile was back. But it was worse. Cosima’s stomach turned and she slowed her run up Delphine’s lawn. Holding both of her bags handles around her shoulders, Cosima almost stopped on the lawn. Someone else was in the room with her. Someone that had long brown curly hair and a little smaller than Del. Someone who turned to face the window when Cosima walked back. Someone, whose name was Danielle. 

 

****

 

Delphine watched the small body of Cosima curl into the bed sheets as she got up. It was 5am. The sun was already rising but it was still dark, especially in her room. Her mind flicked over to the night before. How they had opened up to each other again. How both had opened up about the things that frightened them the most. But also how Delphine had vowed again never to leave her. She meant that, she would always protect Cosima. She would always be there for her and support her and be whatever she needed to be for Cosima at the time. But there was that sinking feeling again, her eyes flicked over to the chest. They focused like tunnel vision on that one strand of cotton forgotten weeks ago when she finally got rid of Danielle’s things. With one last look over at Cosima, that silent body sleeping. The chest rising and falling on her side, her legs intertwined with the sheets. She was so peaceful. But it was as if the room was screaming, as if that piece of cotton was shouting at her, calling to her, taunting her. With careful steps Delphine walked around the bed towards the chest, she bent down immediately when she reached it, falling to her knees and taking that strand in her palm. It felt weird, it felt red hot but cold at the same time. It felt like with every tiny movement of her hand as the blood rushed through it, the strand was burying itself into her skin. With her other hand she picked it up and rested it on its palm. Moving the pain. How could she forget that strand? Merde! With one last look to Cosima, Delphine closed her hand around that strand and got up, feeling her wood flooring scrap across her bare legs. Carefully she walked over to the bed beside Cosima, leant down, and kissed the top of her head softly. She took her Kimono from the back of her door and slipped it on heading out of the room. 

At the side of her house were three trash cans, now empty. Lifting the lid of one Delphine unfolded her hand and looked down at the cotton. It was time to let go. 

But how could she let go of someone so paramount in her life. Danielle was wrong, she was manipulative, and she was abusive. But Delphine still felt attached to her. It pained her to think about it, let alone talk about it. The week before had been hell on Earth opening up to Cosima. It was right, she would never regret it, but she also felt like she had opened up too much. Cosima wouldn’t and never should ever know or understand what went on in their relationship. Abuse should be the last thing on Cosima’s mind. She was too sweet. She was too pure to be violated with truly knowing what happened between them. 

Delphine dropped the cotton into the trash can and made sure it fell all the way down into the trash. There was no way she was forgetting it again. As it relaxed over some garbage she closed back the lid and left her hand on the top of the can. Hovering she didn’t know if what she was doing was right. She thought she had closure, she thought that Danielle was out of her mind. But it was only 2 or 3 months ago that it was over. In that time she seemed to have got her life together, but that is such a short time. Maybe the time when their relationship was dead and finished was a sort of mourning period, maybe she had already started to get over Danielle before they had even finished…Cosima shouldn’t have to go through this, but Cosima was her girlfriend, she was her partner, she loved her with everything in her body. Every part that was not hung up on that brunette back in France. 

“Delphine?” A voice called from behind Del, she didn’t really recognise it this early in the morning, who would be up this early? For a second a shudder went through her as if in recognition of the voice. It couldn’t be. Delphine turned around her teeth clamped shut. “Hi, how are you doing?” Janice quickly asked. “What are you doing up so early, where is Cosima?” Delphine’s heart caught up to speed for a second, she just looked down at Cosima’s step mother. She remembered what Cosima had said about her biological mother. It was awful. What an awful replacement. But it wasn’t who she expected it to be. Her eyes looked around for a second, before falling back on Janice’s less than perfect smile. Suddenly feeling exposed in her lingerie and Kimono. 

“Janice.” Delphine whispered into the air, a little relieved. She put her arms behind her back, holding onto the lid of the can, her head dipped. She was happy it was not who she thought it was. But she was also ashamed still. Janice would never understand. “Cosima is asleep upstairs, I was taking out the trash and…going on a run.” Delphine guessed she needed to do that at some point. She had been running more recently and toned up her stomach but it was not enough. With a heavy breath Delphine looked up into Janice’s eyes with strong conviction. As much as she was ashamed she would not back down, even to Cosima’s mothe- step mother. 

“Ahh maybe that run will do you some good.” Janice said in a back handed way, she looked over to Delphine’s house in the morning sun and looked to that window that shared Cosima’s. 

“I’ve got some more chores to do.” Delphine said slowly and hinting for Janice to leave. Even though she hated Janice, even when she had told Cosima not to hate her, she ended up feeling the same way. Delphine took a step closer, Janice blocked her advance. 

“I need to speak with you. Won’t you come for dinner this Friday?” Janice asked, but was cut off. 

“Non.” Delphine said blankly. She didn’t even want to entertain the women with the idea that she would come over. Cosima would never agree and Delphine did not want t be in any sort of planned proximity to this women. “I don’t think that is a good idea. I have work.” Delphine couldn’t help but give some sort of excuse, bluntly shutting someone down was not her favourite thing. 

“I still need to talk to you…how about I drop by later?” Janice asked some more, Delphine made a mental note to go out that day, all day and not come back until work. 

“Daccord.” Delphine agreed. Janice stared at her a little longer. It was obvious Janice wanted to talk to her there and then, there was something that was dying to come out of her mouth. Just as Janice opened her mouth Delphine walked right past her, towards the front of her home and in her front door. Her heart was beating fast, she ran into the living room and sat by the window, hidden, but watching for Janice, to make sure she left. Janice stood there motionless for a second, obviously thinking about something too big for her small head. Why was she up this early anyway? Then Janice moved and Delphine’s heart sunk. Janice went to open up the trash can. She was so unbelievably nosy. This would simply not happen in France. Delphine’s heart was in her throat, she was waiting to be caught. She was waiting to be found out, she waited for Janice to find that strand of cotton and know all of her secrets. As if she was that fragile. As if her mental state was that tense that a simply tug would tear the cotton and everything she had been holding in since the break would overspill. Janice did nothing, she looked inside for a moment her eyes scanning and evaluating before she closed the lid looked around and headed back to her home. There was one quick glance back at the house that made Delphine drop to the floor. She dropped so fast she hit her knees again, her back against the wall, her breathing hard. When she was sure there was enough time for Janice to have finally got back into her house, Delphine crawled across the floor towards her hall way from the living room. She was stupid. She was 28 and hiding from a women in her 40’s. She was crawling across the living room like a kid sneaking back into their room when their parents got back to pretend they didn’t come downstairs. When she reached the hall she sighed at herself and got up. 

“Hey, Delphine.” Cosima was at the top of the stairs, Delphine looked up to her and she couldn’t restrain a smile creeping across her face at the sight. Cosima was rubbing her eyes free of sleep dust with one hand holding onto the banister. She was so adorable. Delphine wanted to scoop her up and put her back to bed, crawl in with her and cuddle. 

“Cosima.” Delphine whispered delighted. She walked up the stairs and as she almost reached the top Cosima put her hand out. 

“Holy crap man you are so hot in the Kimono.” Cosima stated, she was still half asleep and the words came out in a sort of tired slur. Delphine understood though. Cosima had probably never seen this early before. Delphine blushed and walked up the last remaining stairs between them. She stopped when their heads were the same height. Delphine reached her arms out and embraced Cosima, she wanted to hold her so tight and never let go. She wanted to hold her so tight every memory of Danielle would leak out of her and dissipate into the atmosphere. 

“What about out of this Kimono?” Delphine whispered as she pulled out of the embrace. Cosima half smiled but she looked so tired. “Bed, sleep, now.” Delphine commanded playfully, Cosima smiled harder and yawned into her hand. The broke away and walked over to Delphine’s room. As they walked in Delphine’s eyes locked with the chest. She kicked it aside and out of sight behind her open door. Cosima crawled back into her side of the bed and Delphine went around to hers. 

“Take the kimono off and then I think that might help me sleep.” Cosima said, she flapped her hand in air half-heartedly, her head hitting the pillow and her eyes closing. Delphine slipped the Kimono off and folded it on her bedside table. She moved onto the bed, laying down right at Cosima’s back. Pulling the covers over herself, she moved so that her bare front was pressed into Cosima’s shape. Her arm supported her hair and her other draped over Cosima’s side, holding onto the small women’s arms. She wasn’t that tired now, she just wanted to lay there. Cosima pushed herself back into Delphine, she felt the warm of Cosima’s body on her own. It felt really good. She held tight onto that women, her legs far too long for Cosima’s. Soon the small women was fast asleep again, her chest rising and falling. Delphine tried to dispel her thoughts. She shook her head gently and closed her arms, her thoughts consumed with the feel of her body. 

A few hours later Delphine woke up, Cosima has moved in the night, she was facing Delphine up close as her eyes opened. For a second Delphine just looked at Cosima’s closed eyes, her peaceful sleep, how her eyes moved around under the lids. What was she exploring? Delphine thought to herself. There was so much potential in the bundle of knowledge before her. Cosima had told her once that science was one of the subjects she loved, she was going to Minnesota to study it. It made her happy. Cosima was in love with the same things she was in love with. One day she hoped they could just talk for hours about science, that Cosima could come home to her after a lecture where she had learned something and just buzz about it all night. Home... Delphine wondered again about what would happen when Cosima went away. The official leaving date was far from today, but at the same time in the grand scheme of Cosima’s life it was so close. There were just weeks before they would have to reconsider things. Delphine sighed, and rolled onto her back staring at the ceiling. What could she do?

Delphine’s phone vibrated in her bedside draw. She turned over and opened it up before it could wake Cosima. The sun blasted through the edges of her curtains and she shielded her eyes. The phone lit up when Delphine turned the screen on, it said she had a text message. Confused, she barely knew anyone who had her number, she expected it to be Mark, checking in on the dog. Even though she had tried to let him down maybe he wanted to try again? 

‘Delphine. I miss you.’

The text at first didn’t register with Delphine. She stared at it, still sleepy and then looked to the sender. Danielle. Again the words seemed to float on the screen and no make sense. Then the inner monologue in her head began to read it out, in ‘her’ voice and Delphine’s heart stopped. There was a drop in her chest. It felt like her heart had literally fallen from its secure place and become lost somewhere. Her blood ran cold and her eyes widened. Suddenly she was all too aware of Cosima laying asleep next to her. She shut the phone off, quickly but silently moving to the edge of the bed. Delphine grabbed her Kimono and made her way to the door, slipping it on. At the door she looked over to Cosima. She was still facing away at Delphine’s side and a pang of guilt ran over her cold body. Leaving the room she ran into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it she pulled up the laundry basket and sat down, facing the door like a guard. As if at any moment Cosima could burst into that room Delphine watched it like a hawk as she opened up her phone again. 

There was another vibration. 

‘Delphine. Revenez à moi.’

The words shot Delphine like a fast round of a semi-automatic.


	19. Chapter 19

Cosima blinked. Time stopped and she swore she could hear her heart beating. She wasn’t sure what was happening, her feet carried her forward towards Delphine’s front door. Her head tilted, it was like the cogs in her mind were jammed and couldn’t make sense of what she had just seen. She had only ever seen Danielle in the photographs she found when she was in Delphine’s room that first time. The ones she found of Delphine kissing her. Cosima just knew that the women in the photographs was Danielle and that Danielle was now stood in Delphine’s living room. How she had got there and why she was there, Cosima couldn’t figure out. 

Delphine opened the door before Cosima got there. She came out of the door, quickly shutting it behind her and blocking Cosima from going in. Delphine was pale, she looked sick and weak. Her head was hanging low but her breathing was fast. She was frightened. With a confused grin, Cosima looked up at her. 

“Hey, Del. What’s urr, what’s Danielle doing here?” Cosima didn’t really know what to say. The past few days Delphine had been more distant, she had been on her phone late at night and in the mornings she was up early before Cosima had even noticed her gone. The bed was always cold when she turned over. Delphine looked up at Cosima, the frightened doe eyes looked helpless. “Are you ok?” Cosima became a little defensive. She didn’t want anything to hurt Delphine but even as Delphine’s girlfriend or partner or whatever she still felt uncomfortable with Danielle. She was ok when Danielle was just a photograph and a name but now she was real. She was here. 

“Cosima…” Delphine voice was tired, she sounded broken. “I…” Delphine couldn’t even speak. Cosima’s heart broke. 

 

****

 

“Cosima, I am sorry but I am going to be late back tonight. Don’t wait up for me ok?” Delphine held the phone between her shoulder and neck as she walked through the corridors of the labs. She managed to swipe her pass card through her door, her hands were full of research. She could hear the change in tone in Cosima’s voice, from happiness to sadness. 

“Ahh man.” Cosima was disheartened. “Work is such a drag right now.” Cosima groaned. Delphine felt bad instantly, it was terrible. She felt like she was lying to Cosima. She was. Work had not kept her late many evenings this week, she had kept herself. She knew if she went back then she would feel even worse. 

“I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, Daccord?” Delphine made her way out of the building. Mary her co-worker walked past, she had said something, something that sounded nice and pleasant but right now Delphine was too in herself to react. She smiled too late, once Mary had already gone past her. Frowning at her frazzled head Delphine reached her car in the outside parking lot. When she got to her car door she stopped, she put her things on the roof and took a step back under the flickering parking lot lights. Delphine couldn’t face opening the texts in the seat where she had been with Cosima, that time. Pulling out her phone from her back pocket under her lab coat, she stared at the screen. 

3 unread messages. 

For a moment Delphine just looked. She didn’t want to do anything, she didn’t want to open them and have a memory of her betraying Cosima. Her thumb moved on the screen, the message moved and the passcode popped up. Typing it, she opened her messages. With heavy eyes she opened up Danielle’s conversation. 

‘I am in America.’

‘Please meet me’

‘Delphine, I still love you.’

The words rang in her head, her heart beat so fast and she felt sick. Looking around, she felt the cold night air hit her. It was unseasonably chilly and she had not prepared for his. Stood in her white shirt, black power suit trousers and lab coat. She was shaking, and that wasn’t just from the chill. Her mind flirted with the idea of replying to Danielle’s texts. Danielle would see that she had seen the messages, she would know that Delphine was avoiding her. 

She had every reason to, she was not Danielle’s play thing anymore, and she had Cosima. She had a new life. Delphine loved her new life and she wasn’t about to give it up. 

Danielle was causing that headache again. That pain in her temple that she hated, she always got it when Danielle was near her. She was no Harry Potter (which she was raised on in England), but Danielle knew how to play the song of her heart and knew how to twist her thoughts so that Delphine felt like she only deserved Danielle. 

Delphine had typed a messaged, she leaned stiffy against her car, and it was cold too. She could see lights in the labs shutting off, the usuals staying overnight but the normal people who had lives and families were leaving after overtime. Delphine didn’t feel like going home right now. 

‘Danielle, I can’t.’ 

Delphine had written out, her thumb poised to hit send. But then she deleted it. Was it fanning the fire to respond? Just as she was about to give up, get in the car and crawl back to the women she loved, her phone buzzed.

‘Delphine please meet me.’ 

The text gave an address, it was in the city down the one free way she knew how to drive. Her heart forgot to beat. 

‘Non, Dani.’

Delphine finally replied. She felt immediately better, but she didn’t get in her car yet. Suddenly a rush went through her, she felt her self hanging onto the phone, waiting for Danielle’s reply, and regretting every second that she was wasting on this women. It was like a drumming band had started up in her head. Thoughts and feelings flooded back into her, memories of her time with Danielle. But with one difference, all of them were happy. The Christmases they had spent together, meeting her family when they were being nice and not just civil. The times when they thought the baby had joined and they sat on the sofa together being cute. It was like freezing water had been chucked over her head. Suddenly her heart started to race faster and her breathing took a turn for the worst. Her chest became tight and she could feel her head becoming lighter and lig-

“Dr. Cormier, a word if you have a second?” One of Delphine’s colleagues was calling her from the other side of the lot. Quickly as if a switch had been struck, Delphine composed herself. She pulled her thoughts together and managed to cram Danielle and her poison into a small box in the back of her head. She sat on that box in fear that it would burst open. 

“Aldous, you don’t normally stay late?” Delphine questioned his appearance. He was an older man, white balding head, skinny build and full of charisma. He smiled politely as he made his way over. He said somethings about how he had just got involved in a project that he knew was going to take up his time. Something about stem cell research and the possibility of human regeneration. Delphine was not in the head space to listen to this. “Sounds promising.” She managed to get out of her mouth, it had shut itself tight, frightened that it would betray her and shout about Danielle and the tension it was causing in her head. 

“It really is…” Aldous looked to the floor with a smile, he was obviously contemplating something. Delphine did not have time for such things. “I was wondering if you would take a look at what we have so far. I would be very grateful to have you on my team. We need sharp minds-“

“Sure. Urr…tomorrow?” Delphine quickly said. She had to be honest somewhere in her head the prospect did sound promising however right now she needed to get out of there. She needed to get home before she made her way to see Danielle. She could already see the roads she needed to travel in her head. 

“Great! Yeah, that would be just wonderful. How about tomorrow evening? When you arrive just come up to my office.” He stated. Delphine nodded and smiled weakly. He must have noticed. She could feel herself becoming a wreck again. 

Delphine got into the car, she reluctantly looked over to the passenger seat and felt as if Cosima was there with her. For a second it was nice, she was comforted. Then the tension seeped into the car like a noxious gas. Putting the car in reverse she pulled out of her reserved lot at the labs and began to drive through to the secured exit. Before the barriers the usual security guard came out for her ID. Everything inside the building behind her was top secret, they had to be safe. 

“Enjoy what’s left of the evening Dr. Cormier.” Dan the security guard waved her off. She felt like she knew him, she only interacted with him twice a day when she worked; when she arrived and when she left. Her fingers gripped the wheel, she wanted to talk to him. She wanted him to ask her what was up, as if he could tell the minute changes on her face which showed the tension. She wanted him to get into the car and let her spew everything that was on her mind out into the open. Cosima was her one and only confidant, but what was happening in her head, the temptations, the hatred, the denial and betrayal. Delphine knew she could not do that to Cosima. Driving forward she tried to forget about it. She tried to cleanse her mind, pushing the play button on the stereo and letting her usual album play. As the soothing French music came through the speakers she relaxed a little. Delphine was watching her hands and her feet, checking every now and again that she was going the right way and not towards the address Danielle had given her. 

A few signs came into view overhead. They gave the area that the address was located in. It was a nice area, nothing wrong with the area itself but who was in it. At first Delphine ignored the signs, she saw them, thought nothing and looked dead ahead at the road. It was dark, not many cars out. Only her head lights and the street lights guided the way. Even the moon was not out tonight. There were a few more signs, Delphine lingered on them a little longer this time, her hands gripping that wheel and her chest becoming tight. She watched them from when they came into sight down the road, until they were going over her head. Her hand slipped down the wheel to where the indicator was. She didn’t pull it yet, she wasn’t sure why her hand moved there. Her turn was not for some time yet, but those signs were becoming ever more frequent, and her mind was becoming all too alert to them. At the last sign she took a deep breath, indicated and made the turn. Delphine took the corner a little too fast, but her car kept grip and she made it over. Her heart started to race, she didn’t really know this area too well, but from road signs she knew she was already on the street Danielle gave. Soon she was outside of the hotel. 

Her heart beats were like a white river thundering through a canyon, Delphine’s mouth went dry as she pulled up outside. 

‘Is that you Delphine?’

The text seemed to come immediately as her engine cut out. There were no other cars outside of this place, even for a bustling city at night, in this part, everyone had the sense to go to sleep. Delphine looked at the words on her phone, she was tempted to look out and around to see where Danielle was spying from. The hotel didn’t have that many floors and she was sure all she had to do was lean out and the only light on would be Danielle’s. With a deep breath (which made her chest hurt more) Delphine leaned towards her window and looked out. 

There she was. 

Danielle was at her window, phone in her hand and just as breath takingly beautiful as she remebe— No! Delphine leaned back in the car fast. This was not right. As soon as she came, she left. Delphine ignited the engine and was ready to move in a second, her car roared at her foot urging it to go top speed straight away. Her car wanted to give in but she was relentless. Soon she was out of sight of that window and speeding towards the free-way. Thanking herself for coming to her senses, a few hot tears fell from Delphine’s eyes. She wiped them away quickly, the image of Cosima in her head. She smiled as she drove, drove fast home to Cosima who she loved very much.

Danielle was here, in her home town, and she could already feel herself falling into her trap. 

 

*****

 

“Cosima I have to tell you something.” The words came out of Delphine’s mouth like a saw cutting through wood, it was dry and jittering, and it hit Cosima right in the heart. 

“Yeah?” Cosima wasn’t sure what was happening. They had been doing great, they were exclusive, she thought. Why was Danielle here?

“Danielle is here.” Delphine managed to get out. Cosima knew this already, she was worried. She knew partly, from what Delphine had said that Danielle was not good. She was manipulating and a cheater. Two of the worst qualities in a relationship. Even in her 18 year old small body Cosima was tensing up and ready for confrontation. She hated arguments, she hated shouting and worst of all she hated physical violence. But already she could see Delphine was unwell. Her pale skin looked sickly, she was still astonishingly beautiful, but her glow was gone. It was replaced with the after effects of crying and sadness. Cosima made a move to go in the house, Delphine blocked her. Their eyes locked, Cosima could see the sorrow and helplessness in her dark watery eyes. She could see the silent screaming in her eyes, they were calling out for help without saying anything. It pained Cosima even more. She just wanted to go be cute at a zoo and now Delphine’s manipulative abusive ex was standing in her living room and she wasn’t allowed in. Was it her place though? Cosima thought. Yes, Delphine was her girlfriend and partner and that meant anyone that made Delphine upset needed to be dealt with. But did that protection extend to ex partners, they tried for a kid together Cosima could never compete with the connection they had. Was it her place to go in and demand Danielle leave, Danielle was at least 12 years older than her, she would just be some kid in her eyes. 

“Delphine, let me in alright. I don’t want her to hurt you again.” Cosima begged Delphine to let her in. Delphine’s body just pressed further up against the door as if Cosima was pinning her there, as if Cosima’s words were shouts and taunts. Each one seeming to hit Delphine. “Delphine, if she is hurting you…”

“Non, please go Cosima. I will call you later ok.” Delphine sounded worse now. Cosima was shut up, she was taken aback. Delphine had never really asked her to leave before. Something was definitely up. She only had the summer left with Delphine and now this women was ruining it. Cosima took a step back, aiming to retreat back to her house, but then took one closer extending her arms for an embrace. Delphine didn’t move. She just stood there looking to the floor, her hands griped so hard onto the door handle behind her. Cosima looked Delphine up and down in disbelief. 

“I love you, Delphine. I will always be there for you ok, if she is causing troub-” 

“Please go Cosima.” The pleading in Delphine’s voice, killed Cosima. There had to be something she could do. This wasn’t right. But maybe it was ok, maybe Danielle was just talking and it was none of Cosima’s business. But something that caused her to have such sadness could never be good. Cosima stepped off of Delphine’s porch and slowly walked back across her lawn. Her shoulders dropped her back pack to her hands. Cosima was confused, she didn’t want to leave. Every instinct was screaming at her to stay, to sort this out. But there was that small part of her fuelled by the pleading in Delphine’s voice that was telling her to go.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are depictions of violence/abuse.

Delphine leant over her washbasin, the room was clinically cold, the headache pumped around her head like a never ending whirlpool of negative thought. She splashed water in her face, when the icy water hit her skin she gasped. Then her dark eyes met their reflection. She looked at herself for a second, she was disgusted, and she had let Danielle crawl under her skin and burry herself deep in her veins. When she thought of her beautiful, wonderful Cosima it sent a pain through her chest because she knew exactly what her words and actions were doing to her. Delphine let the cold water cool her skin and the air dry her puffy cheeks. Doux sat silent in the corner of the room, she didn’t bark anymore. 

“Delphine, are you ready for breakfast?” Danielle called up the stairs, the voice send shrills down Delphine’s spine. 

“Yes, honey!” Delphine called back delicately. Her voice was high, pleasant, pleased...happy. Delphine jumped, her hand coming to her mouth. She didn’t recognise herself. She did not recognise the person who responded. Delphine would not say honey, or want breakfast. She would not want this. 

“Aren’t you coming down?” Danielle was at the bathroom door. Delphine had not heard her move, she had not sensed her presence until her smooth sweet voice carried through the air. Delphine felt sick. She looked up and wanted to grimace, to show Danielle what her trap had caused her to feel like. Delphine could feel the bags under her eyes, she knew her smile drooped, she knew she slouched, and she knew her skin was losing its colour. But instead she looked up to the brunette in the doorway and smiled, she smiled wide, and moved forward. 

“Yes I am, my love. Have you made my favourite?” Delphine moved into Danielle’s personal space, her arms wrapped around her small waist and pulled them into each other. 

“Croissants and whipped cream?” Danielle whispered going in for the kiss. 

-

Delphine shot up in her bed. Her head was full of sweat, her breathing erratic. Her eyes darted around her room, it was exactly as she left it before she fell asleep, but it felt all wrong. It felt violated. She felt violated. Delphine mumbled Cosima’s name in worry, she didn’t call for her mother when she was in trouble now, she called for Cosima the one who truly had her heart. Getting up, she grabbed her suit pants that she had taken off in a hurry last night and put them into her laundry basket. Her eyes were sceptical, she couldn’t see Danielle but she felt her presence all around her. Delphine moved to the window opposite Cosima’s bedroom. Cosima was not in her bed. It was odd, Cosima was always up long after Delphine rose and here Delphine was, just getting up and Cosima was nowhere. She took a seat at the window ledge and pressed her face up against the cold window. 

Delphine had answered a text and now her world was unwinding faster than she could pick up the pieces and put it back together. 

Delphine got up, she walked guiltily over to the hall way and made her way slowly down the stairs. Should she tell Cosima about the texts last night? About how she drove to the hotel to see Danielle. Should she be honest with her girlfriend and admit that Danielle was on her thoughts before she went to bed at night? The pounding that was causing such tension in Delphine’s head was that she wanted to deal with her own problems. Danielle was her past not Cosima’s and it was not right to bring it into Cosima perfect world. For a brief second a smile passed Delphine’s lips at the thought of Cosima’s grinning face. 

There was a knock at the door. 

Delphine stopped at the bottom of the stairs, her heart practically in her throat. She became all too aware of her pulse, she could head her heart beating and her skin run cold. Every instinct in her told her that on the other side of that door, Danielle was waiting, and that only meant Delphine was going to fall into her trap once more. Moving with such cathartic slowness she moved towards her own front door. But then it began to open on its own, her door handle moving downwards and the wood peeling away from its frame. Soon a figure was coming through the door. Delphine’s heart raced so fast that her head was fuzzing over, she could feel her thoughts becoming less tangible and soon she knew she would faint. 

“Hey Delphine, I couldn’t wait to see you again, so I got up early and everything. I missed you when you were called back to work last night.” Cosima walked into the hall way, literally lighting it up with her beautiful glow and her flurry of calming moving words. For a second Delphine was sure she had herself together. She tried to give a smile but then she could feel it. She fainted. 

 

****

Holy crap! Cosima didn’t know what to do, Delphine just fell right into her arms from the bottom step. For such a tall women she was surprisingly light, considering Cosima was so small. Cosima got her arms under Delphine’s shoulders and frantically looked around. Oh man, what happened?! Cosima head was a rush of thoughts, then finally one clicked and she began to take Delphine’s lifeless body towards the living room. In one massive final attempt she managed to get Delphine’s body to lay down on the sofa. Her hands grabbed each other and nervously fumbled, what the hell could she do. Cosima thought to get a cold press and placed it on Delphine’s forehead hoping it would do something. In some kind of helpless hope Cosima checked Delphine’s pulse. The pulse was steady and definitely still there. Cosima let a breath out. Had Delphine eaten? What made her faint? She wasn’t really sure what to do, Dennis would probably know, in that instant she decided to grab him, but as she did Delphine seemed to moan on the sofa. Letting out the biggest sigh of relief Cosima quickly got to her side and bent down to her knees. 

“Delphine?!” Cosima whispered with such dread and worry it even shocked herself. Delphine eyes moved under their lids, her hand came up to get the cold press off of her forehead. 

“Cosima?” Delphine whispered barely audible into the air. Cosima took her hand in her own and gripped tight. “I am so sorry.” Delphine said. Cosima didn’t understand any of this. Was she apologising for not meeting her last night. Last night Cosima wasn’t really sure whether she should sleep in Delphine’s bed. They had the previous nights but Delphine was there then. Cosima let out a laugh of relief. 

“What happened? Are you ok, Del?” Cosima moved in a little closer, she kissed her forehead which had a little perspiration on and felt her body’s bundle of nerves unravel. Delphine motioned to get up and Cosima wasn’t really sure whether she should encourage her to get up or sit still or lay back. She wasn’t sure of anything but she was worried as hell. Delphine blinked for a moment, an absent minded smile came over her face as their eyes met. Such a simple look made Cosima blush a little. But then Delphine’s angelic face changed, it dishevelled itself. 

“I…I don’t know. I am sorry.” Delphine’s voice was slow at first and then her head seemed to get into gear and understand what it had just done. Delphine looked around for a second, getting her bearings. “Mon dieu, did I faint?” Delphine got up quickly, Cosima took her hands to help her sit up properly. Her hand went to her girlfriend’s forehead to check, she wasn’t sure what she was checking but she did it anyway to make sure. Delphine felt fine but she didn’t really look it. 

“Hey did you have any dinner last night, or anything?” Cosima’s charm and whit was gone, worry replaced it. Delphine seemed to be deep in thought, she didn’t say anything straight away. Cosima sat up on the sofa next to her, she pulled Delphine’s hands in to her lap playing with the fingers in some sort of comfort to herself but to also reassure Delphine. 

“I...” Delphine shook her head, as if the words has taken her out of a lost thought. “I think so, oui.” Delphine paused and then looked down at their hands together. It took a few more seconds for Delphine to say anything more, just as Cosima was about to speak Delphine opened up. “Work. I was really late in from work and I must not have had much sleep.” Delphine was the worst of liars. She could not do it, every lie she told she got trapped inside of until she wasn’t sure what the reality was anymore, at that time her lie would be revealed and her plan foiled. She learned very young not to lie. But she was doing it no, and doing it well. “Aldous he wants me working on a new project; Aldous my co-worker.” Cosima guessed she understood but not really. “I think it could be the stress.” Delphine said bluntly, her words were short and she didn’t make eye contact. 

“Hmmm.” Cosima mulled it over in her head, she was super worried it was something way worse, but her knowledge base was natural sciences not medical science and for that she took Delphine’s word. A smile crept across her face as a thought came to her, moving in closer to Delphine she nestled into the blonde’s neck and whispered into her ear with a smile. “I know something that might take the edge off of things.” Cosima at this point of actually saying her thought out loud wasn’t sure whether she meant having sex, which she would really enjoy or getting high which she might enjoy a little more to see Delphine’s reaction. Delphine didn’t react to her words, so Cosima paused thinking maybe she somehow didn’t hear the voice right in her ear. 

“Oui.” Delphine said quite breathlessly before she turned to Cosima, took her beautiful small women’s face between her gentle hands and kissed her hard on the lips. Cosima smiled into the kiss, she felt like Delphine had been distant the past few days and now she was back to her old self. Already Delphine was moving to be on top of Cosima on the sofa, her hands spreading Cosima’s legs apart with a little force and beginning to un button her jeans. Cosima felt it was a little fast but she didn’t mind, Delphine’s face was full of determination, of lust and a little something that looked like guilt. 

 

****

 

“Danielle what are you doing here?” Delphine’s voice had failed her. She clung tight to her front door, the sun had barely risen over the edge of town but she was up and dressed as always. Danielle, with her long brown hair and elegant posture just stared back at Delphine. 

“It’s good to see you, Delphine.” Danielle’s voice was deeper when she spoke English, the language seemed strange and alien to be coming from a mouth that spoke such sweet French fluently. It had only been a few months but it seemed as if Danielle knew her way around the language, how to stress certain words and how to cause such inner turmoil just with her eyes. Delphine seemed to freeze, as if a bucket of ice water had been unloaded on her head unexpectedly, she gasped and pulled Danielle by the arm into her hall way. She shut the door hard behind her making sure no one saw, especially not her Cosima. Doux was up and out of kitchen in no time once she head the door shut, her happy tongue flapping about as she made her way to greet the new comer. But when she sniffed Danielle’s leg she retreated, there wasn’t exactly a growl that Delphine could hear but there was a resistance in the dog, as if she had just seen a cat with its hackle up. Doux did nothing more and ran straight back into the kitchen. Delphine watched the scene unfold her heart racing too fast for her to cope. She felt faint and so leant against her green painted wall her body stiff and ridged, her arms crossed firmly across her chest. 

“Qu'est ce que tu fais là” Delphine moved abruptly to the kitchen as she questioned Danielle’s appearance at her house. It had been so short a time span but it felt like years since she had seen Dani. Danielle stopped for a moment and then followed Delphine through into the kitchen. Delphine paced around the kitchen island, her hands coming up into the air before resting, gripping the edges of the counter top and she leaned over the surface staring into the face of the women she once bore a child for. 

“I speak English now, Delphine. Do not use our mother tongue here.” Danielle’s accent was not perfect, it was more British than anything. Danielle made a move to come around the counter but Delphine moved ahead of her, moving away from her advancements but keeping a firm grip on the counter. Danielle saw the movements and bit her lip in thought. There was a glint in Danielle’s eye and it made Delphine feel sick. 

“How did you find me?” Delphine spat out in venom, she was conscious of the way she was wasting her breath on this worthless women. Yet just those stupid eyes were making her feel fuzzy about the details of why she detested her. Danielle picked up an apple from the fruit bowl centre piece. Delphine watched the way Danielle carefully selected the apple with the richest red skin, cleaned it on her shirt and sunk her white teeth right into it, never faltering their locked eyes. Delphine hungrily watched the way Danielle ate the apple, the way the red skin tore apart with her teeth and how the flesh effortlessly tore away. She blinked, this was not something she every wanted to happen. 

“You are easy to find Del. You had a left a trail.” Danielle didn’t move her eyes, Delphine wasn’t even sure if the women blinked. “Did you want me to find you?” The words struck a pit in Delphine’s empty stomach, it was like she had hit an invisible wall. What if she had left a trail like she used to when they. She was being mysterious then, but what if she had left a trail for Dani to follow her to America. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Delphine closed her eyes, her tired eyes and brought her hand to her forehead, bringing her head around the enormity of such a mistake. She came here for work, but also to run away from Danielle and never see her again. Now she was in her kitchen and she couldn’t help but think she brought it upon herself.   
“Non!” Delphine was confused, she was composed and neutral at most things. She never became angry she was only ever understanding. But she must have sensed Danielle in the country, or knew the time span of the clues she didn’t think she had left behind would lead her here now. Ever since she felt the women’s presence her mind was rattled. Delphine was buried in her head working through her mistakes, so much so that she didn’t even notice Danielle leave the half eaten apple on the counter and make her way beside Delphine. Soon Danielle’s arms were wrapping themselves around the waist of Delphine, their height matched and it felt natural, it felt like a wave of nostalgia was flooding over her and blocking her rational thought. 

“I think you did.” Danielle whispered into Delphine’s ear, her breath lingering on the blonde’s ear lobe for a moment, her hands tightening around Delphine’s middle pulling them together. There was an infinite time lapse of Delphine truly believing she was back in France, being back in a relationship with Danielle before she ruined it. She could smell the wine, the hot dry air, she could taste the olives and fresh baked bread. Her eyes snapped open and her hands pushed away from the counter, trying to get Danielle’s arms off of her. There was a struggle, Danielle not letting go, before Delphine pried her arms apart with every bit of strength she had. Doux barked only once before leaving the room. Delphine made her way to the other side of the counter, trying to get space between them. She felt sick and violated, she could still feel the warmth from Danielle’s arms and the breath on her ear. Her hands let go of the counters edge and wrapped themselves around her stomach. She could practically feel the colour drain from her face at the thoughts that echoed around her head. Did she lead Dani here, did she want Dani here?

“What clues…” Delphine shook her head trying to come to terms. “What did you follow?” Their eyes locked, one of Delphine’s hands finding the edge of the marble and holding on white knuckle tight. Danielle smiled at her, she pushed some of her long brown hair over her shoulder and behind her ear. Delphine visibly flinched, it was small, it was non-eventful but it was something Danielle always did when she was going to fight. She loved to fight. 

“You left a plane ticket in your room. You bought two?” Danielle changed her tone, she removed her faux charm, her smirk left her face. She was harsh, confronting and cold. It sent a shiver down Delphine’s spine at the memories associated with that look. Delphine felt disgusted, she would never say why she bought two. She would at least never tell Danielle. 

“Dani, I did not leave clues for you. I never wanted to see you again!” Delphine let out the outburst it shocked herself but she had no time to be shocked, she was too broken, trying hard to hold herself together. “What you did to me was unforgivable.” Delphine’s French accent was thick and rolling she spat her words. 

“What I did to you? This was all you Delphine, don’t you remember?” Danielle had her smirk back riding on her face, her words were twisting and slow as if she was talking to a child. Delphine waved her hand off to brush away the false accusations explicit in her words. But then there was that sinking feeling again, had she ruined it? It was unthinkable, of course she hadn’t…had she. Delphine moved away from the kitchen through her living room to the study, Danielle followed. She just had to move she couldn’t stay in that one place. But then she realised it was the only place she could hide behind something as solid as the kitchen island. Moving swiftly back to the kitchen she shook her head some more, the memories were becoming more and more distorted. 

“Mon Dieu! This is not going to be turned on me! Cela est votre faute!” Delphine could not believe what was being said to her. But at the same time she could, this was Danielle, a women who could manipulate even God to suit her own needs. Danielle slammed her hand down on the counter making the fruit bowl shudder. Delphine stopped in her tracks, whimpering a little. The sudden noise evoked a buried memory that she had tried for months to keep hidden. Flashbacks rarely ever came to her but now she was having one of her worst. 

**  
Danielle slammed her fist down on their dining table, the ancient wood seemed to splinter under the force. Delphine sat upright on her chair at the head of the table. She dabbed at her mouth with the napkin, trying to keep her tightly held composure. 

“You lost the baby?!” Danielle seemed to accuse in her mother tongue. The French words from her mouth were perfect but forced, and angry. Delphine didn’t meet her eyes. The inner turmoil was too much to be able to convey in any language. She was dead inside, and there was something dead inside of her too, right in her womb. A tear slowly and silently escaped her eye and fell down her pale cheek. Delphine did not blink, she did not let on that she was crying. Danielle grabbed the salad from her plate and threw it at Delphine’s face, the dressing and oils coated her hand, leafs splattering over Delphine’s face and lap. Del did not move, she acted as if nothing had happened. Her breath was calm, but her heart raced erratically, hidden under months of learned resistance. Danielle moved quickly around the table her hand coming down on Delphine, Delphine flinched, but Danielle just wiped her hand down onto Delphine silk shirt, messing the mixture of dressing and oils off of her hand. “Only you could kill a child. You are worthless.” Daniele spat on her head, Delphine continued to dab at her mouth, removing the salad dressing from her lips. When Danielle had stormed out of the room more tears fell from her eyes, staining the mess of dressing oil and salty tears down her cheeks. 

**

 

“You are the one who messed it all up for us. You are the one who killed our daughter.” Danielle’s words stung hard and Delphine’s eyes just widened in rage and tears. 

“Get out. Just get out right now. Quitter ma maison!” Delphine words escalated into a shout her hand pointing right down the hall, her eyes red with tears and anger. “Get out now or I call the police.” Delphine was serious. Her mind was clear now, Danielle needed to leave or things were going to get worse for one and them and it was not going to be Danielle. 

“Oh you are so American now, cannot even solve your own problems, you have to involve the police?!” Danielle stormed around the kitchen counter, Delphine was frozen her trained resistance kicking it at the wrong time. She was not that person anymore, she was not weak, and she was not Danielle’s play thing. She tried to maintain a strong posture but Danielle caught hold of her pronounced arm and brought it down sharply to Delphine’s side. Delphine caught her breath a tear falling down her face. Danielle looked into those familiar eyes with anger and annoyance. “You did this to yourself. You ran off with that women when you lost our child. You ruined us!” Danielle was venomous and Delphine tensed up, ridged still her eyes wanting to flinch every half second at the fear of being struck. “You’re a cheater. You cheated us.” Delphine knew this was all a lie, she knew it was the other way around but she couldn’t say anything. Her lips were stuck together by some invisible force and her body would not move, it was betraying her every pleading command to get out of this place. Danielle’s hand came up to Delphine face and gripped her cheeks and chin holding Delphine’s face right in front of hers. 

“I didn’t cheat on you.” Delphine finally spoke, her words were broken, strained and deathly. “You cheated on me.” With her last words Daniele struck her face, her hand coming out of nowhere and slapping her across her face hard. Delphine hand came up in instinct to protect her cheek, to cover it. The red hot searing pain spreading all across her face and down her neck as if her head had been jolted out of position. 

“Do not lie to me, do you understand. You cheated on me.” Danielle spat the last words and walked out of the room towards the living room. Delphine huddled herself in the kitchen for a few long beats of her erratic heart and then moved as if entrapped in some spell towards the living room, her eyes silently crying, her hand clutching at her face.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started university now, I did a gap year hence why I was ontop of updating and now I have like real college life to attend.

“Dad I’m not sure what’s happening but I think Del’s in trouble!” Cosima was angry, confused and worried as hell, she really needed a joint. Dennis was in his office as usual, he wasn’t working but he was getting the new-year ready for his students. Cosima gulped, she had kind of forgot about going to university. He looked up slowly from his glasses, he didn’t seem too troubled by this news. “Like I can’t even really explain because I don’t know, but someone really bad is in Delphine’s house!” Cosima moved into his office her arms flailing about the place to exaggerate her words, this time she needed them to land the effect intended of them. 

“Calm down, what exactly is happening?” Dennis removed his glasses and let them fall on their brown strings to his blue sweater vest. He sighed and didn’t have to wait long for a reply. 

“I don’t know, I just know that she looks like…she looks like death and I am super worried. Come on dad I am like not exaggerating.” Her hands were jumping around even more now and she reigned them in. He changed his tone to be a little warmer. Cosima’s heart was in her throat, should he be working already after his heart attack? The pain inflicted on her mind of that knowledge, that he had come so close to death when she was even there, and that Delphine was obviously not safe in the house next door. 

“What’s got you so worked up?” Dennis seemed to suddenly have lost all of his understanding characteristics. Cosima sighed hard in frustration. She wasn’t sure what they could do? Delphine looked like hell and shut Cosima out, what the hell was she supposed to do? But Delphine looked scared, Cosima thought, she looked as if she was so frightened she didn’t know how to exist. 

“I can’t even tell you ok, it’s personal.” Cosima remembered Delphine’s face when she had told Cosima all about her past on her bedside. “Someone really bad is in her house, and she won’t let me in and I’m scared dad, I don’t know what to do.” Cosima’s frustrations mounted into a tear that slid from her face. 

“I knew that women was trouble!” Janice stormed into the room, her pink apron tied tightly around her waist, a floury wooden spoon held in her right hand, slapped onto her left hand to make her entrance. Cosima spun around in her daze of frustration to lock eyes with Janice. 

“Holy crap I do not need this right now. This is not Delphine it’s her ex ok, it’s Danielle, she’s here and I am not sure, I know it’ bad guys, I know it’s going to be bad.” Cosima couldn’t even formulate her foreboding gut feeling that something was wrong, something was really wrong. The way Delphine had just shut her out like that, it was…it wasn’t Delphine at all. Cosima left the room, she didn’t even care if Dennis suddenly turned back into her dad and helped her out without needing to know why, or if Janice finally spouted scaled wings and flew the fuck out of the window and never returned, Cosima just needed to think, and to plan. In her room, Cosima grabbed her bedside table draw, yanked it open and pulled out a joint and a lighter. She knew this was probably the worst time but she freaking needed some courage to push past Delphine and get in there, she needed her head to think clearly and not to start crying. Sitting in the windowsill she cracked open the old wooden frame, letting the cold air hit her face. It was summer but it did not seem like it. Her lighter turned her thumb black in her attempts to get it to light, she was too shaky. As soon as fire struck and the end of her joint seared black and red, hot smoke being dragged into her mouth, she could feel her feet get wet. Cosima didn’t look down, she just ignored the slow creeping sensation of cold water on her feet. Staring out onto the morning air she looked over to Delphine’s window, her curtains her drawn, her bedroom door open and her bed unmade. It didn’t make sense, why was Danielle here? Did Delphine invite her? Did Danielle find her? Did she know about Cosima? Her whirlwind of thoughts were clouding over into a sort of clarity, her feet which were drenched in the icy reaches of her subconscious tide pool were drying up. She exhaled her smoke right out of the window and watched it float away into nothing in the cold air. Then she had an idea. She was just going to go right in there and demand to know what’s up. She wasn’t being herself, Cosima was loud and bitchy, and she could fight with her words and never need to get physical. Sure if she needed to throw a punch she could but she would want to own her opponent so hard first. Taking another drag of her joint the idea seemed better and better. Her eyes focused intensely on the window frame, the grain of the chipping wood. Age was beautiful when decorated nicely, but when neglected it was ugly. Every single grain seemed to swim in her mind but at the same time became so damn clear she swore she never needed glasses again. Pushing her black rims up her nose she took another long drag and coughed a little, but exhaled the hot smoke through her mouth and nose. 

Then she heard it. 

Shouting so loud that she could hear it from her bedroom window, it was definitely female and it sounded French. Worry struck her, and the marijuana courage flooded through her veins. She jumped up off of the window sill and still taking a deep drag of her joint opened up her bedroom door and flung herself down the corridor, down the stairs and towards the front door. Before Janice could catch her and yell at her for her weed she slammed the door behind her and jumped the rose bushes. Discarding the nearly empty joint to the dewy grass Cosima tensed up as she reached Delphine door. She couldn’t see them in the living room but she could hear the shouting intensifying and then a smash. Her hand on the door handle she pushed it with some unexpected strength and found herself stumbling into the hall way. Her head was dizzy but her mind was sharp, she knew exactly what she was doing. Delphine popped her head around the corner of her kitchen door way, glass smashed on the floor, Danielle must be inside. Delphine’s eyes widened as Cosima stormed down the hall and into the door way. 

“Cosima non no! Please get out.” Delphine didn’t sound angry, she sounded worried. She sounded protective and distraught that Cosima was there. Delphine came forward putting her arms up to stop Cosima’s advance. Then the sinking feeling hit the pit of Cosima’s stomach, what if she was wrong about this, what if she just got herself into trouble. Danielle rounded into view from the kitchen island, her scraggly mud brown hair and those stupid big eyes caught her attention, but what scared her to her bones was the expression. She was mad, she was crazed and she had never met her in her life. 

“This is your new girl is it? She’s so young!” Danielle started to shout in anger. Delphine span around, her hands going out to Danielle’s shoulders and pushed her back as if pre-empting a strike against her Cosima. Cosima’s wide eyes darted between the two women. Tears stained Delphine’s face, her cheeks were read and there were already marks appearing on her thin pale arms. Anger and vengeance swelled up in Cosima’s small body. Whatever the hell this women had done, she was going to pay. “She’s going to ruin you girl, she is going to cheat on you and ruin you!” Danielle was spiteful and her eyes burned. Cosima was shaking. 

“Do not speak to Cosima like that!” Delphine pushed Danielle into the kitchen island and slapped her hard around the face, her face snapping to the side. Danielle took a sudden deep breath and didn’t even flinch she just struck back. Cosima threw herself between the two of them to shield her girlfriend, Danielle still struck Delphine right on her jaw. Cosima pushed Danielle back this time, but the older women grabbed both of her arms in a lock and moved to head but her. Cosima flinched in on herself and avoided the attack. Delphine tried to get Cosima out of the way ignoring her own painful face. 

“Hey get the hell off me! Who do you think you are?” Cosima called out, she managed to get herself free and grabbed Delphine taking her into the hall. Regardless of the pain and the shaking hands, she needed to get Delphine out of there. As she reached the bottom of the stairs she was pulled back hard Delphine’s hand slipping from her own. “What the hell is your problem, leave Delphine alone.” Danielle had taken Delphine by her loose arm and pulled her back. 

“Cosima this is not your fight you need to run.” Delphine was pleading, her face crying silently. The sight of dried tears and red cheeks broke Cosima’s heart. 

-

 

“Oh my!” Janice was suddenly at the front door. Cosima had left open when she had crashed in. Her hands at her face her eyes wide in shock at the sight before her. To be honest in that second Cosima couldn’t tell whether Janice was shocked at Delphine’s face and tears or the fact Cosima was high as fuck from smoking that joint like it was water she desperately needed. Turning on her heel Janice fled the building. Cosima kinda hoped she would help and get them out of this situation, but as always when she is needed she effs up. Cosima turned her attentions back to the psycho holding her girlfriend hostage. 

“I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but you need to back off right now I swear to god. Delphine is not yours, what happened between you is in the past, get the fuck off of her.” Suddenly the courage in her was back and she was stepping towards Danielle fast, ready to lay the bitch down if she laid one more damn finger on Delphine. 

“Aww your little pet is looking out for you, how sweet.” Danielle was menacing and it scared her, but also made her angrier. Even though Delphine was being held back by Danielle, she turned her head and spat into Danielle’s face. Danielle reacted immediately and twisted Delphine’s arm behind her back, she cried out in pain. 

“Let go of her!” Cosima took another step forward but Delphine shook her head slowly, her eyes closing in pleading for a second her teeth biting down on her bottom lip out of pain. Cosima housed herself back on her steps. She had no idea what the hell to do, she was working on nothing. She didn’t know what Danielle was capable off and she wasn’t expecting a fight. But now she knew why Delphine was so pained, so dead on the outside, so ill. She had spent longer with this psycho than she had. 

“Or what?” Cosima took a moment to think about her reply, the words wouldn’t come to her. Delphine was straining, the pain evident in her short breaths. Why the hell was this bitch so crazy?! Cosima was fuming but kept it together, for the most part. She desperately wanted Dennis to come in and get her, to stop this, to help Delphine but she knew help was not coming. 

“Shut the hell up.” Cosima lunged forward, in that second Danielle pushed Delphine’s harder behind her and she let out a whine. Cosima grabbed hold of that stupid brunette hair and dragged her downwards. Even with her petite body she owned the bitch, Danielle’s hand flew up to her head in pain and she screamed out as Cosima tried to get as much as she could. “Delphine run!” Cosima called out, Danielle let go of Delphine and tried to hold Cosima’s wrist and yank it off to no avail. Delphine span around and tried to separate the two of them instead of running, she pushed her two hands between them and tried to create space, which just meant Danielle was in more pain when Cosima refused to let go. “Run Delphine.” Cosima called out again, she was angry at Delphine now for not getting out of there. Delphine hadn’t seen this side of Cosima, Cosima hadn’t even seen this side but right now she saw her girlfriend in trouble and she had to sort it out. Delphine kept trying to pull them apart but it seemed as though Danielle herself was holding them in place, waiting for her chance. Delphine didn’t want her to get one, she managed to plead with her eyes for Cosima to let go, instead she let go and pushed Danielle back hard into the small table in the hall, causing something more in Del’s house to fall to the floor and break. Delphine got herself in front of Cosima and away from Danielle, Danielle hit the back of her head in the whiplash of being pushed but used the momentum to lunge forward. Delphine’s eyes widened and she pushed Cosima back behind her and took the full force of Danielle’s punch. The clenched fist contacted right on the side of her head and Delphine stumbled ungracefully for a moment before falling to the side, her hands grabbing onto that hall table before collapsing. Cosima went to jump forward but was grabbed from behind by someone unknown. 

“Right, that’s enough of that!” A harsh female voice shouted in her ear, the women’s hands holding her tight so that she couldn’t attack. A stocky but toned cop pushed past the two of them and apprehended Danielle. He was stronger than Dani and managed to get her hands behind her back and press her up against the wall with his arms. The women seemed to move her head and press something into Cosima’s shoulder. 

“Operator we’ve got a 240, possible 242. Need urgent medical assistance for an unconscious female, looks in her 30’s, unconscious at the scene.” Another cop ran in from behind them, Cosima suddenly felt super conscious of being high and aggressive as hell. The third cop ran over to Delphine and checked her pulse just out of Cosima’s sight.

“That women is sick! She attacked us!” Danielle spat out against the wall. “It was self-defence!” The toned cop moved off of her a little at her words he had a face like pure rage, he looked with dark eyes and a furrowed brow over to the female cop. 

“What’s your take on this Childs?” The man was definitely from the East coast. Cosima in her haze didn’t really know what to do. She didn’t resist, the hold of the women was a stark contrast to the pain and suffering of Danielle’s touch. 

“Domestic by the looks of it. Family.” The women said coldly, observant but not truthful to the reality of the situation. 

“That women is a psycho!” Cosima thought she called it out in a shout, but instead her strong words came out in a mumbled haze. Shit she had never smoked so fast and had never had her green hit her to hard in one go. Maybe she had left that weed in her draw way too long. 

“I don’t know what’s what Childs let’s just bring them in. Your girls high as shit!” The man with the apparent attitude read out their rights and aggressively pulled Danielle from the wall and down the hall. She was awfully compliant for a psycho freak and she smirked a little as she walked past Cosima. The women holding Cosima said the same rights as if she was bored on a Sunday morning and had no time for this shit. Cosima didn’t understand anything apart from the fact that her love was laying on the floor waiting for medical assistance.

“Help her!”


	22. Interval

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this is short but I HAD to update because I keep getting private messages about updating and I felt so bad. Now it is the christmas holidays I plan to write during the night and revise during the day, so I can balance finishing this story. 
> 
> There is sooo much story left to tell.

Actually getting taken to the station was not something Cosima had encountered before. She had smoked for years and done lots of stupid stuff but actually being inside a station for questioning was new. They let her out, just a caution for being high but as they couldn’t find any on her and as she had no priors she was let go. Her one and only concern was Delphine. 

“Dad, is Delphine ok?!” Cosima ran with heavy feet down the steps of the precinct and into Dennis’ arms. He embraced her with a hug that she had felt only once before. She pulled back quickly, her eyes dancing around his wrinkled face. The heart attack had aged him. It was then she realised the sun behind his head looked new, she had been there a whole day. 

“She is in the hospital.” He was stressed and concerned and Cosima knew it, her stomach dropped. Questioningly staring at each of his eyes in turn she thought of her plan of action. 

“We need to get there right now!” Cosima looked around him for his car in the lot, desperately trying to find a quick route to the hospital in her head, navigating the inevitable traffic. But then she remembered something. She was the only one let out of the station, where was Danielle? It looked as if Dennis was going to say something but he just sighed and stepped aside, opening the car up with his remote key. Cosima jumped and got herself into the car in one fluid movement, Dennis tried his best to keep up with her. She was already buckled in when he was still getting his legs under the steering wheel. 

“Dennis please, if you do one thing for me for the rest of my life, it’s get me to that hospital before Danielle.”

 

***

 

White. White hot pain. Delphine winced, she felt her hand come to her head but she couldn’t see yet. She could feel her body catching up with her racing confused thoughts, her eyes shot open. 

“Cosima?” Delphine uttered, still half dazed. Her senses alerted themselves one by one to the components attached to her body. Her finger clipped into something cold and hard, her wrist painful but also numb, and her head felt enclosed in some kind of fabric. 

“Delphine you are safe now.” Delphine knew that voice and it sent chills down her back, painful chills that made her wince her eyes open. Delphine dark eyes locked onto Danielle who was stood at the side of her bed. In shock Delphine tried to move the other way, but found herself stuck down on the bed. It was now she took in her surroundings, she was in hospital. A tall blue, clinical room filled with beeping machines and the smell of bleach. “Oh no, just lay still. Everything will be ok.” Danielle hovered over her head, her hand reaching out and pressing its warm palm onto Delphine’s forehead. At the touch Delphine turned her head away and looked towards the hospital door, to the hospital staff walking back and forth in the ward. 

“Get away from me.” Delphine spat. At the words her head spun a little, disorientated she tried to focus her thoughts. All she knew was that Danielle was here and that only meant bad things were to come. Delphine blinked heavily and kept her gaze as far away from Danielle as she could. She tried to assess her surroundings, what she was doing there, how she got there and why Danielle was by her side. All that she remembered was the fight with Cosima…Cosima! Where was she right now?! Delphine moved quickly to face Danielle, the women’s face was pale but a harsh smile crept across it. In grimace, Delphine swallowed and began to speak. “Where is Cosima?” Delphine said it slowly, quietly but with every fibre of power in her vocal chords that she could manage. Danielle stared at her and then smiled wider. 

“Don’t worry about her.” Danielle stroked her hand across Delphine’s cheek and into her hair. Delphine tensed. “You should be happy to hear that I have managed to get in touch with your farther….” The words hit Delphine right in the gut. “And he is on his way.” What? Delphine gulped and looked her straight into the eyes. 

“Non!” Delphine protested and tried to get up but felt the tug on the tubing attached to her arm. Wincing in pain she tried to pry it out of her wrist. 

“Delphine, he is coming to take you back to France, back where we can be happy.” Danielle pressed Delphine back into the hospital bed and smiled down at her. 

“We can have our family back.” At the last words Delphine began to scream.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas chapter as promised....drama is coming.

Cosima could not run fast enough. Her legs propelled her towards the main entrance of the hospital, Dennis on her tail with a limp. He couldn’t move that fast anymore. Cosima didn’t even wait to see if anyone was coming through, she just pushed herself through the doors and into the hall, looking everywhere for some information. She knew this place all too well now and it sickened her a little. She saw a free receptionist and was at his desk in a second. 

“Delphine Cormier, I need to see her, where is she?” Cosima nudged her glasses up her nose, a little perspiration falling down her forehead. Dennis was at her side in an instance, pleading with his eyes for the man at reception to work fast. 

“Are you a relative?” The man asked, he didn’t seem to get the urgency in Cosima’s voice. He slowly, so agonisingly slowly, typed Delphine’s name into the online directory for the hospital and looked at the screen. 

“I’m her partner.” Cosima felt a little hot when she said it, when she was with Delphine she was confident about her love for her, and when she was with anyone else she still felt awkward telling people that she was gay. It still felt a little taboo. It still felt wrong. The man slowly typed something else that Cosima couldn’t make out, and then with a stiff hand moved the mouse and clicked something. Cosima could see the screen change, the man looked right up at her and shrugged.  
“It seems her partner has already checked in, I am sorry but right now she is not allowed visitors as the doctors are still with her.” Her heart stopped. She clutched onto Dennis’ arms and took a breath. If that bitch Danielle had anything to do with this she swore to god she would end her. Trying to remove her anger, she tried to be a chilled person and keep from losing herself in all of this, Cosima looked the receptionist in the eye. 

“Look I am her partner, the women that claims to be her partner is not, she is a liar. I need that room number!” It was getting a little too much for her. Her body was pumped up with worry, stress and cortisol, she needed to get to Delphine. The man moved his eyes to the side and looked past Cosima. Dennis nudged her; the receptionist was motioning for security. Cosima took the opportunity to grab the monitor and turn it towards herself, she got the room number and without a second thought she bolted. Running straight for the set of double doors behind the desk and down the corridor. 

“Oh man, please be ok. Please be ok.” Cosima was talking to herself in panting breaths, she made it to the elevator but the doors were shutting, instead she took the stairs, grabbing the railing and heaving herself up as fast as she could. When she got out of the doors she knew she was on the correct wing, she just had to find the room. Her hand ran back on her dreads and pulled them into a tight bun, the band on her wrist was pulled off to secure it. She adjusted her glasses and tried to slow her pace, the doctors and nurses in the hall looked at her. Everyone knew she was in the wrong place, she wrapped her arms across her chest and kept walking, her breath finally coming down. One night in the station made her feel like a criminal. She didn’t care, she just needed to find Delphine. The number of private rooms was getting closer to the one she saw on the screen and her heart rate was creeping up. She let her arms drop from her chest but couldn’t help but be tense. One final nudge of her glasses and she saw the room number. 

Cosima’s hand was opening the door faster than she had time to register what she was doing; Danielle was stood over Delphine beside the bed. Delphine was laying there, pale, some sort of bandaging on her head and her arm wired up to a machine. Cosima’s heart stopped. Her eyes focused in on Danielle and she was ready to fight. 

“Your pet is here to support you.” Danielle sneered, she stepped away from the bed and walked a step closer to Cosima. Cosima didn’t back off even though everything in her body was screaming to leave, her eyes darted to Delphine and ignored the remark. 

“Delphine are you ok?!” Cosima was at her side, their hands touching, eyes locked. Delphine smiled and her eyes seemed wet. Delphine began to speak but they both looked up to Danielle who had just said something that shocked them both to their souls. 

“I told the police what happened. That Delphine had a nervous breakdown and attacked us. It is ok, the police know everything. She is in good care now.” Cosima couldn’t actually believe what she had just heard. The gravity of what had just come out of Danielle’s mouth was too large to be fully understood straight away. Delphine moved her head to look Danielle in the eyes, those hurtful eyes. 

“Non, Dani. When will you end your lies?” Delphine’s voice was scarily calm and collected, Cosima was still in shock. 

“I am not lying; it is what has happened. You are lying in this hospital bed from your own breakdown, I am just glad I was there to help.” Cosima was going to throw up, she swallowed hard and moved around the bed. Her little arms managed to get that bitch up against the wall so she couldn’t escape and pin her back by her arms. Danielle didn’t flinch she just smiled. 

“Leave us alone!” Cosima growled. Her life was going so well, it still could be if this woman didn’t interrupt it all, if she didn’t throw everything up into the air. She took two sharp deep breaths in an attempt to think of something to say, but even with all of her brains, she couldn’t for the life of her formulate her angry thoughts into words that would make her go. So she just stared with all her anger and helplessness into those dark eyes and hoped that god would give her strength to sort this out. 

“Très bon, Cosima. You have made me reconsider everything.” Danielle was sarcastic and it made everything worse. “It is a shame the psychiatric team are already on their way. Your farther has already filled them in on your previous mental health issues, don’t you worry.” Danielle smirked and it hit Delphine in the face, Cosima moved back over to Delphine’s side realising this might be the last time she could see her and touch her until she figured out what to do next. How to possibly stop this all happening. But it pained her to not know about Delphine’s mental health, and that it used to be bad. But then she didn’t know what to believe from Danielle anymore. Delphine looked up to Cosima with pleading eyes. 

“I said that you attacked us in my statement, it’s my word over yours!” Cosima tried to build something up against Danielle, to defend themselves. 

“The word of a drug user over the word of a concerned partner?” Danielle said the words coolly, each one hitting Cosima in the heart like ice. Damn it, she had them. Crap. 

“What’s going on here?” Dennis was at the door; he could feel the tension in the room thick like the smell of rotting food hanging in the air. Cosima gave him a look of desperation. She was just a kid of 18 caught up in someone else’s drama and she had no idea what to do, she just knew that she had to do everything she could to protect Delphine. “Danielle I think you should leave; it is not appropriate for you to be here.” Dennis was commanding, he was evidently angry and it gave Cosima a little flicker of hope. 

“Non, I think I will stay. I have to make sure Delphine gets to the psych ward unharmed.” Danielle took a step closer to Dennis, she was smaller than him but she possessed some thing extraordinary in her build that gave off the impression of power and relentless desire. Dennis stiffened up, but did not give in. 

“I don’t know who you are, but if you are harming my daughter or her partner then you are my concern, and I do not like those who harm my family.” Dennis stared her down, his dark eyes glaring into the soul of the devil. Cosima clutched onto Delphine’s hand at the side of the bed, they exchanged a look of helplessness. Even in her state, Delphine managed to stroke Cosima’s hand with her thumb, that one glimmer of compassion mixed into their own personal hell. 

“I think it was all too much for Delphine. The loss of our child really affected her, and when Cosima came back into her life it must have triggered her major depression. I feel she suffered from a nervous breakdown at the conflict in her mind. Does she love Cosima or the child she could never create-” Danielle didn’t get a chance to say anything more, Cosima lurched forward and tried to smack her around the face. Dennis caught her arm and held her back. 

“There will be no fighting!” Dennis commanded again, Danielle didn’t flinch, she just smiled. She knew she was getting to Cosima. Cosima knew exactly why Delphine had to get away from this women, everything that was coming out of her mouth was lies and manipulations of truth. 

“Dani, please stop! You are not welcome here anymore, get out!” Delphine was trying to get up in the hospital bed, her heart rate monitor disconnected and the long monotonous tone filled the air. It didn’t stop Delphine, she tried so hard to get out of the bed, but she looked so disorientated and collapsed back onto the side, Cosima by her in an instant. 

“I think you should leave.” Dennis stated, she moved his eyes from his distressed daughter and partner, to the heartless solid black of Danielle’s eyes and pleaded. Danielle darted her eyes from Dennis to Delphine and smiled, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’ll go, but as soon as the psych team come to pick her up we are out of here.” Danielle pushed past Dennis and took herself out of the room and out of sight. 

“Delphine are you ok? Sit back ok, just don’t move alright. Just lay back and I’ll get this sorted ok, I’ve got this.” Cosima had no idea what she was doing. She looked at the pale face of the women she loved most in the world and felt her slipping away. Those beautiful eyes had shown her things she could never even imagine, she had felt things for another person she never felt she could feel, and now she was in trouble. 

“Cosima, Delphine, I’m going to sort this out ok. Whatever this is ends here.” Dennis’ face was tense and serious, but there was compassion, confusion still evident, but in that face Cosima saw the solution. As soon as he left the room, all that remained was the single tone of the heart monitor and the two of them. 

 

Delphine***

Delphine felt useless. She was laying in this bed watching her life unfold around her and letting her partner who was just 18 years old deal with all of her problems. Non, this was not right. She had lead herself into this mess and now she needed to get herself back out of it. Delphine moved her legs off the side of the bed, and tried to pull her torso up, her head span and her eyes blurred over. Giving it a second more she tried to make the final push to stand up but it was not working. She was dazed and disorientated, helpless to defend the one she loved. Dennis was defending her now, and Delphine was letting him be attacked by the vile creature she brought into both of their lives. They did not deserve this. They were amazing people who had shared their homes with her, and this is how she was treating them. Delphine didn’t care for the heart monitor declaring she was dead, she needed to get up. But it was useless. In her confusion she looked up and saw that both Dennis and Danielle had left, it was just Cosima at her side. How she wanted to be every single day. 

“Cosima, I am so sorr-” Delphine began, but Cosima couldn’t wait any longer. Cosima took Delphine’s head into her hands and kissed her hard. Then softly, at the realisation that Delphine was probably really weak, and then hard again. This might be the last time they had together before everything goes to hell. Delphine smiled lightly, in all this craziness Cosima knew exactly how to calm her down. Cosima stepped back immediately when she heard Delphine groan, their heads had connected only a little but it was enough to cause Delphine some pain. 

“Oh man, I am so sorry Del!” Cosima was worried again, in fact the look was becoming permanent. Delphine caught her hand and pulled her back towards her, she wasn’t letting go that easily. Her head was dizzy still, she knew that wouldn’t go but she also knew that she might be going soon and this might not last. 

“Non, my sweet. It’s going to be ok.” Delphine looked right up into her eyes, her beautiful soft eyes and wrapped her arms around Cosima’s waist. Cosima was a little surprised that Delphine was doing it in her weak state, but she let herself be pulled in tight, and put her own arms around Delphine’s shoulders, cradling Delphine’s head in her chest. It was weird how the roles had reversed between the two of them, but it just reflected how serious the situation was for the both of them. Cosima stared at the door to the room and waited, her thoughts praying for Dennis to somehow be able to sort this out.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the lack of updates. At my uni they have final exams after christmas break, so all of christmas break I have been revising and exams have just finished. So here is what I've been able to write in the last few days, its not much but it is something. Thank you all so much for holding in there for me. I will try and write this semester, but over summer you will get the rest of the 25 or so chapters dont worry. It will fill your summer up nicely :)

A nurse was at the door in no time, the heart rate monitor must have alerted them at reception. The nurse saw that it was the two of them, his eyes drifted from them, to the previously disconnected monitor and then he shook his head slightly. It wasn’t as if they were that busy, but it must have been annoying to have to rush in like this for a mistake. He set the machine back up and told Delphine to rest back in bed. 

“Excuse me, can you help!” Cosima suddenly thought, she didn’t think a nurse would be much help but she had to try. “This women, she needs to get discharged like right now ok. She needs to get out of here, can you make that happen?” The nurse shook his head and picked up Delphine’s medical folder. 

“I am not authorised to make those decisions, but it looks like she needs to be kept in for a psychiatric evaluation. Sorry.” He quickly put the folder down and double checked the machine was working before leaving. Cosima felt helpless. She took a deep breath, before giving Delphine a longing look. A look that spoke a thousand words and said that she was coming back for her. Cosima went to walk out of the door before Dennis came into view, he saw Cosima coming and signalled for her to come outside. Dread shot through her chest, why wouldn’t he come in? 

“Look I don’t know what really happened in that house, but-“ Dennis began once the door closed behind Cosima.

“What does that mean? What really happened is that Danielle is a manipulative and abusive-“ Cosima fought back before Dennis cut her off. 

“-Listen Cosima. I talked to the doctors and security. They said that in their view Delphine needs help. Whether it is because of what Danielle has said or Delphine’s well-being in itself. She does need help and I think that it would be best to-“ 

“Oh my god, do not tell me you agree with them!” Cosima wrapped her arms around her chest to keep them under her control. At this point she was willing to fight someone, anyone, even that nurse, just to get Delphine to safety. Her eyes were wide and she could feel perspiration forming on her forehead. This was crazy. How they had managed to get wrapped up in this, and how Dennis was actually agreeing with her was too much. This was all way too much. 

“They want to move her to the St. Mary’s ward for better observation.” Dennis lost his voice a little on the name of the word. Cosima realised too and the colour drained from her face. It was the very same ward. The same ward that she had killed her mother in when everything went wrong. She had no idea what kind of ward it was now, but back then, 18 years ago, it was maternity. Suddenly even more anger that she never knew she could hold boiled up inside of her. She felt like she was going to blow. “They are going to take care of her.” 

“Oh like they did with mom?” Cosima couldn’t stop but make that low blow. The air was silent, and Dennis just stared back at her. She saw that same dead punished look he gave her every year on her birthday when she made him recite her mother’s final moments. 

“Cosima!” Dennis was angry now too.

“No, Danielle is going to let her rot in there. She’s going to make those psychiatrists say whatever she wants, then she’s going to take her out of the country and I’m never going to see her again!” 

“You don’t know what’s in people’s hearts!” Dennis was pleading with her. The audacity he had to even suggest that Danielle somehow had good intentions. 

“I know what’s in mine!” Cosima went to hit out, she went to push Dennis, just to hit him, just to make him see sense. She couldn’t bring herself to lash out. Instead her arm swung slowly and barely touched his arm before she collapsed in tears. Cosima’s arms wrapped themselves around his waist and she pulled him in tight. All the anger drowned from him face and he let his arms rest on her shoulders. He gave up. He could plainly see how much Delphine meant to Cosima. For a moment he let in sink in what he was letting Danielle do. What it would mean for his daughter and potentially the love of her life. He knew above all people what losing the love of your life would do. The pain would never leave, even when someone new comes into the scene. 

“Cosima I am so sorry, darling.” He stroked her dreads to comfort her as she sobbed into his side. He looked up through the glass of the door and looked right into Delphine’s pained eyes. Delphine looked scared and helpless, she was weak and in pain. He knew that he needed to step up more than ever. He could never put Cosima through what he had to suffer through. 

“Dad…Can you just fix this…please?” Cosima looked up to him, tear stained cheeks and red eyes. The way she said it was so heart breaking. It sounded like she was defeated, like she had nothing more to give. He couldn’t say no. He looked down at her and knew that he could never hurt her, and that he had to do something now or forever lose his daughter.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for holding in there people, hopefully this is to your satisfaction :D

“Cosima I am going to stop all of this, it ends now.” He clutched at her shoulders, sighed deeply and went to move. Cosima felt an overwhelming encouragement and for one second, just one second she felt like everything was going to be ok.

“Stop.” It shocked both of them. Cosima and Dennis turned around. Sometimes people said things in passing that you caught onto as you walked past, but even though both of them were facing away it was clear the command was for them. Cosima looked up, the voice was thick and strong, French down to its core. The man who had spoken stood at the door to Delphine’s room, two men in suits like body guards behind him. Dennis went to move forward but Cosima stopped him with her hand. She stared into his face and saw something weirdly familiar even though she had never seen this man before. 

“Mr. Cormier?” Cosima asked, she nudged her glasses up and wasn’t really sure whether to be horrified or relieved that he was here. She was sure that he was just coming to take Delphine away, but the way he said ‘Stop’ it wasn’t demeaning or victorious, it was almost relieved. The man looked right into Cosima’s eyes, the smallest of smiles crept at the corner of his mouth. Then the man looked into Delphine’s room, and locked eyes with Delphine. Delphine gave nothing away, their exchange of looks was not happy or hateful, it was just full of recognition. 

“Where is Danielle? I need to find her now.” Cosima wasn’t sure what to do, she wasn’t sure whether to start yelling or get angry or be happy or what, she had no idea. “That woman needs to be found; she needs to be locked away.” In that instant Cosima felt like she had an ally, she knew that he wasn’t here to take Delphine away. 

“Père?!” Delphine was at the door, the machines again letting the sound of death fill the air at the lack of a heart beat, but this time Cosima’s heart was racing. Delphine grabbed hold of the handle, propelled the door open and ran into her father’s arms. Delphine was tall, but somehow her father was taller, he shielded her in his thick arms, he had dark hair in direct contrast to Delphine’s golden curls. They hugged for what seemed like forever, whispering intelligible French to each other. Delphine pulled back, she looked up into his eyes with desperately helplessness and seemed unsure of everything. 

“I am so sorry for always believing her. I should never have let this happen to you.” They hugged again. Dennis took Cosima’s hand in his own, Cosima looked up to him, she was still unsure of everything. He looked so apologetic, as if he was seeing himself in Delphine’s dad. Mr. Cormier said some string of French, it made Delphine smile a little before they disconnected. “I’ve got the French police with me. We are sending Danielle back to France, she will not be able to hurt you ever again.” Delphine gasped, it was happy, as if the life had been pushed right back into her body, colour came back to her face. 

The men behind Mr. Cormier suddenly burst into action, they charged down the corridor, everyone looked towards them. Cosima didn’t see what had made them start, she quickly moved forward to take Delphine’s hand and stood beside her. The two men were struggling about 15 meters down the corridor, there were screams and a shout but suddenly Danielle was being pinned against the wall, her hands behind her back, what seemed like a blade dropped to the floor by her feet. She was crying out, nurses and attendants ran up to help, but out of one of their pockets the French police pulled some paper like a letter and their ID. Cosima held on tightly to Delphine’s hand, Delphine squeezed back. 

“You fucker! Va te faire enculer par une moufette constipée!” Danielle spat out. She lashed out against the men, managing to get one back off of her, even stepping towards Delphine just a step, before they grabbed her slashed handcuffs around her wrist. Delphine’s dad spat out something in French, it seemed aggressive but passionate and if anything it made Cosima even more crazy for Delphine because she had that fire in her as well. 

“If you dare hurt my daughter ever again, I will find you, Danielle, je te tuerai!” Mr. Cormier glared at Danielle, who regained her composure, still pressed against the wall, the eyes off all of the staff shock horror staring at her. She spat onto the floor in a gross show of defiance, before looking at Delphine and smirking. 

“This isn’t over.” Danielle laughed. Delphine stumbled a little before she let go of Cosima’s hand. Cosima looked up to her in shock and watched after her as Delphine strode towards Danielle. She stopped just short of her and whispered something only the two of them would hear (and the police), before her hand crashed across her face and Danielle cried out. The slap was loud and everyone heard it. Cosima couldn’t stop herself shouting out in proud laughter. Delphine’s gaze lingered on Danielle for just a moment longer, before her hand waved her off. Delphine turned and walked back towards her father and again they were together in a tight embrace, the weight seeming to slip off of the both of them. Something was happening, something that seemed long over due. 

“I do not understand.” Delphine began, she pulled herself back out of the embrace and motioned for Cosima to take up her extended hand. Cosima leapt at the opportunity to hold her girlfriend once more. Dennis stood there just watching and contemplating. Cosima knew he could probably use Janice at this moment, even if Janice was a revolting human being. “Why now, you always believed her and never me. Why have you changed your mind now?” Delphine pulled Cosima in close to her side, the warmth was invited and natural. Cosima missed it. Mr. Cormier looked pained, but his age wore well on his face, the sun in France kept his youth. 

“Everything I had heard about you was good. I knew that you were doing so well in this country, that you had made a life for yourself... Danielle came over one night. Unexpected as always, and she told me that you were in trouble.” Mr. Cornier pushed his hands into his weirdly American blue jeans, sweat was evident under his armpits in his white shirt. Even at, probably 55-60 years of age, he looked around 40, Cosima knew Dennis was jealous. “I believed her, I organized everything to come here and persuade you to come back home…But I realized the error of my ways. I sent my colleague ahead to track you down, they reported you were with Cosima.” At that moment Mr. Cormier looked straight into Cosima’s eyes. Cosima felt her heart stop, she was engrossed in the story. The police had taken Danielle off somewhere out of sight, Dennis was stood behind her, and the hospital staff were avoiding the corridor. She felt a little chocked, like she couldn’t really breathe. One he had come here and stalked them, but two that he was going to take Delphine away from her. Cosima tightened her grip on Delphine’s weak hand. She almost forgot for a second that Delphine was actually meant to be resting right now. She tried to avoid thinking about how this would impact her recovery, even if it was just a slight head injury. “I looked at the pictures and I knew that everything Danielle had said was a lie. It had always been a lie. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, which is why it took so long for me to get here. But I am so glad I found the error of my ways. Your mother always warned me about Danielle.” Mr. Cormier let his words sink in. 

“The police? How did you persuade them to come?” Delphine asked, she wasn’t one to react until she knew everything. 

“They have been looking for her for years apparently, you aren’t her first.” Mr. Cormier stated. It didn’t make sense; Delphine had met Danielle in school. Were there others over the years? Mr. Cormier continued speaking in French and it made Delphine smile. Cosima looked up to her love, the way her face was regaining its colour, how it looked as though something good was finally happening. Cosima couldn’t help but feel all warm inside. Again, Delphine let go of her hand and wrapped her arms around her father’s shoulders.

Cosima took a step back and let the scene unfold, she wasn’t sure of the exact details, she wasn’t really sure how Mr. Cormier had pulled it of, Cosima knew there was a lot of money in their family, she always had that vibe. She put her arm around Dennis’ waist, he rested his head on Cosima’s head for a second, that affectionate move solidified their relationship. Cosima would always love her dad. 

“What happens now?” Cosima finally said once Delphine was back in her bed, attached to the monitors with the help of the nurse. It was just the four of them comfortable in her private room. Cosima pulled her chair in close to the side of the bed, her fingers intertwined with Delphine’s, their warm touch filled with electricity and longing. Her tattoo long forgotten but now visible. Delphine saw it but didn’t say too much, she knew it would be revealed in time. They exchanged a look of relief, staring into each others eyes with red blushed cheeks and the weight of the world taken over by someone else. 

“Rest.” Mr. Cormier said in his thick accent, he was sat on the visitor’s seats at the door end of the room with Dennis. The two of them hadn’t exchanged many words, but there was a natural connection between the two of them. They were both fathers who loved their daughters, and would do anything to protect them. Even if Dennis couldn’t solve the situation all by himself, he tried and he put his all into everything. Delphine squeezed Cosima’s hand, even if things seemed to have settled there was the uncomfortable reality that Delphine had been to hell and back emotionally, and that didn’t just go away. Cosima knew no matter what, for the rest of the time they had together she would be the best she could be and support her all she could. The time they had left…Cosima gulped at the thought. She didn’t mean their mortality, although that was always a pressing issue. She meant the weeks were vanishing in summer and soon there would only be days left until she had to leave. Cosima smiled, and pushed the thoughts away. Her priorities had to be straight. Delphine smiled back, and those big eyes said the rest. Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More coming soon I hope (weeks feel like days in uni, so I am not even sure how long it has been since I last posted :S)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super late chapter, university is finished for the year now so I have no excuse xxxx

Cosima felt something touch her bare toes, but she didn’t open her eyes to see. She pulled the covers further over her head and tried to get back to sleep. But there it was again, that cold, chilling feeling moving its way up her toes to her shin bones. The cold ran up the fronts of her legs. In an attempt to get warm again Cosima tried to wrap her legs up in the quilt, but the material felt wet and heavy. Her body did not want to get up, it was not ready, it was her rest day and for once she didn’t have to worry about what was going to happen when she opened her eyes. The wet sensation crept up her thighs, moving over her stomach and up to her chest. Cosima resisted so hard the temptation to look but at this point she felt like her body was submerging in water, as if cold water was filling the bed and threatening to come up over her mouth and nose. Just as the water tickled the edges of her jaw Cosima startled awake. 

Her eyes darted around the room, her heart dropped and felt like it was remembering to beat again. Her breathing caught up with her heart rate, and she was panting into the warm room, her eyes focused on the dark green ceiling above her head, and the aged paint that covered it. Taking one final deep breath, her body began to come back down from her anxiety. Her hands gripped onto the duvet above her and her mind raced over every singe sensation she could sense. The silky material of the duvet as it slid over her finger tips, the warmth of her bed sheets where she lay, the cold on her ears and nose, the taste of morning, the sounds of morning outside, and more importantly the smell of home. Cosima moved her head, turning to face her sleepy beauty beside her. 

Delphine was already awake, laying on her side, a cheeky smile on her lips, her eyes focused on Cosima’s. Cosima smiled back at her, trust Delphine to be watching her sleep. 

“What time is it?” Cosima yawned, her hands coming up to her eyes to wipe away the sleep and tired. Tired was not the result of not sleeping. Delphine smiled, her hand came up from under the covers and placed itself on Cosima’s cheek. The warm was a welcome sensation, as Delphine stroked Cosima’s flushed cheek. Cosima smiled and her head instinctively moved towards Delphine’s touch. 

“I don’t know.” Delphine said with a giggle, it made Cosima giggle, Delphine normally knew everything and was always up early. Cosima lifted her head a little and saw that the behind the curtains was white light cascading across the bed wall in a stripe. It was probably mid morning. Cosima looked into those big eyes, looked over the blonde curls pushed behind her perfectly soft ear, and down the nape of her neck. 

“From the first moment I saw you, I knew we had a connection.” Cosima said softly, her voice husky and a little broken as she hadn’t had a joint yet or something to drink. But she meant it. She remembered when Dennis was in his hospital bed and he had said the same thing about her mother…Cosima meant it with every fibre of her being. “And that time we went for food with Dennis, you remember that right?” Cosima said, her heart was racing a little in her chest, but she didn’t let it come forward. Delphine nodded. Cosima’s heart melted. “Well you were so freaking hot telling me all about your life. Like I swear, in that moment, when you were lost in your story, telling me all about everything that you did, I fell so deep in love with you that I knew I was screwed if anything happened. Like literally if anything happened to us, it would ruin me. So like yeah, think about that.” Cosima laughed nervously. She felt out of her depth, she knew she was only 18, that she was just living day to day until she moved away to uni. She knew that there was an age difference and Delphine was in a totally different place, and she knew that there were so many barriers…but it didn’t mean she loved Delphine any less. Delphine just smiled and looked across, their eyes never fainting connection. Delphine blinked softly. 

“I want to say just one thing.” Delphine said in a hushed tone. Cosima smiled and nodded. Delphine moved closed in the bed, pulling her legs up close to Cosima’s first, and then her chest. Her legs weaved in with Cosima’s her thigh pressing between Cosima’s. Delphine moved her hand from Cosima’s cheek and slide it around Cosima’s neck pulling her head in towards hers. They were pressed together under the covers, the light of morning brightly shading them. “I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you in that windowsill. Call it fate. I don’t know what to call it, but, mon amour pour toi est éternel.” Delphine let her sentiment set it, of course Cosima had no idea what the French was, but it probably meant something. Delphine needed to prove her love, she leaned in even closer, her lips pressing gently against Cosima’s. Her hand ran up Cosima’s neck and locked itself in her dreads. Her lips pulled away a little, and then pressed themselves against her again. Her tongue did not explore, it wet her own lips before a final press. Slowly Delphine pulled away, Cosima’s lips clinging to her own, never ever getting enough. Cosima smiled sadly, immediately missing the contact. Cosima’s hand moved across under the covers and sat in the dip of Delphine’s naked waist. 

“How are you feeling today?” Cosima asked, she had fallen asleep for a second again, Delphine was still watching her with a smile. Delphine laughed a little at how sweet and innocent Cosima was when she slept. 

“Fine.” Delphine said calmly, it wasn’t dismissive or anything south of good, it was just as it was. Fine. Cosima looked at her in the eyes once more, checking over her to see if there was something she was hiding. She had come out of hospital a few days previous, nothing serious, but still. Cosima felt on tender hooks ever since everything had started. What if she hadn’t misplaced her phone and looked out of the window that time? What if Cosima had just looked away when Delphine caught her eye? What if Delphine had chosen a different street to live in, a different city? Would her life have gone on like it was expected, would she have dated that guy. Would she be in love with him like she was in love with Delphine? 

“Let’s do something today.” Cosima said, her wakeful state finally catching up with her, her eyes widened and she let the light flood into them, it was even brighter than before. She had her childish grin back. Delphine rolled away onto her back, her hands coming up above her head. Cosima couldn’t help but be distracted by the way the covers fell a little down Delphine’s body and one breast fell out into the open air. Cosima licked her lips but looked up to the sharp jaw line of her lover. 

“My father wants to meet today, smooth things over…” Delphine seemed distracted again. Cosima couldn’t blame her, given all that had happened. To offer some kind of distraction Cosima moved her hand up across Delphine’s body and glided up her chest to that one exposed breast. Delphine closed her eyes and bit her lip as Cosima cupped it, and began to slowly caress it in the palm of her hand. Delphine moved her hands and one took Cosima’s and stopped it from moving. “I want you to meet him. Officially.” Delphine declared, she was sceptical, Cosima could tell from the tremble in her voice. “Even if afterwards we are giving statements to interpol.” Cosima’s hand stopped trying to get Delphine excited and just laid at rest across Delphine’s chest. 

“He seems a lot like my dad.” Cosima said, too turning onto her back and looking at the ceiling, her hand crept down to meet Delphine’s, they held onto each other tightly. 

“He is the only man I will ever love.” Delphine said wistfully. 

“Not hard, seeing that you’re a totally hot lesbian.” Cosima joked, Delphine laughed and squeezed tighter to her hand. Cosima stuck her tongue out a little in a way she knew Delphine loved, even if Delphine couldn’t see. 

“I’m not 100% gay you know.” Delphine’s voice was elevated and playful, but it struck Cosima somewhere. It struck her that for her, Delphine was her first, but Delphine had many lovers, men as well. 

“Really?” Cosima couldn’t help but let her voice crack a little, embarrassed she covered it up in a laugh. Delphine tensed, realised what she had just said and its possible implications and turned to face Cosima. In a second Delphine and moved her naked body swiftly on top of Cosima’s in the bed. Her breasts hanging, Cosima’s hands coming to Delphine’s hips naturally. Delphine’s core was right on top of Cosima’s and it sent her crazy. Just the touch, just the knowing it was there, just the sensation, the warmth. 

“But that doesn’t matter, it’s because I am French…what really matters.” Delphine explained and then changed the subject matter entirely. “Is that I am yours and I will never be anyone else’s ok. We are forever.” Delphine leant down and gently placed a kiss onto Cosima’s young lips. Cosima closed her eyes at the contact, kissing back softly, rising her head to meet Delphine’s as she pulled away. “He wants us for lunch and it’s almost noon.” Delphine moved to the side of Cosima, rolled to her side of the bed and began to pull a loose white t-shirt over her head. One of Cosima’s that she loved to lounge about it now. Cosima groaned as she felt the covers pull off of her and the cold hit her. It wasn’t cold, she knew that, but it was cooler than it was under the covers with just their body heat. 

“Ok.” Cosima conceded. “Well.” Cosima smiled to herself, pulling on her underwear and a t-shirt too, and moving across the bed to be behind Delphine. “I am super hungry.” Cosima laughed and kissed Delphine on the neck. Delphine’s head moved back into Cosima’s shoulder relaxing at the way Cosima knew where to kiss her. Cosima’s arms wrapped around the blonde’s waist and pulled her in tight for a hug, her head resting on Delphine’s slender shoulder. “I love you.” Cosima’s voice was serious and quiet as she felt the skin contact her, the warmth and how natural they always felt when intertwined. Delphine held onto Cosima’s wrapped up arms and leaned back against the one she loved. 

“Je t’aime.” Delphine replied with the same amount of seriousness and dedication as she always had done. They waited there for a second, before Cosima eventually stood up on the bed, and jumped down onto the floor. “Do you want a usual pre-lunch snack?” Delphine offered with a little giggle. In some ways dating someone like Cosima seemed like mothering a child, but it was that quality she loved most about Cosima. How this intelligent and sexy mature woman could have a childish and playful side that one never grew tired of. Cosima was the youth, Delphine was there to support her for the rest of time. 

In the kitchen, after getting changed and deciding what to eat, Delphine pulled up the half a French stick she had been keeping in the bread bin and put it onto the side. She leaned down, opened up the small cupboard with the bread board and oils and chose her favourites. The selection always tantalised Cosima, even though it was just bread and oils. It was just the delicate way Delphine handled the bread, holding it firmly when she cut it, but not in a way to deform the bread and make it lose its shape. Cosima looked at the small puffs of flour coming off with each precise cut with the jagged bread knife. Then she looked up and caught Delphine’s eye. Delphine was smiling cutely. Delphine loved how engrossed Cosima was in everything, from science to books, to learning French…whatever happened to that?

“Who knew cutting bread could be so sexy?” Cosima whispered in her morning husk. She coughed and then realised she was dying for a joint and a coffee. “May I?” Cosima asked as she moved around the room to the coffee machine and began to make one. Delphine stopped cutting up slices and looked over. 

“Cosima, you don’t have to ask for anything around here. What is mine, is yours.” Delphine didn’t dwell on what she had said, the words spoke for themselves. So she picked up the bread put it onto a board and began to pour the oils into little dishes. Cosima waited for the water to get hot, then poured the mixture into a cup and sat back on the bar stools. Delphine pushed the bread and oils to the other side of the island and moved around to take her seat next to Cosima. With both hands around the cup Cosima took her first sip and closed her eyes in foodgasmic euphoria. There was nothing better than the first sip—well, there was something better and it was sat right next to her. 

They ate in relative comfortable silence, Cosima dipped her bread into the herb oil and looked at the green flecks of different herbs attached to her bread as the oil soaked in deep. She ate it and tasted immediately the concoction of herbs and garlic filter through her mouth. It always tasted so damn good. Delphine chewed on some bread and stared at the kitchen island. How many times would they get to just do this, sit in silence and enjoy each other company and some food without worrying? As the days were progressing how long will they have to not worry about getting ready? How long will they not worry about the rest of their relationship? 

There was a heavy but gently knock on the front door. 

Cosima looked up as she shoved the last piece of bread into her mouth. Oh man, she always did this. Ate too much before meals, even though she could still eat everything he was going to offer. She quickly tidied the oils away back into the cupboard, wiped the flour residue into the bin and left the items in the sink. She washed her hands of the evidence with speed, wiped her mouth and took a quick pep talk to herself in the kitchen. 

“This is Delphine’s dad, they have a touch and go but still loving relationship that you can barely understand so go with the-”

“Cosima!” Mr. Cormier called with a loving glee, he opened his thick arms up and pulled Cosima in for a tight hug. It was odd when they embraced because half of her expected Dennis’ body to meet her own, his podgy belly and dad arms. But this stranger felt comfortable, natural. Did all of the Cormier’s feel this natural?

“Mr. Cormier!” Cosima repeated with his enthusiasm, she began to grin into his chest as they pulled away from each other. He kept her at arms length and took her all in. Cosima felt a little uncomfortable at being studied but she knew it was all friendly and loving. He was after all, Delphine’s father. He smiled the most glorious smile before standing back and moving his arm towards Delphine. It seemed they had already said their greetings but they hugged again none the less. Delphine closed her eyes and breathed in hard just before they let go. “It’s nice to meet you again, Mr. Cormier.” Cosima smiled at him, Delphine moved closed to Cosima, wrapped her arm around the woman’s small waist and pulled her into her side. Mr. Cormier looked at the two of them, a strong sense of pride and happiness evident. It felt nice, with everything that had happened in literally such a short chaotic time, to just take a moment of pride and gratitude. 

“Please, call me Guillaume!” There was a soft moment, that was the only way Cosima could describe it. He looked at her, she looked at him, Delphine looked at both of them. It was nice to put a name to a face, apart from the formal name she had used…but it was slightly weird. There was something juvenile that she missed about the formal address, maybe it reminded her of school? Mr. Cormier… “Food!” He shouted and it kinda startled Cosima, but in a good way, she loved the enthusiasm that was dropping off him in every breath that he took and every blink of his eye. 

“Oui!” Delphine shouted in the same way, Cosima wanted to shout now but she honestly had no idea where all this motivation and excitement was coming from. But it was contagious. Delphine moved forward and grabbed her clutch from the side, she pulled out what looked like a business card from her purse and then checked the address before handing it to Guillaume. He looked pleased and smile at Delphine. Cosima had no idea but was happy all the same. “I have the perfect place.” Delphine said in a sweet whisper to Cosima’s ear. Oh man. Cosima started to blush immediately and looked down to the ground, she had no idea that in this circumstance just a whisper could elicit such a reaction in her. But it did and now she was hot and uncomfortable. Her dad pretended not to notice and then turned to face the door. Delphine took up Cosima’s hand in her own, it was so gentle and warm, damn Cosima has missed this sense of security. 

Delphine was so relieved, a little disorientated still, but wholly at home and well. She looked at the way her father looked at Cosima, the same was he had looked at Delphine throughout her whole life; full of love and adoration. There was a movement inside of her, not bad, but she didn’t know. It felt like there was a whole new door opening in their small, but significant relationship. It was strange how quickly they had become so close, how they had gone from neighbours on day one to lovers a few weeks down the line. Not even that. It was scary. There were some things to consider, as much as she loved Cosima, was it right? 

“I think you picked the one place I’ve never been to; how did you manage that? Dennis took me out all the time before Janice.” Cosima was in awe, the place had to have been new, there was no way she could have just missed it. Her train station was right near by, and the fact is her favourite restaurant is only a block or two away. She knew this area. Delphine never ceased to surprise her. 

“Yes, it’s new actually.” Delphine was so pleased that her plan had come true. It warmed her heart that she could surprise someone who had lived here all of their life. Plus, it was always nice when she saw that look of curiosity on Cosima’s face. She loved that about her. “I think it opened last week, its already got some really good reviews.” When no one said anything, Delphine got a little nervous. “I mean, it may not look much but it certainly had a lot of 5 stars and it was all over the-”

“Delphine my love, it’s ok. It looks wonderful.” Guillaume said, he patted her on the back and rested his arm on her shoulder as they looked at the place. It definitely looked new, but in an old way as it was trying so hard to make it look as if it had been part of the city for years. It was white in paint, and had a light blue skirting around the boarder. Pillars made up the sides of the building (which was in terrace), and hanging baskets filled with seasoned flowers hung delicately with spits of water dripping down onto the side walk. The lighting gave a warm glow of invite even in the afternoon sun, and the name was in big light blue letters “Lombardi’s”. Cosima took Delphine’s hand, and pulled her towards the door, Guillaume just ahead of them to open it up. Immediately they were hit with the scent of pesto, mozzarella, sun dried tomatoes and olives. Cosima beamed, she loved this stuff. Janice normally cooked for them, in fact she insisted on always cooking for them, it was her thing. Going out for food had become a rare event, but one she loved so much. Now she had new people to recreate memories with. Cosima regretted eating the bread, but she had lots of room for pasta. When they got in there were lots of people chatting, and it wasn’t as quite as she had imagined. It still seemed upper class, the tables were set up nicely, daintily with candles and wine glasses, even jugs of water and ice ready to go. The napkins were red, white and green across the tables. It looked sweet. 

“Table for three?” A waitress with brown smooth hair pulled up into a long pony tail said, she had a wide white smile and olive skin. Her big brown eyes lingered a little too long on Delphine. Delphine looked down and blushed, gripping tighter onto Cosima’s hand. Cosima didn’t see, but felt the hand squeezing as comforting gesture of love. 

“Yes please.” Delphine said blankly, the tone was off for Cosima, but it was brushed aside as they walked on and were seated at the back. Menus were placed in their hands and the woman offered them some drinks. They all ordered drinks, Delphine and Cosima sat on one side of a booth with Guillaume on the other. 

“So, I want to know everything.” Guillaume said in a genuinely intrigued and enthusiastic way. At least his enthusiasm wasn’t fake earlier. He rearranged the cutlery to his taste and shrugged when Cosima watched him. “I eat my own way.” Cosima looked up to Delphine, like where did she even start? She felt suddenly self conscious that she hadn’t really done anything really, not yet. Her big achievements were just coming up, she was going to university and starting her journey to life. 

“Well, I work part time at our local drug store-” Cosima started. 

“Great to hear!” Guillaume said a little too loudly, but it was nice. He seemed really freaking nice, Cosima loved it. 

“Yeah and I just graduated high school actually, so I am kinda in between places at the moment. You know, I am going to university in the fall and-” Cosima continued, seeming to latch onto his energy. 

“That’s amazing, which university?” 

“Minnesota, to study Evolutionary Development.” Cosima stated proudly. The waitress came back with the drinks they had ordered, she gave Cosima hers, then Guillaume’s and then lastly, Delphine’s. The waitress held onto Delphine’s a little too long, only milliseconds but long enough. The waitress flattened the napkin under Delphine’s drink and stared at her, biting her lip. 

“So tell me about when the two of you first fell in love.” Guillaume said loudly with a little laugh, Delphine gave him a thankful look. The waitress bowed her head and left abruptly. Cosima noticed this time and then gave him a thankful look as well. Delphine brushed it off, it didn’t matter, although the attention she got was usual, as much as she hated to admit it. Delphine’s hand came up and pushed her blonde curls to the other side of her head and leant her head on her hand supported by her elbow, she looked up into Cosima’s eyes. 

Cosima and Delphine started to talk at the same time, but Delphine gave in with a giggle and let Cosima talk. 

“I just want to say, like before I get into the actual moment.” Cosima looked at Delphine. “You have caused sooo many arguments with my stepmom its incredible. Like seriously man, soo many. But you’re worth every damn one of them.” Cosima said with cheek, Delphine’s eyes widened, Guillaume laughed loudly. “But I don’t know. Part of me thinks it was the time you have food with my dad, and you were telling me about your life…but then another part of me thinks it was the first time I saw you. 

“Love at first sight?” Guillaume said, he had a little cheek in him as well. “How French.” He laughed. Cosima grinned and smiled at him before looking back to Delphine with a longing. 

“You know; I think it was. You drew everything out of me and brought it all to back focus, I swear to god.” Cosima was serious, she meant it. The feelings from that night came flooding back. The confusion, the lust, the curiosity, the way she was drawn to the woman in white stood on the lawn with that sad smile. Now she knew why she had that sad smile. Cosima was glad she hadn’t seen it much at all since that night. “As soon as I heard that you needed someone to baby sit the puppy, I was on that so fast I didn’t even have time to think. It was the perfect opportunity to get close to you.” Damn, Cosima had no idea why she was being so open. She wouldn’t even discuss this stuff in front of Dennis, but there was something about the two of them that felt natural and wholesome. “Oh and when I first spoke to you, and you were French, my god I could have married you right there and then.” Cosima laughed and gave Delphine the most beautiful smile. Delphine perked up at the word marriage, but didn’t dwell too much. For the first time, marriage didn’t seem like such a bad idea. 

“Actually I remember that day, you took my hand and you were shaking so terribly from nerves. It was so cute.” Delphine shoved Cosima playfully, before taking up her glass and sipping from its edge. Cosima blushed so hard and bowed her head, yeah she was a mess. “I remember your excuse of ‘I was looking at the plants’. I know you weren’t” Delphine put on her best detective’s voice and leaned closer to Cosima. “I knew that you looked at me, I saw right into your eyes. There were no plants.” Delphine laughed. Guillaume didn’t say anything, it must have been on purpose because he just sat there, arms crossed and looking at the two of them across from him. “I also remember that I made up some excuse to get dinner, when I already had dinner cooking in the oven, just to keep you in my house for a while longer whilst I composed myself.” Delphine admitted and gave her dad a look of regret. He laughed it off. 

“But for reals, I have no idea when exactly I fell in love with you, it feels like I’ve been waiting for it my whole life.”

“Perfect. Let’s order.” Guillaume said and made eye contact with the waitress. Cosima panicked slightly she had no idea what she was going to have, she hadn’t even looked at the menu. Delphine quickly picked hers up to view, but her dad put his hand in the way and shook his head. “I’ll order for us.” 

They talked for a while longer as the food was being prepared. ‘Smoothing things over’ went well but Cosima didn’t listen to that part as much, she didn’t feel like it was her business what had happened between the two of them before America. They could see into the kitchen and saw the stone bake oven for the pizzas. It was super authentic even if it was in the middle of the city between a barbers and an electronics shop. Cosima really felt like she was connecting with Guillaume, and more importantly with Delphine. If only she could get on this much with her parents. Cosima knew Dennis wouldn’t be a problem, it was just Janice.


	27. Chapter 27

Waking up in her own bed felt weird these days. It had been a few days since Mr. Cormier-Guillaume, had come back into Delphine’s life and to be honest Cosima wasn’t sure how she felt, let alone what to do. He seemed to want to make up for lost time and as much as Cosima had been invited too all their outings, Cosima couldn’t bring herself to being a wedge between Delphine and her dad. She laid on her bed, a joint hanging out of her mouth as she stared up to the ceiling. Her French music playing absently in the background, it had a whole new meaning now Delphine was in her life. Her bedroom didn’t feel like hers either. When she thought of sleep she thought of curling up next to Delphine in Delphine’s bed, or those silk sheets against her shaved legs, or the warmth after just a minute of being under the duvet. But here she was, laying on top of her childhood blanket, her head on her now too hard pillow and her feet in socks pressing over the edge of the bed. Cosima had never been too big for anything in her life, but suddenly she felt bigger than this room, she felt like she had outgrown it and that felt weird as hell. 

Taking another drag, she let the weed filter into her body, deep in her lungs, and trace across the motorways of blood lanes until it reached her head. It felt kinda nice actually, even if it was hella odd, but nice because she was just by herself in her own space. The last few weeks had been chaotic, she finished school, she turned 18, Janice, Dennis having his heart attack, Danielle coming back into the picture, Mr. Cormier appearing and saving the day, now happy families. It was just nice to get back to who she was. Even if she felt like who she was just a few weeks ago is a totally different person. Sure, she was still Cosima with the dreds, the curiosity and the hot body, but she felt older. She felt like the last few weeks she had matured about 5 years, way ahead of where she started. Before she felt like this person who was carefree, laid back and didn’t think too much about the world and what was the future, just there here and now and understanding the ‘why’ of everything. Now she was here, laying in bed, with a 30-year old girlfriend somewhere else, smoking weed and considering her future. University was a huge thing, a massive thing to consider…but there was also her future with Delphine, and she did mean future. 

Rolling onto her side she extinguished the butt of the joint in a make shift ash tray before filtering the ash out of the window into the rose bushes below. Her weed habit was obvious, but she didn’t want to give them definite proof. At the window ledge she turned around to see her second window, two windows in her room that signified the beginning and what was currently happening. Out of the first window she saw the lawn, the luscious green summer lawn, and how it extended with boarders of rose bushes beside Delphine’s lawn. She saw that space weeks ago where she first laid eyes on Delphine on that cold night. That sad smile would haunt her for ever, she was pretty sure. But when she looked at the other window, the one directly in front of Delphine’s bedroom window, she saw into a world that she shared happily with the love of her life. Cosima moved down from the window, off the bed and towards the bay window with the seating. Pulling her legs up, she sat there, arms wrapped around her knees, head leaning against the window frame, just looking out into that world. Some of her clothes still scattered on the floor. Cosima thought for a second, it was weird how together and collected Delphine seemed, considering that her room was now a mess from all their nights together and Cosima always forgetting to take her clothes back with her. Naked was her new pyjama. 

The window frame felt grainy and hard against her skin, the effect of inhaling a substance which altered the mind. Cosima felt like she could see and feel everything that the universe could offer. She felt like even without her thick rimmed glasses that she could see perfectly. But who was she kidding, she needed those thick rims to literally see anything unless it was a microscope and even then it was going directly into her eye…Maybe it was the high haze, maybe she just felt like treating Delphine for once, but Cosima knew today was the day to get Delphine completely baked. What else did she have to do, they had been for food, walks, to the lake that her dad used to take her too, she had been to work. Now there is one thing they had never done together.

“Knock knock.” Janice called from the other side of the bedroom door. Without even knocking she opened up the door and moved her body over the barrier of the rooms, her hand poised to knock, but evident that it was just a polite formality to cover her rudeness. 

“Hi, Janice.” Cosima said with all the lack of enthusiasm she could muster. She didn’t look over to Janice she just continued staring out of the window into Delphine’s room. She wouldn’t let the warm feeling she had inside get the better of her. 

“My my Cosima! You can smell marijuana all over this room. I really think you should air it out once and a while.” Janice moved across the room waving her hand in the air as if to dispel the smell. Again Cosima didn’t look but she smirked at how Janice would never admit Cosima actually smoked it currently, but only that it ‘happened once, she went to a treatment weekend and is fine now’. Out of no where Janice had a spray bottle of something and sprayed the room three or four times, including the curtains to get rid of the smell. 

“What do you want Janice?” Cosima found it harder now than ever to give this woman a chance. Now she knew that there was more out there, now she knew that there were better woman and better company she hated to waste her time with Janice. 

“Truthfully…” Janice trailed off, she silently made her way across the room and budged Cosima’s legs up so that she could sit on the other side of the window seat. Cosima rolled her eyes and pulled her legs so that they were crossed over, one arm rested on the actual window ledge and the other in her lap. “I wanted to check up on you.” Cosima looked up at her in suspicion. “No no, I don’t want to judge you. For once I really do want to know how you are feeling.” Janice extended her hand to Cosima’s knee. “It’s been a long few weeks of chaos, no one as young as you should go through with that.” Cosima internally sighed and brushed Janice’s hand off her. 

“I’m not that ‘young’, you know. I am an adult.” Cosima felt so young and immature saying that out loud, but it was true. She had grown so much in the last few weeks. 

“I know you think that…” Janice was evidently trying to hold back some snarky remark. Instead of speaking straight away she looked over to Delphine’s window and judged all of the mess that was over the floor, the dresser and the mess that was her clothing rack. “But Cosima I want you to understand what I am about to say is coming from a good place, it’s coming from my heart. Dennis would never have the guts to say this.” Cosima was already seething, whatever this woman was about to say was going to sink its teeth into Cosima and bite a chunk out of her. Cosima moved her arm from the ledge and cross both of them across her chest. “It may seem fun, and I am sure the two of you are in love-” Yup, Cosima knew this was going to be bad. “-but I don’t think it should last much longer. You are going to university, you are going to meet lots of new people in lots of new classes and there is going to be some temptation there. I am not saying this in a rude way, I am more than sure you are going into this with the right intentions. But think about it from Ms. Cormier’s view point. She is a 30-year old woman with a house and looks ready to settle down. She even has a dog for heavens sake.” Janice seemed to try to make a joke, Cosima was angry but she was waiting it out to remark back at her. “When you leave for university do you really think she wants to hang around for a younger woman, who isn’t even out of her teens, to go to university with all of these new people and temptations. Do you think it will be much of a life for her if she can only see you on holidays, or whenever you get the money and she gets the time off work, to visit? Remember the only reason she is so free now is due to the events of the recent past. I am looking out for you. With all that she has been through, do you think she wants to wait to start the rest of her life again?” 

Cosima sat there in silence. Janice, the sour faced, piece of no good shit, who has the worst intentions ever most of the time, was actually sat here saying things to her that were making total sense. Cosima didn’t want to believe them, she didn’t want to think about the facts. Even if only a few weeks away, university seemed like an abstract idea. It was not tangible yet, she couldn’t see it or hold onto it. She didn’t have time for things that weren’t real. She had Delphine and her family and those were real, that was all she was thinking about. But maybe Janice, Janice of all god damn people, was right. It took a few seconds for Cosima to get her head together, maybe it was the weed, maybe it was the slow speed of her brain trying to shove her own guilt to the back of her head into her unconscious to never be seen again. 

“Janice, shut the hell up.” Cosima wanted to say that she agreed with Janice, she wanted to say that all that was being said to her was the gospel truth and that she would give up right there and then, call Scott and move on. But she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t face the fact that Delphine was over a decade her senior and their relationship was going to be tested to the limits. 

 

****

 

Delphine took a step back from her doorway, her hand was between the door and its frame. She knew what Janice was telling her about. Not exactly word for word, but she could tell by the way Cosima was holding back her anger, and the way Janice was looking ‘sympathetic’. Maybe it was time to do something about this. It seemed stupid that she had put it off for so long. She had maybe a few more weeks left before Cosima would do. Now was the time to decide whether she could see Cosima off by the car, or whether she could find some other way to do this. 

Delphine moved her hand from the door and stepped back into the door way, Doux at her feet. She picked up the little pup, it had grown a lot just in a few weeks, but it was still cute as ever. Delphine felt a little bad that this pup had not been seeing the attention it deserved, so she carried it down the stairs, letting it lick her neck and nuzzle into her chest. She kissed its soft head as she met the bottom of the stairs. Without really thinking, Delphine made sure the lock was locked on the front door before turning to go into the living room. She sat herself down on the sofa, letting Doux lay at her side, pushing its head under her arm, and its paws scooped under her legs to be squished under against the sofa cushion. Delphine leant forward and pulled her Laptop from the coffee table, opened up the screen and sat it on her lap. She paused, her fingers about to type in the open browser. With a bite of her lip and a deep breath she began to type key words in the search bar. She didn’t really know what she was expecting to find, at first it was irrelevant results. But then she found the University of Minnesota’s home page. Her heart was racing as she found the vacancies page on a separate website. When her cursor hovered over the link, she looked at Doux. She had only just moved here, she had only really just got to America and she had such a big thing going at her research facility. Dr. Leekie was offering her that huge chance to further her career, now she was thinking of leaving it all behind. 

Her finger taped the mouse pad, the cursor clicked the link. The hyperlink took her to yet another page, one with a filtering system, key words and departments, ones she had no idea about. She tried the research labs at first, and then specifically the department which houses Evolutionary Development. 

Nothing. 

Delphine’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t let it sink in at first, instead she changed a few of her filter items, maybe a different department within the research facility. 

Nothing. 

Now Delphine was getting a little disconcerted, her heart was beating faster and faster, she knew her fight or flight response was kicking in and she wanted to hit her self in the head for that stupid biological response. She wanted to act rationally and logically like she did with everything…mostly everything. But there was something about the ‘Sorry, there are no vacancies in this area’ message, that made her heart drop. Doux moved its head and pushed itself further onto her lap, pushing her laptop to the side. She wanted to be annoyed at the pup for moving it when she was working, but looking into those big puppy dog eyes and wet nose shinning in the window light…she just couldn’t ever be annoyed. Before she forgot, Delphine set up an email alert on the page so that if anything was posted it would go straight to her email, which she could get on her phone. For a second Delphine prayed for a miracle that her phone might just buzz tonight when she was asleep at a job posting. 

Something caught Delphine’s eye outside of her living room window. She thought she saw someone walk past, but it was one of those corner of the eye type thoughts, she wasn’t sure if someone had walked past, or her imagination was playing games. Doux started suddenly, she jumped up and off of the sofa and ran towards the door, a small high pitched yap coming out of her mouth as she ran. Delphine’s heart ran cold. 

“Delphine?” Cosima called as her hand rapped on the window of her front door. Delphine closed her eyes for a second, swallowed and waited for her heart to calm down. She was logical, she knew it would be a little while yet until she had fully recovered from Danielle, even if that meant getting through the fright every time someone knocked on the door, or she saw something in the corner of her eye. After just a second, Delphine closed the browser, shut the laptop lid, put it back onto the coffee table and made her way to the front door, a small creeping up on her face. Delphine could see Cosima’s sweet short silhouette through the translucent window glass, her heart leapt in a new way, a softer excited way. Cosima made all the darkness and fright go away in a second. 

“My sweet.” Delphine said as she opened the door and saw Cosima’s small figure. She couldn’t stop herself, she moved forward before Cosima even had a chance to give her signature grin and awkward wave, and pulled Cosima in. Her arms wrapped all the way around Cosima’s shoulders, pulling Cosima into her neck and feeling the way Cosima’s body fit in her own, the way her arms instinctively moved around Delphine’s waist and held on. The rough feeling of Cosima’s dreds on Delphine’s neck and chin felt so homely. The warmth of her body and the way they fit felt so natural and warm that she seemed to have missed it for her whole life. It was an odd and satisfying feeling, holding Cosima, one that she would not give up, no matter what. 

“Miss me?” Cosima joked into Delphine’s shoulder, Delphine didn’t let go just yet, she just held her, eyes closed, and really felt all of her body. Hugging someone is nice, especially someone special, but what makes a hug special is when you really feel it with everything you have. You feel the other persons, hands, arms, shoulders, waist, legs, head, you feel everything they have you feel connected. Right now Delphine felt home and she didn’t want that feeling to leave. 

Cosima kept her eyes open and stared at the side of Delphine’s house whilst they hugged. She wanted to feel it, she wanted to sink into Delphine and not come back into herself, but there was something wrong. This was a hug of desperation for connection. But after all that had happened, maybe this wasn’t so out of place. Cosima took a few more seconds to study the grain of wood panelling, before closing her eyes and submitting herself to Delphine. 

Delphine felt Cosima move in closer, her eyes shut tighter and she bit her lip, before pulling out of the embrace and moving back into her home. Cosima looked up at Delphine, she wanted to smile and show Delphine that everything was all good, but she couldn’t just forget what Janice had said. The words were weighing more heavily on her than she could ever imagine. Maybe it was just the weed. 

“Are you high?” Delphine laughed, she took Cosima’s hand and walked her into the living room, closing the door with a kick behind her. Cosima didn’t make much noise, she just followed passively and sat down on the sofa. Doux saw her straight away and yapped some more, jumping up on the sofa immediately, jumping and trying to lick Cosima’s face, when Cosima didn’t give much of a fuss Doux resorted to licking Cosima’s hands. Her hands very slowly lifted up and started to stroke the pups head and ears, but it wasn’t fast enough for the little pup, which got bored quickly and jumped down. Delphine felt a pang of regret, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for the sad look on Cosima’s face. After all, Janice wouldn’t have talked to her if Delphine wasn’t an issue. Half of her really wanted to know what Janice had actually said, but the other half knew that bringing it up would probably just-

“Delphine…? Do you think it will work out?” Delphine’s heart stopped. Cosima’s voice was so slow and filled with sorrow. Cosima began to play with her hands, holding her fingers out to inspect before fiddling them in her lap. Delphine bit her lip and furrowed her brow, this was going to be it. Delphine sighed heavily before sitting down beside Cosima on the sofa. Cosima turned herself to face Delphine, Delphine sat so close to her and she wrapped her arm around her shoulder, her other hand lifted up Cosima’s chin so they could look into each other’s eye. 

“Listen to me.” Delphine began, her voice was serious but loving. “If you are talking about our relationship then I have no doubt that it will work out, ok?” Delphine didn’t know how to make this better, she could only work on guesses as to what Janice had said. “Distance is nothing. It is just numbers on a map. What is real, what I know in my heart is the love we have for each other. That matters most.” Delphine’s eyes moved between Cosima’s, back and forth between each eye searching for some kind of reaction. Cosima was just still, she didn’t do anything, she was just staring back at her. “Cosima…” Delphine whispered. Cosima looked down at the floor and brushed off Delphine arm from her shoulders. 

“But like…” Cosima began. As much as she felt older and mature and grown up, there was no way in being so ‘adult’ when you felt like the reality of your life had been ripped out under from you. “You’re so much older than me and you have your life and career all sorted out. What do I have, you know? Like I haven’t even started university.” Cosima started to laugh at the last part, but really she slowly falling in on herself, into that dark space she learnt to avoid during middle school. 

“Oh Cosima.” Delphine didn’t know what to say. In a way Cosima was right, but to her it didn’t matter if they were in different places all that mattered was their connection and the love they had for each other. She was worried this love they shared wasn’t coming through in her words. Delphine shook her head almost unnoticeably before pulling Cosima in again for a kiss. Their lips connected, Delphine worked hard to get a reaction but Cosima’s lips just moved slowly, they reacted but did not want to work as hard. “Come here.” Delphine said, she tried to lead Cosima to move back against the sofa so that she could get up on top and straddle her. She knew Cosima loved that, being seduced. But nothing. Delphine stopped, she sat back and stared at Cosima trying to hold back her feelings. She wanted to cry, but what would that do. Instead a silent tear fell from her face. 

“I don’t want you to have to wait for me, you need to start your life, I don’t want to weigh you down.” Cosima looked at the pup. Delphine’s heart broke. 

“Let’s make a pack ok?” Delphine said, her voice quiet. “We stay together right, no matter what happens. Even if distance becomes a thing, we stay together.” Delphine grabbed Cosima’s soft face and made her look at her. “Agree? We stay together. I love you Cosima and even if it means moving to Minnesota with you I will.” Delphine smiled, another tear fell down her face. “Fuck Janice, she is a sour person who doesn’t know anything about love.” Delphine felt horrible for saying it, but the root of most of their problems was Janice, and if she was getting in the way yet again Delphine would not let her. Cosima couldn’t stop herself letting out a little laugh. She knew Delphine took everything to say those words and it made them mean more. 

There was a long pause of silence between them. Delphine knew Cosima needed to think so she gave her all the time she needed. 

“I…” Cosima began, Delphine let go of her face but Cosima still locked their eyes together. “I shouldn’t have let her get into my head, huh?” Cosima gave a weak apologetic smile. They looked at each other for a second more before Cosima moved quickly and flung herself at Delphine on the sofa. Delphine collapsed back, but it wasn’t sexual. It was relieving. Cosima pushed Delphine back and cuddled into her, her arms holding around Delphine’s waist, her head resting on Delphine’s chest. She pulled her glasses off just so that she could nuzzle into her the way she wanted. Delphine wrapped her arms around Cosima’s shoulders, lifted her own head and let Cosima hold her. Delphine wasn’t sure if Cosima was crying, all she knew is that she would never leave Cosima not now, not ever. 

Delphine decided then that she would call her dad when Cosima left and arrange to meet him. There was no way she could make this decision again alone, she needed her dad. 

Cosima opened her eyes and looked across the coffee table to the window, she knew that this was going to be hard, but whether she could do it at all was becoming a little harder to imagine after what Janice had said.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> starts off sad (when dont I) but then its all fluffy, and the rest of this will be fluffy-ish

“Delphine, what is the one thing have I told you throughout your life?” Guillaume said in French, he held Delphine’s hand across the table. They were in some cute French restaurant in the city having their evening meal, Delphine’s free hand was holding her temples. The stress was getting to her. She looked up from her bowl of onion soup and saw his concerned but happy look. 

“En toute chose il faut considérer la fin.” Delphine said with a sigh, she let go of his hand and fell back onto the soft leather of their booth. Guillaume leaned forward over his finished bowl of soup and bread. 

“Exactly. Whatever you do Delphine, act wisely, and consider the end. Whatever you find the solution to be, remember what you want the outcome to be.” Guillaume again said in French. Delphine sighed again but smiled weakly. “I know this is a terrible situation. I see that you love this girl very much, so maybe what will happen comes about through fate.” Guillaume gave an encouraging smile. “Or maybe not.” He picked up a left over piece of bread with his fingers and began to mop up the remains of his soup. The liquid soaked into the bread before he put the floury piece into his mouth and chewed with satisfaction. “You are the master of your own fate Delphine, you have the power to choose.” He swallowed and grinned at her, she knew he was right but this situation seemed colossal. 

\---

“Dad, could I talk to you for a minute?” Cosima opened up the door to his office just a creak and peered in. Dennis was sat there, his glasses at the tip of his nose and his hands working through papers. When he caught her eye he smiled and relaxed back into his desk chair, taking his glasses to let them dangle on their string, and let the paper settle on the pile. The light from the later afternoon sun peered through the blinds of the office window. 

“Of course Cosima! Come in.” Dennis said softly and smiled gently. Cosima was nervous, it wasn’t like her at all to be nervous about pretty much anything…except this. Cosima was immediately reminded of the only real time she came in here. Once a year when it was her birthday. She shook off the feeling of mortality like a cloak falling to the floor, before walking over to his desk and taking a seat in front of it. She pulled her legs up so that she was sat cross legged, her hand held her feet. “What’s the matter, my dear?” He seemed concerned and a little stressed. It was that time of the year he had to prepare for the next academic year as well, even though it was mean to be summer. 

“I need advice.” Cosima said quietly. “It’s about Delphine.” Cosima studied Dennis’ face to see any change, to see any reaction, but he seemed unaffected by her words  
She didn’t really expect a change, but as a family they had never really talked about it. “Look, I get that everyone is concerned about Delphine being older than me, and sure this whole thing with Danielle had been pretty bad. I get that.” Cosima took a breath but when she was nervous she spoke, a lot. “And I know we didn’t tell anyone, and I get that Janice is so pissed. I mean Janice has every right to be pissed off. But she is not even my mom, she doesn’t have a right to tell me what to do, she doesn’t have the right to say what is right and what is wrong. I mean I get where she is coming from, there is more than a decade between us and we are in totally different places in our lives. But that doesn’t matter because I love her, you know.” Cosima was exhausted by the end of that she just looked at Dennis is stunned silence. She felt a weight get off of her chest. Dennis didn’t say anything, he just looked at her for a moment. Maybe he was thinking it over, or maybe not. Cosima didn’t have time for this. She felt such a build up of pain in her and she needed to get this out of the way and not admit that really all this was about was the impending realisation that Delphine was going to leave. “Like I really love her, and I mean that, I really do.” Cosima sighed heavily. “I’m just scared she’s going to leave me when I go to university. I don’t want to do that to anyone, I don’t want to make her wait for me.” Cosima was trying hard to hold back her tears. Her chin was trembling and so was her voice, her hands as they spoke for her stopped moving and rested on her legs. She didn’t know what to say, she stared at Dennis’ face and hoped for a reaction but there wasn’t one. It made her more mad. She wanted him to console her and tell her that it didn’t matter that everything was going to be ok like Delphine did. She wanted reassurance and she wasn’t getting any. Dennis just stared back at her. 

After a few long seconds, he moved his glasses up onto his nose and looked away down at his papers. Cosima was shocked. 

“Cosima my darling.” He said quietly, almost inaudibly. “Are you done?” Cosima was shocked. He wasn’t saying anything and then he says this. There was another long pause. Tears continued to fall down Cosima’s cheeks. She looked at him pleading for an explanation. “If there is one thing I know, it’s that you are smart enough to figure this thing out yourself. Do not cry or complain about it. Use your smarts, kiddo. You will know what to do.” 

Oddly, Cosima stopped crying, wiped her tears from her face and smiled. 

“I know, I know, it’s just hard to see when all I can think about is the end.” Cosima changed her tone, it was quieter, strained still but hopeful. 

“Every relationship comes to an end by some means; mortal or personal.” Dennis picked up his papers, pushing his glasses up his nose. Cosima adjusted her thick rims too. “It’s just a case of making the most of the time you have.”

 

\---

 

Delphine took another sip of wine although she really ought not to, her head was already spinning a little. 

“But père, that’s not how that film goes!” Delphine scooped up a spoonful of her pudding and placed it in her mouth, her hand clutching the table, more in support of her body than anything else. Guillaume laughed, used his napkin to dab at his mouth before scrunching it up on the table. 

“That was simply delicious, the best I’ve ever had!” He smiled, resting back in his chair, bringing his heavy arms down on either side of the table in comfort. His kind eyes watched over a slightly wobbly Delphine across from him. The pain in her eyes was still there as always, but her cheeks were rosy and she seemed to be enjoying herself. 

“Oui, oui! But not like we do back at home!” Delphine agreed in French and then contested in English, as she licked off the remains of her pudding from the small spoon. She tried to put her spoon down carefully but ended up dropping it to the floor. She looked up wide eyes to Guillaume in shock, like a child would when they got caught making a mistake. She pushed her locks of curly hair over the other side of her head and behind her ear, before leaning down to pick it up. 

“Non, not like back home.” Guillaume agreed in English. He motioned a waiter for the bill before looking back at Delphine. “I am glad we came to that agreement Delphine.” He looked her in the eye, his voice was serious but his eyes were kind. 

“Oui. I think it is best, for the both of us.” Delphine was trying exceptionally hard to keep her words steady and her mind clear but the excessive amount of vintage wine she had drank tonight after so long was not good. Cosima would be proud Delphine was so inhibited. “The plan starts tomorrow; I am going to make this the best summer Cosima has ever had.” Delphine smiled. Guillaume handed his plastic card over to the waiter, before their bill was paid and he stood up. Delphine began to stand up but he was by her side. She wasn’t blind drunk, Guillaume thought that after all she had been through, maybe it wasn’t the alcohol that made her so free. 

 

\---

“Delphine?” Cosima called up the staircase in Delphine’s house. She had let herself in again and didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty. Doux’s muffled yapping escaped from Delphine’s room and echoed down the hall. Cosima smiled and made her way up the staircase, remembering that time Delphine was barely covered in a towel. Oh and the feeling in her pants she felt now at the memory. At the top of the stairs Cosima gulped before pushing Delphine bedroom door open, her eyes falling on the bed sheets perfectly made. Doux ran up to her from it’s corner in the room and jumped at her feet. Cosima giggled and picked her up, holding her under the armpits so that her little back legs could support themselves on her stomach. Doux immediately attacked Cosima with love and adoration, licking all over her jaw and neck. Cosima laughed and turned away to avoid the moist onslaught of cried dog food smell. But Cosima was a little disheartened by the fact Delphine wasn’t actually in her room, and the possibility Cosima had just let herself in to an empty house. She was pretty sure Delphine wouldn’t mind either way. 

“Cosima?” Delphine said, she was outside in the hall way. Cosima’s face lit up, she let Doux drop to the ground sensibly before turning in a flash and getting herself out into the hall was as quickly as possible. Delphine was stood in her lacy underwear, her now classic white tee (Cosima’s white tee), her hands towel drying her hair and a smile on her face. Cosima beamed back at Delphine. 

“Delphine, thank god you’re hear I’ve got such a day planned for us.” Cosima was so excited all of a sudden, and turned on for that matter. Delphine was always so hot after a shower. There was still a little moisture on her body, so the white tee clung her to her toned torso and chest without a bra. My god. Cosima gulped again and took a deep breath to stop herself pouncing. “Damn.” She couldn’t help but appreciate her body. “Like seriously you are so damn hot.” Cosima shook her head in disbelief. Delphine giggled and walked forward in her bear feet across the hall. She let the towel drop to the floor. There was a tense, sexually tense, silence between them as they got close. They made no indication to kiss, but Delphine moved so far into Cosima’s personal space that it was a ‘if we don’t kiss this is weird’ moment. Delphine moved her hand so slowly up Cosima’s bear arm (it was like 100 degree outside, she was wearing a tank), that Cosima’s skin got goose bumps from the light sensation. Cosima stared up into Delphine’s eyes, which were locked with hers. There was something hungry, but still cheeky in the way Delphine looked at her. Delphine leaned in ever so slowly, lifting Cosima’s cheek up so their faces were closer. 

“What did you have in mind?” Delphine asked with a sultry tone that literally made Cosima’s mouth run dry and her heart pump so fast. Their faces were just inches apart and Cosima could practically taste Delphine on her already. Cosima moved her hands to sit on Delphine’s hips, those soft toned hips just above the hem of her panties. Cosima loved the way Delphine felt. It was simple, just skin on skin, but she was always warm, and so damn soft and she could run her hands over her body whenever she wanted and she loved that, so freaking much. 

“Urr…” Cosima said in a groan, it shocked even herself. Delphine’s hands moved down from Cosima’s jaw, making sure that her face stayed where it was. They slowly made their way to sit on Cosima’s hips as well. Without warning Delphine pulled Cosima into her, their lips did not touch but their fronts were pressed against each other. Cosima licked her lips and gulped. She wasn’t scared but she was trying to guess Delphine’s next move, to no avail. Delphine surveyed her, she looked Cosima up and down, looked at her jaw, her lips, her eyes, her blushed cheeks, then back to her eyes. 

“Oui?” Delphine asked in a husky breathy whisper. 

“I urr…” Cosima breathed out heavily, pulling Delphine’s hips into her, and moving her hands around Delphine’s back under the tee. Her skin was so damn nice to touch. “Maybe, like we could just…” Cosima had made plans for them, but you know what, whatever was happening right now seemed a lot more fun. 

“Yeah?” Delphine whispered again, her face moved in as if to kiss, Cosima closed her eyes and got her lips ready, but Delphine used her special trick of never actually touching. Their lips ghosted each other like magnets, Delphine would go in and pull away just as Cosima leaned in for the kiss. Cosima couldn’t help but grin at how much of a tease Delphine was, and Delphine couldn’t help but smile at how desperate Cosima always was to move fast. 

“This seems a lot more fun.” Cosima admitted and blushed even more, her core was throbbing at this point. Delphine ran her hand up Cosima’s tank, and pushed under Cosima’s bra. Delphine laughed a little, Cosima always wore padded bra’s but she really really didn’t need to, her breasts were perfect already. Cosima groaned as Delphine caressed her breast, Cosima moved forward a step, pushing her thigh between Delphine’s legs, and finally kissed Delphine on the lips. Cosima could feel Delphine smile under their kiss, Cosima always loved to be triumphant. Their lips held together for a long few seconds, both holding their breath as their hands searched each other. Before Cosima broke away to move their kiss on her lips, take in more of Delphine. Cosima back again harder, Delphine moved their kiss towards Cosima’s side. Kissing was always a battle of who was in charge. Delphine leaned over Cosima commandingly, Cosima fell back a little but kept the kiss hard and passionate, smirking at how lucky she was. 

“You’re going to get it tonight.” Delphine teased before leaning all the way back out of the kiss, and holding Cosima searching hand still as it tried to push under the lacy panties. Delphine didn’t remove her hand, she kept it there for a second as her mind conflicted her body. Cosima grinned wide as she saw Delphine’s hesitation. Caught between wanting to stop but loving the way Cosima’s fingers were so close to her core and the memories of all the pleasure her hands had given her before. “I’ve just got out of the shower.” Delphine whispered, not really to Cosima more to herself, Delphine’s eyes were closed her lip bitten by those perfect white teeth. 

“So you’re already wet?” Cosima teased and tried to push her hand all the way into Delphine panties, between her legs. Delphine let Cosima inch a little but kept a firm grip on her hand. They were locked in battle, Delphine wanting it so much but knowing she would have to shower again afterwards, and then probably have shower sex, but also the need and desire for Cosima to ravage her. Delphine’s hand let go a little, just a little to guide Cosima’s hand. But as soon as Cosima’s hand breached the threshold, Delphine pulled it out again. 

“Non, non.” Delphine used her hand to push her hair to the other side before wiping the small beads of sweat that were building on her hairline. “I’ve got plans for us too.” Delphine admitted, Cosima let her hand fall to her side, she would be upset if she wasn’t so turned on. They stood there for a second just as close to each other as before, but not touching. 

“Really?” Cosima said, she was ok with Delphine not wanting to go there after just getting out of the shower. But what intrigued her now was the plans Delphine had, maybe they could do both. Delphine smiled and nodded, her eyes glowing with the heat between them and the anticipation for Cosima’s reaction when she tells her. It was simple, but with Cosima nothing simple was ever boring. “Ok well my plan was to go shopping and grab lunch.” Cosima cringed. “So yours must be better right?” Cosima kept her hands on Delphine’s hips, if she couldn’t go in she could rest on the side. 

“Hmm it’s a secret. It will be hot though, bring a towel and sun cream. Oh and it’s a bit of a drive. I have work again tomorrow so I want to spend the whole day there.” Delphine said, she had that face on where she knew she was concealing something but also really wanted to give it up, but knew better. Cosima could figure out on her own about the sun cream and a towel, but why was it a bit of a drive? Cosima squinted her eyes trying to figure it out. “I’ve never been but everyone raves about it, apparently.”

“Apparently?” Cosima asked with a laugh. Delphine shifted her weight on those long slender legs, Cosima gulped again. Here yes briefly dashed down wards to see, but all she wanted to do was get into Delphine’s panties. But that wasn’t going to happen and that was ok. It wasn’t her fault that now all the drama has ceased Cosima’s sex drive had sky rocketed. 

“Oui. I’ve only really been…here, so I had to look this up.” Delphine blushed, her hand found Cosima’s and held it, just their connection felt so good. Their fingers locked together, came apart, slid up and down each others palms before coming together again. Cosima looked up into those beautiful eyes and didn’t need to go anywhere else other than where she was right now, in order to see something wonderful. “Are you ready?” Delphine asked, she still needed to get changed but Cosima had only just been told. 

“Can I go in this?” Cosima asked, pointing to herself. She had her tank on and some baggy dark red harem pants she loved, with a pair of faded vans. Delphine checked her over. Sure, Cosima could go in those, but Delphine had a better idea. She motioned her head with a wink to come into the bedroom. Cosima followed, their hand still interlocked with each other’s. Delphine moved over to her dressed, before opening up the draw and rummaging through. She didn’t need to check Cosima’s size, even if there was a height difference they wore the same clothing size, and god knows Delphine had seen Cosima’s beautiful body enough to know. Out of the draw Delphine pulled out a black bikini set and red bikini set. She turned her head to see Cosima, holding up the sets for her approval. Cosima grinned, she loved the beach!

***

Driving down the coastal highway had never been this fun, even with Dennis. Cosima rolled down the windows and stuck her head out the side. Delphine was a little cautious of Cosima being so far out at this speed but said nothing, her hand was holding the gear shift, her other holding the wheel but resting on her door window frame. It was nearly 80 degrees outside, the sun was blossoming in the bright blue sky, only birds and the sounds of cars to tint the atmosphere. Cosima was thrilled. They had been to a sort of beach once, when they broke into the lake Dennis had taken Cosima when she was younger. But this, Delphine was pleased to be organising, was the first time they had been to a real beach and done real beach things together. It was sweet. Playing out of the speaker was Cosima’s favourite, and now Delphine’s, song; “laisser tomber les filles”. It wasn’t the original version but it was more modern and you could dance to it. With sunglasses over her eyes, the sun blaring down on the windscreen Delphine just smiled to herself. Cosima dropped back into the car, out of breath for some reason but with a huge grin on her face, looking windswept. Delphine grinned back at her, her hand moving from the gear shift to Cosima’s thigh. Cosima took up the hand in her own, and they held each other. Delphine drove faster, Cosima giggled, and Delphine blushed. Cosima checked Delphine out, those short shorts Delphine had only worn once before were so damn hot, that paired with the almost transparent white blouse covering her black bikini was too much. Even her little sandals were cute as hell. Cosima slumped back in her chair, she pulled her dreds into a bun at the top of her head so she could sit back properly, and then looked at herself. She was skinny and toned, which a lot of magazines said she should be, and it wasn’t as though she was ugly, but she always felt a send of inferiority when next to Delphine. Not only had Delphine got a decade on her, but she was also so smoking hot and smart, it wasn’t fair. Cosima pulled the visor down with the mirror, opened up the mirror and looked at her face. Yes her winged eye liner was on point as fuck, like always, but her eyes weren’t the right colour. They were darker than Delphine’s. Oh and her hair, it was her natural colour yeah, but Delphine’s was natural too but looked like golden spun thread. Cosima tried grinning into the mirror, her cheeky fangy grin beaming back at her. Even that, she put her heart and soul into her grins, but it still couldn’t match the beauty of Delphine’s innocent smirk. 

“What are you doing?” Delphine asked, squeezing Cosima’s hand in reassurance. Crap, Cosima thought, she probably looked like an idiot grinning at herself in the mirror. She snapped the mirror back up to the roof sighed and looked at Delphine with all the genuine emotion she could muster.

“Nothing.” Cosima laughed, brushing it off. Delphine laughed back at her gently.

“Anyway, we are almost there.” Delphine said, her voice was calm yet still full of excitement. Cosima looked up, they were turning off the highway after a two-hour drive, Cosima was about ready to stretch her legs. It was only mid day but the place was absolutely booming, Cosima’s eyes were wide with excitement. As they looked for somewhere to park Cosima tried to contain herself, she kept her hands in her her lap, held onto each other even though she really wanted to just start freaking out. She recognised the feeling, where you get just so excited that you feel your body buzzing and you just need a way to let it all out. As soon as Delphine turned the engine off, Cosima unbuckled her seat belt, checked her hair, and placed her hand on the door handle all within a few seconds, before realising that this was supposed to be a date thing and that she wasn’t here with Dennis so she should be a little more romantic. She looked over to Delphine smiled and jumped out of the car, she ran around the back of it and straight to the driver’s side, opening it, and letting her hand gesture to be taken. Delphine looked up at her over her sunglasses from the driver’s seat and smiled with excitement and gratitude. Delphine took Cosima’s hand, moving her legs to get out of the car. Cosima took the opportunity to check out her girlfriend, but regretted it because immediately the thirst in her built up and she needed to get some. “Merci.” Delphine said sweetly as she stood up. She bent over to grab some things from the glove compartment, as she did Cosima couldn’t stop put place her hand over her shorts on Del’s ass. 

“I’m sorry but you are just so hot.” Delphine shook her head but laughed as she got out of the car, and closed the door. She stayed leant back against the car, staring at Cosima. She lifted her sunglasses and put them on the top of her head, leant down and took Cosima’s head in her hands, planting a soft kiss on her lips. Cosima smiled she even tasted good. Delphine locked up the car, sorted parking and took Cosima’s hand in her own as they began to walk towards the beach. “Damn, you know I’ve never actually been here.” Cosima marvelled at the space, it was a beach town, that much was evident but it was so vibrant, people were everywhere. People were rushing into stores and coming out, talking in the gaps between stores, eating as they talked with friends, some were making out against store fronts and others were just hanging out. It was amazing. Cosima gripped Delphine’s hand a little tighter causing Delphine to look down at her. “Thank you.” Genuinely Cosima meant it, Delphine had shown her so many things in their time together that no other could do, and this was just another. Experiencing this place is something, but with Delphine…it was a whole other world. 

“Are you hungry?” Delphine asked as they made their way through the walkways of stores to the beach front, Cosima was too engrossed in curiosity of her surroundings to hear her straight away. She turned around totally confused before turning her expression into a fangy grin. Delphine repeated her self softly. Cosima’s eyes widened at the prospect, her eyes searching all around for a food stall or restaurant. Delphine thought it was so adorable the way that new things enticed Cosima, she would definitely be good at her degree. That level of curiosity got people places. “Maybe some ice cream now, sunbath and then dinner later…I booked us a table.” Delphine was embarrassed at how planned it seemed, but she didn’t care, she was being romantic as hell this summer and no one was going to tell her she should be embarrassed. 

“God yes, that sounds so good!” Cosima almost screamed, then she brought herself back together. She still felt like she had to act cool as hell to impress Delphine, but to be honest, the way Delphine looked at Cosima never ever showed judgement, she was loving 100% of the time. Delphine grinned back at her, and told Cosima she already knew the best place. 

Cosima never knew she could get quite so full from ice cream, especially coffee flavoured ice cream that she practically vacuumed up out of the tub. Delphine was still eating her ice cream as they sat on a bench at the side of the beach front. The place was full but not that many people were actually on the beach, there were large groups on the sand playing ball games, some sun bathing, some doing that typical application of sun cream to the other (Cosima made a mental note to suggest doing that, like right now), and others were just walking. The sea was that perfect kind of calm, the one were the waves weren’t too strong at all, they just crept up to the shore and then swept away without a sound. Cosima assumed it was the time of the day or year or something, but it was so damn peaceful that she never expected the ocean to be. As they sat right next to each other on the bench Cosima couldn’t resist again, but this time she just rested her hand on Delphine exposed thigh, not too close to her core, but not too far away either. It was a distance that no one would be like ‘woah’ but also everyone would know. Cosima took pride in this, Delphine thought it was cute. 

“Did you want to try mine?” Delphine offered, on the end of a little plastic spoon Delphine held up a small dollop of coconut ice cream. Cosima licked her lips but she wasn’t sure if it was just Delphine or if it was the ice cream. Cosima didn’t say a response, she just turned in her seat and leaned in. She took the spoon into her mouth and closed her lips around the end, she practically moaned when she tasted it. As far as coconut ice cream goes it was so dam good, fresh as hell. Cosima closed her eyes to savour it before leaning out, but taking her time to pull her lips off the spoon. She opened her eyes and met Delphine’s, but couldn’t take the sexual tension so just laughed it off. Delphine sighed, she wanted it desperately too, more than desperately, she would take Cosima right here in front of everyone on this bench if she wasn’t awkward and self conscious. 

“It’s good.” Cosima said when she really tasted it. It was damn good, but she was so pent up in sexual angst right now, she felt like her body was a ball of sex drive. 

“How about this way? I’ve seen it done, it looked pretty hot.” Delphine took another small spoonful of the ice cream, placed it on the tip of her tongue and left it there. Cosima didn’t know what to do but took the hint, they were both trying something new. It could be amazing or go horribly wrong. Cosima smirked at the concept, but leaned in anyway, needing to pin Delphine back against the bench by leaning across her to the arm rest for support as she did. Cosima looked at Delphine in the eyes when she was close enough, and then at her tongue with the ice cream on the tip, she smirked again at it before leaning in more and taking just the tip of Delphine tongue between her lips and sucking it off. Cosima’s lips stayed around the end of Delphine’s wet tongue just a little longer and looked her in the eyes. It was so strange, but what was stranger was the wetness in her bikini bottoms when she did it. Damn. To make it not look as strange Cosima went in for the kiss, pressing her lips softly against Delphine’s at first, before moving and pressing harder, letting Delphine’s tongue explore her own. But Cosima really wanted to get on top of Delphine, to straddle her hips and finally let her hands do what they wanted, but they couldn’t they were in public. So Cosima leant back and sat back next to her. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty good ice cream.” Cosima said finally and let out a breathe, Delphine burst out laughing, which caused Cosima to laugh as well. Delphine moved her arm up around Cosima’s shoulders, even in this heat she craved contact. “That was actually pretty hot though.”

“Yeah!” Delphine almost groaned in a tensed voice but then laughed again. 

They sat there for a moment as Delphine continued to scoop up the last remains of her ice cream, but it wasn’t just waiting. Cosima was sat on so much sexual frustration that she didn’t think it was healthy. Cosima just watched Delphine finish the ice cream, lean over to the side and chuck it into a trash can before sitting back on the bench. 

“Lets find a spot on the beach?” Delphine offered with a heavy breath, she was obviously tense as well. Cosima grinned at the thought of all that tension between them, how Delphine too wanted to do it. Waiting always made it better; rough, sensual, and passionate. They got up, taking the others hand in their own and began to walk down the busy promenade, splitting groups of people as they did. It seemed they were creating waves of their own, Cosima knew it was because Delphine was so hot, but people were literally getting out of the way for them. Cosima was watching everyone’s reactions, watching for people to look at Delphine, seeing where on her body they looked. Cosima knew she was just being jealous, maybe curious as well, but mostly waiting for someone to check Delphine out just for the stern look she could give. It was human nature, we are attracted to things we like, we look at pretty people and things. Its just the evolutionary aspect of being able to look away that some people lacked even now in the 21st century. At once after looking past a man who even dipped his sunglasses to catch a peek, Cosima saw a perfect spot right at the edge of the beach, sandy enough to be comfortable, and away from everyone for them to be…private. Cosima’s eyes widened in anticipation, she clutched Delphine’s hands and pointed. Fuck, Cosima had to do Delphine right there, it would be so damn hot.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very smutty and graphic smut at the end js
> 
> Also sorry for the long update wait, I have been all around the country visiting friends and stuff x

“Let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see.” Delphine said, she had rolled out her towel, even got herself an inflatable pillow and sat down. Cosima looked at the beautiful woman before her, god damn she lucked out. Delphine saw the expression on Cosima’s face and smirked. The air was hot, and that meant Delphine had excuse to strip down and tease Cosima. Delphine began to unbutton her blouse slowly, before slipping it off of her shoulders, folding it up and putting it in her bag. Delphine smiled at Cosima before lying back on the towel just in her shorts and black bikini top. Her toned stomach in all its glory sparkled under the sun. Cosima chewed her lip, fuck, Cosima pulled of her tank so damn fast and sat down by Delphine. She was so pent up, she had associated stripping down to be sexual, and so it got her going even more. Delphine knew what was happening to the small bundle of hormones and laughed to herself. 

“You think this is funny, Del?” Cosima complained but couldn’t hold the playfulness out of her voice, she grinned down at her. Delphine laughed but continued to close her eyes under her sunglasses and lay back. “Well I see one beautiful thing.” Cosima whispered as she laid back too, their arms touching. Delphine sneaked a look out of the side of her sunglasses at Cosima’s chest, before gulping. 

“So do I.” Delphine whispered back. 

The beach was booming, people were everywhere, all sun bathing, playing volley ball or just hanging about. But somehow they had managed to find the only space on the beach with a 30ft radius of privacy around them. One half shaded by a rocky outcrop, the other side was spattered with deep holes someone had dug in the sand. There wasn’t room for anyone to invade their space. Cosima felt the blistering sun on her skin, it was getting a little hot on her legs so so slowly pulled her pants down. Delphine lifted her head to look, and watched as Cosima’s hands pulled her pants over her bump and thighs. Delphine took a deep breath and watched under her glasses as Cosima kicked her pants off just in front of them. Cosima laid back down, just in her bikini, set her arms back behind her head, and she squinted her eyes in the sun. Delphine bit her lip, suddenly very conscious that even if they were away from everyone, she was still laid there with her nipples poking through her bikini top and a wetness between her—

“So.” Delphine said very quickly, coughing slightly. She moved and rolled onto her front, leaning up on her elbows to face Cosima. “How do you like the beach?” Delphine asked, still biting her lip and trying to ignore her body’s wants. Before she got a reply her eyes naturally drifted down Cosima sweet hot body. Cosima was curious as to Delphine’s sudden energy, but played along, she tensed her stomach and pulled her head up with her hands to see Delphine better. With the sun behind Delphine’s head, she could finally see the blonde without squinting. What a sight, at the angle Cosima had a perfect view of Delphine’s breasts as they hung in her bra. Cosima gulped. 

“I love the beach. Haven’t been all that…ur…much.” Cosima was distracted, and super conscious of her surroundings. Delphine noticed, and in hunger just stared at Cosima laying there looking back at her. The look Delphine was giving her, made her nipples stick out. Cosima’s eyes quickly dashed around them, looking over to the few people quite a way from them, then back to Delphine. 

“Oh really?” Delphine asked in a husky whisper. Cosima licked her lips and furrowed her brow in horny concentration. “I’ve been many times, I’m very experienced.” Delphine said, she moved closer to Cosima, almost hanging over her but not quite. Cosima stiffened under her, her face becoming concentrated, focused, she was so turned on that her body was now aching, throbbing to be touched, etching to get her fingers inside of Delphine. Delphine bit her lip once more, before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on Cosima’s lips. Cosima let Del’s lips press against hers, but didn’t kiss back at first, they just stayed for a long second as Cosima laid fully back against the towel. Delphine followed her, moving so that her upper body was on top of Cosima, her arms either side of her head. Cosima’s hand came up from beside her, stroking up Delphine’s body, slowly touching the soft hot skin all the way to the nap of her neck. Cosima’s hands found Del’s jaw and held either side of the blondes face, pushing some of those locks behind Delphine’s shoulder and ear, so that she could kiss her properly. Delphine pulled out a little, but Cosima’s head followed her, leaning up to bring her back down. They were like magnets once more, their characteristic play that teased each other so much but was so, damn, good. Cosima smiled as their lips finally connected, her tongue coming out to explore Delphine’s plump but small lips. Delphine pushed into her further, about to move her body to be on top of Cosima’s, but suddenly, she felt the burn of hundreds of eyes. 

Delphine broke the kiss and looked up, her eyes were wild in guilt as she scanned the beach in front of her for people. Technically they weren’t allowed to have sex on the beach at all, it was unhygienic and there were children…although she could not see any children around at all and no one could really see if they were careful. Cosima nudged Delphine’s head so that she looked down at her. The way the light hit Cosima’s eyes cast them in picture perfect quality, Delphine could see every pattern, every flick of colour, ever ripple in the formation of her eye. They were beautiful. 

“Are you ok?” Cosima asked in her heightened state of arousal, she didn’t care that there were probably 20 people staring at her, she wanted it now. Delphine scanned her surroundings again, before pushing her hair to the other side of her head and smiling awkwardly. She rolled off of Cosima and laid on her back beside her. Cosima stayed still for a moment longer taking in what was happening, then twisted on to her side, her body weight supported by a propped up arm. Cosima opened her mouth to speak, but saw the red flush across Delphine’s face. She looked up for a bit, and looked at all the people around them, a few were looking over but looked away when she caught their gaze. For a second she didn’t move or speak, but then, when she realised the stupidity of what they were doing, she broke down in laughter. Delphine laughed as well, her chest rising and falling quickly with each cute chuckle. Cosima scrunched up her eyes in laughter and thought to herself, as much as she was so totally into Delphine so hard, they were on a beach in front of loads of people. 

“You’re so hot, Cosima, but…we are in public.” Delphine said sweetly with a raised pitch from laughter. Cosima turned to face her with a big grin and soft eyes, Delphine looked at her as well before pulling her sunglasses back on. “But, I have almost run out of sun protection I am sure. Would you mind reapplying?” Delphine asked with a sultry smile before rolling onto her front and propping herself up on her elbows. Cosima’s eyes widened and her mouth went dry. She grunted a reply, because her body was overwhelmed with feelings. She had seen it in the movies, it was always so damn hot, the way that the people would lean over their partner’s backs and smooth out the cream, massage them, and how they always inevitably ended up sleeping together. But now it was Cosima of all people, the definition of unsexy, about to do this to Delphine. Surely it should be the other way around, surely Delphine should use her expert delicate hands to massage Cosima. Just the thought of it was getting Cosima off in ways she didn’t expect. After nudging up her glasses and clapping her hands clean or sand she had got from somewhere, she moved to get the sun cream out of Delphine’s bag. Her hands were a little shaky, the hot sun, the pressure and the slender body before her were all acting to elicit more and more arousal in her small body. Closing her eyes slowing and praying she did this well, Cosima opened her eyes again and made a move to sit up beside Delphine. Opening up the bottle cap with a snap, Cosima poured a little into her hands, before spreading it across her fingers and palms, but by accident she almost spread it to the back of her hands, but this was just nerves. The cream seemed cold against her skin in contrast to the heat. It was a small welcome relief actually, so she made sure her palms were covered in it before she began. She nudged up her glasses again, immediately regretting it when the sun cream was splashed on her lens. My god, Cosima thought, but couldn’t clean it off with these hands. Panicking a little, she tried to think of a way to not use her hands but clean the cream out of her eye line. “Co-sima?” Delphine said slowly, Cosima could tell there was impatience there and so immediately she placed her hands on Delphine’s shoulders. Delphine moaned very gently and quietly as she closed her eyes and felt the feel of Cosima’s slippery hands, the cool cream soothing her scorched back. Cosima started out slow, moving her hands side to side to get the cream on her, she moved them down to the small of Del’s back, making sure to cover it all before working around her hips and right down to the thin hem of Delphine’s bikini panties. Cosima took a moment to really appreciate her body, her back wasn’t something she saw a lot. The cute moles, freckles and tone of her back was so alluring for some reason. Cosima gulped. 

Once every part of her back at least at some on, she moved back up to her shoulders and tried to remember every film she had ever watched where this happened, and mimicked what they did. At first her hands slowly massaged Delphine’s shoulders, feeling how tight and tensed she was, Cosima just did was felt natural, her hands skilled and calm. What made it better was the way Delphine was moaning at the sensation, the parts that were really tense Cosima worked extra on, Delphine tilted her head down in relaxation and pleasure. Cosima smiled, her glasses slowly sliding down her nose in the heat. Damn, this was the reality, in real life you can’t just massage, be all seductive, have glasses, AND be in the sweltering heat, glasses slip off. Cosima tried to work around it, nudging her glasses up with her shoulder, which seemed to work for a second but just smudged the cream that was on the lens so that she could barely see out of one eye. 

Cosima sighed and closed her eyes, but the sigh seemed to give her hand strength which Delphine reacted to and loved. “Right there.” Delphine said in a pent up quiet voice. It was for the massage, but Cosima loved the way that husked voice sounded, she adjusted her seating so she was up on her knees, her panties free to feel the slight draft in the gap between her legs. The moans from Delphine were doing nothing but getting Cosima off more and more. She took the plunge and moved herself so that she was straddling Delphine’s back, the angle allowed her to get to the right spots and Delphine moaned more. None of the moans were loud, they were grateful, pained, and tense but then relaxed. Cosima looked around her, no one was looking at them anymore, but the fact she was there straddling Delphine in a public space, hearing her moan, feeling the wet between her legs mixed with the cool draft, and the fact she had a big old smudge of cream in the middle of her lens was so attractive. Delphine was none the wiser, she probably felt the best, she was probably getting off as well. But Cosima was getting off, that’s for sure, but it was overshadowed with the smudge on her glasses. Squinting to see through her clear lens Cosima felt how Delphine was relaxing her shoulders and knew she was doing her job well. “The front.” Delphine said, Cosima moved her body up and let Delphine twist around underneath her legs. Delphine moved her sun glasses up into her hair as she laid back and looked at Cosima. The towering body of the young woman, her dreads nicely pulled back, her toned body, and that…that smudge on her glasses. “Cosima, your glasses!” Delphine called out in a laugh. Cosima was so embarrassed, she rubbed her hands over Delphine’s stomach to get the last of the cream off before she took her glasses off and began to clean them. 

“Have you had that the whole time?” Delphine asked once she had calmed herself and Cosima’s glasses were back on her face. Cosima looked down at her through clean glasses, wiping a little of the sweat from her hair line off. She smiled down at the blonde before shrugging. 

“I didn’t want to annoy you by stopping, so yeah, that was there the whole time.” Cosima laughed on the cutest way, and gave a half hearted smile. Delphine just chuckled, but then slowly stopped, her giggle coming down as her eyes focused in on Cosima’s body. “Want me to continue?” Cosima asked her hands back on Delphine’s toned stomach, they teased up her bare skin towards her chest. Delphine smiled and tilted her head back, closing her eyes and feeling every movement of Cosima’s hands. The sensations were smooth, but exciting, her body was on edge anticipating Cosima’s next move. Cosima’s hands searched around Delphine’s waist, up and down until her hips were definitely covered in sun lotion. Her hands felt down to Delphine’s bikini hem line before coming back up. Cosima smiled at the way Delphine’s breathing increased as her hands got lower and lower on her body and then shot up. Delphine opened one eye and gave a smile. Cosima’s hands explored the upper chest, just above Delphine’s covered breasts, she ran her fingers along Delphine’s collar bone and shoulders before Cosima looked up and scanned the surroundings. 

No one was looking. Cosima took the chance. With what she had left of the sun lotion her hands pushed up under Delphine’s bra exposing her breasts but keeping Delphine covered up enough. Her hands groped and caressed, Delphine bit her lip and held onto Cosima’s hands as they moved expertly. Massaging and holding, moving her tender breasts around as she squeezed seductively. She hit all the right spots that Delphine loved. Delphine wanted to twist and move her body under Cosima, but Cosima held her down, making her hands works harder, her fingers clasping Delphine’s erect nipples. Cosima was getting hot, hotter than before, now she was finally getting somewhere with Delphine, and she was getting wet. Delphine’s eyes rolled under her eye lids from pleasure, Cosima’s hands were switching between fast and slow, moulding her sensitive breasts to fit her hands. Cosima was like an architect erecting a most famous design, her hands knew exactly what to do and did it. Delphine rolled her eyes back in her head as her hands squeezed Cosima’s wrists, urging her to go on. Her core was throbbing from pleasure, it was soaked already and begging to be touched. 

“Let us swim?” Delphine said, it completely cracked the seductive element of Cosima’s behaviour. Delphine opened her eyes and held Cosima’s hands still. Cosima stopped and pulled her hands out from under Delphine’s bra, even she was getting a little out of breath just with her hands and how much thought she was putting into this, how much she wanted it. 

“Swim?” Cosima questioned as she sat back on Delphine’s lap her knees bent behind her, their cores just seconds apart over separated by flimsy bikini material. Delphine shook her head, put her hands on Cosima’s bare thighs and said it again before motioning for Cosima to get up. Cosima was confused, her body was churning with sexual frustration, her mind hazed over. It was clear by the red flush that covered Delphine’s face, and the wetness she could see in Delphine’s panties, that Delphine loved that. Was it something she had done though, was she doing it really badly even if she thought it was great? Cosima suddenly felt the rejection, and it felt shitty. 

Delphine saw the pained look in Cosima’s eyes, and she felt so sorry for the girl. It hadn’t occurred to her that Cosima would take it as so much of a rejection, she just assumed Cosima would go with whatever. She loved that carefree element of Cosima, that’s why she fell in love with her. Delphine’s eyes widened in her own personal horror. It just wasn’t right to do this on the beach.

“Oh non non, I am not implying you were bad.” Delphine apologised. Cosima got up and sat beside her, as Delphine moved to sit crossed legged beside her. Delphine stared at the towel in sorrow before flipping her hair to the side and looking to Cosima. “That was…” Delphine bit her lip and took a breath as she stared into her partner’s eyes with all of her love. “Good-” Delphine closed her eyes at the memory. “-as always. It’s just I don’t want to do this with everyone watching.” Delphine felt like she should apologise, it was clear Cosima was all for some sex raged, hormone fuelled get away to the west coast, but the beach just wasn’t her thing. There were people, god knows there were loads of people, and she felt so exposed. Even if she had let her guard down for a moment or two, it felt so damn good, but it wasn’t right. If they were more secluded…more private, Delphine would do things Cosima would never forget. “I want us to make memories, and enjoy each others company.” Oh no, Delphine worried herself for a second, was she in her ‘settling’ phase, was Delphine at her age ready to settle. Was she not into this stuff anymore. That could not be the case. She was more than willing to have fun each night when Cosima stayed over, and most mornings when they woke up, and then again when Cosima would come over and surprise her, or even just in the kitchen making dinner…to be honest they had had a few weeks of hot, ruthless love, even with all of what happened, mostly before. Delphine thought that maybe she had set up the foundations of this relationship in the wrong way. She couldn’t say whether it was going to be long term or short term, whether it would end in marriage or a bad break up later down the line. But the truth is she was her age, and she was looking for long term, and she did love Cosima. Maybe she needed to be more energetic and carefree. Maybe she should just let it happen and if they got kicked off the beach or if people saw so what. 

“Sure, I could use a dip to cool down anyway, it really, really hot.” Cosima was back to her carefree self again, Delphine looked at her for just a second longer to see if this was a façade or for real, but she ended up smiling at her sweet face regardless. Cosima stood up, her hands on her hips but not in a stressed way, she held out her hand for Delphine to take. Delphine smiled oddly, a little taken aback by Cosima’s willingness to leave their thick tension and go swimming. They both stood, made sure their valuables were safe and in sight and made their way to the waters edge. Cosima left her glasses behind. 

“Holy watershed, that’s freezing!” Cosima said as they let her foot touch the waters edge. Delphine laughed and strode right into the water without hesitation going out until it was up to her mid thigh. Cosima knew lots of things, she knew a lot about a lot, and all of it she loved knowing, but how on Earth Delphine was able to just walk out there was beyond her. 

“Hey come back, its so cold.” Cosima complained, she stood there on the edge, jumping back at waves as they made their way across the sand. Cosima crossed her arms and defiantly stood there waiting for Delphine. Delphine put her hands on her hips and laughed. 

“It is not that cold once you get used to it. Come, come here.” Delphine asked with a smile, she laughed at Cosima’s inability to get in the water. Delphine dipped her hands into the water and placed her hands on her face, cooling her skin from the hot sun.

“Is your sun lotion even water proof?” Cosima asked as she stood legs apart and not willing to budge into the water. This wasn’t how she expected this to go, if she had pictured this situation before she might have thought Delphine was the one on the edge of the water and that Cosima herself would be running into it, splashing and laughing at Delphine. But here the roles are reversed and Cosima was not coming in. 

“Yes of course it is waterproof, now would you come in?” Delphine splashed a little water up, it didn’t quiet reach the 15ft away that Delphine was, although she hadn’t really tried. When she had tried to get people into the ocean before, splashing them with cold water had never helped. Cosima said nothing, although a grin was slowly creeping its way across her face. “Fine.” Delphine said, she turned away and walked even deeper into the ocean. People were in the water as well, of course, there were water skies, jet skies, all manner of water sports happening nearer the middle of beach rather than the edge that they were on. There were families with children paddling, and yet Cosima just stayed there. Delphine continued to walk deeper, the waters top reaching in little dips and ridges up to her perfect ass. Cosima closed her eyes to hold back how much she wanted that ass, but cross her hands tighter. Her toe nearing the edge of the water to test if it has suddenly changed temperature and that’s why Delphine thought it would be a great idea to go out there. Cosima looked up to see that the water was on Delphine’s tummy now, and how even at this angle the cold of the water was showing through Delphine’s bikini top. Her nipples pushed through the material. Cosima could practically feel Delphine’s breasts in her hands right now. Oh man, Cosima was so into this woman the least she could do would be to get in the water with her. 

“Fine.” Cosima shouted across the water to Delphine, who at the word, turned around with a big grin on her face, her chest sticking out more than usual so that her breasts didn’t get wet in the water as it rose. Cosima unfolded her arms and began to walk in, already her ankles were freezing, but as she got further and further into the water the first parts to get wet were warming up, acclimatising, and it wasn’t all that bad. Although, when her knee’s began to touch the cold water, Cosima froze. 

That day on her 18th birthday came flooding back to her, Dennis sat in his chair, Cosima opposite him holding back her tears… “She told you she was swimming in a deep, dark lake and could breath, it was night but she could see, sun rays passed through water like fingers pointing the way. She was happy. Swimming amongst the fishes.” Cosima knew it was just a memory, she knew this was the ocean and not the sea, she knew that this was nothing like her mother’s dream and that she was safe here and now. But it couldn’t stop the creeping feeling across her body, the feeling of ice cold water seeping across her, threatening to account for the life she took when she was a new born baby. Delphine had stopped and was waiting for Cosima with a smile on her face. Cosima looked down, she couldn’t look at Delphine right now, she couldn’t look at anyone, she needed to get herself together. Her heart was racing like crazy, and she could feel her body tensing up from the cold, even though she knew it was so hot today and that she should be fine. But she wasn’t. Taking a deep breath, Cosima tried to move her foot forward to walk, but it refused to move. Cosima chewed her gums and furrowed her brow. Dennis’ voice was reverberating around her head. Nothing he was saying was sinister in the slightest, but she had always been kind of afraid of water since that day. Not crazily afraid, but enough to be apprehensive of the way it felt when she was in it. 

“Cosima?” Delphine asked, her had taken her sunglasses off back at the towel, so now both hands were above her eyes to shade from the sun as she watched after Cosima, confused. “Are you ok?” Delphine saw that there was something wrong, Cosima had frozen solid in the water, her face was distraught. In panic Delphine moved fast even against the water and made her way over to Cosima with a splash. When she reached Cosima, she didn’t know what to do, nothing had been said to make her upset but she looked horribly uncomfortable. “It’s ok, we don’t have to go in, it was silly. We can go back and sit on the beach ok?” Delphine made an attempt to walk back to the towel with Cosima, but she didn’t budge. “Co-sima?” Delphine held onto the girl’s shoulders, one hand coming up to tilt her head up. Cosima brushed her off and just stared at the water. For Cosima, her head was a wash with conflicting emotions, she was hormonal, but devastated about her mother, in denial that it was still affecting her and upset that she couldn’t even walk a few meters into the ocean without it all flooding back to her. 

“Delphine, sorry…I…I just can’t stop thinking about my mom.” Cosima said, her voice was full of defeat and reservation. Delphine was heartbroken. Delphine was confused, she had no idea what was happening, but knew that the death of her mother would never ever leave her. “I just keep thinking about her.” Cosima could feel that water in her head creep up her legs, to her stomach, her chest, and her shoulders. 

“Oh Cosima.” Delphine didn’t really know what to say, so she just held Cosima in the water, wrapping her arms around the back of Cosima and pulling her in. Cosima feebly held onto Delphine’s sides, her head nestling into her neck. Delphine closed her eyes and just imagined all the good feelings traveling through her body into Cosima. Cosima felt the hot skin of Delphine on the side of her face, she closed her eyes for a moment and tried to remember that she was safe, that she was somewhere safe and everything was in the past. But it was hard when images and thoughts kept coming back in flashes she couldn’t control. But she knew one thing, everything is just chemical and electrical. Her thoughts are just the effect of certain neurons firing, and the other 90% of cells in the brain which help that neuron turn into a thought and travel through her body until it became an action. She knew that when different neurons fire at the same time, at the same rate, that they cluster together. Which is why people get dark thoughts who think about dark things, because all those neurons over time have moved closer together and are ready to fire. Cosima pieced together that over time all she had to do was stop herself from thinking about those things and those neurons would disband, they would have no biological need to be together. The neurons that were no longer needed would die off. She could form her own more positive neuron clusters. All she had to do was try and replace the thoughts about the past, with thoughts about the present moment. All this science talk seemed to calm her a little, she moved so she could brush her face with the back of her hand. 

“Sorry…I don’t know what’s come over me.” Cosima blinked and then closed her eyes, trying to breath properly. “Sometimes the water just reminds me of my mom, you know? I just think about just before she died and how she talked about the water and so when I get in it, I just think about what I did to her-”

“Non, non Cosima you did nothing wrong. It was all just a mistake.” Delphine moved her hand to stroke Cosima’s head. She didn’t care if there was water running off of her arms, it was drying off in the heat. Delphine looked around to see if anyone was staring, there were a few people on the beach itself looking over, and muttering, but she didn’t care. She was distraught that Cosima had to go through this. “It was all just a mistake.”

“I know…I know.” Cosima pulled out of their embrace, even if Delphine wanted to hold onto her for longer. “Look. I’m ok now, I just want to forget it.” Cosima attempted a smile, and to her surprise it worked fine as she looked up at Delphine. Delphine stared back at her, her eyes testing between each of Cosima’s darting back and forth to see if Cosima was telling the truth. Delphine nodded, and sunk her head. 

“Ok, let’s have fun.” Delphine smiled back at Cosima, but not before getting a face full of salty ocean water which Cosima had splashed at her. Delphine screamed playfully before stepping back a few paces and splashing Cosima back. Cosima grinned before running forward, Delphine’s eyes widened and she tried to get away, but Cosima caught her splashing water all over her body. Delphine again screamed playfully, whilst Cosima cackled with mischievous delight, loving how Delphine seemed helpless even though Delphine was clearly the stronger of the two. Cosima couldn’t take her eyes off of Delphine’s glistening bikini bra, and how her nipples were pushing from underneath it, dying to get out, how the water reflected the sunlight off of the black material which made her breasts look even more inviting. Damn, Cosima thought before splashing herself to cool herself down. Delphine knew that look, she knew it well. Biting her lip, she wanted to seduce Cosima, but the saltiness of her lip from the ocean water soured her face. Cosima didn’t care about the salt, she wanted Delphine, she wanted her now, but they were in the ocean, it couldn’t happen. She would wait just a little bit, but she was coming to make Delphine scream her name. 

Delphine splashing a little water up at Cosima’s face and watched the young woman squint and wipe her face clean. Cosima maybe younger and have different body, but she certainly filled out her swim set and Delphine couldn’t ignore it. Cosima’s breasts were so full, luscious and succulent, she wanted so badly to take Cosima now, just start kissing her and caressing those sweet breasts to her hearts content. Quickly whilst they played Delphine scanned the beach and the rocky outcrop they were based by. There was a part, she thought she saw, where they might be able to hide behind and have their way with each other. It wouldn’t be 100% covered, but maybe that would be the thrill. 

“Come.” Delphine said, she winked and dropped herself into the water. Thankfully the current wasn’t that strong so Delphine started to swim sideways along the shore towards the rocks. Cosima copied, dropping herself into the now bearable water, even if her shoulders and back of neck were cold. Following the blondes bobbing head, Cosima followed her to the edge of the water. The waves were crashing onto the rocks, but not in any dangerous way, the time of day and the heat had made the waves seem relaxed. When they got there, they weren’t all that far away from their things. Delphine climbed up onto the rocks first, choosing to pull herself up with her arms and bring her legs up after. Cosima bit her lip, first watching those slender arms tense, before her perfectly sculpted ass glistened in the wet sun shine as she stood up. Delphine turned around, bent a little and gestured her hand to be taken with a smile. Cosima swam in the place for a second, she could easily stand up in the water, they were practically near the shore, it was just the way Delphine was bent, the way her legs were just out the side and she was on level with Delphine’s core…. Cosima took Delphine’s hand and they both clambered over the rocks to a little secluded area, just a large rock to lean up against, the open ocean their private curtain from prying eyes. Even with the boats and water sports out in the distance. “I might just grab our things, actually.” Delphine said, her hand on her chin in thought. She gave a smirk before climbing up over the rocks, down some more and across the 20ft of sand to their things. Cosima crossed her arms across her chest, she felt a little exposed, she knew her bikini bottom was clinging to places that it shouldn’t but she didn’t care. No one was watching. Delphine was back in no time, her bag, towel and their things haphazardly under her arms as she climbed back into their space. Delphine stared hungrily down at Cosima, their height difference even more obvious now that Delphine was stood up on a small rock surface. Delphine quickly dropped their things into another rock crevice, she stepped down from the rock to Cosima’s level. When they were chest to chest, their bare feet touching hard rock, their hair slightly wet, their bodies glistening in the summer heat, Delphine smiled. Cosima’s eyes widened, it was finally happening. Cosima went to take the lead, but Delphine grabbed her hand before it made contact with her waist, she spun Cosima around, pressing her up against the black rock that was just their height. Cosima’s hot back made contact with the cool black rock, the temperature change shocked her and she moaned out. Delphine smirked, she lifted Cosima’s hands above her head and held them with her own. She was in control now. 

Delphine leaned in, pressing her whole body against Cosima’s, wet skin against wet skin, her head came down, their lips touched. Cosima expected their magnet like foreplay, but this time Delphine was hungry. Delphine pressed hard, Cosima’s head against the rock as they lip’s worked fast. They did not break away, their lips worked as if for the first time, a mess of hungry frustrated action that neither of them had anticipated. It was if they hadn’t done it in years, their bodies aching to be touched, yarning to be controlled. Cosima submitted to Delphine’s whim, letting Delphine’s hands run down her arms until they reached Cosima’s neck, pulling Cosima away from the rock slightly and closer to Del as their lips ravaged each other. Cosima pulled away abruptly, taking a deep ass breath and looking Delphine in the eyes longingly, her body was literally on fire from tension and release. 

“Fuck, this is so hot just saying.” Cosima said excitedly, her heart and breathing racing, her chest lifting and falling fast. Delphine shook her head and laughed in a husked whisper before pushing Cosima back against that rock and kissing her again, her tongue exploring Cosima’s wet mouth. Del’s hands moved from Cosima’s neck to her shoulders, around them and to the sides of her chest. Without hesitation, but with a quick look out to sea and behind the rock, Delphine pulled Cosima’s bikini top down, in effect pushing Cosima’s breasts up so they were more pushed out than before. Delphine took a sharp breath of delight before her moved her body down on the woman, her mouth kissing along Cosima’s jaw, before dropping to her neck and collar bones. In no time Delphine’s lips were sucking and licking Cosima’s sweet perky nipples. Cosima closed her eyes and tilted her head back to feel every single sensation that Delphine had to offer. God damn Delphine was so fucking hot, Cosima screamed in her head. The heat, the threat of being exposed in public, and the constant fear that they were going to get caught, was just getting Cosima more and more built up. As Delphine’s tongue flicked her nipple before smothering in a kiss, Cosima took in a sharp breath pushing her chest up more towards Delphine’s mouth. Oh man, Cosima twisted her body in the way Delphine’s touch was lighting up her core, begging Delphine to go down on her. Delphine must have felt the tension in Cosima, her hands moved down the sides of Cosima’s body, before they reached her red bikini panties. Cosima’s eyes shot open, she could have her chest out in semi-public, she could be exposed in that way, Delphine’s mess of wet golden curls covered most of her. But Cosima couldn’t face the idea of her pussy being exposed and on display for anyone to see. Delphine didn’t seem to care, her fingers were beginning to pull the tiny strings holding the front and back together, down over her hips. Delphine’s teeth tugging and gently biting down on Cosima’s nipples before kissing them. As the material of her panties was about to come off completely Cosima panicked. She moved her arms and let them fall down, her hands covering her core. Delphine moved back but didn’t say a word. She wiped her mouth, her eyes full of desire, her pupils large and wild. Del moved her hair to one side and looked at her girlfriend, breasts exposed, her panties dangerously low on her thighs, her hands attempting to cover herself up. Delphine loved the control, loved the helpless look on Cosima’s face. Delphine was an affectionate lover, she cared for Cosima, she never wanted her to feel uncomfortable or regret anything. But right now, she knew Cosima was a bundle of hormones and knew the same old thing wouldn’t take her to places she’s never been. She also wanted to create memories. Maybe the sun was messing with her head, or she was thinking with the gap between her legs. Either way, she wanted to take control of Cosima and have the best fuck she’s ever had. 

“Do you trust me?” Delphine said finally, her voice thick with her French accent, she wiped her mouth clean from spit and still managed to look hot as well. Cosima gulped but loved this new side of Delphine. She grinned and nodded her head in trust. Delphine looked up all around them to check for privacy, before moving forward, their bodies pressing against each other. Their lips locked in a frenzy of kisses before Delphine pulled back. “Spread your legs.” Delphine said in a commanding tone, with hints of playfulness smoothed in. Cosima looked Delphine straight in the eye. She didn’t know whether to say yes straight away. They were in public and the heat was one thing, but the breeze she already felt between her legs was a whole other. Cosima said nothing, but smirked and slowly spread her legs apart. Her toes brushed against the rocks, small pools of water and sand covered her feet but she didn’t care, right now she needed Delphine to take her. The breeze became stronger for a moment even in the cloudless sky and Cosima felt the air in places she had never done before. She looked into Delphine mischievous eyes as Delphine’s hands slowly slipped the bikini panties off of Cosima’s legs. Cosima pulped, but she couldn’t deny the throbbing pleasure her clit was begging for. At once Delphine hands found their way down Cosima’s stomach and between her legs. One hand hanging around to massage and caress Cosima’s breast, the other pushing two fingers between Cosima’s core lips before slowly, agonisingly slowly beginning to stroke and rub around her clit but not on it. Delphine’s mouth locked with Cosima’s their kisses were hard but slow, both of their attentions were focused between Cosima’s legs. Cosima could feel how strongly built up she was, her legs practically buckling in protest, begging Delphine’s fingers to go inside of her, begging them to fuck her like there is no tomorrow. Delphine wasted no time, Cosima breathing was hard in her ear, their kisses stopped, their bodies connected, Cosima’s face to the side of Delphine’s staring out into the ocean as Delphine fingers pushed up inside of her spread legs. Cosima moaned out at the pleasure, Delphine’s thumb pulling her clit in circles driving her over the edge. As Delphine plunged in and out of Cosima, her fingers working their magic, finding her G-spot within seconds, Cosima was moaning and panting like she had never before. This sex was not like the rest, there was no reservation, there was no tender loving hesitation. Delphine was not worried about Cosima, about Janice, about their forbidden love, she didn’t even care that they were out in public and Cosima’s moans could probably be heard. She just wanted to ravish Cosima and leave her as a soaping wet mess and know that she had served her girlfriend well. Cosima was struggling to stand still, her knees giving in from how her body was reacting to Delphine’s touch, Delphine held her up with the pressure of their connection. Delphine was out of breath too, sweat coming from her head, she blew her hair out of her face and smirked into Cosima’s ear as Cosima’s desperate body panted and moaned. A little conscious of the noise Delphine leaned back and pushed Cosima’s sexually exhausted head back against the rock. Delphine kissed Cosima to shut her up and not give away their position. It didn’t work too well it just made Cosima moan louder. Resorting to last measures, Delphine placed her face gently over Cosima’s mouth, giving her moans a muffled quietness. Cosima’s eyes stared into Delphine’s with nothing but pleasure. They closed for a breath moment as her breathing became sharper through her nose. Cosima’s hips rose up. Cosima was on her tip toes, feeling the shudders of pleasure shooting through her. She was seconds, literally seconds away from the strongest orgasm she had ever felt. “Je t’aime, Cosima.” Delphine whispered into Cosima’s ear just as Cosima collapsed under her, moaning out through Del’s hand, her legs weak and her body fulfilled. Delphine laughed playfully, and leaned into Cosima’s neck. “You’re welcome.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graphic sex. The last graphic sex scene of this beach trip I promise (this chapter was getting long and had too much in one, so I am sorry if it feels cut short, the next part of this chapter was a different direction so I decided to split into two. Hope thats ok (thanks for sticking with me btw, I do appreciate it)

Cosima stared wide eyed out into the brilliant blue of the ocean, sweat beads coming down the side of her face. Delphine’s fingers were still inside of her, but slowing down, brining the climax to its almighty finish. Neither of them spoke, they both just listened to their own synchronised breathing as their bodies relaxed. Cosima didn’t dare move. She had just experienced the strongest orgasm. It surprised even her, she didn’t expect to cum this way, not at a beach, not in public, but she did. It was like she was dizzy, the blood rushing back to her head, her eyes coming back into focus, and her pussy was slowly, terribly slowly coming back to its own after what had just happened. 

“I love you too, Delphine.” Cosima said in a pant, her voice sounded exhausted, a little unfit if she did admit that herself, but overall satisfied and meaningful. Cosima’s worn out hand came up to her face and automatically pushed the bridge of her nose were her glasses normally sat, before realising they were no longer there and laughing to herself. God. That was the best fuck that Delphine ever gave, there was a whole new energy there even if what actually, physically happened, was not new. But the way Delphine looked at her, the way her eyes bore into her soul and said “You’re mine” was so damn hot. Delphine moved back from Cosima on the rock, her head titling just a little to check on the unsuspecting beach goers just beyond the rocks. Cosima may have just climaxed but this wasn’t over yet. Delphine looked back at her red faced girlfriend and smiled sweetly, the sun catching her face in just the right way, her eyes stood out and shone in a way Cosima had never seen. The day was full of new experiences. “Merci.” Cosima said in a worn out and so North American accent, she didn’t even care to sound French right now, her body was ready to return the favour and Delphine’s pussy looked so damn inviting right now in her bikini. 

Cosima smirked and looked at Delphine, Delphine saw the look and couldn’t place it. It was the look that someone gives when they have a secret they want to tell but they know it’s a naughty secret so they are holding themselves back, but it is so juicy they have to tell someone. Cosima stepped forward and hooked her finger around the string holding Delphine’s bikini bra together in the middle. Delphine bit her lip and her playful expression dropped to one of focus and apprehension. Cosima was small but now she wanted the power, pulling Delphine so that they swapped positions, Cosima motioned her head at a rock about waist height right next to the entrance to their little cove. Delphine moved back slowly not breaking eye contact with Cosima, her feet feeling the cold water/sand mix between her toes as her tentatively stepped back towards the rock. When Delphine’s heels hit the back rock she looked at Cosima for instruction, but Cosima said nothing, her eyes just checked Delphine out, running her eyes all up and down her body. Those slender legs, tight thighs, and toned stomach were so enticing. 

“Now, sit back.” Cosima commanded with a playful smirk. Even she couldn’t do commanding. Cosima bit her bottom lip cutely, and pushed at Delphine for her to sit but Delphine dare not for that position would mean the top half of her body would be for anyone to see. Admittedly she was still in her bikini and so everyone would probably think she was just sitting. But Delphine knew in that creative mind of Cosima’s that sitting would not be the only thing happening. Delphine sat anyway, slowly, her nerves coming up a little, but she trusted Cosima with her life. Just as her ass touched the cold rock, a wave crashed up on the side of the rocks a few meters away from them. Cosima acknowledged it but didn’t turn her head like Delphine had, no, Cosima moved forward towards a nervous Delphine with such a mischievous smile it made Delphine’s heart flutter. “You better stay quiet.” Cosima whispered as she came closer. It was so foreign for Cosima to be so demanding, it felt alien on her tongue, but this whole situation was new. They loved it. Delphine leant forward and met Cosima’s face as they kissed. Cosima was satisfied in her body, even if deep in her core she was building herself back up, but this was for Delphine. The hair on the back of Delphine’s neck stood up with each kiss; she felt a thousand eyes on her back as they connected, wet lips searching lips, tongues exploring tongues, a human being in flux with another human being. 

“I want you.” Delphine whispered in between lingering kisses. Cosima’s ears were red hot in the heat, but also in excited anxiety. Suddenly there was a pang of thoughts in her head about the first time they did it, the first time they had sex and how scared she was, how terrified she was about her performance being poor. There was a hesitation in her mind but she didn’t let that stop her as her kisses began to trail down Delphine’s body, to her breasts in her black bikini and to her soft stomach. Cosima used her hands and gently pushed Delphine to lean back against the rock so that she was sat backwards, effectively laying on the rock. Cosima smiled in to her kisses which she planted on Delphine’s hot pale skin, before her hands smoothed down Delphine’s body and rested on her hips. “Cosima!” Delphine worried in a loud whisper as she could tell what Cosima was aiming to do, her eyes fluttering in the sun as she craned her neck and tried to scan the groups of people on the beach to check if any were watching.

“Shhhh.” Cosima hushed her face right over Delphine’s core covered in her skimpy bikini panties. The rush of air made Delphine bite her lip. She needed to let go again, she needed to lose herself in the moment and stop worrying about everyone else. Cosima took the tense silence to mean she was ok to continue. “Are you ok?” Cosima asked just as her hands slid Delphine’s panties down her long legs. Delphine took a sharp breath as the air hit her wet core, cooling it immediately but bringing on a rush of throbbing and begging. 

“Oui!” Delphine called out in another loud whisper. She desperately tried to keep her face still and her body from moving as to attract attention. To everyone else she perhaps looked like she was sunbathing on the rocks. And she was in truth, her chest gently burned up in the hot sun boring down at them from the brilliant blue cloudless sky above them. Cosima could feel the heat on the back of her head and in between her dreds on the top of her head, but she didn’t mind, she tanned easily even if there was always a risk of later in life repercussions. She didn’t care, her mouth was practically watering from anticipation, and she could see Delphine chest rising and falling, waiting. She couldn’t contain herself, so Cosima leaned in towards Delphine’s glistening pussy and planted kisses all along Delphine’s lips, down the left side and up the right side before her tongue came out to explore on its own terms, pushing through Delphine’s lips to taste Delphine, taste her wet core and feel Cosima’s power between her legs. Delphine was soaked and that enticed Cosima making her tingle in her own core, she stroked Delphine’s pussy with agonisingly slow strokes, up and down before going in again and slowly stroking up and around, up and around. Delphine was twisting under Cosima. Hours of build up was now coming together and it felt better than ever. Delphine couldn’t stop herself from taking a peek up at the beach again, there were more people coming to sit in the space they had occupied, dangerously close to where they were now. As Delphine went to protest and tell Cosima, Cosima had other plans, pushing her tongue between Delphine’s pussy lips and finding her clit, probing and flicking it, feeling the sharp breaths and Delphine’s hips rising beneath her, urging her to go on. Delphine closed her eyes, holding them tight shut as her legs wanted to kick out, her hips wanting to draw closer to the source of its pleasure, her clit throbbing and shouting to be touched. Cosima flicked it once more before licking her tongue in strokes around it again, teasing it, Delphine’s body protesting and making her go on, Delphine’s thighs trying to hold Cosima’s head between them. Cosima laughed a little at the desperation, but that just stirred some more urging in Delphine, the fresh sea air, the breath from Cosima’s laugh it all just built up inside Delphine. Cosima adjusted her sitting so she was kneeling in a pool of cool water, spreading her own legs as her hands held onto Delphine jolting legs to calm them as her tongue explored more. The pressure holding Delphine’s legs down just made them want to flail around more, it was driving Delphine crazy, the slow pace Cosima was moving, the deliberately teasing way Cosima was coming close to but avoiding her sweet spots. Delphine moaned out, not caring anymore about whether people heard or not, her hand came down and held onto Cosima’s dreds keeping her there as she spread her legs wider, a natural instinct, wanting Cosima to take her fully. Cosima smiled again her tongue explored, she decided to go faster, working faster and harder to get Delphine closer. Her tongue pushed in, sucking and probing up and down her wet lips, teasing and flicking her clit. It was working, Delphine’s breathing increased, and it made Cosima want to go even faster, her tongue flicking and stroking hard, pressing all the right spots, tasting Delphine, oh how sweet the taste! Cosima adjusted her position again, getting in the right space to take Delphine to the next level, pushing herself more into Delphine, harder, her tongue and lips pressing harder to get more of a reaction. The best thing was how much Cosima enjoyed this now, she loved the feelings it caused her, she loved the way Delphine reacted and she loved the way Delphine tasted. She had to go in, Delphine’s body was begging her to, she couldn’t ignore it. Delphine pussy was dripping wet and her body was shaking with how close she was coming already, Cosima had that effect but even this was some next level shit. Cosima let go of one of Delphine’s legs and let it rest on her shoulder as she got her good hand and started to tease with her fingers around Delphine’s tight exposed entrance. Jesus, Delphine was being driven insane. Her fingers slow rimmed her tight pussy, teasingly dragging the tips of her fingers around the hole, dipping in a little, getting a feel for that sweet spot, probing gently in and out with just the tip before using that juicy wetness to circle around her clit some more. Delphine rolled her head on her neck and shoulders, wanting to toss and turn out of pleasure. She could feel herself dripping wet, begging to come.

“Merde!” Delphine moaned loudly as Cosima finally pushed her fingers inside of Delphine, oh the pressure, oh the tension, oh the feel of Cosima being inside of her! It was all too much but all so so good. Delphine twisted on that rock, she didn’t care if her front was getting the full blown sun, she didn’t care that the sea breeze was brushing sea salt into her hair, she didn’t care that the rock would probably leave an imprint on her back. She didn’t care about the couple coming towards them on the beach, checking out what was causing her to moan. Cosima ploughed her fingers in and out of Delphine, who moaned loudly, her voice almost breaking from the sheer force of her climax building. Cosima smiled and laughed playfully. Delphine’s moans were so fucking hot. Oh how she wanted to hear that every day, she wanted to let Delphine feel this way all the time. Cosima looked up, she caught Delphine mid moan, the gape of her mouth was even tantilising. God, Cosima was roaring with horniness, fucking heck this was hot. Cosima’s fingers a little sore from causing Delphine such pleasure, Cosima’s tongue wearing out from constantly pressure of circles over her clit. But it was all worth it, she could feel Delphine right on the edge of an orgasm. Delphine saw the couple coming closer, they were less than 10ft now, surely they could see what was happening. Surely they could see Cosima! But from their angle they could only see the sweaty torso of the blonde laying back panting and moaning on a rock. Hell, maybe they thought she was in pain and were coming to help. But just as the man put his hand onto the rock right next to Delphine to see what the commotion was, Delphine let out an almighty moan, her body seeming to collapse in on itself as she road out her orgasm, her body tightening so fast, her legs clasping Cosima’s head between them…before she fell soft against the rock. Cosima fell back her ass hitting the rock pool when Delphine’s legs relaxed. Cosima quickly wiped her wet mouth and moved at the sight of a mans hand on the rock, she pushed herself backwards and hid behind the bigger rock so they could not see her. Her fingers were dripping, she dipped them into a sandy pool to hide the evidence. Delphine laid there for a second just staring at the couple as they eventually peered around the rock to see what was happening. The man stayed for a long second a smile creeping on his face before his girlfriend saw and screamed, pulling her boyfriend back with a slap and seeming to drag him off back across the beach away from them. 

When Delphine came back to her senses her eyes went wide, she jumped up, not caring about the aching on her back or her core recovering, she grabbed her panties, pulled them on and ran. She just ran and jumped right off of the rocky out crop and into the ocean. Cosima broke out in a fit of laughter, having second hand embarrassment for Delphine, she too got up and jumped into the water, splashing through the surface just as Delphine surfaced causing her to fall back under. Cosima even in the ocean waters was smiling, she swam back up to the surface to meet Delphine and continued her loud laugh. Delphine splashed her, her face red from embarrassment. Delphine was angry and mad but at no one but herself for being there, climaxing in front of two people on a public beach! She had no one to blame, and in all honesty the situation was hilarious. Staring angrily at the grinning and laughing Cosima did not last long, as they floated Delphine’s giggles escaped her, loud in the cutest way. Cosima cackled, finding it so damn funny, she tilted her head and laughed up into the sky as she splashed Delphine. Who was Delphine to get mad at that? She had the most fun with this girl and that was just the icing on the cake. Delphine made the decision to make the most of it, splashing back at Cosima before using the rocks to push herself out into the water away from Cosima. Cosima took the challenge and swam after her, not getting very far because the waves pulled her weak ass self back, she was in such a good mood even the salt water that crept into her mouth with each splash couldn’t sour this. 

“Hey come back!” Cosima called with a laugh, she could tell Delphine was still embarrassed. After a while of swimming about and getting themselves completely exhausted, they both decided it was time to get out of the water, dry off, relax and prepare for their meal later on. Cosima pulled herself up and out, even adjusting a less than attractive wedgy from her newly put on panties on the sly. They grabbed their things and decided to wait a little on the rocks, keeping an eye out for the couple that had caught them, waiting for them to leave before they did. It had been about an hour or two, just Delphine and Cosima laying there on the misshapen rocks, sunbathing, hand in hand. Delphine had the smart idea after a little while of putting sun cream onto Cosima and reapplying her own sun cream to allow their bodies to rest from sexual tension. Once they were sure that couple had left, Cosima clambered out of the rocks first, jumping down to the sandy beach, leaving deep foot prints behind as she stepped forward. She was relieved to finally have her glasses on and the ability to see properly. Delphine climbed down after head, keeping her head down as she took Cosima by the hand and walked up the depth of the beach to the pathway by the shops. There were beach goers looking at them as they passed, Delphine tried to ignore their eyes, everyone knew. Cosima however once the nervous young woman, was riding the glory of having brought Delphine to such a strong orgasm in front of all of these people, each of them knew of her handy work now. Cosima squeezed Delphine’s hand with encouragement, as they walked out of the sun. Cosima knew she had caught the sun and that tomorrow she would have a lot darker skin, even Delphine with her fair pale skin would be tanned tomorrow. Cosima couldn’t wait to see what that looked like on her. There was already the darker presence of freckles on Delphine’s face that she hadn’t seen before. 

As they approached the path, Delphine lifted her head, walking past all of the people that knew what had happened, and ventured out into new oblivious groups of people which gave her confidence. Or would have, had she not had a bout of jealously run through her whenever someone looked at Cosima. It must have been the Oxytocin released after sex, but Delphine felt even more compelled to be by Cosima’s side, that Cosima was her own and that no one could take her away. Her protective love was motherly in a way that Delphine dismissed quickly. This time Delphine squeezed Cosima’s soft hand as they walked, they were a little more clothed now, Delphine back in her blouse and shorts, Cosima back in her haram pants but keeping the bikini top on show, not that Delphine was complaining. Delphine smiled down at Cosima in a sweet way, but with a hint of naughtiness, Cosima looked up and smiled back, catching onto that undertone and grinning. They had a dirty secret that no one else knew, just the two of them shared it now and that was enough to give them both confidence. Men were now looking at Cosima’s chest, some women too, in fact a lot of women. Delphine grew a little uncomfortable and pushed her hair to the other side of her head with an awkward smile. 

“What’s up?” Cosima asked, still walking on air from her come down. They slowed a to a stop at the edge of the pathway next to the beach, busy people walked past. Lives flashing around them but none they would probably ever interact with again. Delphine let out a huff of a laugh and blushed. 

“I am just jealous.” Delphine said sweetly, her bashful eyes falling to the floor before looking up to Cosima once more. 

“Of what?” Cosima asked, although she knew exactly what she meant. But how can anyone say ‘Oh at me, because I am so hot and everyone wants this body’? 

“Of the way people look at you, I am afraid I want you all for myself.” Delphine said in a whisper, her face breaking out in a smile. She pushed her hair to the other side and peered down into those big eyes she loved so much. Cosima grinned up at her lover, biting her lip before looking at their hands. The way Delphine said that was so well spoken, it was so eloquent and beautiful. Delphine was in love with her and wanted her to herself, it felt so good to be wanted. They were stood arms length apart, their hands holding on lightly to each other, Cosima played with Delphine’s hands. She looked up at Delphine, closing one eye and squint up with the other. It was a cute trick Cosima did with her dad when she was being told off but she had adapted it now to lure Delphine in towards her. “You are so cheeky.” Delphine nodded, moving her hands so that their fingers interlocked. Cosima grinned and stuck her tongue behind her teeth in a cute way. Delphine just sighed silently, the sort of sigh that sounded like a light unexpected summer breeze on a hot day. 

“You have me to yourself, Del. I ain’t looking at anyone else.” For some reason Cosima thought it would be cute to put on a southern accent, but regretted it immediately. Delphine laughed sweetly and looked down at Cosima in adoration shaking her head slightly and wandering to herself how she got so damn lucky. Truth was everyone knew she was never that lucky in love, Cosima knew that more than most. But her past did not matter, all that had happened to them did not matter. Danielle, she did not matter, the child she lost…it did not matter anymore. She was ready to move on with her life.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so fucking sorry for literally taking forever for this chapter

As the day progressed, they walked up and down the beach front, checking out the stalls and fascinating people that seemed to be every where doing everything. They played a game of how many people they could see glued to smart phones at a time, it was a devastatingly high number. Cosima pointed out all the cool people she could see, the weird attire, the strange amusement stands and people busking for money, it all just had such a strong vibe to it. It was like they were there but kinda seeing it from out of their bodies, there was so much cool and interesting stuff going on that it was hard to take in really. Cosima was just glad Delphine was by her side. Jumping out of the way of a few rogue skateboards flying cross the path, Delphine laughed and pushed her hair out of her face from the jump, Cosima didn’t even flinch she just lifted her leg to the side to avoid them and carried on. 

“I could never get used to that.” Delphine said with a giggle, as she watched the skateboarders retrieving their boards and carrying on skating down the promenade. Cosima shrugged it off, she had skated a little but when she was younger, and sometimes your board had a mind of its own. She looked up to Delphine with a childish grin. 

“Alright old lady, they were just having fun!” Cosima laughed, and Delphine was playfully offended. Cosima didn’t have any gravity behind her words, and for once the word choice did not send Delphine into a pit of despair and existentialism about their relationship’s age gap. Delphine squeezed Cosima’s hand gently in a loving way and smiled back down at her, admiring the sun that had caught her face and how it created a smooth glow over her cheeks. Delphine knew that she had to be youthful, that she had to maintain intrigue and interest in herself from Cosima, and she only knew how to be 100% an adult or a child, so she went for the latter. 

“Let’s play a game.” Delphine said as she stopped her toes in the sand and her heels on the concrete path. Cosima walked beside her, their arms touching, as they looked out across the expanse of sandy beach and people living their lives. Cosima was curious, so she smiled again and waited for an explanation. “Dares.” Delphine stated with a naughtiness in her voice with pricked Cosima’s red hot ears. “We dare each other to do things, nothing too wild, but we have to do them.” When Delphine said this out loud even she wasn’t sure if she’d thought this through; Cosima could be cruel and request of her things she would never dream of, but then again Cosima could be thoughtful and sweet about it. Cosima grinned at the prospect and looked out across the beach to find things that caught her eye, she was going to have so much fun with this. 

“Ok.” Cosima said and clapped her hands together in an evil way, she was going to cackle with evilness but decided not to, this was not the place to show how weird she was. “I dare you…” Cosima said in a whisper, still scanning the place. Delphine took the silence to mean planning and planning never went all that well. So she took the opportunity to look at her girlfriend, honestly look at her in all of her beauty, in the way the nape of neck sloped down to join her shoulder, the way her arms seemed tough and toned even with little effort as they clapped together in mischief. She looked at the way Cosima’s eyes sparkled and how excited she was, there was something cooking behind them, cogs turning in her mind about what she was going to suggest and it looked so wonderful. Cosima thinking, devising, and being curious always elicited some kind of pride in Delphine. She felt proud to be with someone so curious about the world, and so satisfied to potentially share her life with her for a long time to come, sharing those moments of ‘Eureka!’ when a breakthrough happened, all the way to when she first opens her eyes in the morning and smiles. “I dare you to photo bomb their group photo.” Cosima stated with a cheeky smile, she motioned her head towards a small group of young adults stood around a cooler filled with beer. They were just getting up, setting a camera up on a tripod and getting into position. Delphine took a second to register the light heartedness of the dare, but then relief flooded over her. She could do that; she could awkwardly get in the way of their group photo and forever be remembered as ‘that blonde woman’ when they look back at them in years to come. “But you have to jump right in front of them all, you can’t go behind.” Cosima added. Oh god, dread filled Delphine about the prospect but she couldn’t back down now, that wouldn’t be right. 

“Ok, fine.” Delphine stated unapologetically as she let go of Cosima’s hand with a wink, and marched her way over to them. She walked behind them at first with an air of mindlessness, just walking, so none of them would realise what she was doing. Her heart was racing, her face flushing red, and her palms were sweating a little, even if her face told a story of blank tranquillity. Oh she was too old for this. Readying herself and counting down from their 10 second timer, Delphine snuck up behind their row, she acted casual, as if she was going to be a part of the photo, all of them looking the other way. The camera light snapped up suggesting 2 seconds left, then she pounced. Jumping at the perfect moment seeming to cover all of them in a star fish, her arms shooting up in the air, her legs spread up as well, her blouse billowing slightly in the air she created by jumping. It was a little euphoric, as if happening in slow motion. She felt her body leap up into the air and extend as far as it could, her face a brilliant smile, her body floating. As she was mid air the camera shot the picture and Delphine knew she had been triumphant. Shit back down on the ground and made a run back to Cosima. It happened a quickly so that no one of that group really knew what had happened. Clinging onto Cosima’s arms, Delphine began to drag her girlfriend in a frantic run away from the crime scene, laughing hysterically. Cosima was cackling away, overcome with laughter at the face of Delphine when she had landed, when she realised she needed to get out, the look of sheer terror. The group shouted after them but mostly laughed it off as well, but Delphine didn’t care, as far as she was concerned they would hunt her down and make her apologise. 

“Del that was hil-arious!” Cosima laughed again, out of breath from the running, they stopped quite a distance away from the group, even though where they were looked exactly the same; the beach was huge and full of people. Cosima’s hands gripped her knees as she bent over to catch her breath, Delphine stood tall, hands on her shoulders and her face red, panting too and trying to catch her breath. There was a silence of just breathing, and background chatter from everyone else. Delphine looked down to Cosima and let out a final breath to recover, her petite girlfriend was red faced and beautiful, glowing from tan and the rush of life inside of her. 

“It was extremely funny, oui.” Delphine laughed once she had composed herself, she was already looking for ways to tease Cosima with a dare. “I dare you, my sweet Cosima, to lay in the sand and pretend you are drowning in the sea.” Delphine laughed to herself about how silly her idea was, but couldn’t wait to see Cosima’s reaction. Cosima looked up from bending over, playfully sceptical, and nodded. 

“Ok, consider it done.” Cosima didn’t even hesitate. Delphine crossed her arms over her chest in the heat and watched as Cosima bounded across the beach front, her little body carrying the majesty of confidence as she prowled the place to find somewhere to do it. Delphine leaned up against a pole that had a no car sign on, and watched with amusement as Cosima slowly dropped to her knees and dug some kind of hole in the sand. Around her were lots of sunbathers and families, all just lazing about on loungers and towels enjoying the sun, and there she was in the middle of it all digging a hole. Cosima’s hand pilled the sand up and out of a hole, then she got in it, made sure everyone was minding their own business then began… Cosima just started shouting and wailing, throwing her hands and legs up dramatically. In stunned shock everyone started to look up to Cosima, and a few passers by stopped walking to look. No one got up to help they all just watched in confusion. Cosima began to toss in the sand, never breaking character and made glugging noses as if her mouth was full of water. “Help, I am drowning!” She shouted, no one moved an inch. A fat man with a bald head and red raw sun burnt chest, managed to push himself up onto his elbows and lower his sun glasses to watch what was happening. A man with even more confusion, bare chested with a ruck sack, began to walk towards her. Delphine was trying to act casual as she stood on the path, but her body was welling up in fits of laughter she tried to contain, like a coughing fit in a quiet room. Her face was red and a permanent grin rested on it, she caught Cosima’s eye and burst out laughing. “Oh wait, it’s fine.” Cosima said as more people began to crown around her. She got up as if nothing had happened, shook the sand off of her clothes and began to stride back to Delphine. Once she reached the path again they started running further along the beach together, laughing hysterically. 

“You’re too good at this, that was amazing.” Delphine said as she caught Cosima’s hand mid run and held it gently. Cosima looked up at her with a grin as they almost reached the end of the beach front. 

“I don’t know, it kinda felt like I was born to do that.” Cosima laughed with wide eyes. Delphine shook her head playfully at the idea of it. 

“Born to drown in sand?” Delphine teased as they slowed and each caught their breathe. The crowd of confused people long behind them. 

“Exactly.” Cosima teased and pushed her tongue behind her front teeth as she grinned, in that cute way that Delphine would die for. Delphine took a seat on a little stone wall that separated the beach from the path and took her final breath to get her heart rate back to normal. Cosima sat beside her they hand’s still holding each other. The flush of rosy red over Delphine’s cheeks made her look so damn good, and Cosima was taken a back a little. Maybe it was the exhilaration from what had happened, or the whole day, it was probably the adrenaline running through her veins, but she was so into Delphine. 

“…Come to Minnesota with me.” Cosima said hopefully, her voice was soft and calm but sewn into her mouth with hope. Their hands gripped tighter, Cosima searched Delphine’s eyes waiting for the cogs in her brain to get to work and give her an answer. She expected Delphine to just say ‘ok’. It felt like Delphine was taking hours to reply even if it had been only a second since she asked. Cosima could hear her own heart beat. 

Delphine’s smile dropped a little at the whispered demand, but she recovered it almost instantaneously. How could she answer that question? Delphine maintained complete eye contact with Cosima, but went inside herself, panicking about what to say. Of course she wanted to come to Minnesota, of course she wanted to continue their relationship, of course she would love to be with Cosima for the rest of their days. But she couldn’t give her an answer. The jobs in that area were sparse, she hadn’t yet had an email back from those that she applied for in the hour before they had left for the beach. If she couldn’t get a job, it wasn’t conceivable that she could make the move. She had to afford to live. So the demand wasn’t as easy as Delphine would like it to be. She would like to say ‘Oui’, and kiss Cosima then celebrate their living together. That’s not how life worked. Instead Delphine’s eyes danced between Cosima’s searching through the pain that was evident at her lack of words. 

“I dare you to go order an ice cream, then immediately drop it and demand another.” Cosima said, her eyes didn’t change. They were pained and obviously hurt, but her mouth sounded happy and content with no reaction from Delphine. Delphine kept their gaze for a second longer, acknowledging the pain in Cosima, then dropped her eyes to think about the new words. With a half hearted smile Delphine nodded and got up, dragging Cosima up with her. 

“You have to come with me.” Delphine demanded playfully with a wink. 

 

***

 

It was almost 5pm, the sun was high in the sky and still burning bright as ever. There were fewer people but the beach was till booming with activity. Back at the car, Delphine had pulled out a fresh blouse from a bag in the back of the car. There was even the blouse Delphine had gotten Cosima for her birthday the month before. When Cosima saw it she smiled, she had left it at Delphine’s house a while back when she stayed over. It was fresh and clean. 

“I figured we could try and look a little presentable for the meal.” Delphine teased. They were both bronzed from the sun, a little sweaty from the heat, and their clothes smelled like sex. There was nothing they could do about their bottoms because Delphine stupidly hadn’t thought that far ahead. So Cosima pulled her tank off in the middle of the car park, and prepared the blouse to come on. Delphine gulped and stared at Cosima’s body once more. No matter how many times she had explored it, and seen it, her body was still as breath taking as the first time. Sudden jealously came over her, and she became extremely conscious of everyone in the parking lot in the near vicinity that could see Cosima’s beautiful, perfect, perky but covered breasts. It made Delphine’s mouth dry. Even if they literally had sex in some rocks earlier in public, Cosima being almost topless in public was too much. As soon as Cosima pulled those silky sleeves over her arms and began to button it up, Delphine felt a little relief from her sudden stress. In her mind she could see the first time Cosima tried it on. How they were not at item at that time, how they weren’t together and it was all natural attraction and curiosity. Delphine reached out her arm and her finger tips felt the fabric of her sleeve, letting it trail between her fingers as her hand fell. Even now it gave the same goose bumps over Cosima’s skin. Delphine reminisced in her mind for a second, before letting the material drop and catching Cosima smirking. Cosima was about to speak but without a second word Delphine moved, and unbuttoned a few of her buttons on her old blouse, before pulling the whole thing over her head. She did it slow enough, so that there was a point where both arms were above her head and her breasts were poised up just enough to tease Cosima. Cosima’s eyes widened and she could feel her core become wet. Jeez she was such a sack of raging hormones. Delphine smirked and pulled it completely off so that she was just in her bikini top and shorts. As she was about to grab her new blouse Cosima put her hand out to stop her. 

“Wait a sec.” Cosima said. Delphine was worried. 

“Is there something wrong?” Delphine became extremely self conscious. 

“No, no, I just wanted to get a better look at you.” Cosima was such a little shit today, Delphine found it adorable. Quickly Delphine changed into her new blouse, she locked up the car and they walked hand in hand to the restaurant. 

***

 

“Holy shit Del.” Cosima wasn’t sure what she expected, but this blew her expectations in the nicest way. To be honest Cosima couldn’t exactly say if this was a fancy place, because the building and the aesthetic weren’t fancy, but it had table side service and all the staff seemed really dressed up for a beach side restaurant. Delphine smiled down at her as they walked in, Delphine was so pleased Cosima liked it, it made her smile a lot. It should hopefully be a nice end to the day before the long drive home. Delphine suddenly remembered she had work the next day, but didn’t let it sour the mood. 

“I’ve booked a table under Cormier.” Delphine said sweetly, when a man came up to them at the waiting booth and introduced himself. He checked through their book and smiled again, telling them he would take them to the table. 

It was a really dark place, with heavy old looking wooden flooring, dark walls, and a low ceiling with lots and lots of trinkets and signs. The place was gently lit with oil laps on the walls and some hanging from the woodwork ceiling. If Cosima stumbled in drunk and didn’t know where she was, she might think this place was old and dingy. But it was clean, fresh, it smelled amazing, and it was pleasantly warm compared to the scorching heat outside. They were taken down a few steps to a lower area where the ceiling was just as low, they walked past maybe two or three other occupied tables before stopping at a table in the corner of the restaurant, an oil lamp between them on the wall. It seemed warm and cosy, which struck her as odd because just a glance at the menu when it was handed to them, showed that it was very expensive to be cosy. Cosima shot Delphine a look when she noticed the price, Delphine very unnoticeably shook her head to dispel the thought, Cosima knew not to mention it again. Delphine liked to pay for things, and Cosima knew well and good that Delphine had money. Her job afforded her such luxuries. The waiter offered them some drinks, acknowledged their order and then went to carry it out. 

“This place is so strangely nice.” Cosima whispered, the restaurant was very quiet, all the couples seemed to be talking in hushed tones. There was some background smooth acoustic music playing but it didn’t allow conversation at the normal volume. 

“My thoughts exactly.” Delphine said, she leaned in closer across the table and took Cosima’s hands in her own in the middle of the wooden two seat table. The table top was varnished but was an old crate of some kind, it had a batch number burned into the top of it, covered by a napkin. “Trip advisor said it was #1. Lots of people when they first get here don’t think it will be that expensive. To me it seems like a hipster café, or something that you Americans say. But it is supposed to be the hot spot for the rich in California.” Delphine indulged falling back in her chair.

“Should we pay the paparazzi to leave us alone?” Cosima teased, this place was almost empty. From where they sat you could see the bottom of the entrance door, the the beach and feet of people some distance away, but weirdly you could not hear the outside at all. 

“Hmm, we will have to, everyone today seems to want a piece of you.” Delphine teased but there was something biting in her words that caught Cosima off guard. 

“What does that mean?” Cosima didn’t say it maliciously, she was curious as to Delphine tone change. 

“Today, everyone was looking at you, but I wanted you all to myself.” Delphine admitted, her cheeks threatening to become red. 

The waiter came over with their drinks, they had both ordered just water to start, and both immediately drank half of theirs straight. Cosima’s gulps were loud and Delphine laughed as she sipped her drink quickly. The waiter was about to leave but decided to hang around just a second more to offer some more water. They both nodded with wet lips and polite smiles. When the waiter left, Cosima turned to see Delphine staring at her with a gleeful smile of adoration. The heat had made them both dehydrated and hot, but it didn’t stop Delphine being so beautiful to Cosima. 

“I’m really lucky to have you.” Cosima whispered with a grin, her words were soft, complimentary but seemed to slip out of her lips as if it was a passing thought in her head. Delphine smiled again, her eyes dropping to her dinner set, she unfolded the napkin and placed it flat out on her lap for later when they ate. She patted it with her hands, smoothing out the creases before looking back up to Cosima. Cosima had her arms folded over each other on the edge of the table, her head slightly tilted and her face in love. Delphine sighed silently, her chest rising and falling. She loved Cosima with all of her heart, she loved her so very much, but it was heart breaking that their future was not as clear cut as she liked. She was used to everything being planned, she had let go with Cosima recently and been her old self, but the future was very real. What were they going to do?

“…I think I am the lucky one, actually.” Delphine whispered back at her, her hands pushed across the table so that she could take Cosima’s up in her own, she smiled with a depth in her eyes that attempted to portray the multitude of love she had for her girlfriend. The waiter came back over with a jug of iced lemon water and placed it at the edge of the table in the middle. He then stood to what seemed like ‘attention’ before asking them if they were ready to order. Delphine panicked, she hated being in a position like this and not knowing. Quickly she picked up the menu, her eyes scanned the chicken section and she ordered the chefs special for the both of them. The waiter asked if they would like some starters as well, Delphine panicked again. “What do you recommend?” She asked, Cosima seemed fine and so did the waiter, but her heart was racing. The waiter said something about a small bite size selection of their specialties. Delphine agreed before handing back the menu and watched the waiter leave with their order he had memorised. 

“Wow, you seem a little stressed, are you ok?” Cosima was worried, her hand tightened on Delphine’s with a gesture of comfort and support. Cosima’s mind was wild trying to figure out what was wrong, was it the order, was it heat stroke, did she somehow regret what they did on the beach? Delphine sighed again and gripped Cosima’s hand back, in the same gesture. 

“Non, non.” Delphine shook her head to dismiss the thought. Cosima pressed, it was obvious that Del was not ok. 

“Seriously Del, if something is up you can tell me.” Cosima’s face of concern was so genuine and sad that it killed Delphine to hold something back from her. 

“I am just worried about the future, I really want to have fun and not think about it, but I can’t ‘not’ think about it. It really is concerning me because I want to be with you, I love you so much, but nothing is set in stone and it is beginning to stress me out. We could have so many more days like this at the beach or anywhere else, but that can’t happen as easily as we’d like if we live on opposite sides of the country.” Delphine opened her heart, even if it was in a hushed tone but loud enough to be over the music. Cosima sighed as well and thought about it for a second. 

“We really need to think about this, huh?” Cosima surmised, they held each other as if they were being pulled apart, both as if it were the last time. Delphine nodded. The waiter came back over but this time with some food (the service was fast and even if Cosima was emotional, she couldn’t help but be impressed). He placed their warm plates in front of them, and individually with a pair of silver tongs, plated up individual starters onto the plate in a row, one item for each of them. Meats, salads, mixtures, mushrooms, it was all a little random but inviting. Cosima looked over the man’s hand with the food and caught Delphine’s eye, they both gave each other a look to agree to leave it alone of the second and enjoy this meal. 

They had relaxed for maybe two minutes once the food was in front of them, before Delphine’s face flushed red and she gripped the edges of the table, making Cosima jump. “Woah what’s up?” Cosima said her brow furrowed in concern. Delphine’s eyes were avoiding looking at some people who had just entered the place. Cosima hadn’t even acknowledged them, she had just looked at the food and Delphine. Gulping at the way these people had caused such distress in Del, Cosima looked over her shoulder before looking straight back at Delphine and bursting out in laughter. “Are they the same people who caught us fucking earlier?” Cosima whispered loudly, she didn’t mean to swear but it was so fucking funny. Delphine was mortified. Cosima looked again and incidentally made eye contact with the couple approaching their side of the restaurant with another waiter, there was instant recognition. Delphine literally looked anywhere but at the couple. Cosima laughed so damn hard, and tried not to be so loud. Sure she was embarrassed but she couldn’t go back and not get caught, it happened, but Delphine was terrified in the most hilarious way. “Holy watershed, I love it.” Cosima laughed.


	32. Chapter 32

One thing was stuck on Delphine’s mind and it was driving her crazy with worry; Minnesota. She chewed on the edge of her pen as she sat at the edge of the lab’s desk in her long white coat, her name badge perilously hanging from its clip which she shoved on in the rush to work. Her hand scribbled some notes for the data she was collecting. Aldous hadn’t been 100% clear about his project he had mentioned to her quite some time ago, but he had given her small isolated numbers of data to run tests on and calculate results for him. What the data was she didn’t know, all she knew was the numbers she was getting from the output of the software. It was intriguing, whatever they were testing or working on, was clearly statistically significant, whatever it was, she was desperate to find something which had this high a probability of being cause and effect. She chewed once more on her pen before placing it down on the metal surface of the desk. Delphine pushed her chair out a little from the desk and took a moment to breath. She had been there a few hours, working on her own data collection as well as her boss’, by this point most people had left. 

What was she going to do? Even if it had only been some days since she applied, she had no email notifications about vacancies near enough to Cosima in Minnesota. They say that 80% of jobs are offline, but that didn’t help where she knew no one in the area and it wasn’t an easy trip to get there cheaply. Even with her money she couldn’t do it under the radar. Cosima and Delphine were with each other for large portions of the day, when she wasn’t eating with her family sometimes or having compulsory ‘family evenings’, Cosima was at Delphine’s cuddled up on the sofa listening to music. If Delphine found nothing, she barely wanted to think about her life in America without Cosima. Plus, her visa is dependent on her having employment, if she doesn’t then she has a chance of being deported back to France. It was all so stressful. 

“How is it coming along?” Aldous asked, he walked into the lab through the double doors with his ever present swanky smile and friendly walk. He came up to Delphine’s desk. She smiled weakly and pushed her hair to the other side of her face to look up at him. Her eyes were tired from staring at computer screens and her brain was wrecked. Aldous saw this in her face. Before she could respond he spoke again, this time putting put hands on the desk and putting his weight on them, looking down at her with polite sympathy. “We’ve just got you back after all that’s happened. I just want to make sure you’re not working too hard straight away, everyone else has left already.” He was just looking out for her, she had to give him that, but it seemed his words would not sooth her. She couldn’t even explain the situation, because explaining it would mean she had to tell him she was looking for other work and that she is leaving, he’ll then look for someone to replace her and what if that someone is better?

“Non, it’s fine.” Delphine said point blankly in a huff, before regretting her bluntness. “It’s good to be back actually, focusing on this work is making me feel more like myself.” If only that were true…She feigned another smile, briefly looked down to the written words in the notebook, which now looked like ants crawling across the page, then back up to him. 

“Good to hear!” Aldous exclaimed pushing himself pack from the desk, and holding out some papers in his hand towards Delphine. She looked at them, then back at him. They were his classified project. “Well as you never came back to see me about this project-” his tone was of annoyance, Delphine felt bad, he had offered her a great position in the car park after work one night, but it was in the beginnings of the Danielle drama and so it completely went over her head. “-I’ve decided to give you another chance at it before I open the position to other external candidates. Honestly Delphine, you are the perfect person for the job, no one else would live up to your credentials.” He beamed down at her hopefully. Delphine’s stomach turned. This truly was the definitive moment of her career, this could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, or the research that propels her into the international eye where researchers from around the world would know ‘Dr Cormier’. She sighed again and swallowed hard. She had to think of a way to work this in her favour, maybe she could do this research wherever there was a lab?

“Where would I be based?” She asked, trying to get as much enthusiastic energy into her sentence as she could; though she felt awful for betraying him, even if she hadn’t got an offer yet. He didn’t falter his excited facial expression. 

“Why here of course! But I guess you can be wherever you want, we just need to be able to communicate a lot and work on a vast amount of confidential data that is for our eyes only.” He was excited and that much was evident, Delphine just wished she felt the same, this wasn’t something she could pass up easily. Maybe there was a possibility that they could arrange something, he had connections, he knew people all over the world, maybe he happened to know someone in Minnesota. But she knew the sort of work he was requiring, was something that would need his close attention, utter most secrecy and a lot of quiet lab meetings with just the two of them, was it really all that possible to take on such a project through skype?

“Aldous this all seems fantastic...” Delphine began, she wanted to say yes but the logical side of her prohibited it. She wanted to be selfish and bid adieu to Cosima, but that could never ever happen. Should she say it, did she really know Aldous enough to tell him about Minnesota? “But I have to admit, there is a chance in the next few weeks that I will be moving to Minnesota because of personal commitments.” Delphine wanted to add ‘so hook me up with a job over there, across the country’ in a way that would melt Del’s heart if Cosima had said it. Delphine looked at Aldous’ face, which again did not jitter, then looked at the papers still extended in his hands. With hope, she took the papers and placed them on her desk scanning a few lines with her eyes from the front page of the file. The words excited her, stem cell research, her attempts at a career were really coming in to themselves, her future was contingent on the next few words Aldous spoke. 

“I don’t see why that would be a problem?” Aldous said, he moved his hand so that the papers spread out a little, then with his finger he dragged a specific page of interest out for his view, he picked it up and showed Delphine. “This is what I want you to work on.” With skipping heart beats, from Aldous’ nonchalant dismissal of Minnesota being a problem, and the words she had already memorised from the sheet in front of her, Delphine almost welled up in tears. Maybe she had misheard him, maybe he was too chevalier about it and didn’t really understand that she would be moving across the country, or maybe he didn’t see it as that big of a deal. “Distance isn’t a thing any more, of course monthly meetings will have to be in person, we can fly you back once a month on the lab’s expense of course. But the rest of the time we can fit you into the nearest lab to where you would live. The rest we can figure out if you come by my office tomorrow?” Aldous was so casual, he didn’t bat an eye lid, this had not thrown him off at all, he was the perfect boss. He let Delphine read the project she would be managing, her eyes wide and watery from excitement. He bent down a little so he was more her height as she sat on the desk chair. “I understand that sometimes getting distance between yourself and traumatic events can be good. I understand Minnesota might offer you that distance, if that’s the case I want you to go there, no questions asked.” He was silent and understanding, Delphine looked at him apologetically for being off work for quiet some days and weeks with all the stress from Danielle. But then her eyes turned grateful, she was genuinely so impressed that he was so understanding and allowing of her just a few months into the job, packing up and leaving. But this project, the words on the page suggested this was something she had wanted her whole life, this was her career goal, this was the work that was going to get her name in the history books. This she could not pass up. “You’re the best lab partner I have ever had.” Aldous said honestly, she stood back up, giving her a friendly touch on the shoulder before he made his way back out of the office. “Can I take this as a yes?” He called over his shoulder. Delphine let her tears well up in her eyes, a mixture of exhaustion from work and overwhelming emotions. 

“Oui!” She seemed to yelp in a high pitched tone as the double doors closed behind him. Delphine’s hands came up to her eyes to wipe away the stray tears as she smiled to herself. Delphine dropped the project proposal to the table top, as her head flopped in her hands, she cried the stress out of her body with a big teethy grin reflected back in the metallic desk. This was the solution she was looking for. 

 

***

Cosima was so hot she was sweating balls. With every window open that she could find in her house, she sat shirt off, legs out, in just her underwear on her bed, a joint in her hand. Taking a toke she regretted because the smoke in her throat just made her feel the heat of the room even more. It seemed to be the hottest day yet, a perfect day for the beach, if Delphine wasn’t out at work all day and evening. Feeling the weed get to her brain Cosima closed her eyes and rolled over on her bed. But this made everything worse, the covers on her bed were hot as hell too so the side of her face was burning. Getting up, she doused the end of her joint in the ash tray filled with a little water for no apparent reason other than she was too lazy to clean it up from when she spilled her drink into it. That and the fact she had spent most of her days at Delphine’s and things like the ash tray skipped her mind. 

Thinking back though, they had a good run. If things really were coming to an end, she couldn’t really regret what they had done all that much. Delphine was wonderful, even if at the beginning it all seemed a little rocky. She missed the initial sexual tension though. She missed running home to masturbate over Delphine, because she was literally the hottest woman she had ever seen. Sex was obviously better with Delphine, but there was something erotic about the effect Del had on Cosima and how it forced Cosima into such a sexual frenzy after they had interacted. The day that she helped her move things around in the office and cut her finger was one of the better memories. They way Delphine instinctively helped her, the sexual tension, the way Delphine held her hand and kissed it. Oh man. Not to mention when Delphine had pinned her against the hall way upstairs, and the way Cosima got scared and ran home. She was just confused, Cosima knew that. If only she had known herself as the raging lesbian she was and this would all have been so different. Maybe they wouldn’t have got together, part of the attraction was the curious magnetism between them, why was Cosima into the blonde next door suddenly? Because she was a lesbian. There was the other darker reason that she would rather never think about again, the way she reminded her of her birth mother she never really met. 

Cosima got up, this heat was too intense. The shower spat on when her extended arm turned the handle, her naked body still hot as fuck even in the shower room. The room had no windows and so it was basically a hot box without the weed, so just a really fricking hot room. The spits of ice cold water on her hot skin were welcomed, normally this cold would send her flying across the room for a towel in hopes that the water would get hotter, but now she needed it as cold as could be. Fuck. She stepped her leg into the bath that was also a shower and felt the jets of ice pour over her. It was cold as fuck, it felt like she was being dropped into a pool of ice water slowly, but this was voluntary, the only person to blame was herself. As she stood her whole body shivered in the water, it was a mixture of fucking incredible in the heat, but also why the fuck was this her own idea. But once her head was under and her dreads were soaked through, her body acclimatised and it was almost relaxing. 

But there was that crippling fear again. Her heart jumped, which made Cosima’s eyes jump open in the water. She moved back from the shower and wiped her eyes dry from the cold onslaught before catching her breath. It was as if she had the beginnings of a heart attack, but it was so quick and her heart rate had recovered by the time she stepped back. What was that? Was her anxiety playing up again? She couldn’t deny the grey cloud that was getting darker and more threatening every day that their relationship got closer to its ends. Deciding the cold was enough, Cosima reached out and turned the jets off. She stepped out, towelled dry and got changed into some shorts and a tank before walking downstairs to see if anyone was about. As usual Janice was out teaching a cooking class at the local rec centre, and Denis was hard at work preparing for the new year in his office. Cosima wanted to go next door and see Delphine, but all that was there was empty space. Even Aldous let Delphine take Doux to the labs now, as long as the dog was kept in the team’s office away from chemicals. Honestly, Cosima didn’t really know what to do now without Delphine. She couldn’t talk to Dennis yet because he would know she was off her head high, so she decided to head to the kitchen and make herself some food.

Pulling out a fresh bakery loaf from the bread bin and a jagged knife from the stand, Cosima crafted some bread into sandwich slices. She pulled out some ham from the fridge and got the salad out too. Chopping the lettuce up into slices, alongside the tomatoes, and cucumber, she placed it all on the ham slice then closed the sandwich. She grabed some potato chips from the pantry then walked her way into the dining room to eat. It was not exactly the chef cuisine she was used to with Janice, and certainly would not make it onto the menu of a fancy French restaurant that Delphine would take her too, but it was nice. She chowed down, eating every single bite with intrigue and fascination. The flavours came alive in her mouth, each sensation its own story. Her mouth chewed slowly, because she couldn’t actually chew faster she was that high, but it was great all the same. It was just a waiting game now. That was her life at the moment. She waited for Dennis to not be so busy. She waited for Janice to come back just so an argument could replace the silence. She waiting for Delphine to return from work so that she could hug her and remember the feeling of their bodies connecting. God she just wanted Delphine and never wanted her to leave again. Fuck. As she chewed her food and shoved some chips into her already full mouth, she thought about Delphine and the feel of her body, the way it sent shivers through her, but also just the simple feeling of the two of them touching. There was nothing more relaxing then cuddling. There was nothing more affirming than seeing each other and the first thing they do is hug and kiss, it was sweet, it was nice, it was love. 

A love that she might not have in a few weeks’ time. Her mouth slowed it pace and she swallowed most of what was in her mouth. She took another huge bite before feeling her mood dampen. It wasn’t a come down, but it might as well be. She felt shit. She knew it wasn’t going to last past September because life does get in the way. Cosima might meet someone, Delphine might move on, distance might be too much of an issue. It could end before it had even begun. Her head rested on her propped up arm as she ate, she swallowed again her eyes focused on the grain of the wood that made up their table. It was flowing like water but solid, which made her mind week just to think about. She blinked and tried to find something else to occupy her mind apart from their impending break up. But nothing quite could.

When she finished her food she walked up to the kitchen, dumped her plate in the sink and then searched the fridge for more food. When she was high she either got really hungry or super tired, right now she was both but only one could come first. She settled on an apple because that was the only thing in there that was ready to eat there and then. Her teeth cracked through the green skin and juice spilled out by her lips, as she began to climb the stairs back up to her room. It was cool and crisp and surprisingly exactly what she needed right now. When she got to her room she threw the apple core into the bin and flopped on her bed. Checking the time, she noted Delphine would be back in a few hours. But before she could set an alarm for that time, Cosima was out like a light. 

 

***

 

Delphine could still not believe this was all happening. Aldous was amazing. If only she had gone to his office when he had originally proposed this project and all their worry would be for nothing. If she had known, she could move to Minnesota all that time ago then she damn would have got some property up there and told Cosima straight away. That way they could have enjoyed their summer properly without all of this drama. Guilt suddenly turned in her stomach, what if the whole Danielle situation could have been avoided if she had gone to that meeting instead of responding to Danielle’s text? Delphine questioned herself for a moment. Had she really put Danielle first in this situation? But then she composed herself, Danielle hired a tracker she would have found Delphine eventually whether or not she had replied to the texts. 

Delphine’s fingers tapped key words into the search bar of her browser. She didn’t have a clue whether this was too late or whether it was within enough time, or maybe she was being stupid. But she clicked on the first link for housing in Minnesota close to the university campus and close to where Cosima was staying. For the most part it was student accommodation, but there were a few left. The rent wasn’t too bad from what she could see but the low price reflected on the quality of the estate. The house she had now wasn’t too expensive but she did get a 4 bed, with large living area, office, kitchen family bathrooms and a relatively large plot of land with front and back gardens. Would she get the same in Minnesota? 

Delphine knew she would not find a place to live as easy as a 10-minute search on the internet. But she wasn’t without hope. She didn’t want to tell Cosima she was coming with her to university unless it was for real, and she had a secure place to work and stay. None of the housing was interesting on the first web link, she went back on to the search home page and clicked the next link down. There was a town house, but it was too big, within her budget, whatever that was, but not her style. In fact, none of it was really her style…but that was the thing. If this was real life, then she couldn’t just consider herself here, she had to consider Cosima. Of course Cosima would be staying in dorms for a bit, but Delphine knew full well that Cosima would spend most waking and sleeping moments at her home. This had to be good enough for the both of them. With that in mind Delphine corrected her search. On the first link she had found something. It seemed promising, it was dated but it had all of the modern appliances she would need. Hell the garden was already done up she didn’t have to kill another rose bush to get it to look nice. Excitement flooded through her, her heart skipped a beat. Was this for real? Delphine saw that the house hadn’t been on the market long and it was well within her budget with a lot of room for negotiation. Her fingers were hesitant, the cursor hovering over the ‘further details’ section of the house. She clicked it and it opened up the usual checks that she would need to make sure were there. It had everything she wanted and was kinda good with energy efficiency…her cursor hovered again over the button for ‘book a viewing’, her finger went to click but she held herself back. Was she being overzealous? What if by some twist Cosima didn’t actually want to live with her after university and she wanted some only time. What if she wanted to go travelling, Delphine would surely go with her. It was all a little much to consider, and she hadn’t even had the meeting with Aldous to smooth out the fine details. But Delphine couldn’t wait any longer, she didn’t want this stress. She clicked the button and it took her to an online form. She entered all her details and clicked send. The automated replay was that she would receive a call within the next two business days to arrange a viewing. Her heart fluttered once more. She had done it. 

Grabbing her things and packing away her new project file into a secure bag, Delphine got ready to leave. Her lab coat hung up on the side, her name/security badge in her hand bag, she was ready to go. As she got to her car she unlocked it and got into the driver’s seat. She instinctively got her phone out to play music through Bluetooth, but decided to text Cosima that she would not be long home. As the car engine started and the music played Delphine half expected an instantaneous reply, but it didn’t come. She wasn’t worried. She was too high on the events of that evening to worry right now. The roads were empty, and her driving was fast. There was nothing that could go wrong. 

 

*** 

 

Cosima yawned and stretched herself out, she was half asleep and didn’t even realise she had taken a nap. There were lights of a car cascading across the walls of her bedroom. It was night suddenly, the heat had subsided and it was replacing by a cool evening breeze through the windows. When Cosima came to it, she realised the lights were from someone pulling up into their drive. Cosima jumped up and looked out of the window, down to the expensive car that had just pulled up in Delphine’s drive. Without an instant of hesitation, Cosima leaped off of her bed, she threw herself across her room, pulled the door open with all of her might and seemed to propel herself down the stairs to the door. As she was about to open the front door to leave, she stopped. Heart racing and her body already reacting to Delphine’s presence, Cosima had to take a moment. If this really was the end of the two of them what was the point in dragging it out, acting cool now and then breaking up tomorrow? Slowly she turned the door handle and put it on latch, closing it behind her and making her way not too fast across the lawn. She wanted to run, she wanted to jump the rose bush barrier and sprint into Delphine’s arms but she couldn’t bring herself to it. She had to break up with Delphine it was the only way to let her prepare for her future at university if she didn’t have to think about this relationship’s end any more. 

As Cosima hopped the rose bush Delphine was coming back out of her house. Her brilliant power suit made Cosima mouth dry. The way her tailored suit clung to her perfect body made her weak. But she had to hold it together, this was happening. She clenched her fists to give her a little more courage. 

“Oh Cosima I have some amazing news!” Delphine couldn’t restrain herself, she walked fast to meet Cosima half way and pulled her into a tight embrace, her mouth kissing the top of Cosima’s head. “The most amazing turn of events has happened. I am so happy.” Delphine had to hold back the tears again. She was an emotional wreck. Cosima wanted to pull out of the embrace and stop Delphine before she said anything more than would make Cosima regret what she was going to do. But the way they fit together was so natural, it was so real and tangible that Cosima couldn’t let go. The idea of breaking up was foreign, even in the shorts months of knowing each other, they had become so intertwined in each other’s life as though they were never apart. It killed Cosima. 

“What is it?” Cosima asked in a sad tone, she was curious as hell to know what the news was even if she was about to throw the cheap blow. Delphine didn’t say anything immediately, she just hugged Cosima tighter. 

“I am coming to Minnesota with you!” Delphine almost screamed in happiness. She pulled out of the embrace and went to kiss Cosima straight on the lips. Cosima let her, but she didn’t react much, her body was in shock. Cosima was ashamed, instant shame hit her like a gust of strong wind. She almost backed out of it, she almost stopped herself, took herself out of this whirlwind of emotion and shouted ‘no!’. But she didn’t. Her body was building up to something she was as yet unaware of. Just as Delphine was about to say something about her hesitation, Cosima snapped out of her haze. This was the best news she had heard; this truly was amazing. Holy fuck. With all her might Cosima kissed back. She didn’t care about the neighbours. She didn’t care that Janice was probably watching the affair disapprovingly through the windows of their house. She didn’t care about anything right now. The shame washed away and was replaced with the sweet lips of her girlfriend, the fresh perfumed scent of her skin and the wonderful golden locks that fit so nicely in between her fingers as Cosima’s hands came up to hold Delphine’s soft face. Suddenly Cosima’s future fit into place, and wasn’t so unclear. The fog was clearing and it was all becoming a reality. “My boss has offered me a research position that I can do in Minnesota. I can be with you. We can be together.” Delphine said in rushed breath between kissed. Cosima was so fucking happy, she couldn’t stop grinning. This was amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is the last. enjoy :)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me. This is the last chapter of this fic. I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Cosima was walking on air. Her stride was confident, her body practically buzzing with happiness as she bobbed her way towards the drugs store in her town to hand in her resignation. She hadn’t even worked much over the period of the last weeks, not that Mark minded all that much. Mark had a new girl start that was replacing Cosima when she finally went in September. Her hands opened up the door to the store, and as it made its chime, Mark looked down from the stock ladder in the second aisle over and smiled. 

“Hey Cosima!” He grinned. Thankfully all the drama with Delphine was behind them, his mind now occupied with Cindy, the new girl. Cosima briefly looked over to the taller brunette and nodded her head in recognition, Cindy immediately beamed back and gave a smile. It was so obvious that Cindy was a lesbian. Did Cosima have the heart to tell mark though? Nah. 

“Hi Mark, just handing in my notice officially you know?” Cosima made her way to the office at the back, Mark clambered down the ladder quickly, his face now more concentrating as he realised he would have to do something official. When she got there she almost instinctively reached her hand up to grab her uniform, but it wasn’t there, she smiled to herself then turned to face him. “Yeah it’s all official now.” Mark took the envelope that was handed to him and passed it between his hands a few times. 

“Don’t you have to give notice or something?” He joked, he had taken care of this a while back with Cindy. Cosima felt like answering his question though, because honestly she wasn’t sure if he was serious or not. 

“Of course not, man. It’s all there in black ink on my best paper…from Dennis’ office.” Cosima joked, she looked around the office one more time, it was really small and only used for personal belongings and stock really, but it was still the place of her part time job. 

“Perfect…” Mark said, but as is now his latest custom, he trailed off at the end as if he had so much to say but knew it would be forgotten if he followed through. 

“What’s up man?” Cosima asked, she didn’t move forward in that comforting way that she probably would with one of her friends. But she gave him an encouraging look, if that helped at all. 

“I’m going to miss you is all.” Mark crossed his arms over his chest and nudged his glasses up his nose. Cosima did the same but then felt award for copying him. “Guess I’ll just have to keep Delphine company whilst you’re gone.” Marked winked. Cosima laughed and playfully punched him in the arm, but it had a little anger behind it. Mark laughed too but his hand went up to his arm to rub the new wound, they both laughed together in the awkward atmosphere. 

“Yeah maybe I’d take you up on that offer if she weren’t coming with me.” Cosima laughed at him with a hint of showing off. There was no reason to have to show off to him, they were friends after all, but any mention of someone else wanting Delphine was a no fly zone when Cosima was around. At her words Mark’s eyes widened. 

“What! She’s moving with you?” Mark was astounded in the best way, his face gleeful with happiness for Cosima. She grinned back at him and stuck her tongue to the back of her front teeth in that cute way Del liked. 

“Hell yeah! She’s got work there and we’re viewing a house-”

“A house?!” Mark was even more beside himself, his arms came down by his sides but then cross again lower on his torso, his head tilted in concentration on her next words. “You guys are moving a bit fast aren’t you?” He teased, Cosima laughed. Maybe they were moving a little fast. Cosima shipped out to university in the middle of next week, she hadn’t even told her parents that Delphine was coming with her…and that Cosima had secretly cancelled the coach they had arranged to drive her across the country. Instead Delphine and her were going to take a road trip, all her stuff packed into the back of Delphine’s car, the moving van coming up the next day with all of Del’s things to the house. It was going to be amazing…the small thing was her parents. 

“Maybe?” Cosima cringed a little at the idea which made Mark laugh again. “But who cares right? I am so crazy for her, I wouldn’t care if she told me not to go to uni and follow her travelling around the world. I would totally do that, Mark.” Cosima was half serious, honestly if Delphine had offered that Cosima would have to take time to consider it. She wanted to do evo devo so bad, but she also wanted to do Delphine…

“Well damn, I hope someday some girl is as crazy about me as you are over Delphine.” Mark uncrossed his arms again, his face wasn’t longing but it was happy, if a little ‘I actually hope this’. At that moment Cindy walked up to the office. The shop floor was empty; it was that time in the afternoon that people were either at work or just avoiding the store all together. He leant up against the door frame of the entrance and smiled at the two of them. 

“Hey Cosima.” She smiled then smiled at Mark too. He blushed slightly, which was a lot considering his fair skin and blonde hair. He looked to Cosima with a shrug of ‘oh man look how hot this girl if I get to work with’. Cosima greeted Cindy back and then turned to mark again. 

“Yeah so just wanted to say bye, and stuff. But yeah, have a great time without me.” She winked and again playfully and gently punched his arm. She began to make her way to the door but Cindy didn’t move straight away. In fact, Cindy put out her arm to stop Cosima’s advance. 

“I just wanted to give you this, in case you ever get bored at university.” Cindy held out a flat piece of white piece of paper with a phone number scribbled onto it. Cosima went to take it out of social custom, but then realised what it was. Her eyes widened and she grinned. 

“Oh thanks, maybe Mark would like that though.” Mark who had obviously seen this exchange was bright red in the face, his arms crossed over again and his heart raced fast. Cosima felt great being hit on, but even better than Mark finally knew this chick was into women and not into him. 

“Oh ok, here mark.” Cindy handed him the paper which he took feverishly but with a smile. She winked at him and then turned to leave at about the same time as Cosima. Mark hung back in the offer probably freaking out. “I just wanted to say thanks for that.” Cindy said just as Cosima was about to leave the store. A little confused Cosima stayed a second longer to find out what the girl meant. “I really like Mark but wasn’t sure how to, you know, ask him out.” Cosima almost laughed out loud but restrained herself when she realised this girl was serious. 

“No problem.” Cosima responded with a confused smile. Was this girl really, really, into Mark? Cosima went to go out of the door again but Cindy hung around some more. 

“I also think you and your girlfriend are really cute.” Cindy said with a childish sweetness to it. “I mean it, I see you around and I think its adorable. You’re crazy for each other.” Cindy finalised before giving Cosima a goodbye tap on the shoulder and then walking off to tend to the store. Cosima got out of the store and began the talk home. Hmm, Cosima thought, she was thankful that everyone saw the two of them as adorable and not the emotional wrecks they both were for each other. They were so crazy that the slightest thing could send them into a downward spiral. When you get great love you also get other emotions that you didn’t bargain for. But even now, at the end of summer, Cosima was ready for that ride. She knew she was lucky as hell to find Delphine. She knew also that Del was a once in a lifetime kind of woman. Where else would she find a brilliant, intelligent, smart, hot as fuck French woman that just happened to move in next door. When miracles like that literally land on your doorstep, you can’t walk away from them. Cosima did feel guiltily still about attempting to break up with Del. Even if a few weeks back they had gone to the beach and had a wonderful, so damn sexual, time at the beach. Even if just a few days later day Delphine had come back from work and told her their futures were sorted. Even if in the ensuing days they had the most sex they had in their whole relationship. With all that considered, Cosima still felt bad. She promised herself she wouldn’t tell Delphine though, because there was some drama they needed to leave in the past. Hopefully, she really hoped to God, that Danielle was gone for good and would never return from the depths of hell she crawled out of. But all their drama only made them stronger. Janice was slowly, maybe too slowly coming around to the idea that her step daughter would be with an older woman. 

Just as Cosima was a few doors back from her house on the street, her phone buzzed in her pocket. 

“Je t’aime.” Delphine had written although Cosima read it Delphine’s soft French accent she had just between kisses. The words made Cosima feel warm and feel right. She replied in her native language and pressed send. It was so damn cute the way that whilst Delphine was at work she was always thinking about her. Cosima was sure thinking about Delphine most of the time too, not that she would text her all the time though. She didn’t want to be, that, girlfriend. Delphine played that roll too well already. Cosima jumped the bushes at the bottom of her lawn and made her way up the fresh cut grass to her door. Before she could open it Janice’s face peered around the edge of the open doors frame. Cosima’s eyes rolled back into her head but her mouth smiled politely. 

“Are you staying for dinner tonight?” Janice asked with an irritated tone which Cosima picked up, she began to get hot from frustration, but brushed aside the tone as she walked past Janice into the hall way. Cosima nodded yes in reply but didn’t say a word. Janice sighed and rolled her eyes too, shutting the door behind Cosima. “Dennis is in his office; I think he wants to see you.” Janice mentioned in a whisper, Cosima obviously heard it but she knew Janice was hoping that Cosima might not have and thus missed talking to Dennis. Cosima again said nothing, she took her jacket off and hung it on the bannister to take up to her room for later. Making her way over to the office Cosima looked around the room. It was strange that this was her last week here. Sure she would visit but when she was out of dorms she would be straight into Delphine’s house. If Cosima hadn’t paid for it all already she would move in Delphine right this second. That is if they had a place to move into, which they didn’t at that second. The day after Delphine had decided all of this moving idea, she had put her house up on the market. The for sale sign on the front lawn a reminder of their future together. She had a few viewings in the current week already, all had been promising. Thankfully Cosima lived in a sought after part of town, so it was never going to be hard to sell. Even if Del didn’t sell, she could probably afford to keep both. Another reason Cosima was so damn lucky. 

Cosima knocked on the door to the office, within a second Dennis had called for her to come in. Cosima opened up the door shyly. This could be the last time she might open the door! It struck her for the second it took to get into the office and then the moment passed. 

“Hello my darling.” Dennis called out, he came out from behind his desk for perhaps the first time in a while and motioned for a hug. Cosima welcomed it with literal open arms. They embraced, Cosima face a grin as she felt his sweater vested warmth radiate over to her. It may have been 90 degrees outside, but his hugs were something of a childish comfort she really would miss at university. “Did you resign?” Dennis asked in a friendly way as they both pulled away from the hug, Dennis pulled his chair out from under his desk and sat down. Cosima pulled up her usual chair on the other side of the desk and slouched in it. Damn she would probably miss this stupid chair as well. The office was a warm colour of orange from the afternoon sun which shone through the slatted blind of the window. Dennis was back to his usual self, fully recovered from his heart attack and raring to take on the new academic year. He was concerned for his daughter going away to university, but also the hundreds of others that would be joining his department in the next month. But the stress wasn’t evident on his face like it had been before. 

“Yeah Mark was fine about it; he was his typical self.” Cosima recounted from her earlier meeting. She crossed her legs over and put one arm behind the back of the chair and relaxed. Dennis sat back in his chair, his hands held each other across his belly and he watched her with a smile. 

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; you’re all grown up.” Dennis was mighty proud of Cosima. He was proud of her before she graduated high school and now he was even more proud that she was going off to university, and she had survived all their tribulations that had been thrown at them this summer. Cosima knew that was what he meant. He always seemed to know what was going through her head and how she was feeling, he knew the stank between Cosima and Janice, and he knew the love between Cosima and Delphine. He knew Cosima, and he loved her very much. “I don’t like to talk about this…. but your mother would be proud also.” Cosima smiled softly, he had said this before at her graduation that time it had filled her with love, and this time it filled her with regret. Next week she would be going away from this place, it wouldn’t be easy to get back here and it wouldn’t come often either. There was a pang of guilt in Cosima that ran down her chest, her heart jumped. A tear threatened to well up in her eye. Cosima still had not visited her mother’s grave. Would be get a chance before it was too late and the memories wouldn’t mean as much. 

“Dad…” Cosima whispered, her mind was deep in thought and her eyes were focused on nothing at all on the floor in front of her. “I think maybe it’s time, to, you know, visit my mums grave.” Cosima gulped at the last word. It was something she had put off for years and up until that exact second she had not considered it. But now, now, she was sure that it was the right thing to do. She had to do it before she went. It was also something she had to do without Delphine. She loved Delphine but this was between Dennis, herself and her mother. Her real mother. Dennis sighed deeply, this time it was not judgmental or silently frustrated, instead it was full of relief. Relief that after he had begged her to go, after he had endured years of birthdays recounting her last moments, that she finally wanted to go. “I want to go with you.” She said definitely. She had to. It was the right thing to do after all this time. Cosima still felt bad about the time he had last asked her to go, before her 18th birthday over a month before. He had asked and she had said he should take Janice instead. How disrespectful. Cosima had a lot she regretted, Scott for one, but the way she treated Dennis was so spiteful and resentful about her mother. Maybe Delphine was not only great in respects to creating a life with Cosima, maybe she had also opened Cosima’s eyes to other ways of seeing things. She had changed her perspective; no longer did she feel like a kid who had murdered her mother. Cosima felt like a woman whose mother had died in child birth and she was finally facing that it wasn’t her fault. Cosima felt a pool of cold water at her feet, it didn’t grow up her legs like she expected, it stayed, just a reminder that lapped at the top of her toes. 

“Oh Cosima…” Dennis beamed a sad smile, full of reserved happiness. He couldn’t really be happy that she wanted to go to his late wives grave, but it was something he had wanted for years and it was finally happening. “Do you want to go tomorrow, I can work after dinner tonight and take the morning off, ok?” Dennis offered. Cosima got herself together enough to nod and smile up at him. Her eyes were a little red from holding back years of tears that were striving to come out. She eventually mouthed yes but in a whine, holding herself together. 

 

***

Delphine didn’t anticipate how much she loved packing, until she was packing to move in with Cosima. The move from France was tiresome and filled her with hatred for international shipping. But now, she was stood in her living room, packing up boxed of ornaments and nicnacks that she had around the place. There were some new additions, she loved photographs. Maybe it was old fashioned now in the modern digital age, but she loved holding a photograph between her fingers and feeling the memory encapsulated in the paper. She held some polaroid photos she had of Cosima and herself. They were just sat in the bedroom being silly but it was adorable. There Cosima was pretending to be asleep, then in the next image she was coming at the camera with wild eyes, the next depicted the two of them laying back against the wall naked except for the covers pulled up over their chests their head together their mouths smiling deeply. The next and last photo was almost out of shot, the camera evidently falling as the picture was taken. It was the two of them kissing, but in this one they were caught in a glimpse of passion, of serenity, an eternal connection captured in a picture. Delphine slipped this image to the top of the pile and placed it into a small box. When she did so she realised maybe this wasn’t the best idea, having another box of memories this time with Cosima instead of Delphine. Her hand hesitated as she placed the images down. She wasn’t going to let Danielle sour another part of her life. She closed the lid on the shoe box with the images, put it inside the moving box and then turned away. She had packed up quite a lot of her living area and office. The desk was cleared, her book shelf was neatly packed away in alphabetical order, there were notices around the house in the form of white paper which would tell the movers what would go where in the new house based on the location of the boxes. She didn’t know this custom but she entrusted a spare key to this house with the movers so that they could come pack everything up after she left, so that she could go to Minnesota before they had come. Making her way into the kitchen she grabbed her things off the kitchen island and headed to work. She wanted to see Cosima today, but today was a work day. She knew that if they met it would end in quick sexual encounters all across her house until she eventually reached the door out and such encounters would be stopped in public. Just the thought of Cosima’s youthful sexual energy made Delphine a little hot. She pulled at her blouse collar before opening up her front door and leaving for work. 

It was odd having the last few days of work here, even if it wasn’t the end. She knew full well that her employment was continuing and actually getting better, more pay and a better project…but it was still the end. She had worked there for only a few months but the lab team were nice to her and she could get on with her research with no hassles. She wasn’t sure what she had waiting for her when she got to Minnesota, even if it wasn’t as stylish as this lab building, it didn’t matter. She could still come home to Cosima at the end of the day. Feeling a great warmth of happiness come over her at the thought, Delphine got out her phone and decided to text the woman she loved; Cosima. It was a simple declaration of love but it meant a lot, plus it would be a nice little message to brighten her day. Delphine hoped that Cosima had enjoyed her summer, they had done a lot together. Mostly the incredible sex they had, they had pushed the limits at the beach and ever since things had just been getting better for them. Delphine bit her lip at the thought and adjusted her seat on the lab stool. She wanted so badly for Cosima to be under her desk on her knees, her head firmly between Delphine’s strong thighs, working magic with that powerful tongue. Delphine closed her eyes at the thought, a sharp intake of breath caught her off guard. She shook her head to dispel the idea and carried on focussing on her work. She had less than a week to sort everything out and then this chapter of her life was finished for a while. Come next week she would be driving across the country to take Cosima to her new life, away from her step-mum and away from Den- oh non. Delphine hadn’t anticipated everything correctly…had she? Cosima was young and ready to start university, yes, but she had so many unfinished things she had to do before she left. One, could she leave Dennis that easily? They had been leading up to it all summer but did that mean she was emotionally ready to take the plunge? Would she be ok when she realised she was leaving him behind. Delphine had no idea about Cosima real mother, the one that died, but maybe she would like to make her peace? Delphine was suddenly very worried. 

But all was ok. Cosima had replied, causing Delphine’s phone to chime in the special ringtone she had assigned Cosima. She had conditioned herself to become either aroused or happy depending on where she was when she heard that tone. Right now it sent happiness through her. 

“I love you.” It simply read. Delphine beamed. 

 

****

 

Cosima wasn’t sure if she’d ever be emotionally ready for what was about to happen. It was a beautiful sunny day, no clouds in the sky, the heat was too high, he birds were seemingly enjoying themselves…but she was in a graveyard with Dennis. 

“Third one to the left.” Dennis stated, his voice was soft but full of sorrow. Cosima gulped her hand pressed against the metal door handle of the passenger door. Dennis had pulled the car up real close to the gravestone. It was a modest patch of land, not tied to a church or anything, but still full of souls forever buried, forever immortalised by their fading tomb stones. Cosima’s eyes flashed up to see exactly which tomb stone was her mother’s, but then she looked straight down to her feet again. Whenever she looked at the grave it sent a shrill pain through her body. It was almost like a call. The sort of call you heard on a boat when you’re too close to land in your ship. It was the lighthouse showing her the way by threatening her vessel. It was the epitome of everything she had been afraid of for so many years. It was here facing her as she contemplated its very existence. 

Dennis gave her a gentle nudge. 

Cosima didn’t look up at first, she acknowledged the push, smiled a little, but kept her head down. It wasn’t Dennis’ fault all of this happened. And it certainly shouldn’t have been Cosima punishing him. If anything it should have been the other way around, Dennis should have been depressed and resentful that Cosima lived when her mother died. But he wasn’t. He knew the reality of life, and knew that it was not to fester hate for something that could not be undone. He knew that there was more to life, there was only the present and what came after. Dennis had lived a life, whereas Cosima was just beginning hers. One day she hoped she could be half the parent he was. 

Maybe it was the breeze that came through the window that jolted Cosima awake from her deepening thoughts, but something was telling her to get out of the car and walk to face her fears. Dennis gripped his hands on the steering wheel of the stationary car. He was not frustrated or angry that Cosima would not get out of the car straight away. He understood. But he could only understand so much when the solution to her problems was right there, the third tombstone on the left. Cosima felt cold. At this point in her life she knew only she could feel the water. Dennis was unaware but Cosima’s legs were now submerged in icy cold water that was slowly filling up the car threatening to consume them both. Cosima knew it was all in her head. She knew this water she could see, could feel, could smell was just her mind playing tricks on her. She knew the salty smell that clung to the air was not really there. She knew the red of her legs was not really due to the cold water, and she knew that the little nibbling on her feet were not fishes pointing the way. The water was about up to her mid chest now. Her heart began to race, she felt compacted, stiff and unable to move. She felt sharp pains in her ribs and across her collar bones, it was all in her head of course. But it didn’t make it less real. Cosima closed her eyes. First she imagined getting out of the car, walking over to the tombstone, seeing it and then walking back. It wasn’t so bad. Nothing much could happen that would be a catastrophe in the time it took her to walk over and walk back. 

The water crept up to her jaw, its ice cold lips kissing at her cheeks teasing her with the sensation of drowning. That cool kiss of death, that warm embrace of breathlessness. 

This was not going to continue. 

Cosima attempted to open the car door, but failed, her arms not wanting to contract so that her hand could clasp onto the metal and release the lock. Her fingers immobilised by the searing pain of the water. She tried again, her fingers making but a budge on the doors handle, a creaking arthritic finger snapped from its place, but still no success. Cosima became frustrated, her breathing increased, her heart was racing too fast to be natural, and she felt like fainting as the water reached her nostrils. She took a deep breath and held it in, just as the water crept up over her eyes and she was fully submerged. 

For a second all was still. 

She was floating. Dennis was sat motionless in his chair, his hands still gripping the steering wheel. Except, he was underwater too. His face pale and puffy, shaded blue from the water. His hair dancing in it like coral in the reefs, his skin was beginning to wrinkle from exposure. Cosima slowly looked over at herself, she could move now, she moved her hand from the door and looked at her own hand. It was pale and cast over with blue too, wrinkling at the same rate. She was compelled to pull down the mirror as she floated in the car, strapped down by her connected seat belt. When she pulled the mirror she did not see herself. She saw Zara. 

Zara, her mother, smiled back at Cosima through the mirror. Cosima tried to speak but as soon as she did her mouth flooded with the swill of the water, its tangy salty taste soiled her mouth, she wanted to throw up. In panic she tried to expel the water from her mouth, but it just caused more water to come in. Soon it was in her throat, making its way to her lungs. Cosima tried to scream, tried to unlock her seatbelt so that she could escape, get out of the car and into the air where she could breath. But she couldn’t her seatbelt was jammed and her lungs were running out of air. In her last moments Cosima looked up to the mirror once more, and saw the pale face of her mother smiling. Cosima wanted to breath just to see that face one more time. Her mother seemed to lean forward towards the mirror, her pale finger tapped on the other side of it. With her last energy Cosima reached her finger up to the glass too, they connected. It felt real for a second, for a second she was not touching glass but touching a real human finger, a slimy cold human finger. Cosima was so shocked she retreated immediately staring with disbelief at Zara beyond the glass. The same dark brown hair, the same bangs, the same odd distant resemblance of Delphine. 

Cosima’s body convulsed in the water, her lungs were now empty. Her eyes widened in shock and her body lurched forward. She could feel the life slipping out of her. In her last heart beating moments Cosima could hear a baby crying, she could hear her own self making a sound for the first time. The water turned bright as if a great light was shining down on her through the car roof. She looked to Zara with her last waking moment, Zara pointed to the grave and with a smile, then everything was black. 

Cosima jumped up in shock, her breathing hard and erratic, her throat raw from the water. She was back in the dry car she knew well.

“Cosima are you ok?” Dennis was alert, he reached over and placed his hands on Cosima’s shoulders. She was pale and sweat dripped down her face. My god, he thought. He had done the wrong thing; she clearly wasn’t ready for this. “Cosima!” He called again, he reached down to unbuckle his seat belt and run around to her side. But just as he did, Cosima reached out and grabbed his arm. 

“It’s fine.” She said coolly. “I know what I have to do.” Cosima unbuckled her seat, opened the car door and let all of the water she was holding back, escape in a great tidal wave from the car. She emerged the water crashing at her feet, as she traipsed through the sodden soggy ground towards the grave. Even if it was the third on the left, each step felt like she had run a mile, but it was ok. With each step it was getting easier. Cosima swallowed hard at the last hesitant step, turned, and looked down at that which had haunted her for 18 years. 

It was just a grave. 

Cosima didn’t know what she expected. She didn’t know whether she would start crying, or whether she would collapse and let all of her frustrations out. But she felt, oddly, nothing. With a furrowed brow Cosima knelt down and thought maybe she was too far away. But even as her fingers traced the engraved letters of her mother’s name, she felt nothing. Except regret. Why she hadn’t done this earlier she didn’t know. It would have been easy. She could have come and been at ease with herself. But at least here she was. 18 years (and a few months) after it happened, finally making her peace. Her finger felt each and every letter engraved in the stone, felt its crumbly rough surface, moving aside dried out moss and greenery. Her mother’s name stood out like it was newly painted even in its faded state. Cosima’s eyes followed her finger, memorising her mother’s name, memorising that her birthday was that of her mother’s death. Suddenly all her years of turmoil felt like they were for nothing. 

“I’m sorry.” Cosima whispered. Her bottom lip was trembling and she wasn’t sure why. But that was all she could think to say, and it kinda worked. When she said those words her hands fell to her sides, she nodded, then stood up and walked back to the car. Dennis was just getting out of the car though, which made Cosima stop. He bowed his head as he walked around the car towards her, then extended his arm. As he got closer he lovingly pulled Cosima into his side and they both walked over to the grave once more, probably the last time either of them would. “I’ve made my peace.” Cosima stated as they reached the tomb stone. Dennis didn’t say anything yet, his eyes stared down at the grave, sorrowed by years of longing and regret also. He regretted a lot. At no time did he regret keeping Cosima and the life that he gave her. 

“I’ve always loved your mother.” Dennis finally said after they had stood them for a few minutes. Cosima felt a little chilly even in the summer heat. The grave yard was light, summery, but it felt distant and eerie still. It was where the dead came to rest. “And I know that even before you were born she loved you very much.” Dennis pulled Cosima in tighter. She moved so that her arms were wrapped one around the back and one around his side, his big fatherly arm protecting her across the back of her neck and down her shoulder. “We would often read to you, when you were in her womb. You seemed to love it. Kicking out your little feet as you would swim to our voices.” Cosima pressed the side of her face against his chest, listening to his heart beat and how it had weakened since his attack. “She always told me that you were destined for great things…” Dennis hugged her tighter again and then let go a little. “She would be proud of what you are doing next week…and she would be proud of your relationship with Delphine.” Dennis’ voice changed on that last part, Cosima took in what he had said and then looked up to him. She was pleased, even if it wasn’t her mother saying it, but she was pleased she had her approval. Suddenly her worries washed over her body like that last wave of the tide. They flushed away across her back and down the back of her legs, until the last drop hit the grass behind her feet. Then again, would her mom really be proud of ‘all’ she did with Delphine. Cosima laughed a little. 

“Thanks dad, that really means a lot.” Cosima was honest and grateful. Dennis leant down and kissed the top of her head. 

“It’s true, kiddo.” 

They stood for a few minutes longer, Cosima put out her hand to touch the top of the tomb, then they both walked to the car and travelled home. 

 

***

 

“Dinner?” Delphine was a little unnerved. “Are you sure Janice will be ok with that?” Delphine pulled away from their cuddled position on her sofa in the living room. Cosima was a little annoyed at the sudden cold patch on her side, but expected it when she had dropped the dinner bomb. 

“Yeah, I want to formerly tell them my plans you know. I don’t want to just go off with you and not tell them about it.” Cosima smiled a little but she knew it was no laughing matter. She was going behind her parents back quite a lot. Delphine took in what Cosima was saying, but her heart was speeding up in pace. It would be right, surely, to have dinner with her parents and tell them about their arrangements. But there was something about that Janice woman that unnerved her. Delphine would do it though. She also felt a little bad that she had gone behind Cosima’s back and put the deposit down on the house even though they hadn’t viewed it. The perks of 360 smartphone technology in virtual tours these days. Delphine smiled sweetly and pulled herself back into the cuddle. Cosima warmly obliged and shuffled around for a second so that she could get comfy in their new position. Delphine’s arms around Cosima’s front, holding onto her side. Cosima’s arm up on the back of the sofa, playing with Del’s golden hair. 

“That sounds perfect.” Delphine was conscious of keeping Cosima happy in the days leading up to their departure. When she learned that Cosima had visited her mother’s grave that morning Delphine felt terrible. It was never nice to visit such places, especially when the person you were paying respect to was so close or important in your life. She knew Cosima didn’t want to talk about it, and so respected it. But Delphine couldn’t help but wish she knew so she could take the morning off of work and come with her. Dennis was the obvious choice though, it was between Dennis, Cosima and their lost love. “In fact, oui, I would love to come for dinner.” Delphine smiled and leaned over to kiss Cosima’s cheek. Cosima closed her eyes slowly at the touch, it still electrified her skin in the nicest way. 

“Well I’ve got to go tell them actually, because they don’t know but I’m sure it will be fine!” Cosima was enthusiastic if a little hopeful that Janice would actually allow this. “I’ll be back in a few?” Cosima stated in a question, Delphine nodded but sighed as Cosima got up. “By the way wear that blouse again because it’s so damn hot.” Cosima pulled at the collar of Delphine’s work blouse and the top button unhooked. She winked before sending a kiss in the air and heading back to her home. Delphine watched Cosima go, watched that perfect ass move, and then sighed once more. Her living room was empty apart from boxes and heavy furniture. Her paintings that she made were packed away in brown packaging paper and heavy tape labelled ‘fragile’. She hoped, secretly, that this would be the last time she moved for a long while. It was such stressful business. 

 

***

 

Cosima’s hand was poised on the door handle of Delphine’s front door. It was now 7 o’clock in the evening, just about the time Janice wanted them over for dinner. Cosima was nervous, she felt a little hot and jittery from nerves. She hadn’t gone behind her dads back like this before. How would he take it? Delphine saw the distress in her sweet girlfriends face, and tried to brush it aside. Del moved forward and placed her hand on top of Cosima’s for the door. With an encouraging smile, Delphine twisted their hands so the door opened, they moved their bodies as one so that they could get out of the door. 

“Whatever Janice says just take with a pinch of salt.” Cosima warned as they approached Cosima’s house. This time they chose to go down to the side walk and then up the lawn to the front door rather than hopping the bushes like they normally did. They both dressed up. Delphine in a dinner party dress, not too formal, not too relaxed either. It was black but its collar was white and large like the fashion was a few years back. Delphine hated to throw away clothes. 

“Oh don’t worry, mon cherie. I’ve dealt with her before, she does not fool me anymore.” Delphine whispered this in Cosima’s ear as they stopped outside the door, the hot breath on Cosima’s ear made her slightly wet. Not what she wanted just before she entered her home to break the news. Janice was at the door instantly. With the sound of the handle, both Cosima and Delphine shot their attention towards the door, their best smiles on their faces. Janice’s face was welcoming, but fake at first. Her eyes darted up and down Delphine judgingly, before glossing over Cosima. “Hello Janice, thank you for having me for dinner.” Delphine was polite and civilised, not friendly as such but there was nothing in her tone that could be talked about later on when the party was over and Janice was alone with Dennis. Janice smiled and opened the door wider, not too wide though, she didn’t want Delphine to come into her house too fast. Delphine bowed her head and motioned for Cosima to go first. Janice watched the gesture and looked straight to the floor. Janice was coming around to this idea, but she still remembered warning Delphine in the first place, and evidently, she did not listen. 

“Hello Cosima…Delphine.” Janice eventually said when the moment had passed. They were in the hall way now, Janice closed over the front door and offered to get them some drinks. They both just asked for water, they needed to be clear headed about it. It was a little strange though, Cosima had only gone next door to get changed but it didn’t feel like her home anymore. Janice didn’t feel like her step mum but an awkward dinner host. She didn’t feel all that comfortable, maybe it was all the stress in her head that made her feel that way. “If you’d like to come into the dining room we can start with dinner.” Janice stated, her voice was friendly but her eyes were not. Delphine and Cosima who were stood awkwardly in the living room began to walk into the dining room. There was no sign of Dennis yet.

In the dining room Janice pulled out their seats. Cosima and Delphine were sat opposite each other, Cosima next to Janice, Delphine opposite Cosima and the head of table reserved for Dennis. With polite silent smiles Cosima took her seat and so did Delphine. Janice nodded to them and smiled once more before walking into the kitchen to prepare. With a cheeky grin spread across her face Cosima looked over to Delphine, Delphine returned the look with one of awkward terror. The atmosphere in the house was not friendly, it was thick with tense silence. In a moment of impulsivity Cosima got up and walked over to the sound system in the living room, sliding in a CD of background music and turning it down low. It didn’t aid the tension in anyway, but it gave them a little cover to hide even the smallest of movements which echoed in their tall ceilings. Delphine smiled with relief at the change in atmosphere. When Cosima took her seat Dennis dropped the last step of the stair case and made his way into the dining room. With a sigh Cosima stood up, followed by Delphine and greeted him to the room. 

“Oh no need to stand ladies, I am sorry I took so long. I fell asleep upstairs.” Dennis apologised, he gave them both warm looks. First he went to Delphine and pulled her in for a quick hug, she decided to throw some French charm and air kissed either side of his face. “Oh I forgot how you Europeans greeted. I must remember for next time.” Delphine laughed at his polite joke as he walked around the table to hug his Cosima. She welcomed the hug with big arms, they embraced, Cosima pressed her head against his chest and felt the warmth of his latest sweater vest. Even in 80degree heat he wore them, it just added to his charm. “My darling Cosima.” He whispered as they pulled away. “It seems as though this could be our last family get together.” He looked at Delphine when he said family. She smiled up at him, grateful for the small touch of support then at Cosima with excited wide eyes as he turned away. He sat down at the head of the table, Cosima and Delphine took their seats again. “So how is work Delphine, keeping you busy?” Dennis asked innocently, he picked up his cutlery that was placed already on the table, but then put it down again. They were all hungry. 

“Hmm, oui, it’s actually very exciting at the moment. Lots of big projects coming my way.” Delphine said with a smile, she looked over to Cosima for help with what to say. 

“Yeah she’s been working so much I haven’t even seen her.” Cosima added on the end playfully. Dennis laughed a long with her. 

“Well where have you been then, you’re never in the house.” Janice stalked her way into the room and places soup bowls down in front of each of them with a clang. Cosima swallowed hard her urge to come back at Janice with some insult. But she bit her tongue and said nothing. Delphine shifted her weight a little on the chair and smiled when the bowl was placed in front of her. 

“I’m around, just in my room. I have other friends you know.” Cosima lied, she did have friends, friends she liked a lot. They all got into university as well, dotted all across the country. They didn’t have time to hang out in the mad rush of things, getting text books and materials and sorting their futures out. Or at least that’s the excuse Cosima gave herself for never texting an of them. 

“I hope you’ve been preparing enough for university, you leave next week, don’t you?” Janice disappeared in the kitchen and repapered with soup, which she ladled into each of their bowls. It smelled delicious, a light potato and leek soup which was salted and made Cosima’s mouth water at the sensations it was creating in her mouth. Janice was a good cook, Cosima could never ever deny that. Janice’s words were aimed at Delphine, in a way that she aimed to remind Delphine that Cosima was moving and no longer was Delphine going to see her. “I’ve also noticed your ‘for sale’ sign on your lawn....” Janice took a pause to sit down at her seat. Everything was polite, all of her words were friendly and appropriate for a dinner party, except they were from Janice and nothing was every as it was. “Are you planning on moving back to France?” Janice hoped. 

“Actu-” Delphine and Cosima began at the same time. Delphine conceded and let Cosima talk first. “Actually, yeah I am ready enough. I’ve got some bags packed, my CDs and stuff. I feel ready at least.” Cosima had done her bit and motioned for Delphine to continue. Delphine smiled back at her. 

“Your soup is delicious.” Delphine started as she tasted some of the hot soup. It was delicious, at that moment everyone tried some of the soup and seemed to have those exact sentiments. “But I am not moving back to France.” Delphine looked up to see Janice’s eyes shoot up at her. “I am moving up to-” Delphine was cut off by Cosima. 

“She’s moving to Minnesota with me.” Cosima stated. The room fell silent. Janice’s spoon actually fell out of her hand and into her soup bowl, nothing spilled unfortunately. Dennis wasn’t upset or scared, he didn’t seem shocked but he wasn’t exactly excited for the idea. Janice tried to say something more but Cosima began to continue. “I’ve cancelled the coach and she’s gonna drive me up…she’s got a place up there. Don’t worry we aren’t moving in together…just yet, we are just you know.” 

“In love.” Dennis finished for her. Cosima wasn’t sure if this was a declaration of acceptance or realisation. 

“Dennis?!” Janice was outraged, she expressed this quietly in a hushed dinner party voice and clutched hard on the edge of the table to hold herself together. Delphine was staring straight at Cosima. She wasn’t disappointed in how the information came out, but Cosima knew she could have picked a better time. 

“Now Janice.” Dennis held out his hand across the table and took hers in his. She tried to retreat but she loved the feel of his big hand on her own so waited to hear him out. “These two are obviously in love. Would it make sense for them to separate like this?” Dennis looked up at Cosima and Delphine, both looked like lost puppies in headlights. Janice was silenced. She didn’t have the words. 

“I didn’t want to just tell you everything like this, but I had to tell you guys, it was the right thing.” Cosima offered something extra. 

“The right thing?” Janice scoffed but she didn’t look at either of them, she stared at Dennis’ hand trying to take it all in. 

“Cosima you did good by telling us.” Dennis squeezed Janice’s hand in encouragement. “Maybe we could have discussed this earlier, but you have evidently taken this seriously and are going through with it, so we cannot change it now.” Dennis looked up at the two of them. “I just hope you are going through with this in the right frame of mind. If you two are sure this is the right thing, then I am behind you 100%.” Delphine and Cosima looked to each other across the table. Cosima looked, she really looked at Delphine for all that she was, her imperfections (what imperfections), her smile, her hair, the sweet words that mouth whispered to her. The support that Delphine always gave and the memories they had yet to create. Cosima nodded at Delphine, and Delphine nodded back. Of course they were sure. It had taken a ride and it had come up very fast but it was real. It was about as real as it gets. That women she saw in the white dress that night was sat in front of her now, her girlfriend. Her partner. 

“I am serious. We are serious. I love you Delphine.”


End file.
